Desperate for Connection In Thailand

I became the nice guy in a Thailand bar triangle. This story is quite different from most of the stories I had heard, and it shows how things can go wrong in Thailand.

It really is quite upsetting to hear all the stories about how so many people have had their lives completely ruined and turned upside down by the greedy actions of certain individuals in Thailand.

I was head over heels in love with a girl that worked in a bar in Pattaya. The problem was she had another suitor who seemed to be interested in her as well. Everything that I’m about to share goes to show just how greedy and dishonest people can be. If I had guessed that the love of my life would have done the things she did, I definitely don’t think I would have given so much time, effort, and heartache to try to be with her and start a life with her.

I wish I could go back, but I can’t do that. What I can tell you is what happened. So if you find yourself in a similar position, you will know that you should be looking for any warning signs that things may not be as they seem.

I Was Desperate for Connection

I was desperate. I was 35 years old and had no luck with the ladies back in the States, and all I wanted was some form of connection and to have someone waiting for me when I got home after work in the evenings. All I returned to was a cold house and a fridge full of beer that I drank while whiling away my sorrows.

That might sound dramatic, but I felt like I was on autopilot from when I left college until that day. And I started looking for alternative lifestyles that may suit somebody like me.

Two years ago, I started learning about life in Thailand. I read stories about men who married Thai women and others who lived the single life around Bangkok and Pattaya.

But there seemed to be something for everyone in Thailand. Not to mention that it was more affordable.

I’d saved most of the money I’d earned up until this point, so I had enough to go to Thailand and see if life in Thailand was for me. But my experience left me feeling like there was no hope when someone behaved the way she did.

My First Impressions of Thailand Were Positive

I left my job and I flew to Thailand. This was two years ago and I couldn’t wait to see if it was as good as people said it was. My first impressions were yes it is as good as people say it is.

Not only that, it is actually far better. And Thailand had been somewhere that I missed all my life.

I know there is a term used for people like me calling me a loser back home. I don’t like that term. How do you define a loser?

I had a well paid job. I owned my house. I had a nice car.

I just didn’t have any luck with the ladies. I don’t think I was a loser. But if that’s how people describe those like me, I suppose I have to accept it.

The only thing I missed was a relationship. Whenever I met a girl for a date in the States, the first questions I was always asked were, “What’s your job? How much money do you earn? How tall are you?”. Although I was paid well, I didn’t see how that was a quality that should determine if I was suitable for them. It would not have been acceptable for me to ask the type of questions I wanted to ask, but it seemed to be fair game for girls to ask any questions they wanted to me, and I wasn’t happy with that. And then you get these girls who say they are not looking for anything serious, but eventually you will be in a serious relationship, and your husband will have to live with the fact of what you did, so you shouldn’t do it.

I Compared Thai Bar Girls With American Girls

I know some people are going to call me a hypocrite, but I didn’t think bar girls in Thailand were the same. I often asked the questions to myself: what would I rather have? A girl in America who has willfully and joyfully been with lots of guys, or a girl from Thailand who has done that but perhaps didn’t want to. The Thailand option seemed to be more appealing for me because what was going on in America at the moment in terms of relationships was alien to how my mind worked.

You meet up for a date and it’s obvious that they’re looking at you like, “How much money can I get out of you? How much are you worth? And how are you going to improve my financial situation?”

Why yes, I am going to improve your financial situation, but you’ve already given yourself away countless times. So, don’t you think that’s unfair?

Thailand Gave Me a Newfound Confidence

In Thailand, I have a newfound sense of confidence. I don’t feel like myself. I’m able to just spark up conversations with random people like I never used to be able to do.

I felt like an extrovert for the first time when really I was an introvert who preferred my own company. But in Thailand, I became the person that was always there, but who was too shy to come out. And I felt like a new lease of life had come over me.

I thought moving to Thailand was the best decision I’d made. I quickly arranged an education visa so I could extend my stay in the country. I didn’t want to have to leave at this point, and I thought Thailand could potentially be somewhere I would live forever.

