My Phuket Bar Girl Nightmare
Although I did not lose a lot of money, mainly because I didn’t have any, I still had a wild ride and I think a story worth telling. I ended up in a relationship with a Thai bar girl that was just filled with nightmare after nightmare, a lot of jealousy, anger and emotional wreckage. It was a proper rollercoaster, but one that only went down. Every day was some new drama, some new thing to be jealous about, borrowing money and ending up in debt. I was constantly stressed, but I was addicted to the chaos. Thailand almost broke me due to the state I was in, it’s all my fault and I don’t want or need sympathy, I just want to tell my story of how everything can eat you up if you are not thinking straight. That whole mess was something I needed to go through I think, after a long streak of bad luck, dumb choices, and just generally messing around to finally get my head sorted.
I suppose it all started when I’d just lost my job in my country, a decent job at that. Instead of job hunting and being a responsible adult, I had other plans, I was fed up at home and wanted to do something different. That’s when I ran off to Cambodia, thinking I’d teach English. I spent two weeks in Phnom Penh and two in Siem Reap and was actually having a pretty good time. I met a guy there, who was teaching English in Phnom Penh without a work permit. He made it sound like the easiest thing in the world. He said all I had to do was walk around the area, show my face at the schools, and ask for work. He reckoned if they liked the look of you, you’d get a job, no problem. But me being the guy I was at the time and never really having freedom before, I was hungover most days, just sitting by the riverside drinking 50 cent beer, trying to drown my sorrows.
Thinking about teaching and being drawn back into the working life, I decided I didn’t have the guts for it and booked a minibus to Siem Reap instead. Looking back, I was just running away. I thought changing cities would fix everything, but I just took all my problems with me in that minibus. Siem Reap was way more my speed though, and it did help me chill out a little bit. Seeing Angkor Wat was exactly what I needed. I’d spent most of my previous holidays in Bali, so it was amazing to see a proper, legit world wonder for a change. I went back home but I had the travel bug bad, still no job, feeling proper depressed and not wanting to work at all. My finances were completely screwed by then, so I dug into the last of my savings, borrowed some money and decided to blow it all in Phuket. It was a proper desperate move. I knew it was stupid, but I thought a big trip would somehow fix all the crap in my head. I was just chasing that feeling of being somewhere else, anywhere else really.
Falling for a Girl in Phuket
I won’t get into all the stuff that was wrong at home, but just so you get the picture it wasn’t good. Bad enough that I’m just gonna leave it out. This story will give you a pretty good idea of the general theme of my life anyway. I thought writing some of it down might be good for me, you know, get it off my chest. So let’s get onto Phuket trip number 1. I fell for the girl before I even fell for Phuket itself. I only had eyes for her, and it didn’t bother me that we didn’t really see much of the island on that first trip.
My world got real small, real fast. All I cared about was seeing her. The beaches and sights could wait; hanging out with her was the main attraction for me. I spent most of the time just walking from the little streets to Bangla Road, with the occasional hour or so on the beach. We met in this tiny, hole-in-the-wall bar. After a bit of talking, a few drinks and a lot of flirting, we were away. We were both a bit of a mess; she was struggling to pay her rent and look after herself. She was at the end of a breakup with her Thai boyfriend, who she’d been engaged to for a little while, and she’d even tattooed over the name of some foreign guy on her arm.
You could tell life had knocked her around a bit, I think at the time I was her escape from her acting like everything was alright in her life and she was pretty much my escape from my own head. She was just getting by on lady drinks and the occasional meet. It was low season, and like the veterans say, the glory days for the bar girls are long gone. Between the drinking, her broken heart, and lack of funds, she was feeling pretty down like me, and she ended up staying with me for just over three weeks. It was a weird sort of comfort, you know, having someone else in the room meant neither of us had to be alone with our own crap. We just kind of floated through those weeks in a bubble, not really thinking about tomorrow.
Realizing She Wanted Something Else
She was a girl from Isaan and hadn’t even gone to high school, but she had enough street smarts to figure out I wasn’t exactly her knight in shining armour. I mean, let’s be real, I was just some bloke with a bit of savings left, not some big shot coming to rescue her. She saw right through that straight away. She knew she was just going through a rough patch and that things would get better, and I was just an easy-going guy she could use for a few weeks to catch a break.
