The Danger of Getting Attached to a Bar Girl

Unfortunately, I was one of those men that ended up getting a little too attached to a bar girl, despite all the warnings not to. Up until that point, I had done well in Thailand, picking up my heart at the airport when leaving.

My flight touched down in Bangkok, and the first thing I did was swap my money for Thai Baht, the real money I’d need to start living the trip I’d been dreaming about every single day since I last left Thailand. I jumped into a taxi as soon as I could, dropped my bags off at the hotel, and as it was already evening, I headed straight to Nana Plaza.

I couldn’t stop thinking about whether I’d finally run into Ploy again after all this time.

Finding Ploy Again

Those short but amazing moments I shared with Ploy during my last trip did something to me. No other bar girl had that effect on me during my last trips. It’s hard to explain, but something about her just stuck with me. After flying back home last time, I couldn’t stop thinking about how all I wanted was just one more night with Ploy. That’s all that mattered to me anymore.

The problem is I never got her phone number or any way to contact her. I didn’t even know if she’d still be there, or if I’d ever see her again. And we all know a lot can happen to a bar girl while we aren’t there.

I went to Nana Plaza and walked right to the bar where I last saw her. I looked around, hoping she’d be there. Some of the girls in there are absolutely stunning, but I only had one thing in mind, so I politely declined everyone as I made my way around the bar.

One of the bar girls caught my eye; she looked familiar, like she remembered me from last time. She gave me a friendly smile and said hello in that easy way Thai girls do. I remember that she was a friend of Ploy that I met last time I was here, a big flirt who loved winning lady drinks by playing games like most girls do.

I took a seat and got a drink. Just then, I heard someone call out my name. When I turned, there she was Ploy, my beautiful Thai girl, standing right beside me.

The Reunion

We started talking right away just like the last trip, and played a few of those dice games they always have at the bar. Then I pulled out my phone and showed her that I still had the photo from last trip of her wrapped in a towel in the hotel. I told her that’s why I still had the photo; it was my only way to find her again since I never got her number last time. I kept it with me the whole time just in case I got lucky and ran into her.

While we’re sitting there talking and drinking together, it’s like nothing else exists. Just being with her takes me to a different place, a feeling I only got with her and no other girl. Maybe I don’t need to overthink it just being with Ploy makes me completely happy. Her smile, that voice of hers, even how she moves around… Everything about her gets me. I love every little thing.

Yes, I am a bit of a sucker when it comes to romance, and maybe quite the idiot for having these feelings for a bar girl, but ah well, it happens to the best of us.

The Night Together

Finding Ploy again was only part of what I had in mind. Last time we’d been together at my hotel, but we never actually got around to doing anything together. This time, I was determined to change that. Don’t ask me why; I just had to.

After a couple of hours, when we had finished our drinks, I asked, “We go?” She gave me that smile of hers as if she had been waiting for me to ask and said, “Ok.”

We got back to my hotel, and I don’t think we got a wink of sleep the whole night. It was amazing, and I had finally completed one of the tasks I had been thinking about for the past 6 months. She lived with her children, so she would never spend the night with me, but she would stay for as long as she could.

By 4 a.m., it was time to say goodbye. I walked her down, gave her a kiss, and told her that I would see her again soon. She jumped in a taxi and off she went again.

The New Girl from Online

Before this trip, I’d been talking to a Thai girl online. We’d hit it off, and I actually invited her to come stay with me in Pattaya. Kind of crazy when I think about it now, as anyone that has been to Pattaya knows you don’t need to take a girl there.

Keep in mind, when I planned this trip, I wasn’t sure I’d ever see Ploy again. And even if by some miracle I did find her, what were the odds she’d actually remember me? These girls don’t stop meeting others just because you have gone home. Honestly, it seemed pretty unlikely I would see her again.

The next morning, I met the Thai girl I’d been talking to online. We had a coffee in Bangkok, then caught a bus down to Pattaya together. Funny how things work here I was traveling with someone new, when just yesterday I’d been with Ploy again after thinking I’d never see her.

No Spark

That bus ride to Pattaya took about two hours and by the end of it, I already knew. There was zero spark between us. No romantic connection, no physical attraction… nothing. Sometimes you just know. Every time I tried to start a conversation with her, she would give me one word answers or end the conversation quickly, even though she spoke and understood English.

Looks wise, she was decent looking not the best but still very attractive but because I had been with Ploy the night before… It wasn’t even worth comparing them. Don’t get me wrong she was a nice girl. It wasn’t about her at all. But coming straight from amazing Ploy to her let’s just say that was a tough and maybe stupid choice on my part.

Making the Best of It

Even though I wasn’t feeling it with this new girl, I still wanted to do the right thing. We all like to think we’re good guys, but the real test comes when you’re actually in that situation. So I made a decision I’d make the best of it. Maybe it wouldn’t be romantic, but at the very least, it would be an experience. Maybe I’d even learn something about myself along the way.

The hotel was perfect, and I was loving everything about Pattaya: the bar scene, the bar girls, the beach, even some crazy jet ski fun. As for my Thai friend… well, I tried to be smooth about keeping things friendly. No awkward moments, no hurt feelings; at least that’s what I was going for.

