Mosquito Bites and a Lesson in Thai Healthcare
If you should ever become in need of medical attention while being in a foreign country, it would indeed be a worry. A few years ago, I had such an experience in Thailand. Nothing too serious, I hasten to add, but nevertheless cause for concern.
Anyone who doesn’t even have an ounce of geographical knowledge will still be aware that Thailand is a hot country. And you don’t have to be Einstein to work out that with its warm climates, it becomes just the perfect green breeding place for incubating airborne bacteria and nasty little creatures with the ability to carry and transmit them. After visiting now on numerous occasions, you would think I would be aware of this little fact, and you would also be right to assume I would put into place any necessary precautions to combat them.
So with this in mind, as it had been a while since my last inoculations and with my latest trip to the Far East only a few weeks away, I reluctantly went to visit my local doctor to find out if my immune system needed any help to cope with the above mentioned risk of contracting some horrible infectious disease. Apparently, the main one typhoid was currently still serving its purpose within my system, which only left necessary a booster jab for tetanus. Great stuff. Not even a mention about malaria, or more to the point, malaria tablets.
I’m led to believe that unless you’re climbing mountains or venturing into the heart of the jungle, malaria inoculations just aren’t necessary when traveling to any major city and coastal areas of Thailand. On hearing this news, I was extremely relieved. I’ve heard many tales of woe from people who have suffered with the side effects from anti malaria drugs, and being no Steve Irwin the Crocodile Hunter, I really didn’t feel the need to take such precautions. After all, I did have my trusty bottle of anti mosquito spray to put paid to any of the little blood sucking gnats.
Fast forward a few weeks to Bangkok.
It took less than a week into my holiday for Mr., Mrs., Miss, Aunty, Uncle in fact the whole damn mosquito family to find out there was new Western blood in town. I swear those pesky mosquitoes must have been watching my every move as I regularly applied the mosquito spray. I took meticulous care every day, following the instructions to the letter on the bottle.
They may have been in waiting watching, listening even as I applied the last remaining few squirts of the bottle onto my upper torso, as I told my Thai sweetheart, “I’m out of mosquito spray, dear. Better get some more tomorrow.”
The Attack
No sooner had I drained out the last drop of mosquito repellent did they plan their attack. That very night, I’m sure the word got out amongst the entire insect family, who found it within themselves to give me a warm welcome to their part of the world or in simple terms, a rude awakening from the home of the mosquito.
Oh yes, I remember it well. That night we went out for a meal, my darling and I a beautiful evening sat under the stars, eating the delights of Thai cuisine while slurping on a glass of ice cold beer. I distinctly remember the waitress sliding what looked like a small tray of smoldering charcoal under the table, apparently to ward off any mosquitoes with the idea of joining us for dinner. How nice. So thoughtful of her.
The next morning, as I peeled back my eyelids, my attention was drawn down the bed covers further down than that, actually to my legs. They resembled the pages from a dot to dot book. There were more holes in them than a pincushion. It appeared the insects had truly had their fill during the course of the night. They had seized the opportunity to extract the red stuff that pumped through my veins. God only knows how or precisely when, but they had certainly had their breakfast, lunch, and dinner all in one sitting and left behind their calling card.
I swear if someone had wished to write the entire novel War and Peace in braille on my lower body, there would have been less spots. It’s a wonder I could stand up they must have taken at least a couple of pints of blood out of me. I felt like a zombie from the film The Living Dead. Moreover, I looked like one.
The Remedy That Backfired
It was at this point my sweetheart came to the rescue. “No problem, dear. I have cream.” Like pulling a rabbit out of a hat, she produced out of nowhere a tiny red jar with a picture of some Chinese guy on the lid. Inside, it contained what I can only describe as Thailand’s equivalent to Vicks VapoRub an ointment my mother would rub on my chest and throat as a child if I had a cold. My good lady proceeded to apply it to the affected areas, which consisted of the entire bottom half of my body. I’m not quite sure what she was thinking, or more to the point what I was thinking allowing her to do so, but not before long my legs felt like they were on fire.
I have no idea to this day who that Chinese guy was on the lid of the cream or what he was advertising, but I swear if it was a cure for mosquito bites, he wants a good kick right over the Great Wall of China. I tried in vain to refrain from the terrible, incredible urge to scratch them. It wasn’t until we both agreed, on closer inspection that my ankles were increasingly starting to resemble a couple of watermelons, that we should pay a visit to the local hospital.
