Thailand Expat Failed Cafe Investment

It was just a random thing that we decided we wanted to do, a bit of fun before we were due to go and meet some friends that we’d been to see a few times before. We were going to be a bit early, so we thought, “Let’s kill an hour. “ I’d always wanted to see what I had for an IQ and it appeared that she was interested in the same thing. We were able to find something online and it wasn’t going to be any disadvantage to the fact that her English wasn’t as good as mine. It was just a normal IQ test that we’d both been able to do. I got my score back and it came in at roughly 115.

When hers came in at roughly 81, I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t understand that what I was seeing was an accurate reflection of who she was as a person and the thing that she was able to do and how she was able to be herself. It didn’t mean anything to me like that. I thought it was just a bit of a backwards idea as to what intelligence meant. Her intelligence was a lot greater than I thought this IQ test was saying and we both had a bit of a laugh and decided we’d do another one again soon because we had some fun with it. One thing that I did get along with her very well with, we liked to play games together, which I’d never done with anybody else, board games and things that were outdated and old-fashioned and things that people generally didn’t do anymore like we would do.

I really liked that about her and I didn’t take the fact that I always won those games, at least the ones when it came to skill, every single time, as being the fact that I was more skillful and clever. It was just what it was and she was unlucky. But we vowed, “Yes, let’s do another IQ test soon and have more fun. “ We went out and got on with our day, met up with friends for lunch and didn’t really think about it for another few weeks. When my girlfriend said to me that she wanted to go and have another go because she believed she was a lot more intelligent than that. I believed that, too, to be honest.

It must have been an error with the last one. So, we pulled up another test. This one we actually had to pay for, and it was a proper paid-for test, and I scored roughly the same. This time, she scored 84. And it was everything that should have told me perhaps her intelligence level wasn’t as great as mine, which wasn’t a problem. Some people aren’t as clever as other people.

But how I didn’t understand that for being the definition of who she was, perhaps as a person, and the things that she was able to do, and the things that she wasn’t able to do, I didn’t take it as a warning sign.

Not that I shouldn’t be with her because there’s nothing wrong with someone having a low IQ, but perhaps that I shouldn’t take her ideas as seriously as you would perhaps take someone else’s ideas because perhaps her ideas might not be based with sound reason and a sound understanding of what you’re meant to do in the world. That’s taking it from a very broad approach. The reason I opened with this is because not very long after this, and this is, I think, about 13 years ago now, not so long after this, we were just getting along with each other. I felt like I’d found the person I wanted to be with. And at this point, I was only 32, and she was 26. So, we were quite similarly aged.

I didn’t meet her in a bar, if you’re wondering, or any place like that. We were just two normal people who happened to be living in Thailand, and I happened to be from a different country to her. I happened to make a lot more money than her. She happened to just work, in fact, at a cafe. That’s where I met her, in this cafe. And she continued working throughout the time we were together, but she was adamant that she wanted to open her own cafe.

She said she knew about how it worked. She knew what the operating costs of the business were, how to source the products to sell, such as the coffee, what kinds of tea people liked, and everything else. She used to go on about this at length all the time. Although perhaps from my understanding of her level of cleverness, she wasn’t perhaps the sort of person who you would invest money in because of her lack of actual general intelligence. But what happened? I invested about $40,000 into a cafe together with her while I was still working my remote job at the time.

I was lucky to have that job because it wasn’t as popular to have remote jobs back then, but I was working that at the same time and I invested in this cafe and it was a total loss. At 32 years of age, losing $40,000 of my money that I’d saved throughout my late 20s when I’d actually started been able to put money away, took a huge toll on my finances. When she was so blasé about that loss as if it didn’t mean anything, as if it didn’t matter, and she said perhaps we need to open another cafe in a different location as if the loss of my money was nothing, I should have taken everything that meant on board and realized that you never need to do something like this again. Although I was very offended by her lack of being upset about losing all this money, my money, in such an awful way, it got to the point where I just didn’t see a future with her anymore. We parted ways and I was $40,000 poorer and that was most of everything that I had at the time. It was that that actually saw me having to leave Thailand again about that same amount of time ago, 13 12 years or so.

I left her, left Thailand, and left this understanding that that part of the world is for somebody like me to go to to get theirs.