I think after a couple of days with the new Thai girl, she realized that I wasn’t interested in her romantically, and she saw that this trip would just be like friends going out. If nothing more, at least she got a free little holiday.

Every free moment I had, my mind kept thinking back to Ploy. Walking down Beach Road, sitting at a bar, chatting to the new girl, all I could think was, “I wish Ploy was here right now.” Pattaya was fun, but it just would have been a lot more fun with her.

Heading Back to Bangkok

Wednesday morning came around, and after a great breakfast, I was practically throwing my stuff into my bag. Couldn’t wait to catch that first bus back to Bangkok. Pattaya had been fun, but my mind was made up. Just being in the same city as Ploy again, that alone made me feel better already. Like I was back where I was supposed to be.

I was supposed to spend the rest of my Bangkok trip with the girl from online, but I had to be honest with her. “Look,” I said, “after spending most of my marriage feeling alone, then years more single after my divorce… I’ve just gotten too used to my own space. Being with someone constantly, it’s harder for me than you’d think.”

I told her it wasn’t about her that after just three days together, I was feeling drained. That part was true enough. The rest, yes, I lied. I couldn’t just say, “I feel zero attraction to you.” Doesn’t matter what you say really either way, you are the bad guy.

In the end, she chose to leave, but I couldn’t keep pretending not when every part of me was screaming to get back to Ploy. I think the new girl took it as well as she could and understood. However, I never did hear from her again, and she removed me from LINE where we had been speaking. Ah well.

Back to Nana Plaza

I rushed back to Nana Plaza once she left, only to get that bad feeling when Ploy wasn’t at her usual spot. Her friend gave me that awkward smile. “She’s not feeling well today. She called in sick.” They even called her right there in front of me. She said she’d taken some medicine and couldn’t come out.

Part of me wanted to believe it. The other part knew this was Thailand “sick” could mean anything from a real fever to not wanting to see someone, or already being bar fined by someone else. Either way, I was left standing there like an idiot.

At the time I did not know this, but I was told later by other friends that when a bar girl says her friend is “sick,” it normally means that she has already been bar fined by someone. Just a little tip to know.

The Flirtatious Friend

I was disappointed Ploy wasn’t there, but you know how it goes in these bars. I ended up with the other bar girls who worked there, the ones I’d gotten to know over drinks and dice games. Eventually, I ended up sitting next to Ploy’s friend that I had met on our previous trip the big flirt. She was stunning and really knew how to work in the bar scene.

We flirted, played a few games, and I bought a couple of rounds of drinks. Not the night I’d hoped for, but not a total loss either. Ploy’s friend kept playfully hinting that I should bar fine her instead, half joking, but you know how that game goes. I just laughed it off. We both knew that wasn’t going to happen.

I think if I had never met Ploy, I may just have bar fined her friend. The way she acted and flirted, you could tell she was a professional at this game. The whole night turned into her flirting with me and making advances while we kept drinking. She had this wild energy about her the kind of girl who’d try her luck just for the fun of it. Gotta admit, her persistence was impressive.

I said my goodbyes, left the bar, and went back to my hotel alone.

Lying there, I realized something I was hooked on Ploy. Only Ploy. That scared me a bit since I had never gotten like that over a girl, let alone a Thai bar girl. I had always been one of those guys who brushed off feelings, but if I’m turning down other girls just because of one specific girl, then yes, I was in trouble.

The Next Day

The next day, I skipped the beers and went round Bangkok’s markets instead. Had a great afternoon this city never gets old. But every so often, my mind would drift back to Ploy. I might have a real problem with my feelings here.

That night, I just couldn’t help myself; I had to go back to Nana Plaza. All I wanted was to see Ploy again. I might’ve shown up too early, though the place was still empty, no girls around yet.

Then the door opened and in walked Sai, Ploy’s friend from last night. Really, she was beautiful. When she spotted me, her face lit up and she called out, “Hey, you!” like we were old friends.

I sat there watching Sai get ready. There’s something fascinating about how these girls do their makeup at the bar. The amount of stuff they put on their face is crazy: face powder, eyeliner, eye shadow. Then came the lip pencil, lipstick, finally mascara. It’s like a whole ritual, every tiny detail matters. The way they look after themselves is amazing, though. It’s no wonder a lot of ladyboys are convincing.

Ploy Returns

Then I saw Ploy walk in. Just seeing her made me happy. She looked beautiful as always, even if she wasn’t made up yet, showing that smile I liked so much. It was good just to see her again.

Ploy walked straight over and gave me a kiss hello. “I need to do my makeup,” she said. “Okay, see you in an hour,” I replied. She stopped dead, gave me this look like I just insulted her mother, then burst out laughing. “You are crazy if you think it takes me an hour to get ready.”

I sat down and played dice games while I enjoyed watching Ploy attempt to improve on perfection. All a waste of time, but she seemed so focused and intent on perfecting every detail of her beautiful face.

Finally, she joined me. My plan for the night was to take Ploy to dinner and then back to the hotel. I asked her if she would like to go to dinner, and she replied, “No.”