The Hospital Experience
Brilliant. I’m on holiday in one of the most exciting cities in the world, and all I have to look forward to is a day trip to Yanhee Hospital. If hospitals in the United Kingdom are anything to go by, I knew I was in for a long day. The thoughts in my head weren’t good as we drove towards the hospital. I was in a foreign country with a prospect of spending the rest of the day waiting, standing around in queues in a busy hospital. Admittedly, I had my sweetheart on hand with me, who would be my mouthpiece and for that matter my ears to help me with any translation problems. But nevertheless, I had resigned myself to standing around in queues for the rest of the day while desperately trying to refrain from scratching all the blisters that had now begun to grow in stature, leaving the skin on my inner thighs resembling the surface of the moon. How long would I have to wait?
Luckily, on this occasion, I need not have worried. On entering the hospital, I must admit I was amazed to find no apparent queue. We walked straight up to the reception counter, where two members of staff it seemed were personally waiting for my arrival. Wow I was impressed. No waiting to take ticket number 371 and wait as they shout out number 23. Not even a small queue.
After a very brief discussion between my sweetheart and the hospital receptionist, I was handed a tiny slip of paper from one receptionist and a pen from the other, and asked politely if it would be possible for me to fill it in. Nothing too difficult name, address, contact phone number, and reason for visit. Even I can complete this questionnaire in less than a minute. The completed form was handed back to the receptionist without any further delay. The polite and extremely attractive receptionist immediately called over her shoulder to a young girl waiting just out of view. The girl promptly came into vision, and as she headed towards me, I distinctly thought there was something odd about her posture. It was as if she was gliding towards me. It wasn’t until the rest of her body appeared from behind the counter that I realized why she was wearing rollerblades.
A Well Oiled Machine
In no time at all, she had emerged from nowhere and skated off into the distance, whizzing down the hospital corridor, taking my slip of paper with her. As I turned to look at my sweetheart, I really couldn’t help but smile. I was feeling better already.
So we moved on to the next stage of the hospital procedure for stupid Westerners with mosquito bites. The second floor of Yanhee General Hospital was absolutely buzzing with people. People of what seemed every walk of life were milling around. Some sat obviously through no choice of their own while others chose to stand. I wasn’t quite sure which position to take, as sitting or standing didn’t really ease the uncomfortable itchiness that was increasingly taking over my body.
Although there were lots of patients waiting around, it was still blatantly obvious the number of staff still grossly outnumbered the patients by at least three to one. Quite literally everywhere I looked, there were staff at hand and beautiful ones at that. As my eyes scanned around the open plan level, I was totally amazed. The first thing you can’t help but notice is the immaculate dress and presentation of all the staff. Every department and every level of authority doctors, nurses, down to the cleaners it was obvious they all took very much pride in their appearance, each one having their own color coded outfits. The nurses even wore those wonderful white starched nursing caps with a red cross on the front, as they all went about their duties with what appeared military precision.
I swear there were more pretty women working in this hospital than there were in the entire world of Soi Cowboy. There were drinks trolleys scattered around at regular intervals with what looked like an assortment of fruit juices that we could help ourselves to. The air conditioning gently brought down your temperature from the stinking hot heat outside, and I was promptly led to the skin department. I watched as the girls on rollerblades skated by in their own pink colored coated outfits, carrying the latest dispatch to its port of call. Everything just seemed so efficient as they whizzed by me in a jet stream of long black hair.
In no time at all, I was met by another two members of staff. “Sawasdee ka,” they greeted me in unison, with their hands placed together in front of their face. Their eyes lit up and their warm smiles just could not have got any bigger as they each displayed two rows of perfectly white teeth. As one took my blood pressure, the other weighed me. I must say I felt like royalty.
Reflections on the NHS
It did cross my mind at this point just where our own National Health Service over in England had gone desperately wrong. Just by receiving a warm welcome and a smile to match, I had almost forgotten the reason I had come in the first place. Admittedly, I appreciate Yanhee Hospital is not a government run hospital, and patients do have to pay out their hard earned cash to receive treatment as it’s a business. But still, hospitals back home really are such a morbid, time consuming, depressing place. You can feel the very life draining from you as you sit and wait endlessly while staring at the bland four walls, waiting for the overweight, overworked, underpaid nurse to give her own abrupt, opinionated view on your present state of health.
Having had all my vital organs checked out with the latest in state of the art electronic equipment, I was told to take a seat and the doctor would see me within 10 minutes. How disappointing is that? Only 10 minutes to sit around in what was proven to me to be one of the real eye openers of this particular Bangkok trip.