I started learning Thai four times a week, and it wasn’t long before I could speak to an acceptable level. I even learned how to read and write. I felt like I would integrate at some point.

As someone who was new to Thailand two years ago, I did not understand how difficult it could be for a foreigner to protect his rights. I never reached that point myself, but it was something I thought about.

I Settled Into Life in Bangkok

I rented a small condo in Asok. It was right in the heart of Bangkok, and I loved how easy it was to get anywhere on the BTS Skytrain and the MRT underground. The traffic in Bangkok was something else, and it was great to be within walking distance of both of these fantastic public transportation options.

I wasn’t working at this point. I was going to be using a very small portion of my savings to spend time in Thailand and see if there’s anything I could do there. But most importantly, I was hoping to find a girl.

I had joined dating sites and I also visited the bars. I know many people are going to say you don’t find a partner in the bars, but I had spoken to people who had done that and who said that it can work. And I didn’t have any luck on the dating sites that I went on.

You get matches, then you meet up, then it seems like it wasn’t a genuine matchup. At least in the bar, it was upfront and honest.

I Suddenly Felt in Demand

The Bangkok bar scene was wonderful. It was the highlight of my life up until that very point, and I hadn’t even been to Pattaya yet. All of a sudden, I was now the one who was in demand, and I can be the one who can pick and choose who I want to see.

That seems to be the dynamic back in America. However, it’s the girl who is always in control. Being in control for once in your life does give you a false sense of superiority, even though it may be unwarranted.

The first girl I met ticked all the boxes. After spending a bit of time with her, I did think she was really into me. I bet I could have had her as my girlfriend, but I didn’t want somebody who was just there for the wrong reasons.

So, I continued looking. More dates arranged on the first dating app, but most of the time these turned into nothing, and I quickly gave up on the hope of meeting someone through the internet.

I started going to clubs, some along RCA Road, but when you’re there, it’s difficult to tell which girls are real and which ones aren’t. I was in one of the clubs one evening chatting to this great girl for hours. I was buying her some drinks and then she said, “Do you want to go with me?”

A monetary amount was discussed and I just said no. That’s not what I was looking for and not what I thought was going on there. That happened more than once, and that’s why I resorted to the bars as a place to find someone. The problem was I loved the bars, and separating the bars and the girls was hard to do.

I Discovered Pattaya and Loved It

I’d been in Bangkok for about 3 weeks. I’d never had as much attention from the girls in my life like I had during those three weeks. And I was starting to feel different in myself more confident and just generally happier in my existence.

I knew about Pattaya. I’d seen so many videos, and I wanted to go there next. So, I left my condo which I’d already rented for six months and got the bus to Pattaya.

I immediately regretted taking out a lease on the condo for six months in Bangkok because Pattaya had so many more bars than Bangkok, and they were more affordable, and the girls were more beautiful. It’s a difficult thing to come to terms with. I had heard many people talk negatively about Pattaya, so their opinions carried a lot of weight with me, but I loved it. And I quickly decided that I needed to stay there and just forget about losing my deposit on the condo in Bangkok.

My first night in Pattaya made the nights I had in Bangkok before that look dull. I must have had a beer in 15 different bars, each bar different from the last. There were themed bars and anything else you could want, and I was hooked.

I spent a week in Pattaya, enjoying it to the max. But I had to return to Bangkok, where I spoke to the landlord that I had to break the lease. I did lose my 20,000 baht deposit, but I didn’t care. And I took my things, put them in a taxi, and said, “Straight to Pattaya, please.” I found a condo very quickly in Pattaya cheaper than the one in Bangkok and probably double the size and it was a fantastic location, so close to all the action.

I Started Searching for the Right Girl

I had another go on the dating sites and met up with some girls, but it was obvious that most of them probably worked in the bars anyway or did something similar, so the bars were where it was at.

