Pattaya Days and Beach Bars
We decided to go back to the Nana Plaza Hotel and get some sleep in preparation for our journey to Pattaya. Morning came, and after a very good breakfast at the hotel, we were on our way to Pattaya in a taxi. The supports for the BTS Skytrain were being installed at the time and had already made it to the south end of Bangkok. I watched the row of supports for miles and miles and enjoyed the perfect weather in contrast to Singapore, where it rained every afternoon.
We arrived in Pattaya after lunch and checked into the Palm Garden Hotel at the Dolphin Roundabout. My room had a view of the swimming pools, and they looked inviting. After checking into our rooms, we started walking south down Beach Road. We continued to check out the small bars and stopped at a small bar called Vick’s Beer Bar on Beach Road. We grabbed a few beers and sat there for two hours or so, watching people and enjoying the ocean view.
About 6:00 p.m., we grabbed a baht bus and went to the River Thai Restaurant. It was a beautiful outdoor restaurant, and again we watched Thai dancers and musicians in their unique costumes. Around 8:00 p.m., we took a baht bus to Walking Street and started walking north along Beach Road. By 9:00 p.m., we had found a collection of roughly 50 beer bars all under one roof I think it was between Soi 6 and 7. We sat at a bar that did not have a lot of customers. A nice young girl sat in front of me, and we chatted for maybe two hours. I bought her a couple of lady drinks, and she told me her life story including recently having a baby with a Thai boyfriend. She said because of the baby, she had to continue to work at the bar. We played a few of the bar games and became friends. Around midnight, I decided to call it a night as I was really tired. Went back to my room and slept.
The Soapy Massage Parlor
The next morning, I was up early. My friend Mark knocked on my door. We left my room and went to Walter’s room the door was open, but no sign of Walter, and the room looked like it had been ransacked. We went to the front office, and they told us Walter did not like something in his room and had been transferred to a different room. We had the front desk ring his phone, and he came down for breakfast but he gave us a scare for a minute or two.
We hung out by the pool for the rest of the morning, and after lunch we grabbed the baht bus about halfway along Beach Road and stopped at Vick’s Beer Bar again. Being on Beach Road allowed us to people watch and enjoy the ocean scenery. Later we walked to Walking Street and ended up getting some hamburgers at a beer bar right at the Walking Street sign. It was now getting dark, and we explored the Marine Bar and many others. Around 10:00 p.m., we eventually made our way back to the beer bars that we visited the night before. Again, I found the same bar and talked to the same bar girl again and bought her a couple of lady drinks. She asked if I had found a girlfriend, and I said no that I really wasn’t looking for one.
I woke up the next morning to the phone ringing, showered, and met up with Walter for breakfast. Mark showed up. We had another morning swim in the pools. Then it was off to Tiffany’s famous ladyboy show. Mark said we had to see it to believe it. We walked south on Second Road and found Tiffany’s and purchased our tickets for later that afternoon.
We then continued our walk until we reached a free standing building called Sabai Dee a soapy massage parlor. To the left of us was a glass enclosed room with maybe 16 girls in evening dresses, all made up to look gorgeous. Each girl had a number. If you wanted their company at the table, you only had to ask a waiter and let him know which number you would like, and he would bring the girl to your table. Mark requested three of the girls come back to our table. All three girls spoke perfect English and told us funny stories that included Mark. The manager brought some food plates to the table, and we stayed for a couple of hours.
I asked a girl called Nit if she would be interested in showing me the rest of Pattaya, and I would pay for her time. She said, “What? No short time?” I said, “Yes, no short time.” She broke out laughing and said that she didn’t know about that it was something she had never done. The whole table was laughing at that remark. We returned here a couple of times the seating was good, and the air conditioning was really cold. I never went upstairs, but I did enjoy the company and talking to these amazing looking women.