The Second IQ Test

It it wasn’t like that at all. It was a place where you go when you lose all your money because I lost my money. Not a lot of money in the scheme of things, but I lost all that money to my girlfriend who wanted to do something that she had no business trying to do. Who believed that she had something to do and she’d managed to convince me. That just goes to show, I believe, which is a very important thing for me to open with because what it goes to show is that for a guy in a particular position in his life, I was 32 and she was 26, the most important thing was her happiness. The most important thing was the ability to have a good time with her and to enjoy being with her and to enjoy the fact that I had a girlfriend.

That was what the most important thing was, so you overlook all the other things. That IQ test, the reason it was so important to me was it should have been the answer to the question that came of what her asking to open the cafe. No, I’m sorry, we can’t. I don’t think it’s a good idea. But you overlook actual real warning signs and move ahead anyway. Then I’m there getting back home again about 13 years ago, 12 maybe, down in the dumps about what had happened, about this loss, about the fact that I wasn’t with her anymore.

I didn’t see her in the same way. Thailand had grabbed me though, and not being able to live there. I mean, I could have continued living there, but at that moment I was messing around doing tourist visas in and out and it was a drag. But I was working remotely. It was paying me okay, but I decided to go back home. I missed Thailand immediately.

That amount you’re missing Thailand does wane though as time goes by. That takes us to just after the COVID lockdown when I’d become about 42. At that point 10 years had passed. I’d been to Thailand and I’d stopped thinking about Thailand for a bit of that time, but it always came to my mind missing it and the wonderful things that you could do. I was also in need of a girlfriend. I hadn’t had a girlfriend since I left Thailand and I didn’t have any female companionship and it was something I was missing and I felt like I needed to go for another go.

Something that had happened during those 10 years was that I had the dreadful news that my father had died.

Unfortunately, my mother died a lot of years before this, but my father had died and he left me some money. It was really devastating when you lose your father after you’ve already lost your mother. That’s when, regardless of what age you’re at, you’re in a way finding yourself alone in the world. There’s no one who’s there for you in the same way as they were. When there are still people in the family that you can still talk to and share experiences with, but your parents are the pinnacle. Losing both your parents, when you realize that you are actually now on your own, fully on your own.

You were always on your own before, but you at least had an emergency line, didn’t you? Or whatever you want to call it. But I always felt, at least my parents, because they were both quite financially sound, not brilliantly off, but financially sound, they always understood that they had an easier ride than I had based on their generation. They embraced that and helped me occasionally when I needed help, and I was thankful for that. Then my mother died, and now my father had died, and it left me the equivalent of about $420,000. That was basically his house.

He’d spent a lot of his money in his retirement, and fair play to him, he had a great retirement. Although he never wanted to travel. Something I tried to get him to do. You got to see something different now. Would he have gone somewhere like Thailand and lost all his money to a girl there? Perhaps, but at least he’d have enjoyed himself.

He didn’t do that though, but he had a good retirement, and that was the main thing. Now, this had happened. This was about 2019 when he died. I got the money, and I was thinking about going to Thailand straight away. Then we had the lockdowns, and then we had the difficulty getting there. And while I suppose some people just went and suffered through being trapped in a hotel for 2 weeks, and going through all that, I saw a light at the end of the tunnel, knowing that it’s going to get there eventually.

I used that moment to try to make even more money and save even more.

When it was 2022, I had approximately all my savings that I put together, plus the inheritance. I’d spent a bit on a house, which was something I’d always wanted to have, but never had. I had about $300,000 cash, as well as my house. The feeling I got at 42, while I wasn’t ready to retire, I wasn’t wanting to retire because I actually at that moment liked doing what I was doing. I felt like it was time for me to go back to Thailand as a completely reinvented version of that person who left Thailand 10 years prior. The guy who left with nothing after investing pretty much his life savings of $40,000 into a venture with his girlfriend, who wasn’t really intellectually smart enough to even consider doing a business.

That’s how I looked at it when I left. I did that based on the fact that she was a girl, based on the fact that she did things with me that I couldn’t do myself. Therefore, okay, you move ahead, and you do things, don’t you? Now I was going in with what I felt was a lot more knowledge of how Thailand worked, a lot more understanding of what you can do, what you can’t do, and more financial backing to be able to get myself into a better position. That was what it was all about. At the end of the day, I wanted to get myself into a great position, like everybody does.