I met one girl on day four or five and she was stunning, and she seemed to be the type I was looking for. I spoke to so many girls in Bangkok and in Pattaya who worked in the bars. Lots of them said they were just there making some money to send home to support their family. But some of them said they were hoping to meet someone, and those were the girls I was looking for.

That is what this girl said. She hoped to meet somebody and have a family. She was 28 and hadn’t had children yet, and she wanted a foreign husband.

She did say that she didn’t like to work in the bar, but she thought that would be her best chance of meeting someone who wasn’t Thai. And that sounded like a great explanation to me.

I spent a few days going back to her bar and taking her out to eat and spending time with her, but she seemed to lack any sort of adventurous side. When I talked about going jet skiing or any other kind of water sport, she said no, she didn’t like it. When I talked about going on a hike, she said no, she didn’t like it.

And when I talked about going on a motorbike trip, she said no, she didn’t like that either and wouldn’t want to sit on the back. She wasn’t open to anything that I like to do. And that to me was a dealbreaker. I had a good time with her, and I hope that she does find the man she’s looking for, but I definitely wasn’t going to be that man.

I Struggled With the Lack of Worldly Knowledge

The second girl I met was equally as stunning. But again, I had to spend time with her, and she didn’t seem to have any sort of worldly knowledge. Like you might ask a question: “Oh, did you see on the news what happened in country X?” She wouldn’t say, “No, I didn’t see that. What happened?” She would say, “I’ve never heard of that country before.”

Then you’d get someone else who spoke better English, who could translate the name of that country from English to Thai, but she still hadn’t heard of it. And then when you found out that she can’t pick out where France is, for example, on the map I have never seen someone who lacked such basic knowledge.

It wasn’t just geography and countries. It was about everything. Like, “Oh, what do you think about this recent event that has happened in Thailand?”

She understood what I was saying, but she said she didn’t care. She didn’t have any interest in world affairs or what was going on in her own country or pretty much anything. And that was something that was difficult for me. Although I had a wonderful time with her across the days we spent together, it just wasn’t going to last.

I suppose it’s going to be some wise guy saying they don’t speak English you can’t have conversations with them. And while their English is basic, at some point my Thai was actually better than some of the girls that worked in the bars, and I’d only been studying for a month. And I must mention that I did move schools to one in Pattaya. Luckily, they had a branch there as well.

But I guess it was true. Most of them couldn’t speak English to a level that we could have proper conversations. And when they did speak English a bit better, you couldn’t get into deep debates. That wasn’t something I was looking to do. All I’m trying to say is that when a Thai person spoke to her about some basic knowledge that anybody should know, she had no idea what it was. Her vision of what the outside world was like was so different to what my vision of the outside world was like. And that’s why that relationship was dead from the start. When I found out after spending time with more girls that they were all exactly the same and none of them really had any worldly experience or knowledge of anything that happened outside Thailand or even knowledge of things that happened inside Thailand I quickly gave up on that as being a requirement.

I Met Meow in Pattaya

Two or three dates later, I met Meow and all of a sudden her lack of basic knowledge didn’t matter to me. She was 27 years old. She had no children, and she said she was looking to start a family at some point.

But she said she made money and sent it back to her parents. I did want to know what kind of parent would allow their daughter to do that, but I thought it wasn’t really my place to ask that question.

Meow was even more stunning than all the other girls I’d met. Really petite, a beautiful smile, and she carried herself with a certain amount of confidence like she knew what she wanted. The first time I met her, I just knew that she would be someone I would want to get to know. And I found myself taking her out for a meal that evening and spending more time with her.

And before long, I’d asked her to leave the bar and move in with me. I wasn’t rushing into things, but I wanted to get to know her over the course of my time to see if she really was this perfect girl, so that’s why she moved in. I did have to give her some money an allowance but that’s just how it works in Thailand.

And for some guys who think they are all high and mighty, saying, “My girl is an office worker, I don’t need to give her any money” you might as well marry someone from your own country if you do that. I wanted a traditional relationship, not any of this this kind of relationship. I found that demeaning to men, but that’s another story.