Tiffany’s Show
We left and went back to Tiffany’s for the show. Without our knowledge, we were given VIP tickets to a sold out show. Multiple buses of Japanese tourists arrived, and roughly 300 tourists filled the venue. Our seats were within a square boxed section perfectly in the middle of the theater. We soon realized we were the only people that were not Japanese or Thai. The show started and consisted of 10 or so shows with singing and dancing. Several times during the show, one of the actors would come to where we were sitting and try to sit on our laps or get us to dance which made the rest of the crowd laugh. We were not happy about that and did not enjoy being singled out, but it was short lived. The show was quite beautiful and sometimes funny or sad.
After the show, five or six of the main actors, still in costume, went outside for a photo shoot opportunities for money, of course, and it wasn’t cheap. I observed the tourists lining up for the opportunity, including families with kids. On one occasion, a family was being photographed with the father’s arm around the ladyboy, and he tried to cop a feel and the ladyboy grabbed his hand to prevent him from going further. You are not allowed to photograph them outside with your own camera since they are making money from the photos regardless. I returned several days later and made a video of the tourists getting their pictures taken by hiding between the buses and using my zoom lens friends back home would never have believed it otherwise.
The Beach Scam and the Machete
We returned to Vick’s Bar for some drinks. Mark and Walter decided to bar fine three of the girls. I was shocked when the girls came over to the table and started acting like girlfriends but it was also very nice. I did not pick a girl but was okay with that. My new girlfriend was called Kung. We stayed at the bar until 10 or so, and then I took a baht bus back to the hotel. My girl was very short and a little round but had a pretty face, and she was quite soft spoken. She spoke English enough to get by, but I thought it was my responsibility to try to speak better Thai. Kung stayed with me that night and never asked for any money. I did not know if she had been paid for her time by my buddies, but she never mentioned it. She left after breakfast, and I told her we would likely see her again.
The next adventure this day included a speedboat ride to Koh Larn, which my friends wanted me to negotiate for some reason. I found a guy willing to take us, but in retrospect it was expensive. He dropped us off at a private beach it looked perfect but was separated from the main beach by a lot of sharp rocks. The boat then left, and we were a little mad, but we thought the boat would stay. A little old man came walking towards us demanding money for us to stay on the beach. We told him to leave us alone, which he did not appreciate. I went for a snorkel, but after 10 minutes or so I could see him returning with a machete. So we got up and made our way over the rocks to the main beach. I ended up cutting my ankle, and it bled for a long time.
The island has a beautiful beach, but every time I went into the water, my cut started to bleed which basically ruined my snorkeling experience. At the end of the day, the boat returned for us, but we could see it returning to the wrong beach. After a few minutes he found us, and we had an uneventful ride back to Pattaya.
Deep Fried Grasshoppers
That night we ate at the hotel and wandered back to the array of beer bars before returning to Vick’s Beer Bar. Kung wanted me to bar fine her again, so I did and my friends also did the same. The next morning we ate at the hotel, and I asked Kung if she would take me to a mall. We took a baht bus to the mall and walked around for a while. Kung left after lunch, and I went back to the hotel and sat by the pool.
In the mid afternoon, we went back to Vick’s Beer Bar. We started talking to some German tourists. They joined us at our table, and we had some good conversations. I noticed a street food cart had pulled beside the bar and watched our girls run to the cart and purchase several bowls of sticky rice and several cups of some kind of sauces. To our surprise, the girls dropped off a bowl of rice and some sauces in front of us and, without saying anything, they returned back to the bar counter to eat their portions. We were waiting for forks or chopsticks or something to eat the rice with, but nothing was coming. Finally, Walter’s girlfriend came over to me and said, “What you know like?” I replied, “I don’t know we haven’t had a fork, so I can’t try it.” She rolled her eyes like I was the most stupid guy on the planet, then grabbed a small amount of rice with her fingers and made a little ball of it and dipped it in the soup.