I had a dream, and I’d been watching so many videos about this, and people showing the sorts of places that you could have. I had a dream of buying a condominium in the center of Bangkok, particularly interested in the areas around Nana and Asoke. While I wasn’t going to be able to afford a huge one, for $100,000 or thereabouts, I should be able to buy a studio unit, perhaps quite a big studio unit, and turn it into a one-bedroom, maybe, if the layout was right. That would be a base right in the heart of the most exciting city in the world. That was something that I really considered I would do as soon as I got there. Perhaps after that, I’ve got a couple of hundred thousand dollars left, still got my income coming in.

I was making about $3,500 a month remotely, and life was going to be great for me. Of course, the thing that really stood out was the fact I wanted to meet someone. I wanted to get back that feeling of a relationship. Under no circumstances would I ever invest money or do anything I shouldn’t do, but the problem is, you should never say never, should you?

Returning to Thailand with a New Plan

You shouldn’t never say never, and I’m not going to do that, even though you know you’re not going to. I suppose I’m giving a bit away there. Why do things happen? But they do, don’t they? Because of how you feel at the time, and what people are doing with you at the time is the thing that allows you to do something that you shouldn’t do. Back in Thailand 2022, when the country had changed considerably since I was there last, I found the changes to be a lot more modern.

It was a lot more, I felt, developed than it had been just over 10 years ago. And how things change in 10 years was remarkable. At least Bangkok felt like it had entered the world stage of amazing cities that I’d never been to before, but kind of had the feelings of what you imagine South Korea to be like, or what you imagine Taiwan to be like. Countries I’d never been to, but countries I wanted to go to at some point. That really excited me. I felt like I was getting in right at the good moment of the country’s history.

It was remarkable for me to experience that, and to be able to take it all in, and arrive there with no restrictions because I’d waited for them to lift, and land in Bangkok, and really hit the ground running. I coincided my arrival in Thailand with my yearly holiday allowance. I had two and a bit weeks that I’d given to myself, so I didn’t need to do any work for those two and a bit weeks. Paid holiday leave as well because I worked for a good company remotely that gave me that, and it was good enough for me. Two and a half weeks to really be able to get the lay of the land, see what had changed, see what had remained the same, and find myself in a position where I was ready to maybe even pull the trigger and buy my own place to live. You have to remember, I knew Thailand at that point.

I felt Well, at least I felt I did. I’d spent a few years in Thailand before then, and those few years were great years when I was there, apart from the loss and the understanding that I wasn’t going to do what I did last time because I felt like I’d already been there and done that. I felt like I knew Thailand. I knew which areas I liked and which areas I didn’t. I knew Bangkok very well. I’d walked around it so many times.

I knew the best places to be and the best places to avoid.

So, it wasn’t like I was going in and I needed to test different areas because I already knew the areas. Before long, I mean only 3 days, I’d already found a condo that I wanted to buy. I’d spent so much time looking online at videos and different listings, and reading people’s experiences in buying, and how to get the best prices. I picked up a condo for 2. 8 million baht right in the heart of the Nana area. I think that’s as broad as I want to leave it.

It was in need of a lot of renovation, quite an old building, but it was a project and something I’d done on the house that I had at home. It felt like it was going to be amazing. It cost me 2. 8 million, and by the end of the renovation I was about $100,000 into it, and at this point that had taken about a month. I’d been out a few times, met a few girls, but nothing ever came of anything. For whatever reason it was, although when I was there in my 30s, I never felt a draw or an affinity to the bars because it felt like I didn’t need to do them.

Although I didn’t really need to do that now, I found myself after I got that condo and I’m living there during the renovation at the same time. But I found myself just that after a hard day’s work, seeing the progress of the condo, being in such a good mood. I wanted to go out and enjoy myself and experience lots of different things. I’d head off down to Sukhumvit Road about 3 to 400 m away from my condo. Of course, you’d be hit with all the girls on the street asking you if you want anything with them. Of course, you don’t because that’s not interesting.

Why would you do that when you have the bars available and things are better? So, I’d walk and head to Sukhumvit Soi 7/1, Sukhumvit Soi 11, Soi 8, and all the other Sois and Soi 4/2, of course. Before long, the first time you go into a bar, you are a bit uncomfortable, just a bit, but it’s great at the same time. Then you think, I’ll go again in a week or two, but you don’t. You go the next day. And what I’m trying to get at is by the time I’d been in my own condo for a week, I’d already met this girl in one of the bars on Sukhumvit Soi 11/1, who I just felt was the answer to all my problems.