I had more than enough money to be able to give her an allowance. And it was meant to be something that could stop her from working, which meant I could get to know her more and she could get to know me, and maybe it could turn into a real relationship. That’s what I was looking for after all. And that’s the way I was prepared to go about it.

I Overlooked the Warning Signs

When she moved in, I immediately was taken aback by so many of the habits that she seemed to have. They were so out of place and so different from what I was used to. Eating with her mouth open, shuffling her feet when she walked on the ground, holding her knife and fork like she’d never been taught how to hold a knife and fork.

Just basic manners and table manners. Picking her nose that’s another one. To do that in front of me is one thing, but she’d also do it outside. And I could never get my head around that.

But I was prepared to overlook these because everything else was perfect. I wasn’t any kind of snob who thought people had to behave like everyone in the West behaves or at least how nice people behave in the West. This was her country and her culture.

But I did say the longer we stayed together, there were things that you could learn to do better. And me too. I’m happy to improve my Thai and I’m happy to learn about Thai culture, but there are things that you need to do that aren’t really acceptable ways to behave.

We Had Two Perfect Months Together

We developed a good bond over the first two months that she was there. And the main thing was she was adventurous. If I went to the gym, she’d want to go with me.

If I said I’m going to go jet skiing, she’d want to sit on the back. I’d hire a motorbike to go on a tour and she’d sit on the back with me. The first two months of our time together were perfect.

And I could see the relationship progressing even more. She was really sweet. She liked to surprise me.

If she’d go to the shop, she’d always bring something back for me. Okay, I will admit that she was using money that I had given her as part of her allowance, but she still didn’t need to do that. The fact that she was thinking about me when she wasn’t in my presence could only be a good thing. I was really happy with how things were going.

I Learned About Her Ex Boyfriend

But when she told me that her old boyfriend was coming to visit and he hadn’t been back for six months, and that she needed to meet up with him, I started to have reservations. Because the thought of her having another boyfriend before that she was still in touch with was a bit of a slap. But because she knew him, she said nothing would happen, but she wanted to go and see him again just to make sure he was okay. I didn’t believe a word of it, but we weren’t yet that serious, and I could move on at the drop of a hat.

I did refuse to give her the allowance when she went to see him, and she said that was understandable. But don’t worry, because nothing’s going to happen.

The following two weeks were quite strange, knowing that she was going to meet up with another guy soon. But around me, it was like I was the only one. I didn’t feel like she was thinking about somebody else or that she wanted to be with someone else. I just felt like she was doing something she needed to do because it was already arranged before he left.

When the time came that she went to meet up with him, I knew that this was probably the end of our relationship. It was fun while it lasted, but I wasn’t really prepared to have a girlfriend who went to meet other guys. But she left, and she left some of her things in my room. And I thought, well, I’m going to go out tonight.

Just as I was going to get ready to go out about 3 hours later she came back and knocked on the door.

Her Ex Boyfriend Gave Her a Black Eye

I opened it and she had a black eye. She was crying and said that the guy had hit her when she told him that she had found somebody else me. Unfortunately, I’d already had quite a few shots of whiskey to get ready for my night out, so I wasn’t really in a coherent state to talk to her. But I said, “Let’s talk about it in the morning.” And I didn’t go out, and she stayed the night completely unexpectedly.

In the morning, I was feeling better, and she told me the story. When she arrived, she knocked on the door. He embraced her, and then she said she wanted to break it off with him because she had found me.

Then he said, “How can you do that to me?” and everything like that. This is what she told me, so how much of it is true, I don’t know. But when he knew she was serious, he then hit her, which made her run out of the room and come straight back to me.

Being somewhat of a pessimist, my initial thought was, “Hang on, are you trying to come up with some scam here? And is he in on it?” But she wasn’t asking for anything from me no money or anything like that. So I just thought, “How bad?”

So, I guess you’re not going to see him again. When she said she didn’t know, that’s when I thought something was off because she should know. But she said she probably would have to go and see him again when he’d calmed down.