Fifteen minutes later, another cart appeared, and once again the girls brought us food this time it was chicken satay on wooden skewers with Thai peanut sauce and sweet cucumber sauce. This was fantastic, but they only brought one per person. I wish the cart had remained for a while it was so good. Sure enough, another 30 minutes went by, and another cart pulled up and I waited in anticipation for the girls to bring us a sample. Kung bought a large bowl to the table. Unfortunately, the bowl contained deep fried grasshoppers complete with legs and wings. Our German friends were moderately disgusted, and we were not too happy as well. Walter’s girlfriend tried to get me to eat some, encouraging me by saying, “Just eat the head it’s like a nut.” I did not want any, and they finally took the bowl away. I found out later that the grasshoppers are killed by chemical and are scooped up to make collecting easy they potentially contain a lot of chemicals.
The Big Buddha
The next morning we all had breakfast together and made some plans to take the girls to Koh Samet (south of Rayong) for the next day. The girls were up for it and told us that today they would take us to see the Big Buddha at the south end of Pattaya. After breakfast, we climbed onto a baht bus, and the girls paid for us so we did not have to pay the tourist price. We were taken to the Big Buddha, and it was amazing. It is a five story Buddha covered in gold paint, and it was beautiful. The girls talked to the monk and received a small piece of very thin gold to place on the Buddha.
Next morning, we all ate breakfast and got packed for a long bus ride to Rayong. This was a good chance to get out of the city and see some of the countryside. I could see large temples on the hilltops and forests that were very lush. The bus dropped us off at Rayong depot, and we took a baht bus to the departure pier for Koh Samet. Forty minutes later we were at the island, and a pickup truck drove us down a short road to the beach. We had some lunch in a beach restaurant that was very good and I went for a snorkel. Mark had been swimming, but when I returned I did not see the girls they were sleeping in the shade. I had no interest in going into the water. I had a good snorkel but had to get out due to the cut on my ankle again. We departed the island in the afternoon, and the girls slept the entire way back. The air conditioning was cold for Kung, so I covered her up with a beach towel. I couldn’t help thinking that bringing the girls was a bad idea they were not much company, and we hardly saw them.
Infection and Recovery
We returned to Pattaya, and the girls wanted to go home and change clothes. We said we would see them later. The next morning I had breakfast and went to the pool for a few hours. My waiter from the hotel brought me orange juice and later some beers, and we chatted a bit. My goal today was to find a pharmacy and get antibiotics or some tropical lotion, since the infection from the cut was spreading faster. Mark saw the cut when he found me at the pool and was shocked. He said, “We’re gonna get some medicine right now.” So I dressed, and we took a baht bus to Beach Road and got out. Minutes later, I had some tropical cream, and I returned to the hotel to put it on and cover it with a bandage.
I spent more time relaxing by the pool and played a little pool with a tourist on an outdoor table. I had a good lunch at the hotel, and in the afternoon Mark and Walter found me. Mark was heading to the Sabai Dee massage, and Walter wanted to go back to Vick’s. I decided to go with Walter to the beer bar, and Kung was there she was much more polite than the previous time I saw her. Walter and his girlfriend wanted to go bowling and talked me into going along. I paid the bar fine for Kung, and we left as it was getting dark. The bowling alley was not too far away, and we took a baht bus. Bowling was okay, but Walter and I lost to the girls, and they were giving us a hard time about it. Although it wasn’t fun, Kung was still grunting at me to get my attention but at least she was smiling. We returned to our hotel around 11:00 p.m. and went to sleep shortly after. She still had not asked for any money, and I had not given her anything except the clothes we had previously purchased.
The Go Go Bar Show
The next day the girls left after breakfast, and I went for a very long walk throughout the various sois. I got back to the hotel around 4:30 and sat by the pool for an hour. We decided to go to a go go bar that Mark liked he said they have a show we have to see. We finished dinner around 8:00 p.m. and then cruised up and down the sois near Walking Street looking for a go go called Classroom. We finally found the place. There were no seats as it was packed, so we were talking about coming back later that evening or maybe on another night. One of the staff approached and said he could find us three seats some people had just left. We followed him in, and sure enough there were three seats available inches from the stage best seats in the house by the looks of it. I sat adjacent to a small section of stairs allowing the girls to get onto the stage, and noticed my seat was very warm. Walter and Mark had been placed 90 degrees from me, but only a few feet away we could see each other and still talk.