No matter how nice I tried to be to her though, I just got the cold shoulder, and if I showed any concern, she’d just act different, felt like she was purposely trying to not get close. She knew I was a total newbie to Thailand and probably figured I wasn’t much better off than her when I mentioned I was out of work. We spent most of our time in the hotel room, and I got a bit frustrated with her always being on her phone, so I looked her up on Facebook. That was a proper reality check. Seeing her profile was like looking at a completely different person, a person who was very clearly not looking for a guy like me.
Her Facebook profile said she liked guys who did Muay Thai and had tattoos. Here she was, just over five feet tall, pretty and sweet looking, like butter wouldn’t melt, but she knew exactly what she liked and she went for it. I found out later that her Thai boyfriend’s family owned a minimart and they’d offered her a job, but she said she hated the whole acting nice routine all day. She preferred a good drink and meeting new people instead. I suppose when you are good at being a bargirl, then money is going to be much better than working in a minimart anyway.
Money and the I Love You
We were both drinking way too much, and I’m not a tidy drunk. I gave her about 12,000 baht over the three weeks, but I always felt she was distracted, probably thinking about those tattooed Muay Thai fighters with more money than me. One time she’d bought a fruit plate as an offering for the bar and held up a small banana, asking if I wanted it while she and her friends had a giggle, almost definitely at my expense. The whole bar cracked up, and I just had to stand there and take it with a stupid smile on my face. What was I gonna do, cause a scene? I just felt my face get hot and wanted to disappear.
They knew I was broke and had to be a cheap Charlie, but making fun of me for it just added insult to injury really, but whatever, bar girls will be bar girls. In my last week, I gave her another 5,000 baht. That’s when she told me she loved me, and that’s when things started going downhill for me. Hearing that just messed everything up in my head. Before that, I knew the score and we were just having a bit of fun. But her saying that made me start believing it could be real, and that was a massive mistake.
I was happy with how things were. I knew I wasn’t her main target, I wasn’t a big prize she was trying to win, put it that way, and that was fine by me. What bothered me was that I was completely head over heels, totally smitten, but her not being that serious about me kind of balanced it out, you know? That all changed with the “I love you.” At first, I told her please don’t say that, but in those last few days, she was way more affectionate and seemed genuine, or at least that’s what I thought. We stayed in touch when I left, and I found myself constantly on Facebook, feeling sick to my stomach when men twice her age commented “beautiful” or “see you soon” on her photos.
She liked a photo that popped up on my feed of a group of people, and in it, she was getting cozy with a fit, tattooed French guy in a bar. It was right there in my face, proof that nothing had changed and I was just another guy on her list, I mean I already knew that but it still hurt. I asked her about it because I’d told her I’d only send her money if she stopped working (which, in hindsight, got a big laugh from the universe).
Of course she had some excuse for it, he was just a friend, some story that didn’t really add up. I knew she was lying, and she knew that I knew. The whole thing just felt pathetic. It’s not easy to admit, but I even messaged the guy in the photo and asked him if he’d been with her, Facebook can be an evil tool for digging up dirt. Yeah, it was the beginning of the end for something that never really began in the first place. It was definitely the start of me taking a long, hard look at myself, anyway.
Phuket Trip Number Two Begins
Like a fool, I borrowed more money and went into debt, promising family and friends that I would pay them back as soon as possible. I went back two months later. Her cousin owned a guesthouse, and she got us a room with everything for 10,000 baht for the month, plus a cheap bike and a great location.
We went to the bars most days just after midday. Everything was peachy, but this wasn’t her normal routine, and we soon fell out of sync. I was trying to live a normal holiday life, but her life ran on a completely different clock. She was a night creature, and I was still stuck in the day.
I was going to the gym for the first time in years, swimming, drinking in the afternoon, and found myself going to bed early. I’d wake up to find her wide awake on her phone, often looking pretty pleased with herself. She wasn’t happy after we’d done all the touristy sightseeing stuff. She was up all night and slept all day. I started getting frustrated and told her that if she was unhappy, she should just go. She looked really shocked that I’d said that; she obviously thought I was completely clueless about how she felt and what she was up to. She brushed off what I said, but she was not impressed, to say the least.
