Physical Appearance and the Hard Truth in Asia

In October 2021, I started talking to a beautiful then 35-year-old Thai lady on the language exchange app HelloTalk. As our online relationship started to grow, we talked pretty much non-stop. Indeed, on some weekend nights, we would literally spend 7 hours talking.

Then in March 2022, we finally met in Phuket where I completed the sandbox. At that stage, she was blunt. I was in terrible shape and was extremely overweight, and she could tell that I had some other physical conditions, namely a club foot. So, I had to be honest with her about those conditions.

She stayed with me throughout the rest of the holiday. And on our final night together, she asked that I return to see her as soon as possible.

So, I returned in June and was able to shed quite a bit of weight when I was back home by cutting out takeaways and fatty foods and vowing to myself that I would walk at least 10 miles a day around my area of Birmingham. Fast forward to June, and she was delighted with how much weight I had lost. In those 8 weeks, I had gone from a 34 waist to a 32 and from a large T-shirt size to a medium. I am 5’9″ and things were looking positive.

The Difficult Conversation

Then fast forward to October 2022 and my return to Thailand. During the 16 weeks I was away, I hit the gym pretty much every day and stuck to the same diet I was on between March and June, albeit with protein supplements added. She was really impressed by the progress that I had made.

However, on Sunday night, when I finally got around to asking her whether she wanted to take the plunge and make our relationship official, she broke down into tears and said that due to my various health conditions, i.e., my leg and my feet, she cannot be in a relationship with me until they’re fixed because she knows how that would look to the outside world.

Is she only with me for my money? She loves my heart and says that she’s never been in love with someone who is as caring, loving, and emotionally supportive as I am. I want to stress at this stage that only one time has she ever asked me for money, and that was when she was housebound with COVID back in August.

She doesn’t want to lose me and is crying at the thought. But whether those are crocodile tears remains to be seen. She says that she is cursing destiny and says that she wants to move to the UK where, to our credit, people are judged more by the content of their character rather than their appearance, which from my time spent living abroad is in contrast to how things are in large parts of the world.

The other option is I get my physical conditions fixed. But both options are, I expect, an impossibility.

Deciding Whether the Relationship Can Continue

My own thoughts though are that I am done. Whenever we touch, hug, and kiss, I don’t feel that special connection between us anymore, and I think that she’s starting to notice. A part of me hopes that we can be together, but basic common sense dictates that things have run their course.

I have told her that time is running out on her biological clock, and I am concerned that if she sits waiting for me too long that she will miss the opportunity to have children. If she wants to break it off, then I will completely understand and wouldn’t hate her for it. She’s been honest with me after all.

But she doesn’t want to have children yet, and she wants to wait until I’ve exhausted all possible solutions to the problem. But let’s be honest, there’s only a 50/50 chance that the operation if I’m even fortunate to have one could be successful, and by that time, time would have run out for her.

I don’t know what I will do, Peter. But one thing is for sure. While she and I most likely do not have a future together, I will cherish the memories of her and thank her for providing the kick up the backside I needed. Since I met her in March, I have been taking my health more seriously and have actually improved my life.

On Monday night, sneakily, I loaded up Tinder and have checked again today and have at the present moment 100+ likes to sift through all from Bangkok where I am currently while she’s working. Whether genuine or not, it’s a nice little ego boost.

Story Two: The 25-Year-Old American’s Confounding First Trip to Pattaya

When choosing where to take my paid time off, I knew I wanted to go to Thailand but was torn between Pattaya and Phuket. Phuket was my first choice. But as I looked more into Pattaya, I realized that living on Florida beaches isn’t a dealbreaker. And since I’ve never experienced a red light district, it would be a very cool experience to see the world’s most notorious.

Being young and, in my own opinion, handsome, I didn’t want to spend my entire trip in the bars because getting female attention isn’t my only expectation for the trip. So I was worried that is all that Pattaya had to offer. But I was pleasantly surprised when I ventured out and really fell in love with the city.

The Girl Who Paid Him

My first night in Pattaya, I told myself I’m going to jump right in and spend my first couple of days in the action. My hotel was in the dead center of what I didn’t know at the time was Soi Honey. Being a newbie in Thailand, I was very reserved with spending, but I landed in a bar on Soi Honey around 6:00 p.m. that suited my fancy.