The Mind Games Started

It was two days later when she finally answered his calls in front of me, and I could hear everything that was said. And she agreed to meet up with him, this time at a restaurant later that day. She told me that she would come back as soon as she’d finished eating and that I should wait up for her. That’s exactly what I did.

But she didn’t return that evening, and she didn’t answer the phone when I called her. I don’t know why, but when she didn’t answer the phone, that made me want her even more. And all of a sudden, this relationship that I was enjoying being in that wasn’t serious became serious. And I desperately wanted her to come back.

I called her so many times that evening, but she didn’t answer. And in the morning, she didn’t answer either. And I was telling myself the best thing to do is just forget about her.

But an hour later, she knocked on the door. I opened it, and inside she came. I asked why she didn’t answer the phone, and she told me the truth and said that she was with him, but she didn’t want to be with him but he threatened her.

And I should have run, but I believed her, and I felt bad for her. And I said, “What can we do about it? Should we report this?”

But then she said, “No, no, we can’t do that. But he has given me 30,000 baht.” She then told me that he had moved to Thailand and he was going to live in Thailand. But all of a sudden, because he had interest in my girl, I wanted her more than I did before. And I told her, “You need to make a choice. Me or him.” She said, “Me. But she’s going to have to see him until he calms down.” I told her that that’s insane. You have to choose one or the other. And there again, she said she chooses me but just give her a week to sort everything out. Against my better judgment, I told her, “Okay.”

She Gave Me Another Beating

But that evening finds her going out again to a restaurant. The same thing happened as the night before. She comes back in the morning, and I could tell that he hit her again because she looked even worse than before.

She was wearing sunglasses when she came in and didn’t want me to remove them. And she said she was sorry, but she didn’t know what to do because she’s scared of him.

I couldn’t believe I was in this position. All I wanted to do was tell her to leave and go away, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that because I wanted to be with her. Before I knew about this guy, if she’d have left, I wouldn’t have cared one iota. But now the thought of losing her was something I wasn’t prepared to think about.

I did give her the week to sort everything out, hoping she would see sense and tell that guy once and for all she didn’t want to be with him. But at the end of the week, she was spending more time with him. I’m thinking, has she even told him about me?

Maybe she’s telling him she’s somewhere else altogether. Maybe she’s lying to him about me. But I just brushed off those feelings and thoughts to one side because I felt like I knew her at this point and I felt like we were meant to be together.

During that week, she didn’t spend one night with me. But she did have the audacity to ask me for the allowance that I would usually give her. And I gave her that allowance. As soon as I gave it to her, she was out the door, saying she’s trying to get everything arranged and she’s really sorry it’s taking a long time and she doesn’t want to be in this guy’s bad books. Of course, she didn’t say it like that because it was said in broken English, but that’s what she meant.

I Tried to Forget Her

I decided the best thing for me to do is just to go out and enjoy myself and pretend I’m single because she’s definitely pretending that she’s something she’s not by carrying on with two guys at the same time. So, I had a good time in Pattaya and I completely forgot about her only in the moment but I wanted to get her out of my head.

When I got back to the condo though, she was there. I wasn’t expecting that. And I asked her, “What are you doing here?”

She was crying and in tears, saying how the guy had hit her again. But she said he was a good man because he gave her a lot of money. She looked embarrassed on her face. And you could tell through her eyes that she knew that this wasn’t a good relationship, but she was there for the money.

I just forgot about it and went to bed. And the next morning, she’s making me breakfast, giving me orange juice in bed. And I thought, well, maybe now she has understood that she’s better off staying with me.

At this point, I hadn’t told her how much money I had. I had a few hundred thousand in the bank and owned my house, but I wasn’t giving her much because I want her to be with me for me. The longer she stayed with me, the better her position would be, but it would take a lot of time for her to get to a level where she could get things that she dreamt about.

It had to last a long time so I knew she was real. And to me that only seemed to be the right way.