Although I didn’t really have any problems in my life.

Bangkok After the Pandemic

I didn’t need to be with a girl like that, but it felt like she was the answer to my loneliness. She was 23 years old. She was from Buriram in Isaan. She said she was working in Bangkok. Again, the same old, same old. She wanted to look after him the best she could.

Family was taking care of him at the moment and she was doing the financial lifting of that. I don’t know what it was about her, but I took a fancy to her straight away. I felt a bit of pity for her, too. Although it wasn’t pity like I wanted to save her because I’d read about all of those people wanting to save girls from the bars and that wasn’t me. But I felt pity for the fact that she wasn’t able to spend time with her kid. I knew girls before, lots of them.

Even my girlfriend who I met in the cafe who convinced me to somehow, despite her lack of intelligence, to invest in that cafe. She had a kid, and I felt pity for her, too. I don’t know what it was. I just felt like if you’re meeting a girl who has a kid, she’s going to be a lot more outgoing and a lot more forthcoming and a lot more willing to please because she’s got a big stakes. She’s got things on the line that she needs to do. So, she needs to be able to do things right.

Perhaps that might be a bad example because I did meet a girl after I’d met her because we weren’t serious yet, who I liked, and she didn’t have a kid. But, I felt like she was a lot more carefree. She was a lot more wanting to go out with friends when she didn’t need to. A lot more wanting to not see me and go and see friends. The girl with the kid who I was really attracted to, again, I hadn’t got her living with me yet, but I’d been to see her and I was building a connection with her, and she was still in the bar. This other girl, though, as much as she was beautiful, as much as her not having a kid was probably the better choice, it made her too carefree.

The girl with the kid wasn’t carefree.

She did have real stakes on the line, and therefore, she was going to be a better candidate for someone who should be honest and faithful and wanting to do the right thing. That’s what I told myself. At least, I hoped that was the right thing. I told myself that whether it was right or wrong, and whether I it is right or wrong, I have no idea. After I’d known her for probably a month of going to see her regularly, this other girl came and went in my life. I just found myself at this point, my condo renovation was finished, and I was actually on an education visa learning to speak Thai doing my remote work.

I had about $200,000 after buying the condo, no rent, and it was great. After about a month of meeting her, that was when I decided it was time to actually ask her to move in and see how she would feel about becoming my live-in girlfriend. I could step in to be able to support her and her kid, and we’d be able to be a couple. We’d be able to be with each other, and we’d be able to see how we could feel by living together. She just jumped all over the idea because she told me so many times when I’d met her how much she hated working in the bar. Do all girls say that?

That’s the thing. I mean, at least from my experience, as I’d gone to the bars after this, some girls seem to really enjoy working in the bars. They seem to be really happy, but perhaps they’re just able to put on a facade as if to show that they’re happy when they’re not, and they’re actually damaged or however they might be. But she didn’t really seem to like it. Again, I’m just looking at it from how I wanted it to be. I wanted it to be sweeping her away from that life, and she was going to change, and she was going to mold into this perfect girlfriend, potentially perfect wife.

This is something that I have to admit to. I’d never had a family, and I felt like it was now or never. That’s why I wanted someone younger than me, because it felt like having a family, you need someone who is young and able to look after her. She was open to the possibility of having more kids, and that was something that was good enough for me. I guess we didn’t really play it safe. We were living together, and it was only 2 months later, and she was already pregnant.

In one sense, she was actually quite apprehensive about being pregnant because we weren’t married.

Whenever I tried to raise the point, you’ve already got a kid, and you weren’t married before, she kept saying that that was different somehow. How was it different? I don’t know, but she kept saying, “I’m pregnant. This is not good. It’s not good. “ She kept saying that.

And again, the thing was different with her other kid, and why, I don’t know. Although that really made me feel, well, it’s not that different. It’s actually less likely we should get married now because I wasn’t really ready to get married yet. Before it was with a Thai guy, therefore you should have been more worse for you to do that because of the fact you were both Thai, and you were both being disrespectful for the culture. But this is what she’s going on about, the culture. I wasn’t from there, so therefore it’s different.