After a couple of drinks talking to some other foreigners, I felt comfortable to walk around other bars and talk to the ladies. I spoke to the first girl I saw. She was beautiful and young and very nice. She spoke little English, but we spoke through a translation app.

As the night ended, she messaged me online asking to hang out. I said, “Sure.” We met at the same bar, had some drinks, and she told me if I wanted her to come over and spend the night, I would need to pay her a 2,000 baht tip for her time. I said, “Sure, why not? It’s my first night in Pattaya.”

We walked back to my hotel. I told her to wait and let me get my money first. I went to my room to open the safe where I kept most of my baht. The safe was locked and I had forgotten the code. The hotel desk told me the person with the safe master key would be back in the morning. So I thought, “Whatever. I’ll go to an ATM.”

She showed me the closest ATM, but for some reason, my American credit card would not allow me to withdraw money. I turned around and told her, “I’m not sure what is going on, but currently I don’t have enough money to tip you 2,000 baht. I’m sorry. Maybe I’ll see you again.”

She stopped me and told me, “Don’t worry about it. If you ever see me at the bar again, just stop in and tip me the 2,000 baht.” I thought this was the direct opposite of what the videos I’ve watched told me, but she seemed very nice, so I went along with it. We went back to my room and had a lovely night together.

A Pattaya Breakfast Leads to an Unexpected Kindness

The next morning, she woke me up asking if I was hungry. I told her yes, but the employee with the key hadn’t come and I still didn’t have any money. She said, “Don’t worry about it.” So we walked to a restaurant and had breakfast. The bill for both of us was around 350 baht.

After breakfast, I told her I promised to stop by once my safe was open. And to my surprise, she pulled out her purse and offered me a 1,000 baht note. I said, “Are you sure?” She said, “Yes, you have to eat.”

I ended up getting the safe open. I returned to the bar and gave her 3,000 baht: 2,000 for the night and an extra 1,000 for being nice, trusting me, and the breakfast. She must have really loved that because afterwards she constantly messaged me wanting to hang out after work, and I didn’t have to pay her.

When I told my new foreign friends about the story, they laughed and said, “First night in Pattaya and a girl pays you.” They couldn’t believe it.

The Haircut That Changed Everything

My second story is similar, but this time I had money. I wanted to find a barber because I realized that, unlike America, a nice clean shave is more appealing in Thailand. So I found a barber on Soi 6 and walked in. There were no foreigners, but I believe what I found was a salon because it was filled with girls getting pretty.

The lady spoke very little English. I told her, “Just make me handsome and give me a shave.” She gave me a very nice haircut and shaved my face. The funny part was when I told her to just make me handsome, I attracted all the girls in the salon around me, all giving me their input on how to do my hair. I believe there were five or six of them. Some were getting their hair dried while pointing at me.

When it was done, some of them walked out yelling, “Handsome man, handsome man.” I guess it attracted the bar right in front of me with around eight girls sitting out front. One of the ladies in the salon yelled something in Thai to them, pointed at me, and nudged me in that direction. I thought, “What the hell?” and went to grab a drink.

At the bar, I met one girl who fit my type pretty face and a curvy body. I started to chat with her and told her I’m new to Thailand and just trying all the places out, not looking for anything serious today. She told me to give her my Instagram and to message her. After a drink and a tip, I left.

That night, she messaged me telling me to come out with her after work with her friends. I said yes, but then my new foreign friend told me to be careful because they will rack up a bar tab for all their drinks and food, and I will get stung with a bill.

I met with her friends on Walking Street and went to Club 808. My heart raced a little when her friend ordered bottle service. I waved both of them over and asked how much this is all going to cost. Her friend quickly slapped my shoulder and said, “Don’t worry, we have money. You just pay for your own drinks.” Okay. On the one hand, I felt bad for asking. But on the other, relieved. I saw the bill so far was 1,000 baht. I told the ladies, “I have this one, you buy the next one.” They smiled and said, “Okay.”

A Night at Club 808 and Myth Brings More Attention

After leaving that club, we went to a club called Myth. I noticed every time the girl I came with went to the toilet, the other girls would approach me, and my new girlfriend would say something in Thai and shoo them away. I don’t know why, but I really got the impression I was getting more attention than other guys at the club. I wasn’t wearing any fancy jewelry, nor was I showing money. I believe it was my new Thai haircut.