She Started Manipulating Me

I got up after having breakfast and asked her if she wants to go anywhere today. I wanted to do a bit of a motorcycle tour for a few days, but she said she had to go back and see this guy soon because she wanted to tell him that she didn’t want to see him anymore because she found someone else. I believed her again.

That is exactly what she did. She left, and I went about my day. I think I went to watch a movie.

Then I grabbed a few beers and returned back to the condo. I hadn’t tried to call her all day and she hadn’t called me. But I tried to call her when I got back and she didn’t answer.

And then the times I tried to call her later on, she also didn’t answer. And in the morning, she didn’t answer as well.

She’s really playing wicked games at this point because I wanted to be with her. I was prepared to overlook everything that she had done because I thought she was perfect and preferred me to him because I was nice and he wasn’t. She came back 2 hours later looking even worse than before. And I told her, “You really need to get out of this before something bad happens.” But she pulled out 100,000 baht and said, “Look what he gave to me.”

I could have given her more, but it wasn’t about giving her money. It was about her giving herself to me and me giving myself to her, and then me taking care of her and over time providing her with more and more. But she seemed to want things too quickly and was prepared to do crazy things for it. I said, “If I give you 100,000 baht, would you call it off with him right now?” And she looked at me and said she’s too scared to do that because she doesn’t know what he would do. I told her she really doesn’t need to worry like that. But it was obvious that she was scared of him or at least she was pretending that she was scared of him.

I Hoped Our Relationship Would Work

I just thought, as much as I love this girl, let’s see where this goes. And there are hundreds of thousands of other girls just waiting outside if this doesn’t work out. So, I wanted to see where things would go.

Deep down, I desperately wanted her to stay with me and build a life together with her in Thailand. Maybe have a family. I’d already started thinking about these things before I found out about this guy.

But when I did find out about him, it was all I was thinking about. And I thought to myself, I need to put these thoughts to the back of my mind and enjoy myself and wait for her to make her mind up about what she really wants to do.

We Spent a Week in Phuket

Two days later, with things going on the same way, she arrived back one morning. She said that the guy was not going to be in Pattaya for another 7 days. I thought it was a perfect opportunity to take her somewhere out of Pattaya and have a wonderful week away so she could see the type of things that we could be doing together.

We got a taxi up to Bangkok and then flew down to Phuket. I booked us into a really nice hotel with its own private pool in the room, a great international buffet breakfast, and not too far away from some of the main places in Phuket as a tourist destination. We rented a bike when we arrived and we did a lot of touring about the island and lived a fantastic week in Phuket.

During that week, she had not once been on the phone with the other guy. He had not called her. She’d not called him.

And I could tell that no messages were going because she wasn’t always on her phone. And when she was, she showed me what she was doing. I thought this time we spent in Phuket was enough for her to understand that I would be her best choice.

And she even said that she loved me when we were in Phuket. And that was the first time she said that.

We flew back to Bangkok after a week and actually spent two days there doing some shopping, and I bought her some things. I didn’t spend a lot of money on her maybe four or five thousand baht but I wanted to give her something. We got back to Pattaya into the condo, and I’d already thought that she’d made her mind up at this point. I’d already thought that we were together, and we’ll be able to take things slowly, and hopefully we could maybe even start a family later down the line. This is how far ahead I was thinking because I was in love with this girl.

She Went Back to Him

Now, the day after we got back, she said she was so sorry, but she needs to go and see the guy again. I couldn’t believe it. And I said, “After all we’ve done over the past week, you still want to go and see him? What do I have to do for you to just forget about him completely and stay with me?” And she said, “It’s not that easy because she doesn’t want to make him angry.”

At this point, I knew nothing about this other guy. And I asked her what his name was, where he was from and how old he was I was a bit disgusted to find out he was 64 years old. And she told me he was from Germany, but didn’t give his name.

At this point, it hadn’t dawned on me that I bet he’s obviously giving her a lot of money, otherwise she wouldn’t be doing this. And she doesn’t know that if she stays with me, eventually she will have things. But I’m not prepared to lavishly spend on her when I hardly know her. That can come in three, four, five, or even six years’ time.