During my stays in Thailand, I’ve spent many hours walking around temples, and I’ve enjoyed many evenings sampling many different cuisines in many different restaurants. I’ve traveled on many modes of transport, including boats, cars, skytrains, underground trains, buses, planes even elephants. I’ve been to shopping malls, bars, parks, water parks, and theme parks. I had looked around museums, seen culture, Thai boxing bouts, and concerts. I’ve had my photo taken with tigers, crocodiles, bears, elephants, panthers, snakes, and monkeys. Throughout, I have become acquainted to numerous different nationalities, meeting people from many different walks of life. I’ve stayed in hotels, apartments, and even Thai homes. The list really goes on and on. But I really must admit I didn’t think I would be adding my visit to a Thai hospital to the list of things as “I must go and see.”
Okay, maybe I’m overstating things a little, but I can’t emphasize enough on how making this trip to Yanhee Hospital opened my eyes yet again to the way how we can learn so much from this supposedly third world country. Thailand had yet again not failed to surprise me.
The Cure
True to form, in precisely 10 minutes, yet another nurse came through to escort me to see the doctor. The female doctor yet another stunner, I might add taking up no more of my time, was quick to diagnose: severe insect bites. Well, okay tell me something I don’t know. She scribbled something in Thai on a prescription, and it turned out she had prescribed me with two sets of tablets and a tube of cream and some cleaning solution. Total cost: 420 baht. Six pounds at the time that’s about eight dollars US. Quick as a flash, out came my sweetheart’s magic card again as she produced one of the many hundreds of 10% off discount cards she collects.
And so, to the end, with a final procedure of parting with my cash and collecting my prescribed drugs. On my exit, I was in and out from start to finish within 30 minutes. Not bad, right? I was totally impressed, and according to the smiling doctor, soon to be totally cured. It was without doubt the best six pounds I’d ever spent.
Back on the street outside Yanhee General Hospital, life went on as normal that is, if you consider an elephant walking down the middle of the street normal. Well, I guess as normal as it can be.
The next couple of days, my lovely sweetheart took good care of me, catering for my every whim. Gently she cleaned my battle scars at regular intervals with a sterile solution and generally applied the correct cream. In conclusion, I took the anti itching and antibiotic tablets prescribed, and pretty soon I was back on my feet, relishing more of the delights of Thailand and ready to take on man’s deadliest foe once again the mosquito.
The Ex-Boyfriend at the Door: A Precautionary Tale
I spent about a year in Pattaya back in 2009, just chilling out, enjoying the bars and nightlife. For most of this time, I was staying at the same hotel, which was very close to the crossroads at Soi Buakhao and Soi Diana. The hotel is still there today, but I think it’s changed to a more hostel type place or at least it was before everything was put on hold.
During the days, I would use the bar/restaurant that was attached to the hotel’s reception area, as the food was pretty good and they used to do promotions on local beers where if you ordered three it was cheaper. So inevitably, I would end up there most of the day, chatting with tourists and some of the expats that also use the bar to watch sports.
I became friendly with all of the staff there, as I am an easygoing type and would chat and joke with them throughout the day. One of the staff members was an older lady who was very friendly and had worked there for years as a waitress. I used to feel a little bit sorry for her as she walked with quite a severe limp, owing to a motorcycle accident years before, and would be on her feet for up to eight hours a day running around serving the customers. So I always made sure I left her a good tip.
Meeting Mae
One day when the restaurant was quiet, I was sitting chatting with her and the other staff when she asked if I would like to meet her later for a drink. She said that there was somebody she would like me to meet. I went along later with a friend from London to a bar on Third Road. When we arrived, they were already there, and the lady with the limp had a very good looking girl with her. We sat down and ordered drinks, and the young girl was introduced as her daughter Mae (I’ve already changed her name).
Mae was 22 years old and was currently attending university. She spoke a little English, but not so much that would make me think she had spent too much time around foreigners. As I said, she was very good looking, mild mannered, and friendly. My friend from London, who was quite a bit older than me, didn’t seem happy as he seemed to be getting set up with her mother. After that evening, Mae and I became an item and spent most evenings together. She was a very pleasant change from the usual bar girl types and the usual drama that goes with them.
The Knock at the Door
One night after we had been out for the evening, we were back at my hotel room. We had decided on an early night, so it was only around 10:00 p.m. when we were watching TV. There was a knock at the door. I got up to see who it was, and when I looked through the peephole, I saw the hotel manager standing there with a security guard. As I recognized the people standing there, I opened the door, thinking there was some issue with the room or something like that. As I started to open the door, it was pushed open from the outside, and a young Thai man pushed his way into the room. “Why in me?” as he came in “Why?” Obviously, I was not expecting this and looked at the manager and security guard for an explanation.