I wasn’t keeping track of time, but when she and her friends left the club, I was surprised to see it was daylight. I told her I was going home. She said she was coming with me. When we got to the room, we had a good night. I woke up and she said that she wanted to hang out with me the next night. I told her I needed time to myself and was hanging out with friends which was a lie because I just needed some space.

She got upset and told me that I didn’t think she was pretty enough and I had many others to choose from at the club and the other bars, as she had seen me get a lot of attention. I pulled out 2,000 baht from my wallet and told her to use this when we go out next to buy drinks. She smiled and said to me, “If you don’t come out with me, I’ll keep it.” I laughed and said, “Okay.”

Moral of the story is: if you go out with Thai girls after work, be ready to party until you drop.

What Don Learned from His First Pattaya Trip

Overall, my trip to Pattaya was great, but kind of confusing. I know it’s business with the girls at the end of the day, but I spent very little money on these girls. I wonder if some of them see me as more than a customer because the following days my phone would constantly ring with girls wanting to hang out. I felt bad but politely declined most nights because I wanted to explore the city.

I wonder if the girls I hung out with were genuinely interested in me or something more. Either way, I politely cut ties with them and thanked them for giving me a great time in Thailand.

Story Three: The Bar Girl Gone Good A Koh Samui Romance

“Bar girl gone bad or my future wife or both.”

I went to Thailand during our holidays here, between September and October 2022. I traveled with a friend. First, we got to Bangkok for 3 days, then to Phuket, then to Koh Samui. The plan was to go to Pattaya and Chiang Mai, but I never really got to visit Pattaya, and I’ve been to Chiang Mai for only one day.

My story starts when we arrived in Koh Samui. After a total of nine days out of 23, when we arrived in Samui, I found Chaweng to be distasteful not because it lacks charm, but because it was filled with Israelis on holiday, and I felt like I was on a normal vacation in Israel, and that was not why I traveled to Thailand.

We already paid up front for two nights in a hotel. The plan was to stay the duration that was paid for and move on. Phuket was such an amazing experience, and it felt like we were wasting every minute of the day being in a place that was so similar in many ways to our home. I started complaining after one or two hours in Koh Samui, and my friend felt the same.

After a bit of conversing, we decided that even though the weather was bad and it was raining, we would go to Chiang Mai. So we went to a tourist agency to pay for a flight in 2 days’ time. We decided that we should try to enjoy as much as we could as we had paid for this out of our holiday already.

Meeting San

The next morning, we planned to spend the day at the beach. We wanted to rent jet skis as we have never been on one before. My friend paid for 15 minutes and I paid for 30 minutes. My friend was the first to go and got seasick with all the bobbing around. So when he came back, he told me he felt sick and was going to return to the hotel to lie down, which left me to spend the rest of the day on my own.

When I got back to the hotel, it was still very early, and I knew my friend would stay in his room for the rest of the day as he got sick easily and always took the rest of the day to recover. I decided to go and play some pool and maybe take in a soapy massage.

Right behind the bar I was in, there was a massage shop with lots of ladies who had already spotted me and my friend arriving the day before. They kept going from their bar in pairs to the main road and back. It was like a relay team two girls would stand on the side of the road for an hour only to be replaced by two more.

I decided to go to that massage shop and ask about the services they had to offer. I left the bar and crossed over. I immediately noticed about seven or eight girls all dressed in the same uniform sitting outside talking loudly. I approached what I thought was the prettiest girl out of all of them. She was tall with long black hair, tan skin, and very beautiful.

I asked her about the services she provided. She held up a board that showed prices for Thai massage, oil massage, the normal sort of stuff. But there was a glint in her eye that told me there was more on offer than what was being advertised. I asked her to spell it out for me exactly so that there were no misunderstandings. She did, and I told her that sounds lovely.

An Unusual Connection

Now, this might sound a bit strange. When I went for the massage, I thoroughly enjoyed the actual massage, but because I’d been drinking, I decided I didn’t want anything else. But I spoke to her for quite a while, and we seemed to have just clicked. She kept saying to me, “You’re crazy,” but laughing at the same time. I really was enjoying talking to this girl, and she seemed at least to be enjoying her time with me.

She kept saying to me over and over, “Why you don’t want me to make you happy?” I told her I’m very happy just in her company, and so much so that would she like to come out of the massage parlor and come and play pool with me and have a few drinks. Needless to say, her eyes lit up and a big smile appeared on her face.