“Oh, ok,” I thought. I was really disappointed but didn’t say anything. After a 17-year bad marriage, I have heard the word “no” enough for 10 lifetimes. I actually thought her friend might have told her that I was flirting with her last night, so Ploy was angry at me and did not want to come with me.

I told Ploy’s best friend that I had asked Ploy if she wanted to go out to dinner and that she had said no. She looked confused and turned to Ploy and had a discussion in Thai, then explained to me that Ploy had misunderstood what I had asked. Apparently, she thought I asked her if she had already had dinner, so she said no.

Ploy Returns: An Evening Together

It was getting late, so I turned to Ploy and said, “We go?” With a sweet smile, she replied, “Ok.”

Alone Together

Ploy is a little reserved in public, but when we are alone in the hotel room, she relaxes. Although she will not allow me to keep the curtains in the room open. I try to reason with her that we are 12 stories up and doubt anyone could see into the dimly lit room. She will have none of it, and the curtains are closed.

Afterwards, we lay there together not saying much. Ploy asked, “What time you leave tomorrow?” I told her I leave at midnight. She suggested we have dinner together and that she come with me to the airport to say goodbye.

I was a little surprised that was the first time she had actually suggested meeting up. I thought she may have suggested it because of the misunderstanding about having dinner that night. I said, “Okay, we have dinner, we have a foot massage, and go to the airport.”

The Last Evening

The following evening, I got a call from Ploy saying she was in the lobby. She looked gorgeous in a pretty black dress which she promised me she would wear. We had a great dinner, and the foot massage was fun. I will definitely put that on my list of things to do next visit.

At dinner, I could tell she was a little sad that I would be leaving or maybe I was just hoping she was. We promised to keep in touch every day until I return for her again. She told me she heard all that before, but I think I made it clear that my feelings for her are deeper than just a bar fine here and there.

The Overbooked Flight

We got to the airport a little late, and I handed my papers over to check in. I knew straight away there was something amiss. The lady behind the counter was taking her time checking me in, looking at my ticket and talking on the phone to someone.

Finally, the clerk informed me the flight was overbooked and asked if it would be possible for me to fly out tomorrow morning. She told me the airline would put me up at the airport hotel, arrange breakfast and transfers, and fly me out business class the following morning. I think she was waiting for me to kick off and complain because I had already booked, but inside I was bursting with excitement.

I wasn’t ready to leave just yet, and a little bit more time with Ploy sounded perfect to me. Attempting to contain my excitement, I replied, “Sounds great. Book it through.”

We got to the room to find we were booked into an executive suite, and I don’t think I have ever seen a bigger bed. I know Ploy cannot stay because she has a wedding to go to the following day and has to be at the hair salon at 7 a.m. It really was bad timing. I wish she could have stayed, because the fun we could have had in that big room would have been unbelievable.

The Final Goodbye

We had a little chat and a kiss, had our final hug, but I noticed it was getting late, so I paid her for her time and a taxi home and walked her down to see her off safely home.

As we walked down the hallway, I caught sight of her in a mirror and said, “God, you’re beautiful.” She replied with a sigh of disappointment and said, “I know,” as if it was a cross she had to bear. I looked at her and we both burst into laughter.

In the many, many intimate hours I had spent with my Ploy, that was the first time she had let her guard down and I glimpsed the real her. A confident, beautiful, cute, strong woman with a wonderful sense of humour.

The taxi pulled up. I kissed Ploy one last time and watched her as the taxi drove away.

All I know is I love how I feel when I am with her, and I love the person I am when I am with her. She is the only woman that has ever made me feel this way.

Reflections from Home

It has now been a month since I returned from Bangkok after my time with Ploy. It takes a while for me to settle down after being in Bangkok getting back into the routine of everyday life.

I am always mindful of the situations men find themselves in with women and I don’t mean just Thai women, but women in general.

I did get her cell number this time, and I’ve sent a few text messages, but I think her friend replies to me. She has never sent me a text or contacted me to say hi. I was a little disappointed that we couldn’t carry on our fling or whatever you want to call it, but I can’t say I am surprised.

To her, I was just another tourist in her bar with a wallet full of money. I’m sure she has met plenty more like me in the month that I have been gone. Deep down, I knew nothing could happen between me and her because of what she does for work. But to be honest, I didn’t really want anything to happen. I didn’t want to get more attached than I already had.

I think men like me that are looking for a Thai woman to be with are easy targets for bar girls because we are wearing our hearts on our sleeves.

Luckily for me, it’s not really a nightmare of a story. I didn’t lose money, and I had a great time, so it’s no problem for me. I got out of there just in time. I think if I never went to Pattaya that trip and spent the whole time with Ploy, then I could have potentially developed more feelings and spent a lot more money than I did.

Reflections: Getting Back Home

Nevertheless, it was a good experience for me, and I know now how all the guys feel that catch feelings for a bar girl. It’s a great feeling but also very worrying.

Final Decision

I have decided I am not going to be with Ploy again. I am 54. It would be nice to meet a Thai woman to be with, but I think that’s just a stupid dream.

I think I will do this last stretch alone, so it is time for me to hit the go go bars and have some fun.