Jealousy Drives Her Away
She went downstairs to see her cousin, and I’m sure she was complaining about my bad manners. I went down to find her and got a frosty reception from her, while her cousin and his two friends were all friendly. She ended up staying, but things didn’t get better, and the tables totally turned. Now, I was the one who seemed unhappy, and *she* was the one acting concerned. She had this way of making me feel like I was the one causing all the problems. I’d be upset about her being on her phone all night, and she’d act like I was being crazy and controlling for even asking.
Looking back, she was right to flip it on me. I should have just gone along with the arrangement. Even with the “I love you”s and “you my boyfriend now,” it was still a transaction with money involved. With all this bad feeling in the air, I stopped going to the gym and started bar hopping by myself. At one bar off the soi where I’d stayed last trip, one of the bargirls started flirting with me and we ended up kissing. The Thai lady who ran the till, a friend of my “girlfriend” said something to the dancing girl, and she hopped right back behind the bar.
I made my way back to my room. How I managed to ride a scooter I have no idea, but I go slow if that makes anyone feel better. The next day, my girlfriend had obviously gotten a full report and told me straight up that I’m like a dog when I have had a drink. I told her again that I knew she was unhappy staying with me and that she could go back to her own room if she wanted.
She brushed it off again but told me she wanted to “work!” She did some laundry, so I thought that’s what she meant, but I’m sure she was also talking about her main job. Her phone was going off constantly, I got more jealous than I should have; she was with me, after all, and wasn’t going out. I told her she could go meet these guys from her phone if that’s what she really wanted. This time, she actually went. I thought she’d argue or maybe even stay to prove a point. But she just grabbed her bag and walked out without a second look.
Looking back, that was the moment I realized I had a problem I had no clue how to fix. I was crushed when she left, but the messed up part was I knew she wasn’t happy. There’s always new guys arriving in Patong, 2 week millionaires waiting to blow all their money, and here she was with me. I went to her usual bar that night and told her friend that she’d left the guesthouse. Her friend said she’d talk to her, and we all met up later at a club. I was a bit worse for wear and wanted to leave, so the three of us were walking to the bike when she decided I was too drunk and she wanted to stay. I asked her to come with me, but she said no and that she was scared.
Hearing her say she was scared of me made me feel bad because that’s not the type of person I am, but I was too drunk and angry to care. I just felt myself getting more and more wound up. I said, “Ok, whatever,” and went back to the room. But I was eaten up with jealousy, trying not to think about what she was doing, so I got on the bike and headed back to the club.
The Scooter Crash and Temporary Reconciliation
The club was closed, so I went to her room and called out from downstairs because there’s a security door with a code. No reply. Feeling a little crazy, but more sad than anything, I decided it’s best to just go home but if my luck couldn’t get any worse I came off the bike at speed, hitting a brick wall.
I was dazed but picked the bike up; luckily, it bounced instead of crunching, so it was okay. I went back to the room, showered and changed, and looked at my wounds. I still have the scars now. I messaged her with no reply. Not really sure what I was thinking in my state, but I made the decision to go to her room again and called out, and her two roommates popped their heads over the balcony. She was there and she came down, parked the bike for me, and took me upstairs. The three girls cleaned my cuts with some kind of alcohol and fussed over me for a bit.
After I had another drink, I curled up with my girlfriend on her sleeping mat, which was actually really comfortable. It was what she’d been sleeping on since she left her Thai boyfriend’s place. The other two girls were on the bed. I found out later the breakup happened because she’d brought a guy back to the room when her Thai boyfriend was away. I felt for him, I really did. We were okay for the rest of my time there, and she came back to the guesthouse, but I was still fully aware I wasn’t her number one. Wrecking the bike didn’t make things any better.
I mentioned I wanted to stay another month, and her response was, “Oh, please don’t.” She told me she was joking but I got the message. She didn’t even have to say it straight, the message came through loud and clear. She clearly did not want to be around me much longer and wanted to find someone else.
Leaving Phuket Broke and Heartbroken
All the travelling, drinking, and emotional chaos of the last year finally caught up with me, and I cried like a little girl on the phone to my mum. I’d moved back home after leaving my job, which she knew about, and I’m sure that’s a huge turn off for any woman. The relationship was a wreck, and so was my life. On my last night, we drank at her regular bar, and I bought a round for the owner and the girls, a bill of 5,000 baht. My girlfriend wasn’t happy about it; she wanted a new phone instead. We both drank too much, and the next day, we had an awkward lunch and a beer at the regular bar, while both being extremely hungover.