We played three games of pool, and she beat me hands down every game. I later found out that most Thai bar girls are very good pool players and you should never play them for money because you will lose.

At this stage, I didn’t want to take it any further as I’d had quite a bit to drink. I told her I had enjoyed my time with her, gave her a generous tip, and told her I would be back to see her again before heading back to the hotel.

I know this might sound a little bit naive, but honestly, the chemistry between us just clicked. It was almost as if we could read each other’s minds. Her name was San, and she really piqued my interest. It was really weird. I don’t know what it was, but it was almost like I had a spell put on me. I have been involved in many relationships, but this felt different. I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

Is this the Thai bar girl spell that I’ve heard about so many times? No wonder so many guys get taken in with their magic.

The Dates Begin

I had a bit of a rest, managed to sober up, showered, and put on some decent clothes, and couldn’t wait to get back. When I arrived back at the bar, I ordered a drink and walked over to her massage shop. I told San that I would like her to show me around. She said that this was no problem, but I would have to pay the massage shop to take her out each day.

I told her that I don’t mind paying her for her time, but I wasn’t going to pay a fine to take her out. She was now in a dilemma. She wanted to make money, but she knew I wouldn’t pay the fine. So she went to speak with the shop owner and after what seemed like ages, she came out and said, “Okay, you don’t have to pay any bar fine, and I can come out with you tonight.” Great, I thought.

San took me to a place called Green Mango Street an open club with lots of tourists just like me with a partner or a bar girl in tow. San also met with another girl from her shop who had her own customer. We danced, partied, and drank like 10 bottles of San Miguel each. We then moved on to another venue close by a ladyboy pool bar and stayed for like three more hours just playing pool, drinking, and dancing.

Everybody including me was drinking, dancing, enjoying the music. What else could I ask for? Well, I am forgetting that she was actually a working lady doing her job. At the end of the evening or should I say early morning San came back with me to my room. Even though I was quite drunk and very exhausted, we had an absolutely fantastic aerobic session and another one first thing in the morning, which was even better.

Now it’s me who is in the dilemma. I’m so happy hanging out with San. Why on earth would I want to now leave Koh Samui as we had planned? I’m not exaggerating. This night with San had been the best one I’d had in over 6 years. Absolutely brilliant. No other words to describe it.

Extending the Trip

She had to go back to her shop, so I escorted her back. I then went back into the bar and had another couple of games of pool along with the hair of the dog i.e., a beer. I had to go back and check up on my friend. He hadn’t done a lot since going back to the hotel, and to be honest, he was being very boring.

When I got back to the hotel, my friend had just woken up. He told me he’d spent the entire day hanging on to the toilet bowl being sick. I told him about my recent adventures and suggested that maybe we should extend for at least one more day to give him time to recover fully. Actually, truth be told, I wanted to see San again. We had planned to stay 10 or 12 days in Chiang Mai, so we had plenty of days to play with. Luckily, my friend agreed to delay.

My friend told me at dinner that night he wanted to spend some time on his own to look around, which suited me just fine. Obviously, I was going to head back and bar fine San again, but I wanted to do something a little more exciting for her rather than just playing pool and drinking all day. I decided to surprise her take her out on a jet ski.

I picked up San and we headed to the beach. After about 30 seconds, San tapped me and said, “Your phone is swimming around in the plastic bag.” I guess being so excited at being with San again, I hadn’t closed it properly. Other than my phone getting wet, we had a really nice day. I tried to get San to drive the jet ski, but she was actually terrified of it. She didn’t mind being on the back, but she just wouldn’t drive it.

We then headed back to the hotel for yet another spectacular aerobic session.

Disaster Strikes (And Keeps Striking)

When I met my friend later, I told him I was having a really good time here and I didn’t really want to leave and go to Chiang Mai. Surprisingly, he was very cool about it and agreed we could stay here.

I had to draw some cash from an ATM. Unfortunately, I didn’t know that in Thailand the ATM machines first give you your cash and then return your card. It’s the other way around in my country, you get your card and then you get the cash. So without thinking, I took my cash, walked away from the ATM, and it wasn’t until later that I realized that the machine had kept my card.

So now my money is getting short. I have no ATM card, and my phone got wet and no longer works. So here I am with San, spending every minute of the day with her, paying her bar fine, drinking, and just enjoying each day as it comes along. It’s now day 12, and I’m not really worried about the money because I have my friend with me who can just make a transfer and I can pay him back later.

