A Good Thai Lady and The Dowry

The Internet, A Good Thai Lady And The Dowry

So let me start by saying that the ladies are not the only thing that fascinate me about Asia, although they do play a big part.

Ive always been interested in the culture, the religion and different way of life in all of these Asian countries.

Completely different from the west, and I would say it’s even better than the way the west live.

Now onto the ladies, yes they are absolutely beautiful but they are also loyal, hard working and treat their men with respect, for the most part.

Why I Looked to Southeast Asia for a Relationship

I found women back home and in neighbouring western countries to be lacking the things that a South East Asian has.

Many women in my country feel like they are equal to a man so they behave like one.

Now not for 1 minute do I think women are less equal than men, a woman is quite capable of doing most of what a man can do.

They are just as smart and talented as men, and in most cases  they are more so.

A woman is equal to a man, just different, hopefully you understand my point? Sometimes the feminine side of a woman is lost in the west.

Finding a Thai Woman Through Dating Apps

Hopefully you understand what I am trying to say.

Anyway, I know that there are a lot of Asian women that can be found in the west, but those that have been there a long time or born there have took on the western attitudes.

I wanted to meet a nice Asian lady, but I feel like I couldn’t do that in the west, so I went on dating sites and apps.

There are so many beautiful asians on these apps, it’s a goldmine.

This was the first time I used a dating app, it has never been my thing, but I was running out of options on how to meet a nice asian woman.

Watching Anong’s Dating Profile

I did not plan on travelling at that point, so I did not write or chat to any of the girls, I was just browsing and looking at different women.

Over the course of about 5 months, I kept coming back to one of the ladies profile to read her status.

Sometimes she was happy, sometimes sad, sometimes angry, always a mix of emotions.

She would say what state that she is annoyed of men always letting her down after chatting to them.

Saying all men are lying and never plan to visit her even though they said they would.

Planning My First Trip to Thailand

She was a Thai woman btw.

And has it happened, I had some business come up in South East Asia and thought I would take a week off work and head to Thailand.

The plan was to go to Bangkok for 2 days and then elsewhere to do some diving.

While in Bangkok I thought I would try hit up the lady I kept coming across on the dating app and see if she’d like to go out for dinner.

So a few weeks before my trip, I decided to chance it and sent her a message explaining I’ll be in Bangkok and if she would like to meet up.

Meeting Anong Online Before Bangkok

Let’s call her Anong.

Anong wrote back a couple of days later, thankfully, saying that she would happily meet up with me once I am there.

From that day, we started to talk pretty much every day, I told her that I would be in Bangkok for just a couple of days then doing some diving in Phuket.

She explained that she did not like Phuket much, but said she wanted to join me on a trip there, she did suggest another town to the original place I was going to stay though.

I did not want to seem a creep or a bit too eager, so I booked a two bedroom suite for the first 2 nights we was there.

Planning More Than a One-Week Trip

Later we would travel North of Phuket, we could only get a single room but she said 2 beds was ok, which I understood.

While we were chatting I did bring up the obvious age difference, I asked if she was ok with me approaching 50 while she had just turned 30.

Even I wasn’t sure about it at first, but she said she was fine with it and much preferred older mature men.

Chatting every day, learning more about each other and planning our trip together, I decided I wanted to spend more time with her than just 1 week.

So with that in mind, I changed my business plans so I could stay there a little longer.

Learning About Anong’s Work and Family

Although we learnt a lot about each others family, she did not share much about her and her life, only small parts.

I asked her what she did for a living, she seemed a bit reluctant to tell me and kept changing the subject.

This lead me to believe she was a freelancer or bar girl, but she finally told me that she works in internet advertising, though I did not know what for.

Finally, I arrived in Bangkok and headed to the hotel that she got me a discount on.

She said she knew the manager at the hotel so could get me a cheaper price, I don’t know if she got commission for that or not, but hey, I paid less than I would have.

Our First Meeting in Bangkok

We met up the day after I arrived, she was 3 hours late. Not a great start.

But when we did meet, I saw that her dating profile pictures did no justice.

You have heard it all before but this girl was the most beautiful person I had ever met, she had such a natural beauty to her with very little makeup.

She’s half Thai, half Chinese, a perfect match looks wise, she was my ideal type.

That night we went for dinner and it was a wonderful night

A Careful First Night Together

I had my fingers crossed for some bedroom entertainment at the end of the night, but she said she would stay at her place, its only the first time meeting after all

We got a taxi, and headed to her place with her giving the driver directions.