On the stage were about six girls looking totally bored and dancing in swimsuits. After a few minutes, beers arrived. The girls left the stage, and the lights dimmed black lights were turned on (UV lights) that made certain parts glow in the dark. A voice over the speakers announced, “It’s show time.” A semi nude jumped up on stage, lit a candle, and let the hot wax drip all over him. The Japanese tourists were very happy about this and threw quite a lot of money on stage. We watched the whole act, but it was not something I needed to see or wanted to see again. Next up was the boring dancing girls and some music.
I ordered another beer and saw some girls getting ready for another act. One of the girls had a receding hairline with a beautiful face she looked very exotic and had fairly dark skin. The music then stopped, the boring dance girls left the stage, and five new girls came on, all passing me up the stairs to the stage. The girl I had been noticing used my shoulder and put her hand on me for balance as she climbed the stairs in very high heels the high heels were the only thing she was wearing. Reaching the top of the stage, she turned around and gave me a nice smile. As before, the lights dimmed and the black lights came on. The girls danced slowly to the music for about two minutes. They moved about the stage except the girl in front of me, who stayed in place she was maybe two feet from me. My buddies were giving me the thumbs up sign. She proceeded to dance in front of me. Upon completion of their act, she came down the stairs again, holding onto my shoulder but this time stopped and gave me a kiss on the cheek. My buddies were saying, “That was pretty good, eh?” and I was in shock, thinking that it was fantastic. Then my buddy said, “Okay, time to go.” I said, “No, what?” But I ended up following them out of the bar. I probably whined all the way back to the hotel. If there was one girl that I wanted to bar fine, it was her.
The Last Day
I woke up early in the morning and had breakfast at the hotel. Went for another long walk for more photographs. I went back to the hotel, and my buddy said they wanted to go back to Vick’s Bar and people watch. I went with them, and while there, the German guys came in and sat with us again.
A young boy was trying to sell leather wallets and came to our table. The wallets were not expensive. Mark took one from the boy. He then told the boy he did not want to pay for it but did not give it back. The boy stood around for a few minutes, then went to other tables to try to sell. The German guys were appalled that Mark would do this and told him so, and went on to tell him of the little money these kids make, etc. Mark just smiled and told them, “Little bit okay.” Mark kept an eye on the little boy, thinking he would return for his money but he didn’t. The boy was heading out of the bar area. Mark chased after the boy and told him he was kidding and probably gave the kid double what he was asking.
Our girls were there, but I received a somewhat chilly grunt from Kung, so I did not go out of my way to chat her up. We were two days from leaving, so I was not bothered. After a couple of beers, I moved to another bar and talked to the girl in that bar who I had met on the first night in Pattaya. She was super nice, and we talked for a while. I slipped 500 baht into her hand without anyone seeing and told her that I hope she had a good life. I left the bar and slowly made my way back to the hotel.
I was near the very north end of Beach Road when I saw a tall lady riding a scooter in an evening dress. She stopped and asked me if I would like to get on and go for a ride. I thought for a second about the horror stories that might accompany that decision and nicely said, “No thanks.”
A Scooter Ride and the Final Night
I arrived back at the hotel, knowing the next day would be our last. I went out in the early afternoon and walked to some streets I had not seen previously. I enjoyed the last few hours of solitude and ended up at the beach for a while. Around 4:00 p.m., I went back to the first bar and said my final goodbyes. I then stopped at two beer bars I had not visited previously the girls were a little aggressive. I did not feel like playing bar games, so returned to the hotel after one beer in each place.
An hour later, Walter called and wanted me to meet him downstairs. We took a baht bus to Walking Street, and we had dinner and watched kickboxing for a couple of rounds. We decided to go back to Vick’s Bar, and we walked there after dinner. I decided I did not need to go back to Vick’s Bar and see the girls, so I passed on that and went back to the hotel at 10:45. There was a loud knock on my door, and Walter was there with his girlfriend and Kung. Walter said, “You’re welcome.” He paid the bar fine, I guess, and Kung came into my room. She was happy to see me and wondered why I was not in the bar today. I told her I was preparing to leave in the morning and would need my rest. I told her she was welcome to stay. She was very happy about that, and she made herself comfortable. Kung and I fooled around for a bit, and then I had a good sleep.