It was an awkward goodbye. My feelings for her were still 100% there, but so was the knowledge that it wasn’t a relationship I could afford to keep up. I couldn’t help her, and I couldn’t help myself, which made me feel really miserable. Getting on that plane felt like the biggest failure. I was leaving the one thing that made me feel alive, even if it was also destroying me. The whole flight home I just stared at the seat in front of me, completely empty. I got back home, and the thought of spending New Year’s and Christmas there, instead of in Phuket, really got me down. The guesthouse would have been empty, and her cousin would have been happy to have me pay for another month. I messaged my girl, and she told me high season was too expensive, that I always have problems in Phuket, and that I should just stay home.
Sitting in my mum’s house while she said that was a special kind of hell. She was basically telling me I was more trouble than I was worth. Every part of me just wanted to be back there, even if there were problems. I told her I wanted to get away for New Year’s and that if she didn’t want to see me, I’d go to Pattaya or Bali. She took about a week to make up her mind and then said, “Ok, come to Phuket.” But I’d already bought a ticket to Bali and told her I couldn’t cancel it. I sent her some money and said I’d see her next year. She wasn’t happy when she realized I could find another girl in Bali and started calling me every morning at 5 AM after she got home drunk, saying, “You stay with lady!”
I’m ashamed to say I didn’t answer most of those calls, and I did meet a girl in Bali. She didn’t drink and was very family oriented. It was all very straightforward, and she wasn’t looking for any kind of relationship. The girl in Bali was nice, but there was no fire, no chaos. It was peaceful, and for some strange reason it just made me miss the mess back in Phuket even more. I really did enjoy the Thai girl’s company, even if it doesn’t sound like it from what I’ve written. I was seriously in love and appreciated her wild personality and the fact that she gave me so much of her time. She was very attractive, and I was kidding myself to think I could have her all to myself.
I asked her about a new friend she’d added on Facebook, a French guy with a profile pic of him outside a Muay Thai gym. She told me he was just a friend. I realized it was only a matter of time before she found herself a serious, cashed up foreigner in Phuket. I got drunk one night and sent her a photo of the girl I met in Bali. It was a nasty thing to do, and I still don’t know why I did it. The phone calls and messages pretty much stopped after that. She went home for New Year’s to see her family and at first said she didn’t know when she’d be back. I told her I’d bought a ticket to Phuket for the 7th, that I missed her, and wasn’t interested in the Bali girl. She told me not to bother and that she wouldn’t be there. So, I bought a ticket to fly home instead. Then she messaged me saying she’d be back in Patong on the 7th, the same day I was supposed to arrive but my flight home wasn’t refundable.
That was her game. She loved keeping me off balance. Just when I’d given up, she’d dangle the carrot again. And like an idiot, I was always ready to chase it, even when it cost me money I didn’t have. She’d spent all her money on New Year’s celebrations and asked me for some, which I didn’t have. She messaged me one night and sent a photo of herself at the bar. I asked what she was doing, and she said, “working.” I chatted with her until she said, “I go make money now.” I guess I deserved that.
Phuket Trip Number Three Starts Badly
No money, no clear future, completely down, too much drinking, and an angry Thai girl; it was a recipe for disaster, and it all blew up on my next trip to Phuket. Borrowing money yet again and using all of my savings, I bought a ticket for the 20th. She’d said she didn’t want to see me and that her cousin had sold the guesthouse. I believed her because it had been for sale, but I had a drink with the cousin when I got to Phuket, and he told me he hadn’t sold it and wasn’t happy that she’d said that. I asked her if we could just meet for a drink, and she agreed. I got a hotel, messaged her when I arrived, and asked if she could help me find a cheap bike to rent, but she didn’t reply. I went to our old bar, and she turned up about an hour later; no doubt someone had told her I was there.
She refused to speak to me and just ignored me. I tried to pay for her drink, but she snatched the bill away from me. I left in a huff but came back about 20 minutes later. There was a good-looking Thai girl at the front of the bar who was really keen and grabbed my arm. She was attractive, and I should have sat with her instead of desperately chasing after someone who wasn’t interested. But I kept walking and sat down. I was just completely hooked on her. Even with a perfectly good option right there, I couldn’t let it go. My brain was just broken.