For some reason, we pulled up a little away from her place, and said that she had to walk the rest of the way which was pretty strange.

We gave each other a little kiss when I helped her out the taxi, and I was on my way back to my hotel.

The following night, we went for dinner again and her sister drove us to a somewhat fancy restaurant.

Meeting Anong’s Family Before Phuket

The day after, I had to leave for business, it was only for 3 days.

While I was gone I did ask Anong if she liked me and wanted to continue seeing me, to which she said yes, all is good so far.

After 3 days I returned to Bangkok where I met and had dinner with her sister and mother.

I did think it was a little early to be meeting the family but maybe that’s just how the do it in Thailand.

It was time for me and Anong to leave Bangkok and fly to Phuket.

Travelling to Phuket and Koh Lak

We got there early evening, jumped into a taxi and after getting lost a few times finally made it to the hotel.

The hotel was great, another one of Anongs choices, and so was our night together.

We had a good three days together before we moved on and took a trip to Koh Lak.

During this whole time, we stayed in separate beds.

I must admit, I was getting a bit frustrated and wanted to indulge in a bit of bedroom fun, but I took it slow and played it cool.

Diving and Getting Closer in Koh Lak

Koh Lek is fun, we did some diving and snorkling, took a lot of pictures and had some great times together.

We stayed there for 5 days, and on the last day, she did sleep in my bed and we fooled around a bit but did not get to go all the way, unfortunately.

Now, the next part is something I probably should not have done, but I was enjoying our time together and I wanted to show my appreciation.

We stopped off around Patong beach, I wanted to buy her a little something to show my gratitude.

I was looking for something small, not took expensive, like a ring or something.

The Engagement Ring That Cost 100,000 Baht

I was thinking to spend around 20 30k.

After the lady happily showed us a collection of rings, Anong found one she really liked, a 100k engagement ring.

I told Anong that its too early for engagement rings, and its something that needs serious thought and something we should certainly talk about.

Wasting absolutely no time at all, Anong took me next door for a coffee and to talk about it.

I told her that it was a very big step and she hardly knows anything about me, we have not even done the deed yet.

Anong Says She Is in Love

She replied that she has been single so long and knew straight away she wanted to be with me, she said she knows that she’s in love with me.

Being a little smitten myself and a little stupid, I agreed to the ring and we went back to the seller.

I managed to haggle and talk her down fro 100k to 85k.

Anong was very happy with her new ring, and to celebrate, we went to another nice restaurant before flying back to Bangkok.

If it’s not clear to the listeners yet, I paid for everything up until now. Food, hotel, activities, outings etc.

Returning Home and Learning About Her Work

I had to fly back home early the next morning, so we decided to stay alone the last night, I told her that I would be back in about 5 weeks.

When I got back home, everything still went great, we spoke every day and was getting along fine discussing the next trip.

She finally opened up about her work, because up until then, I only knew she was doing online work but I did not know exactly what type.

It turns out that she is an advertising manager with her sister for a company that helps tourists find freelancers and normal dates.

It was kind of like Tinder but you could also be looking for fun rather than dates.

How the Dating Agency Made Money

Basically It was just another layer to help Thai girls make even more money from tourists and western men.

It wasn’t anywhere near as big as the main dating apps, and it was somewhat underground as I don’t think it’s actually legal there so not many people knew about it.

Once she opened up about what she did, It did not bother me as she thought it would.

She wasn’t doing anything wrong and working a legit job, so I was fine with that.

She started asking me if I would help her with her work, editing her web pages, correcting her English and basically giving me input on what I think would work and what wouldn’t.

The Dowry Conversation Begins

I learnt that her parents and brothers own a large store a few hours away from Bangkok where they life.

Eventually the topic came up about our future and marriage. Anong brought this up, not me.

She told me about a dowry system and Thai traditions for marriage.

So, I started doing some internet research about the dowry in Thailand, and although it’s not 100% required, it can be part of the culture.

Although I do not agree with it completely, I do somewhat understand the reason behind it.

How Much Is a Thai Dowry Worth?

The cost of a dowry I found varied a lot and seemed to be based on the status of the person.

I read that it can be as little as 20k baht, all the way into the millions.

I told Anong that ive read about the dowry and im happy to pay and prove myself.

I was thinking I would have to pay about 50k, 100k max.

Then Anong hit me with “My parents want a dowery of 3 million”.

A Three-Million-Baht Dowry Demand

I know I was a sucker buying the 100k ring when we first met, but a 3 million dowry is just laughable.