The manager said that the man was the motorbike taxi driver that had dropped us back to the hotel and that he was complaining that he hadn’t been paid. This was rubbish, as we had walked back that evening. So I turned to face the man to see what the issue really was. He and Mae began shouting at each other in Thai, and I had no idea what was being said but I got the idea they knew each other. Suddenly he pulled his arm back as if to hit her, so I stepped in between them. The security guard was still just standing there doing nothing.
With this, the man just threw himself on the floor and lay there doing nothing. Mae was crying, and to be honest, I had no idea what to do. Suddenly, the man just jumped up and walked out of the room. The security guard followed him, and the manager apologized and went after them. I went back in and closed the door, making sure it was locked. I asked Mae what just happened, and she said the man was her ex boyfriend. They had split up a couple of months ago, but he couldn’t accept that it was all over. He had managed to get access to one of her social media accounts, and from that, he had found out my name and what hotel I was staying at and therefore knew where to find Mae.
I decided not to push the matter any further. We had only been together for a short while, and at the end of the day, we all have a past. The next day, we sort of just carried on as normal though I must admit to feeling slightly uneasy when I was out and about. I couldn’t shake the feeling that we hadn’t seen the last of Mae’s ex boyfriend and was sort of expecting to be approached by him and his friends at some point as we all know how the Thais don’t like to lose face and can sometimes use violence to deal with problems.
Fortunately, nothing ever came of it, and things came to an end with Mae not for any reason other than the fact that we wanted different things out of life. I hear that she now has an eight year old son and has opened a restaurant over on the Dark Side that she runs with her mum. I wish her all the best.
I guess the reason I wanted to share this story was to highlight the fact that when in Thailand, no matter where you are staying and who you see through your peephole, you should always use the safety chain before you open the door. I feel that I was very lucky with how this turned out, because let’s face it when he forced his way into the room like that, he could have had a knife or something like that, and things could have gone very differently.
The Vodka Bottle That Flew into the Sea: A Night at Ibar
One night, I decided to visit Ibar. This bar is well known for a younger crowd, with cool music and table service for drinks. The bar extends all the way out, and the back of the bar actually extends over water. When I arrived at the bar and made my way towards the tables at the back, the bar was busy and the atmosphere felt great. As I walked through, I passed the pool tables, and finally I found an empty table on the left hand side of the decking at the back, right next to the water. I thought this was a great spot, and things were looking good.
I decided to order a bottle of vodka and mixers. A good thing about Ibar is if you don’t finish your bottle, you can leave it with them and come back for it again. I recall the bottle cost about 1,200 baht works out very cheap per drink. I can remember sitting at the table with the music playing, the lights shimmering on the sea, and beautiful girls all around and feeling like a million dollars.
After a few vodkas, I started to loosen up, and before long started talking to a cute Thai girl by my table. We had many drinks together, and the time was flying by. I was feeling fairly drunk at this stage. The Thai girl was having fun dancing and joking with me and was clearly getting drunk as well.
The Russians
Out of nowhere, I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see what this was. I looked ahead and was looking into this guy’s chest. He was huge. He asked in a foreign accent if he and his friend could share my table. I said, “Of course, no problem.” Let me tell you I’m a small middle aged guy of about 5’7″, and both these guys were big guys about 30 years of age. They ordered a bottle of vodka. While waiting for their bottle, this guy told me he was from Russia. We didn’t talk much more, and I turned my attention back to the girl.
After about five minutes, a bottle of vodka arrived. Now this is where things took a turn. The Thai girl pushed me in a joking way. I lost my balance, I stumbled backwards, and knocked the table. The Russians’ brand new bottle of vodka literally flew in the air and went over the railing and plop into the water below.
I couldn’t believe what had just happened, and the world stopped for a few seconds. I literally thought this was not going to end well for me. I looked around and the Thai girl could not be seen for dust. She was on her way. I was on my own now. How the hell was I going to get out of this one? The Russian guys were looking at me with disbelief, and I thought, “Here we go.”
I immediately apologized and tried to explain, and told them I would buy them another bottle. This huge Russian guy put his huge arm around me and said, “Don’t worry, man. It was an accident. You were cool.”
I cannot begin to tell you the sense of relief. The Russians ordered a new bottle and would not take any money from me. Now the ice was broken. We got chatting, and I spent the rest of the evening drinking vodka with these Russian guys. I have to say they were great guys, and I had an amazing time drinking with them until the early hours of the next morning.
I walked with this hazy hangover feeling and thought wow, did that really happen? Only in Thailand.