After breakfast the next morning, the girls waited with us for a taxi. I looked at the amount of baht I had left, and I gave about 100 US dollars to Kung in Thai baht. She had never asked me for money, and I was appreciative of that. I would have paid her of course if she had asked. She gave me a present of a glass rooster ornament paperweight in a nice Thailand card. Kung’s last words to me were, “Come back and see me, tilak.” She was a nice girl, but we were very different people, and the language barrier made it difficult. Still, her heart was in the right place, and she never tried to take advantage of me. I gave her a long hug before climbing into the taxi.
We were all out of cash when we found out we had to pay to leave the airport and it wasn’t cheap. My credit card worked, so I paid for all of us. We flew back to Singapore, had an overnight stay, then a 16 hour flight home the next morning. Fantastic memories packed into such a short time it was hard to take it all in. My photos turned out excellent. Thinking of my girl Kung back then, she was nothing special in Pattaya among thousands of others but right now, looking at her picture, she was very, very special, and I would be a very lucky guy if I was with her right now.
The Girl Who Ran Off with the Hotel Key
This one happened during a trip back in 2018 on my third trip to Thailand. During the trip, I had made friends with a circle of German guys. Germans seem to have the same taste for Thailand as us Brits, and many go there up to three times a year to enjoy all of what it has to offer.
One evening around 8:00 p.m., I started my usual crawl around Pattaya, stopping at Soi 6, and stopped into one of the outside bars. One of the top girls there a taller, bleach blonde and slim I called over. After a few drinks, I decided that I would really like her to join me outside of the bar. We headed back to the hotel and proceeded to have a crazy, exhilarating round of bathroom aerobics, where I was even a bit pooped by the end of it.
After a shower and everything, she started to seem a bit bored at my place, and around this time I received a message over LINE from one of the group of Germans I had mentioned before, who were meeting up at a Thai karaoke place just outside of Pattaya and sent me the coordinates. I decided to take the girl along the more the merrier. Got a motorbike taxi, showed him where, and after 20 minutes of the three of us on one motorcycle, arrived. Fun place and a welcome change from the usual beer bars of Pattaya.
About an hour in of good conversation, beer, and great Thai food, “What’s her face” said she had to leave (he’s talking about the girl, of course). She said she would be back. A few more hours of fun she never came back. I then remembered that she was carrying my hotel room key. When I got back, I informed them that I didn’t have the key, and they charged me 1,000 baht for losing it which was the cost of a short time anyway. Either this was a standard cost for losing the key, or the girl had brought the key back and asked the hotel to charge me although nothing was taken from my room. Either way, another fun night in Pattaya I can remember.
The Boxer at the Beer Bar Complex
Forward 24 hours to my last day, and I’m back in the same bar with Terry, the cashier, and a hangover. I have one last goal at cracking the cashier, but she is not cracking. Me and Terry have a good afternoon drinking and playing pool, and the hangover’s gone when Terry tells me that later that night he will be boxing at the beer bar complex before Walking Street, next to the Pattaya Beer Garden. I burst out laughing and asked him if he was joking but he was serious. The reason I laughed: he was five foot eight inches tall and seven stone, with a bandage on his knee. Basically, he couldn’t punch his way out of a paper bag but he was adamant that at 9:00 p.m., he would be boxing.
At 5:00 p.m., Terry and I started heading towards Walking Street, stopping at a bar and popping into the Tahitian Queen go go bar on Beach Road. At about 7:00 p.m., we are walking past the beer bar complex with the boxing ring, and Terry starts to do some shadow boxing while telling all and sundry that he will be boxing at 9:00 p.m. Nobody including me is taking him seriously, and most think he is just another Pattaya crank.