I did not have that type of money, and even if I did, I would never have paid that much all in one go.

I was also trying to start my own side business, so money that I was saving either went on my business or saving for my future trips to Thailand for Anong.

Stupidly, I was falling for Anong and I did not want to lose her over her parents outrageous requests.

I had told her about my finances and my business, and we both knew that I would have it in the future, so we made plans to pay the dowry in about a years time.

Planning a Trip to Meet Anong’s Family

The next trip, Anong wanted me to meet her family properly and take them on a little vacation so they could get to know me.

We chose to take them to Chang Mai for a few days then they would go back to Bangkok and me and Anong would have a couple of days there to ourselves.

I booked 4 tickets to Chang Mai and then only Chang rai for me, Anong and her mother and father.

2 weeks before I was meant to go back to Thailand, Anong asked if her brothers and sister can come to Chaing mai as well.

I couldn’t exactly say no now, and did not want to disappoint Anong, so once again, I agreed.

Paying for the Family Holiday

In total I ended up buying plane tickets for 7 of us to Chaing Mai and then only Chang Rai.

It was over Christmas time, and although they are Buddhist, I still wanted to get them a little something each so I also purchased some Christmas presents.

I think I wanted her parents to accept me so much that I wasn’t even thinking straight when spending all this money.

Hopefully now the plans won’t change and I don’t lose money or have to spend more.

Me and Anong also discussed about me moving to Thailand as my work is online and 99% of my projects are in South East Asia.

Planning to Move to Thailand

We decided that I will move to Thailand to be close to Anong and take trips to other Asian countries for work when I needed to.

It was time to go back to Thailand, I arrived in Bangkok late in the evening and Anong had work early the next day so we only spent time from her picking me up at the airport and taking me to the hotel, then she went home.

Our trip to change mai was pretty nice, but taking her parents was a waste of time as they spoke zero English.

Anong wasn’t pleased with translating everything for us and quickly gave up, so I did not really have the opportunity to get to know them properly.

It turns out, the plan was for her mother to stay with us for the whole trip when her family returned. so much for some alone time.

Living in Bangkok Near Anong

It was ok though, I only had to put up with her 2 extra days after the others left, and then me, Anong and her mum went back to Bangkok.

When back in Bangkok, me and Anong did some apartment hunting and she found me a place near the airport that was not too far from her place

Was a basic place, but it would do me for now, 7k a month rent.

I did bring up about seeing Anongs place but she said that she did not want her neighbours knowing about me because they will just gossip.

I did not fully understand the need to keep me secret, but I guess this is Thailand, people are different here.

The Relationship Begins to Change

After a few weeks of me staying in Thailand and seeing Anong almost every evening, things started to stall and go dull.

She did not have that spark anymore and it seemed like it was more of a chore than a choice to see me.

She always looked tired and fed up, I thought it could have been to her working long hours, so I asked what the problem was.

She replied that her family was gossiping about us, saying that they are not sure about me and that im not committed to being in a relationship with her.

I assured her that I was committed to being in a relationship with her and that I would marry her tomorrow if I could afford it, but due to business and my finances it was impossible to pay the dowry just yet.

A 300,000-Baht Dowry Down Payment

She told me if I want to make her believe that I am committed to a relationship, then I should pay a down payment on the dowry of 300k.

That amount seemed reasonable and if it would persuade Anong that I was serious then I would pay it, so stupidly, I agreed.

That changed her mood, and after I told her that we got a taxi to my place, she stayed late but not over night.

It took me a few days but I finally was able to get the cash to put a down payment on the dowery, and after that things went from bad to worse.

I thought that this was saving our relationship and showing her parents that I am serious, unfortunately it had the opposite effect.

Anong Becomes Distant

Anong became very distant and used the excuse of having too much work, we would only see each other a couple of nights a week, late in the evening for dinner.

Practically all I did in my spare time was help her with the work she would give me, I was trying to help as much as I could so she wasn’t over worked.

One night, I had enough of being sat in the apartment on my own, and Anong had told me she was too busy to meet so I went out alone.

Just a side note, I had never indulged in any of the Thai night life activities, no judgment it just wasn’t my thing. All I wanted to do was be with Anong, and that clearly wasn’t working.

I found a bar I think the Soi was 13 off Sukhumvit road, had quite a lot of expats and tourists in it.

Expat Warnings About a Possible Scam

In fact the only thais I saw in there was with their farang partners.

Anyway, I got chatting to a couple of expats in there and learnt more about living in Thailand.