This relationship with San seems crazy. The chemistry is definitely there, and we’re both having lots of fun together even though I’m paying through the nose.

The Heartbreaking Goodbye

San knew that we were only staying for 14 days. So on the evening of day 13, San starts crying, telling me she doesn’t want me to leave as she’s never had so much fun with a guy before. She went on to tell me that she’s got two daughters, one who was three and one who was 13. Her mother was taking care of them in the village in Isan. She was crying intensely, begging me not to leave, but I told her, “Look, I’ve got no choice.”

On the morning of the 14th day, San and I said our goodbyes. She is crying intensely, and I am beginning to well up as it is a very difficult situation. I texted her all the way to the airport.

The Decision to Go Back

The flight to Chiang Mai took approximately one hour. I couldn’t stop thinking about her all through the flight. In Chiang Mai, we decided to rent a jeep quite a common thing to do. It cost about 7,000 baht. We wanted to head off to Chiang Rai to see those ladies with the long necks and visit a few temples on the way.

A few hours later, we’re sitting in a coffee shop having a snack. I said to my friend, “Do you think someone would have so much fun in this jeep touring tourist areas if they were alone?” My friend turned around and I guess he could read my mind and said, “Don’t worry. It will be a lot of fun with you or without you.”

I explained my situation to him and told him I’d fallen in love with San. I know this is definitely a no no. I have been watching your channel, Peter, for over a year, and I’ve listened to all those horror stories and thought this will never happen to me. But I just couldn’t help myself. I really had fallen head over heels for her.

So, I decided to fly back down to Samui to see her. My friend was very understanding. All he said was that he wanted to meet me in Bangkok when we returned home so that we could share the flight back together which was fair enough.

Money Troubles

My money was starting to run really low. My friend had limited funds and had helped me as much as he could, but I didn’t get a refund on the jeep, and the last of my money had been spent on the flight to Samui, which didn’t get in until 10:00 p.m. the following day. I had a second credit card, but I didn’t realize I couldn’t use it globally, and as I tried to use it, the bank had now cancelled it.

I called San and told her I am returning to see her. She starts screaming and crying down the phone. She is so excited and tells me she will meet me at the airport when I arrive. Money starts to become a real issue as I really am down to my last few baht.

So I had to think very hard what to do. I visited a local rabbi and explained my situation. I asked him if I could transfer money to his account using my mobile phone and could he just give me the cash in return. Thankfully, he was very understanding and a generous man, and this got me out of a terrible situation. Thailand’s a great country, but with no cash, it can become a living nightmare.

I managed to book a hotel with a booking site that I could pay with my phone. Luckily, I spent the next six days of my trip with my new love. We spent every second of the day and night together. I was really happy.

A Perfect Night

On one of these days, it was a no drinking day some kind of Buddhist holiday, and all the bars were closed. So I bought a load of beers the day before and just stuck them in my fridge. Believe it or not, we had a very special night. We drank some beers in the room. I put on some slow 1970s music, and we danced in the room later and later. We took a romantic stroll along the beach and then just sat down and spoke with each other for hours. It was perfect.

The day before I was due to leave, she told me she wanted to spend the entire day and evening in the room. I told her no. I want to finish the way it all started drinking beer and playing pool in the bar next to your massage shop. To which she agreed.

By the end of my holiday, I had become quite a decent pool player, and I managed to not only beat San several times but also several of the other girls that worked in the shop.

The Tattoo

I have a small tattoo on my arm. So within the last hour of me leaving the island, San decides she wants the exact same tattoo. We find somewhere, and she gets it done against my advice. All the girls circled her and took photographs of our tattoos together.

What Happened Next

San and I talked for 11 to 12 hours a day via video chat. We go to sleep together, wake up together, and work together, and we are talking about me moving to Thailand to build our own home and make our own babies.

I know that every red line imaginable regarding caution has been crossed and that it might all end up being a scam, but I really don’t think it is. There are things I don’t believe one can fake, like the happiness she expressed when she knew that I was coming back to Samui. The tears were real. I really don’t think somebody could fake so much emotion.

However, my story turns out, I will never regret the time I spent in Thailand with San. She is a lovely girl and she showed me so much kindness and happiness that even if it didn’t work out, I would never forget her and I would certainly not hold a grudge against her.