But she left, and that was the first time I cried when she left. I’d done nothing but be nice to her, and she just left like I was nothing.

I couldn’t contact her for three days. Three whole days. No response on the phone.

No response to text. And I was starting to get worried knowing everything that she told me about this guy. But she just came back of her own free will, knocking on the door, hugging me at the door, saying she was so sorry. But she was scared of this guy. And I asked her to tell me the truth. “How much money has he given you?” And she looked at me and said, “A lot.” And I said, “You’re only interested in money.” She did say she wasn’t, but told me that he had asked her to marry him. I was very shocked and taken aback when she said that. I thought, “He’s not nice to you.” And she looked at me and said, “Yes, he’s not nice to me at all. But if I marry him, he has so much money it will be good for me and my family.”

She Had to Make a Choice

I looked at her like she wasn’t the best at making competent decisions. “What about the fact that he hits you?” I said.

She said it didn’t matter because he gave her a lot of money and he could do anything he wanted. That really upset me. The idea of hitting anybody, let alone a girl, is something I had never thought about. But the fact that this guy was doing that to the girl that I loved was upsetting.

I asked her, “Are you going to marry him?” And she said she didn’t know. She didn’t want to marry him, but she wants to be with me.

But the amount of money he has means that she might never have an opportunity like that again. What would happen if I didn’t stay with her and she’d have to go back to the bar and then she would be left with nothing and she’d have missed out on the chance?

While I could understand what she said, I didn’t think relationships were meant to be based on money. But that’s all she seemed to be bothered about. Perhaps because she came from somewhere where everybody was poor.

They never had anything. They never had any form of security. So perhaps that was all she cared about. I then said to her, “If you want to get married to him, what are you doing here?” She said she didn’t know, but she wanted to see me. She seemed to know the right thing to say to make me even feel even more strongly about her, and I didn’t want to leave no matter what I had thought out. I told her it was only right for her to make a decision and then stick to it. I didn’t want to get in her way. And she said, “Can I have another week?” I told her that was fine, but I’m not giving you any longer than one week because I’m really destroying myself inside because I love you and I want to stay with you, and all these things you’re telling me make me feel sick. She said she understood and she was so sorry, but she really wanted to make sure she was doing the right thing.

I Became Obsessed With Her

She left after a few hours and was unreachable again for more days. All I’m thinking about is her and wanting to be with her. I’m walking around Pattaya by myself, and there are hundreds of girls everywhere.

Why am I obsessing about this girl that’s with another guy? Is it because I can’t have her? That’s why I want her.

That’s what I’m thinking about at the moment. I was thinking, but I still didn’t understand.

It was another three days before she came back again, and she said she was thinking that she wanted to stay with me. When she said that, I was really happy. Really happy that she’d made the right decision and she was going to be staying with me.

She then showed me a bruise just under her rib. She said he’d done that to her, and I felt sick that somebody would want to do that to somebody else. But she said it didn’t matter. I wanted to look after and take care of her, and I was so happy that she told me she wanted to be with me.

The next three days, I thought we were together. I thought she’d already made her mind up, and we’re doing things together again like we used to do. She told me how happy she was with me and how much she loved me. And I told her I loved her and I was happy that she’d chosen to stay with me. On one of the days, we went jet skiing like we did before on one of our first dates and had such a fantastic time together. And then we went out for a nice meal, and I felt finally after all that upset, things were looking great.

She Gave Me a Final Goodbye

But on the third day, she said she had something to tell me. That guy had been in touch, and she really needed to go and see him. And I was devastated.

I shouted at her and said, “This is really not acceptable. You’re playing with my emotions and you’re playing with my feelings. I’m here and I want to be with you. And this will be the last time that you go to see him. If you come back again and you leave after that, I will not be prepared to accept it anymore because you’re making me feel like an idiot.”

She said she was sorry, she didn’t want to go, but she really needed to. I reluctantly had to let her leave. I couldn’t believe after those three days we spent together, she’d done that.

