A 30 Year Love Story That Began in a Thailand Village
This is the story of a friend of mine, whom we’ll call Joel here, since I don’t have his permission to tell his life story, as I’ve lost contact with him since he moved to another state. This all happened around 1995 to 1996, and even though it was ages ago, maybe it’s good to go through this story since it sheds a somewhat different light on Thailand ladies.
The Backstory: A Man in Crisis
I met Joel at an Al Anon meeting. For those who don’t know what Al Anon is, it is a support group for relatives of alcoholics. My first wife was an alcoholic, and so was his wife. We bonded during those meetings since our plight was the same. I had two children at the time with the lady I was married with, and his wife was pregnant with their second child. My wife was half Filipino (US born), while his wife was 100% US born.
For people who are not afflicted by a relative’s addiction, it can be brutal at times. Joel’s wife was 6 months pregnant at the time and they were expecting a baby girl. While my wife found the strength not to drink during pregnancy, his was most days drunk out of her mind. Joel worked as an engineer with a large railway company and he had a fairly good income, while his wife had a monthly check from a trust fund her grandfather set up before he died.
When Joel’s wife eventually gave birth, I was the first Joel called, and I congratulated him on the birth of his daughter. The child was born without any issues and surprisingly enough did not present any symptoms of fetal alcohol syndrome. Joel and his wife lucked out with both their children as I did too, by the way.
However, the situation at Joel’s home was too much, and 3 weeks after the birth of their daughter, Joel and his wife’s family did an intervention on Joel’s wife and had her agree to attend a detox alcohol program at an in state clinic. She agreed and went to the clinic the same day. I remember speaking with Joel for a couple of good hours, hearing his hopes and dreams of a normal family life. I was thinking I could do the same with my wife.
But three days later, Joel’s wife passed away at the clinic. They could not find any reason why, and the explanation was that because she was such a heavy drinker, her body went into shock and shut down. I didn’t ask too much as I let Joel deal with the disaster. We actually had his children for a couple of days while Joel ran around to prepare the funerals.
For the next 6 months, I did not connect much with Joel. My wife and I did help from time to time, but I was witnessing a train wreck in slow motion with Joel caring for two children, daycare for both children, and sleepless nights that any single parent has when dealing with working and infants.
The Trip to Thailand
6 months after the death of his wife, Joel’s sister gifted Joel with a 2 week vacation. At the time, in the local newspaper on the back of the travel section, you could find last minute deals, and the cheapest his sister found was a 2 week vacation to Bangkok for something around $325 or so with hotel stay included. Joel’s sister had her own children, and caring for a 2 and a half year old and a 6 month old presented less than a challenge. Later, the sister confided in me that she was afraid that Joel was going to “crash land,” as she put it.
2 weeks later, Joel was flying into Bangkok which was his first vacation outside of the US since his honeymoon to Mexico 4 or 5 years earlier. From here, I shall be piecing out what Joel told me happened.
The Village in Isaan
He arrived in Bangkok and spent the first two days walking around and taking in the Bangkok vibe. But Joel was a “good boy” and did not partake in any of the attractions Bangkok had to offer. Instead, he signed up for a six day trip to the monasteries and temples around Bangkok. The next day, he embarked on a bus that went out of Bangkok from what I remember him telling me, northbound up towards Isaan.
However, Joel drank tap water, and at some point in the day he had to use the bathroom quite a few times. On one particular stop the bus made, Joel spent more time than expected in the bathroom, and somehow he was left behind. This was 1996, almost 30 years ago. How that happened, he doesn’t know.
From the bus stop, he could see a village in the valley, and after a while Joel made his way to the village, thinking that he might get a ride back to Bangkok. Instead, the villagers welcomed Joel, and as it was late in the day, he was invited to join some communal dinner, had some local beer, and apparently there was lots of amusement of Joel running back up the hill to use the bus stop bathroom.
As the night went on, Joel was assigned a small room (an addition to one of the local homes), and one of the village young ladies tended to him and guided him wherever he wanted to go. The next morning after a frugal breakfast, Joel was invited to go fishing with the village men, and Joel the farang took advantage of the offer.