I explained my situation and they was fast to say that I was being scammed.

I did not believe it, I honestly thought that Anong was being serious and she wasn’t up to no good.

Later the big C happened and the world was being put into lockdown slowly.

The Pandemic Disrupts My Business

This caused me to put a lot of my South East Asia business on hold for the time being.

I told Anong that because of this and the financial set back it would have, I will need to go back home to pursue other business projects.

I said that before i go back home to the west, we need to spend more time together, because I don’t know when I will be back.

She reluctantly said ok.

I decided that we should take a vacation while we can, so we went to an island for 5 days.

A Nightmare Island Holiday

I wish we didn’t go, it was a nightmare, she was a totally different person. Complaining all the time, I don’t think she even kissed me the whole trip.

When we returned to Bangkok, Anong agreed to spend the final night at my place, the next day I left to go back home.

Once I got back home, the daily conversations carried on, but it was mostly us talking about her work and money.

I was sending her 7,000 baht a week, while helping her out with her work every day. It felt like I was working for the agency, not her.

One night while we was discussing her work and the agency, she told me about a customer that they are having a hard time finding someone for.

The American Doctor Conversation

She told me he was an American doctor, even though I think he was lying about his occupation, I said to Anong that its strange he can’t find anyone, American doctors make a lot of money.

That was the last time I talked with her for the next week.

I tried to call and text many times, did not get a reply at all.

Being left in the dark was horrible, I did not know what to do nor did I know where she was or what she was doing.

I finally got a reply after about 8 days of constantly texting and calling her. It was a very basic but straight to the point message

Anong Ends the Relationship

“I have never really wanted to be with you” is what it said.

I would say I was shocked, but I saw it coming. Though, she could have been a bit nicer about breaking it off.

I did not do anything wrong to her and pretty much did everything she asked, and this is how she treated me in the end.

I replied to her breakup text saying “That’s your choice, but return the engagement ring and the dowry money and we will go our separate ways.

She replied about a law or something saying that because we did not have a Thai ceremony she did not have to return the ring, and the dowry is kept by her parents.

Threats After I Ask for the Dowry Back

I told her that I will go to a lawyer about the dowery because it wasn’t a small amount of money.

She flew into a rage with a barrage of horrible threatening messages.

She said that if I went to a lawyer then she would go to the police and tell them I did things to her against her will.

Obviously, in my country that would be classed as extortion, but in Thailand who are they going to listen to? A local Thai girl or a western foreigner who’s twice her size and 10 years older?

I did not really have a leg to stand on at that stage.

Letting the Dowry Money Go

Although it was hard, I did have to let the dowry go and consider it a lost, it would probably have cost me a lot to try and get it back with lawyer fees and what not, and even then its not guaranteed that I will win.

I also did not fancy her going to the police and getting me locked up in a Thailand prison on false allegations.

After we broke, I started to dig a little deeper on her life and business, I probably should have done this before I even met her.

I used what little information she told me and started doing some searching.

I found her profile on a dating app that she created just days after i put a down payment on the dowry.

Finding Anong’s Dating Profile

Ironically her profile status read “Looking for real love not fake men”

I even found her sisters profile on the same dating app, and she is already engaged to a man from Australia who’s none the wiser to what she’s doing.

It seems they both have a scheme going.

Meet guys online, bring them to Thailand, make them fall in love with you, get engaged, pay dowry and then run off with the money.

Clever scheme for stupid lonely guys like myself.

Discovering the Pattern

I know of two other men she has done this to, both from Europe, but I suspect there is a lot more victims out there.

I remember on several occasions while talking to Anong, she told me that her goal was to buy property and live a quiet life, it looks like she has found a way to fund that goal.

As many lonely men like me, we are easy to take advantage of, so I can’t really blame her, I was an easy target and fell in love with the dream rather than reality.

All the information, the warning signs and the red flags was right in front of me, I just didn’t look, and when I did, I ignored them.

It’s a shame because I really loved Thailand and what it had to offer, but this experience has put me off a bit, I probably won’t return anytime in the near future.

What I Learned From the Thailand Relationship

Though I do plan to have some long stays in different Asian countries.

Not all Thai ladies, are like this, in fact, some of the nicest women ive met on my travels have been Thai, but a few of them are.

So if you are contemplating being involved with a nice Thai lady, or any lady for that matter, do your homework, ask questions and look for the red flags.

I was too trusting, I never even considered that I was being taken for a ride.

In the end, maybe I should have just gone with a bar girl.