My ex was getting ready to leave with a friend, and I asked if she was going to talk to me or not. I asked her to come back to the hotel, and she said, “What for?” I told her I missed her, and she said, “You go back to the hotel and sleep.” I felt totally unwelcome, so waved goodbye, and got another drink. I was feeling lonely and tried again, messaging her, “come for a drink.” She replied “no” and asked me to delete her. I told her friend who worked at the bar, and she said she’d talk to her. I got a “good night” message later when I was back at the hotel, and being very drunk, I replied with, “I deleted you already.”
Watching Her Choose the Swedish Guy
I woke up full of regret and went to the bar early the next night. A big, tattooed Swedish guy turned up and said to one of the girls he was looking for his friend. My ex showed up, hugged the Swedish guy who looked like he had been working out every hour of every day for the last 20 years and of course, she didn’t speak to me. Seeing her wrap herself around that guy, it was so obvious I was nothing to her, just some sad bloke from her past. I should have walked out right then.
I was numb, just sitting on the bar stool like a stone. I watched as they moved to the front of the bar three Thai girls and this tattooed Swede. They drank, got merry, and laughed. Why I was still there I have no idea. Every laugh from their table felt like a personal dig. I just kept ordering drinks, trying to drown out the noise in my head, but it wasn’t working. I was just getting more sober and more miserable. She sat next to him, tried on his hat and sunglasses like she was trying to hide, and hugged and kissed him. He kissed all the girls at the table, so I didn’t know what to think. And yes, I was still there, drinking by myself.
I asked her friend working at the bar if they were together, and she said “no.” I went over to the table and asked one of her other friends if I could sit with them. She said, “no, better you sit over there.” Thais usually care about good manners, so this was a big deal. I should have left right then. I went back to my seat, feeling even more numb. I couldn’t think straight or process what was happening, or how fast it was all going down. After a few more drinks, I just had to leave, I walked down Bangla Road feeling empty, ashamed, and a mess. I felt completely ruined inside. I just wanted to disappear into the crowd and forget the whole night.
Rock Bottom in Patong
I stopped at some random bar and sat down with three girls who looked surprised to see me. I must have stormed in looking a right state. I got a whiskey, and that’s the last thing I clearly remember. I don’t remember going back to the hotel, or how I got there. Still out of it, I went back out to the club she likes, but it was closed. I was a sad, lost, emotional crazy person or a maniac, depending on your point of view. I woke up with my ex sitting on the end of the bed. I looked around, not knowing where I was at first. My eyes focused on her face, and she had this look of pity and anger. It turns out I had turned up at her room banging on the door asking to be with her; I don’t remember any of that.
I asked, “Where did you go?” and she said, “I work.” I asked if it was with the Swedish guy from the bar, and she said no, that he had a girlfriend. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, she was holding the door open for me. I left without a word and went downstairs. Walking away from her room that time was different. There was no big scene, just this heavy feeling that it was finally over. I had nothing left to say.
I went back to my hotel, got changed, and the mental fog started to lift a little. After I sent a few angry texts, she blocked me on all the chat apps we used. I was officially cut off. No more arguments, no more chances. Just silence. I had 12 days left in Patong. I spent them crying, drinking, and spending money until I ran out.
I saw her friend at the bar again, and she said my ex had left town. She posted photos on Facebook that looked like she was in south Phuket or maybe Phi Phi, I’ll never know. Those last days were rock bottom. I was just a ghost in Patong, completely hollowed out. The party was long over for me, I was just waiting for my flight out. I was lucky my family sent me some money, and I met a Thai girl who stayed with me for nothing. She did my laundry and brought me painkillers, coffee, fried chicken, sticky rice, and iced tea when I was too much of a deranged, shame-filled mess to leave the hotel. That girl was an angel, man. She saw I was broken and just helped without asking for anything back. It was a small bit of kindness when I really needed it.
She Moves On and I Finally Recover
The one place she didn’t block me was on Facebook, but I still couldn’t message her. Her profile picture is now one with the French Muay Thai guy from her Facebook. Seeing that photo, there was nothing else to be said or done. It was just there to show me she had moved on to exactly the kind of guy she always wanted.
I am glad she finally found happiness, something that I could not give her. And you know what, that’s okay. I had to lose everything over there to finally get my head straight. It was the worst time of my life, but I needed it.