The next four days, Joel spent with the local community even paying for a couple of cases of beers which were brought from a store some 30 miles away. The next days went on with Joel working in the village: he fixed several electrical circuits, repaired some issues with the water lines, etc. I do not remember all the tasks he told me he had resolved, but I do remember him telling me that he went fishing a lot on the river near the village since that was the main source of protein for the villagers.
In the evening, Joel participated in the evening village activities, eating with all the others, being served by his caretaker girl, and late at night retired to the little side hut and slept there with the young lady sleeping next to him on the floor. Now, honestly, myself being myself, I did not believe him when he told me that there were no aerobics between him and his caretaker but he swore he was a gentleman. I would not have been that, but then again, that’s me.
The Decision
The last night, the older village fellow who seemed to run that small community advised Joel that the bus would drive at 10:00 a.m. the next morning and he should be ready if he wanted to go back to Bangkok. He also asked Joel for $50. Joel assumed that it was the cost of housing and food, and he paid it without any complaint.
The next day, Joel was on the side of the road by the bus stop, and next to him was the young lady who had tended to him all those nights in the village, nursing him back to health from his upset stomach. He asked her where she was going, and she answered him, “You, of course.” Imagine Joel’s confusion. He responded that she didn’t have to come; she could stay home with her parents; it was okay. But she responded in broken English that she could not return to the village and would go to Bangkok to be a bar lady. It took Joel quite some time to figure out what that meant.
When the bus arrived and picked up Joel and his companion, the bus driver (who spoke pretty good English) explained to Joel what the deal was: she spent nights under the same roof with him, so he was responsible for her. If he refused the responsibility, she would lose face and would be forced to work in the bars as a lady companion to people who would come and drink in those bars. Eventually, she would have to go out with clients to make up enough to send back to her family in the village.
Remember, Joel was a decent man. So upon arrival in Bangkok the next day, she stayed in a hotel room with him. Eventually he closed the deal and I do not know who jumped who, because Joel never told me. But from there on, Joel decided to try and bring her back to the USA.
The Life They Built
The fiancé visa and documentation were necessary, but what Joel told me was that he found a room for rent for the young lady (let’s call her Ploy) and left enough funds for her to live off for the next few months. Joel had a high school friend who worked at immigration, and I understand that the fiancé visa was greatly accelerated by his buddy. Suffice to say that Ploy landed in the US about 3 months later, and Joel brought her to his home.
Ploy immediately took charge of the household and the two children. I do not know more about the events immediately after her arrival in Joel’s home, because I was going through some tough times with my then wife, and I was barely finding time to breathe between my job, the kids, and the issues my wife generated.
When things settled down and I got to visit Joel, I found his house as clean as a medical laboratory. The stove seemed to be never turned off. Joel seemed to be firmly planted on the couch with a cold beer nearby. The kids were clean and happily playing on the carpet. And Ploy seemed to be in all places at once. Ploy was a tiny person, 5 foot nothing, with a very pleasant personality and long, black shiny hair. I was married at the time, but I couldn’t help but ogle the nice figure and smile Ploy had. I found myself often envying Joel and his turn of fortune.
After 3 months, Joel married Ploy and started the necessary paperwork for her social security number, work permit, etc. Ploy went to ESL classes in the evening at the nearby college and eventually received her driving license. After a year or so, Joel helped her look for a job, and she started working as a maid at a nearby hotel.
We kept in touch on and off, and now we were not on the same boat anymore. Every time I’d visit him and see how his life turned for the better, I’d feel diminished myself by the situation I was in. Ploy would get up in the morning, get the kids ready for daycare, make breakfast for everyone. By then, Joel was up. They’d eat breakfast, then Ploy would take the kids to daycare on the way to work. Joel would finish his breakfast and go to the office. By the time he’d get home, Ploy would be back already with the children, home cooking. All Joel had to do was take his shoes off and sit down, and Ploy would put a cold beer on the table in front of him. In my eyes, Joel was a little king a pauper who struck gold and now was living it up.