But later on, it’s my guess that she really did love me, but she thought he was a better option. She just wanted to have three good days with me before saying goodbye.

I tried to contact her, but I couldn’t for three days. At this point, I thought she’d already left. But then she comes back for the final time and says, “I’m not back for good.

I’m just here to say goodbye. I need to stay with him.” She was covered in even more bruises, and I just felt so upset at the time. She said he’s going to be paying a very big dowry to her family, and she really has to stay with him. When I asked how much, she told me 1 million baht. And I suppose that was a lot of money. The sad thing about that is she’s not going to see any of it. It’s all going to go to her parents. I don’t like that about Thailand, but I suppose it still happens in some cases. I did meet guys who said that they didn’t have to pay dowry. Many families agree that it’s an outdated practice. But in the rural backwaters, traditions still play a very important role in people’s lives. There is a huge difference between someone from rural Thailand and someone from Bangkok. Even bigger than someone from Bangkok and someone from the States. That’s how big of a difference I think there is. She said she was so sorry. She really wanted to stay with me, but she has to think about her family. And she even said that he’s 64 years old, so it’d be better for her future and that of her family if she stayed with him. She told me how much she loved me and how I was such a nice person. I always treated her well. I never looked at her like she was just a bar girl. She said I made her feel like she was a real girl someone who wasn’t born with the misfortune of being poor.

Our Relationship Finally Ended

She said, “Thank you.” And she hoped I could find happiness. She then took her things and left. And I said, “Send me a picture when you get married.” And she said she would, but I didn’t hear from her ever again. That was the end of the relationship.

I Tried to Understand the Aftermath

When she left, I was really taken aback. Everything that she told me about him and the physical evidence that appeared on her of what he did to her really made me think that she must have been desperate to have accepted that from the guy. I could have given her more money.

I could have looked after her and taken care of her, and I wanted to. But I wasn’t prepared to do that when I didn’t know her long enough. I wanted to know who she was, and I wanted to spend a lot of time with her before I revealed what I had.

Over the course of those three months, I also learned a lot about Thailand and how some people in Thailand are really in more difficult situations than we in the West care to believe. As much as I loved being in Thailand, I felt different after this experience. I wasn’t ready to leave yet, but I didn’t feel like meeting a girl in a bar would be a good idea anymore.

I was a lot more suitable for her in terms of age. We could have had a family together. We could have built a life together, and I had enough money that we could have done something together and built something great. But she was too concerned about now and having money now, and she was prepared to accept everything that went along with that.

I Decided to Leave Thailand

I spent another month in Thailand. I was going to the bars every night, but I was never interested in anything more than chatting to the girls anymore. You never really know who they are or what they’ve been through or anything.

And to think that by being nice and kind, that’s going to make you stand out from the rest you’re sadly mistaken. You might be the nice guy up against the guy that physically beats her. But if he can and is prepared to give her more money, chances are she’s probably going to choose him even though she doesn’t want to.

And she told me she didn’t want to. Maybe she just said that to make me feel better. I’ll never really know.

But after that month, I decided to leave Thailand. And although I could have girls and be with girls when I was there, it wasn’t real. I wanted a real relationship with a real girl.

I want a traditional relationship where I go to work and my wife looks after the children. I make enough money to support my whole family, so that shouldn’t be a problem.

I Returned to America

I got back to America and I got another job that paid even more than the last one. I still have my house and I’m in great financial shape. But I am still struggling to find someone to spend my life with. I have been on a few dates since I’ve been back to America, but things never seem to progress.

The thing I liked about Thailand was I’m looking for someone and I can go out and find someone. But in America, they’re looking for someone as well, and they can afford to be much pickier. And I’m not very confident.

So it really is a struggle. But I still do hold out hope to one day meet somebody and have a family although I certainly don’t think it’s going to be in Thailand.

That’s how I became the nice guy in a Thailand bar triangle. And I lost to a guy twice my age who was the exact opposite of nice. I think that should tell you all you need to know about dating in Thailand.