Me and Terry head into Walking Street for two or three more beers in a go go bar. Around 8:30 p.m., Terry says it’s time to go, and we head for the beer bar complex with the boxing ring. On arrival, Terry chats with someone in charge, and much to my disbelief, the guy in charge seems to know Terry. I am shocked when Terry returns and tells me he’s next on at 9:00 p.m. I have one last goal at talking him out of it, but he is adamant: he is here to box.
When I see his opponent, I fear the worst his opponent is six foot two and 14 stone of muscle. It’s a total mismatch, and I fear Terry could get hurt badly. So I tried to have a chat with his opponent, but he’s not in the mood to listen and looked like he wanted to give me a whack.
The bell rings for the start of the fight, and words cannot explain what happened next. The whole beer bar complex bursts into hysterical laughter at Terry’s antics in the ring, which left his opponent baffled. I don’t think a single punch was thrown, and I was thankful Terry didn’t get seriously hurt. The only way of describing what happened in the ring is to watch the scene from Rising Damp (Rigsby’s boxing) or Porridge (when Norman Stanley Fletcher boxes). Both scenes are on YouTube.
You meet some real characters in Pattaya, and Terry was a great laugh. I’ve never seen Terry since then, and I wonder how he is but most of all, I wonder about the beautiful cashier I never cracked. I hope you can make some sense of this, Peter. You can read out real names if you like. All the best Paul.
Two Girls, Two Floors, and a Benny Hill Chase
It’s 2007, and I just got happily divorced after 23 years of a bad marriage. It was one of those marriages where we had absolutely nothing in common. All I ever did was work to stay out of the house. With the kids all grown up and the house sold, I was free at last. So I headed off to Thailand to see if it was as good as I had heard.
The first hotel I stayed in was a Monty near Patpong the airport touts had sold it to me. I remember I was both excited and nervous as I traveled by taxi through the streets of Bangkok, looking at all the different sights, smells, tuk tuks, and beautiful girls. It was mid afternoon and very clear, so I was able to take it all in. I wasn’t a big drinker but couldn’t resist a couple of San Miguels from the minibar before I left the hotel the beers helped calm me down. Within five minutes of stepping out of the hotel, I was touted nervously to a sauna spa type massage place, where I enjoyed all of its facilities. After this initiation period, I really relaxed and got properly into the way of things. Flew back and forward over the next couple of years, maturing a bit each and every time. It was all beers and bar fines etc. initially, but the novelty was wearing thin.
The following situation put a stop to the partying although temporarily. Staying at Centre Point, I didn’t drink in the daytime but still partied later on. I came across a real stunner from a local hairdresser who stayed with me in my hotel. I’d been to her room but couldn’t stay there it was just a typical tiny room and shower. No money exchanged hands I just bought her meals, drinks, and little gifts. This was over a two week period. She was a good girl, I think at least for the two week period that I was with her. She would stay in the room, and I would leave her a spare key card at reception while I popped out for a few beers in the evening.
On one of these pop outs, I met another super stunner. I got greedy. In my semi drunken logic, I worked out that I could get another room at the same hotel and well just decide which girl later. Isn’t it amazing how an intoxicated brain just doesn’t think ahead? Anyway, there I was. I woke up with this new girl and then had to go upstairs to the other one as I attempted to explain my absence last night. Surprise, surprise she was okay about it. She was an easygoing type. The new girl was on the fourth floor and the first one was on the ninth floor. Neither knew of each other’s existence. Well, it became like a scene from Benny Hill. This lasted about six days. By the end, I was running out of excuses for both girls and feeling really guilty. I was tearing my hair out and they both seemed determined to stay.
I should have said earlier I was a decent looking guy. I didn’t look my age, and I spent quality time with the girls when I was with them. I finally escaped, grabbing all my bags and jumping into a taxi. I then flew to Chiang Mai. I had felt like a lobster in a pot. What was I to do? I should say at this point that I absolutely love Bangkok and the whole package that goes with it but never again. Never with two girls again.