I never heard his wife speaking up. Sometimes she would say something to him, barely audible, and would disappear back in the kitchen. The kids eventually called her “Mama,” and she seemed to relish in that. She spoke to them in Thai, and it was so surprising to me hearing them little blond kids answer back in Thai. Ploy spoke English fairly well.
Ploy’s Career and Family
Some 2 to 3 years later, Ploy moved with her job to one of the larger hotels downtown. 5 years later, Ploy was the housekeeping manager running the crew that was working in the hotel. By then, Joel advanced at work, and the kids were in school, growing up.
As for the money, Joel said that she never asked for money. He sent $100 a month to her parents for the first year, and after she got a job, she managed the money sent to her family from her own salary. Her income covered the groceries and the clothes for the children. She kept a few hundred every paycheck for herself, sent some money back home, and the rest went into a savings account. When she got the job downtown, Joel went with her and bought her a used Toyota. Ploy took a million pictures and sent them back to her parents.
The only thing Ploy wanted was for them to visit her birthplace once a year. In preparation for that, she would use some of her savings and go to Costco with Joel and buy half of Costco and pack it up in a thousand suitcases (I exaggerate, of course) with something for everyone in the village. I would loan them my van so they would be able to carry it all home in one load. For 2 weeks, Ploy was the queen of the village, and Joel and the kids were darlings of the village. Laughing, he told me that they still call him “Running Joe,” after he used to run up the hill in the village to reach the toilets at the bus station.
Ploy never had children. Joel told me that she couldn’t have children, but she couldn’t be happier than she was with her farang stepchildren. Ploy seemed to never forget where she came from, and every little advancement in her family made her happier than ever: a new car, a new couch, a new stove, a new dryer; everything was reason to celebrate. When they’d go to Thailand, Joel would buy her some gold trinkets, and she’d happily add it to her collection. When I would visit, she would display the latest Joel got her, and I would be expected to pay compliments. It was “how much Joel loved her.”
I have never heard an argument or a conversation with a raised voice in Joel’s home. My marriage was falling apart while Joel’s was blooming.
The Lost Friendship
Eventually Joel confessed to me that Ploy’s income surpassed his, and she was promoted to a manager’s position with a flagship hotel which was on the east coast, and they were moving there. I kept in touch with Joel once he even stayed over on his way to Thailand, since I live on the west coast. He told me that his marriage was as strong as it was 15 years ago, and he couldn’t be happier. When he visited me, I was a few weeks from my divorce. My soon to be ex wife was moving back to Georgia with her family, leaving our children with me.
I started avoiding Joel because every time I spoke with him, it added to the depth of my depression, and I wanted to try and rebuild my life. My ex wife eventually stopped calling and even missed children’s birthdays. Eventually phone numbers changed, and we lost touch.
I know Joel and Ploy are still married. By now, he must be either retired or close to retirement. And maybe if he hears this story, he will find it in his heart to reconnect with me. I’m at the same address with the same phone number. Sorry, Joel I lost your phone number, and the notebook with addresses went with my ex.
Again, this whole thing is almost 30 years ago. I might have forgotten some parts of the story. But one thing I do know is that Joel and Ploy’s success was and is my preferred story that I tell to any friends that I now meet.
Story Two: The Server, The Red Wine, and The Baht Bus Disaster
In April of 2024, I had a trip planned with a girl in Bangkok that I had met and visited a couple of times. We always stayed in touch when I was not in Thailand. She was a great girl, but over the months leading up to my next trip, it was obvious that her drinking had really intensified, and it was clear to me that it had to end. I told her I would see her on a certain date, dreading having to see her.
I decided to go to Pattaya for 3 days prior to the date we had discussed. On previous trips, I was in the company of the same girl from Bangkok, so I had never experienced Pattaya on my own in quite a while. I do enjoy the bar scene, but I don’t tend to bar hop. Usually I try to find a nice, mellow, smaller bar and camp out while enjoying the surroundings.
Since I had never been in this place before, I asked for the mamasan and mentioned to her that a friend told me to check out her bar and ask to buy her a drink so we could chat and introduce myself. The mamasan at this particular bar was very friendly and welcoming. I had a couple of drinks with her and we chatted. After a couple of rounds, she said she was buying me my next beer and did so every couple of rounds very cool lady. She continued to hang out with me as the night went on.
Whenever I am out at bars, I make it a point to buy drinks for a few of the girls and some of the staff, tip in appreciation of them showing me a good time without any hassles. The more, the merrier. The mamasan mentioned to me that our server was her stepsister and introduced me. Her name is Tar. “Always a relative in the mix that story is potentially dubious in nature.” Tar is 42 not a stunner but pleasant looking, cute, and fit for her age. No tattoos. She didn’t smoke. She spoke English pretty well. Each time I bought a round of drinks, I included her. We chatted a bit when she brought drinks it was basically flirting by both of us.
The mamasan at one point asked me about any girl that I might like to bar fine. My reply was I was just out for fun, and these girls are far too young for my personal preference but I would be back as she ran a good bar and I enjoyed myself.
Returning the next night, it was just as much fun hanging out and messing around with everyone, including Tar. After a couple of rounds, the mamasan mentioned that her stepsister (the server) liked me and thought I was funny. The mamasan said I seem like a nice guy and would I be interested in bar fining her out of the bar for the evening? I was puzzled by this, as I have bar fined girls from bars even one or two mamasans but never a server. She said it can be done. I thought about it and, what the heck, I paid her bar fine. I had no expectations at this point. Most likely we would just go to dinner somewhere she likes and at the end of the night just thank her for her time and go back to my hotel.
Meeting Tar in Pattaya
As we left the club, I asked Tar what she would like to do for food. She replied, “McDonald’s I really like their chicken.” I thought that was humorous, as many girls would try to lure you to an expensive restaurant where they’d probably get a backhander off somebody, over order as many dishes, and then take pictures for their various social media platforms and watch as you pay the bill. After that, take selfies at the swanky rooftop bar of the hotel that you’re in. McDonald’s it is such a deal.
She was very pleasant and talkative as we ate. She mentioned her stepsister and said she was staying with her at the moment and had returned to Pattaya to work as a server. She arrived there about a year ago after losing her job with a major Thai food company. She had been laid off during the pandemic. Her feelings were that she and many other women her age and older got the pink slips while the younger employees were allowed to stay. In Thailand, there doesn’t seem to be any laws that prevent age discrimination. She also told me that she had been a bar girl in the past, had been married, had a baby girl, then got divorced. She went on to explain that she had tried playing it straight when she got back to Pattaya, which is why she was now working as a server and not a bar girl.
After we ate, I started to say good night to her and thank her for her time. She was very surprised by this and asked how I would get back to my hotel. I said I would get a cab or walk I have walked there before and I’m familiar with the wild dogs and the way back. She insisted that she would take me on the back of her scooter back to my hotel. I said no I hate riding on scooters in Thailand, I think they’re dangerous but she insisted, and I relented and said okay, but please take it easy and go slow, to which she agreed.
When we got to the hotel, she parked up and followed me in the elevator to my room. Things got very cozy quickly and escalated to the normal aerobics. She stayed until morning and then left. We did the same for two more nights, and we had a very nice time. She was great company.
I then had to go to Bangkok and end the sad situation with the girl there. After that scene was over, I went to Singapore and Phuket, then returned to Bangkok. Since I had ended things in Bangkok, I got a taxi to Pattaya for the remainder of my visit, and I saw Tar at the bar. It was time again for McDonald’s chicken and aerobics. She also had her scooter, so I never had to pay for taxis when with her that was luck, I thought. And I eventually got used to sitting on the back of her scooter.
We agreed to spend my last day and night together. We had a fun day at my hotel swimming, and then we went out and visited a few tourist sites like the Big Buddha on the hill nearby. That evening, we had a nice dinner, then went bar hopping.
The Red Wine Incident
When we sat down for dinner and began ordering drinks, I had a beer and she ordered red wine. Oh no not red wine, I thought. In the past, I’ve had problems with Thai women and red wine it has never ended with a good result in my experience. Thankfully, we only split one bottle at dinner, and I made sure to pour small amounts into her glass each time.
We then went to Walking Street and hit the clubs, and she kept ordering red wine. We were having a great time. Everywhere we went, she knew people the live music venues and the go go bars and yes, they knew her well. At McDonald’s, she is a regular. Her knowing people was definitely a plus. In each bar where she knew someone, it was definitely more fun. So far, no problems with the red wine being consumed by her. She was giddy and having fun, but no other problems.
We had drinks at several bars, and then we decided to head out. We started walking, and she was now starting to show the effects of the red wine and was by now pretty drunk. I thought, “Oh no, not again.”
She tried to hail a songthaew (baht bus) a couple of taxis but none would stop as they could see she was fairly unsteady on her feet. I guess they were scared about her throwing up. My attempts were just as unsuccessful, and I was sober. I guess it was because I was with her.
As I was trying to get a taxi, she somehow commandeered a baht bus that was empty. She spoke to the driver and told me to get in. On the ride back, she was “feeling no pain” to say the least, and Tar was very affectionate. When we arrived at my hotel and stopped, she immediately jumped out of the truck, headed around a corner into the bushes, and started getting very sick out of sight. Oh no here we go again.
The driver started in front of me loudly in Thai asking for payment. This commotion brought hotel security to the scene immediately. I was very lucky the security guards were familiar with me as I saw them daily. Tar was still in the bushes getting sick. Security was now getting between me and the driver as he was demanding payment. I didn’t have that much on me, so I told the security guards I would go to my room and get the amount of money from my room and come right back with the cash. Tar was still in the bushes throwing up.
The Baht Bus Incident
Security was keeping the driver under control as I left. I paid the driver double what he was asking for and apologized to him and the security guards about this situation. The driver seemed satisfied with the outcome and left. Tar was still in the bushes. I once again apologized to the security guards about this, and they just smiled and gave me a hand salute and left.
I then had to extract Tar out of the bushes and get her to my room. She was pretty much out of it by now. I have been in this situation before, and I know the routine: get them undressed, get them cleaned up, put them in the bed on the nearest side to the bathroom in case they need to use the toilet, quietly place a trash can near the bed just in case. After that, she passed out soundly.
The next morning or should I say early next afternoon she woke up very groggy and in some real agony. I told her about the baht bus incident, and she had no recollection of it or the time she was in the bushes during the whole ordeal. She apologized and was glad that the driver was taken care of. Tar then laid around groaning and moaning for a long time with a headache. I know that feeling so well. She told me that she had to get her daughter from school, took a quick shower, and as she left, wished me a good trip and wanted to stay in contact. She gave me her contact information no contact has occurred since.
When you go into bigger bars that have service staff waitresses they all tend to wear a uniform. I would say most of those girls will go out on a bar fine with you. I was like this guy I used to think, okay, they’re serving staff, and the girls hanging around you can bar fine them. But actually, a lot of the waitresses work in those bars because they make a lot more money by going off with customers for drinks outside of the bars. This happened quite often. A lot of guys are kind of shocked, but some guys get tripped up because what happens is they’ll take a service staff member, and because she’s working as a waitress and not a regular bar girl, it kind of puts blinkers on and they think, “Oh, she must be quite a good girl then, because she’s actually staff she’s not a bar girl.” And they think, “Well, maybe she really likes me, and that’s why she’s come out with me.” But it was quite obvious from this girl everywhere she went, they all knew her. So my guess is she was the same as a bar girl, and every time somebody wanted to take her out, she went out. That’s why everywhere she went, she was known at every bar you went to. No harm done, as they say.
Story Three: The ATM Scam A Warning (Re-read)
This is a true story of my first two visits to Pattaya. I first visited Pattaya during December of 2017, and it was also my first time visiting Thailand after hearing about the town by the beach that they call “Sin City” from fellow travelers during my many backpacking trips around the world. I had booked into the Hole in One guest house for a month and was eager to see what Pattaya was all about before continuing traveling to Malaysia. I was absolutely stunned by the amount of women in Pattaya. I had a fabulous time going to many of the bars and around the popular drinking hotspots. I had a girl in my guest house room for drinks within an hour of arriving, having picked her up at the first bar I visited on Soi Buakhao on the corner of Soi Made in Thailand.
Anyway, one late afternoon about a week later, after getting a bite to eat at the Robin’s Nest Restaurant, I wanted to explore LK Metro for a night out, but I was too lazy to walk the 200 yards back to my guest house to retrieve a few thousand baht I had stashed in my safe. So I used a cash point machine outside Family Mart on Soi Diana to withdraw 4,000 baht for the night, then hid my bank card inside a zip pocket of my wallet.
I had a good evening where I met a very pleasant girl in the Billabong bar and took her down to the Pattaya Beer Garden for a nice relaxing meal. We sat on the balcony section overlooking the beautiful Pattaya Bay with lights flickering on the water amongst the many anchored boats. On arriving back at my guest house and while the girl was in the bathroom, I put my bank card in the safe as I wouldn’t be needing it for quite a while, as I already had 20,000 baht in cash in there.
A few days later, while I was sitting on the bed watching the TV, I decided to check my online bank account as I regularly do. And to my horror, I discovered that £1,790 UK had disappeared from my account inside the last two days. “What the heck is this?” I said to myself, beginning to panic. I looked at the transactions and found lots of withdrawals to a company called Facebook Advertising Services I’d never heard of them. The transactions were for £650, £1320, £3250, £190, £1120, £170, £250, and ever increasing every couple of hours. “What is going on here?” I screamed to myself. “I haven’t used my card for anything.” I was now in panic mode. I scrambled to put £40 of credit on my phone so I could ring my bank in England.
The Story Continues
As I am on the phone listening to the automated message from my bank saying, “You’re in a queue, please wait for an operator to become available,” I looked at my laptop and another £300 had gone out of my account. “Please God, hurry up and answer this phone I’m being cleaned out here,” I said to myself.
I am always very cautious about the whereabouts and the use of my bank card on my travels. Then the light bulb came on and alarm bells rang out loudly in my head. The only place I had used my card since arriving in Pattaya was at the cash machine in Soi Diana that has to be it. A dodgy cash machine.
A few minutes later, a human being answered the phone. After explaining everything I knew to the nice guy and going through every transaction for the previous few weeks one by one, he said he would have to report it to the bank’s fraud department for investigation and he would cancel my card immediately. But because I was in Thailand, they couldn’t send me a new card to my guest house they would only send it to my registered address in the UK. And right there, my vacation was over. I had to return to England. He advised me to only use cash machines that were attached to an actual bank in future. Lesson learned.
The following year, in December 2018, I returned to Pattaya as I had unfinished business to accomplish. I booked into a different hotel called Selena Place off South Pattaya Road for a month. During that month, I had met and made many friends expats and travelers while having a blast of a time in Pattaya, especially after discovering the famous Soi 6.
As I’m walking up Soi Diana, I stopped off at an unusual small bar complex in the center called the Carousel Bar with a revolving seating area around the bar that very slowly spins around. “I’ve got to have a beer here,” I thought, experiencing a weird sensation of a constant 360 degree view of all the activity in the soi. A beautiful lady by the name of Boom served me a bottle of Singha light. While sitting on the shelf on the inside of the revolving bar, I could see she had a very artistic tattoo on her leg. When I asked her about the tattoo, she lifted her skirt up further to show me an unbelievably detailed tattoo of a snake rolling up her lovely leg. Lots of flirting happened between the two of us as I was spinning around, getting a bit disoriented by the sensation and the sensational tattoo of the sensational woman. I kept her in my mind for a later day as I had other plans for this night.
The Carousel Bar in Pattaya
I walked up about another 50 yards further up the soi until I came across the place that the late Kev in Thailand recommended to me upon our meeting at the Hideaway Bar with a sign reading, “No photos, no film, no weapons, have a good time. Welcome to the Windmill Club a go go.” Well, that place was something else. It was definitely fun. I went home a very happy man that night and vowed to return.
The next morning, I planned to revisit the Carousel Bar later that night, but unfortunately Boom didn’t turn out to be my companion because that morning I got lucky with a hotel housekeeper I had been flirting with for some time.