But this Thai girl, who was from such a small, rural village in Buriram, had convinced me that I needed to get married to her now. I needed to, and I was going to. The plan was to get a prenuptial agreement in place before getting married and do everything that way, but I found myself just following her lead and getting married to her before her family knew that she was pregnant, because that was the right thing. And I never even bothered with the prenuptial agreement, even though I thought I would, but it just didn’t happen. We had to go up and see the family. Didn’t really like that part of the country.

Saw her kid again, and where’s the father? No place to be seen. Well, why when your family found out you were pregnant with him, and this guy wasn’t there, why was that acceptable? And you think it’s just different, and you allow her to say it’s different, and you move ahead and just do it her way, and okay, not a problem. And that’s what it was because you felt you were happy with her.

Meeting a Girlfriend in Bangkok

She was pregnant, and now we were married, and I felt like it was just in the nick of time. I didn’t want to get to 50 and not have kids and then have kids then. Although I felt like, okay, I’m going to be in my early 60s potentially when our daughter leaves home, it’s not ideal, but I felt like it was something I’d always wanted to do, and it was going to happen, and it was great. We were married, and I was working in the condo, and she was just there taking care of herself. Spent a fortune on the Bumrungrad Hospital where she was going to give birth, and it was as it was as you do and as you’d want. I suppose the thing that kept coming back, at least from her, was, “We need to get somewhere bigger.

We need a bigger place. ” I’d owned the condo, which again wasn’t a problem, but we now we need a bigger place. And I kept thinking to myself, and I suppose there were so many things that she said that made me a bit angry or a bit upset from when I met her, but I kind of continued doing what we’d be doing. I looked at where her family lived and where she grew up and her surroundings, which was a very humble place. And the kind of family always sleeps in the same room. My condo was a big studio turned into a one-bedroom, and you could have a bit of privacy.

We could put the cot for the baby in the living room and have some privacy. Although I didn’t realize at the time that in Thailand, children kind of sleep with the parents. That was something that just didn’t happen where I was from, or at least in my family. But no, she kept insisting, “We need a bigger place. “ And it really made me angry because look at where you’re from and look at how you grew up. This is a lot better than that.

But no, again, she’s convincing me that we need things that I didn’t think we needed. At this point, the harsh thing is, again, we’re nearly at the end of 2022 when this is happening. She’s not given birth yet, just a number of months away. Things are coming along. By this point, I was married, she was pregnant, and I was already starting to feel like who I thought she was and who I thought she was when I met her to start with were different to what I felt when I met. Although, I did love her.

I think that’s the thing.

At that time, I suppose I still thought I loved her. I thought she was my life. I kind of talked to myself in that way. I want to go out, and I want to talk to another girl, and I want to something more exciting. That was something I wasn’t interested in doing. So, that made me believe that I really did love her.

She was pregnant, and yes, it was exciting when we were together originally. It wasn’t as exciting now because of that. And because of that, too, why kind of persevered, and I’d already made the choice, and I moved forward. But, I suppose from that moment, I don’t think I was ever really happy with her to the extent that I was when we met. I don’t think if she wasn’t pregnant, I would have continued. But, you continue anyway, don’t you?

Because you’re already committed. I just felt that at this point that she wasn’t really the person I thought she was. When I met her, she was a bit more interested in money and a bit more interested in status, a bit more interested in things that I wasn’t interested in. Which was okay on one front because she was pregnant, and therefore, she’s not going to go out and cheat on me because she can’t. It was like we weren’t really meant to be together, but we were, and that was it. She at least made me happy in some ways, and I accepted it and put that to the back of my mind and progressed forward with what we were doing.

Eventually, I agreed that I would sell the condo when we would look at getting another place. And I should have done is uh just rent somewhere instead. Getting a bigger place was going to cost more money, obviously. But, there just so happened to be a condo come up for sale in the building that we were already in, which was twice as expensive as mine, but it was two bedrooms. I looked at it and the fact that, well, I can sell this one and buy that one, and I’ll still have $100,000 left. I’m still earning decent money, over 100,000 baht a month, which is more than enough money to live.

And let’s do that.

Pressure for a Bigger Home

Basically, it was about 3 months after our daughter was born when we had a different condo. We’d managed to get it. We’d managed to sell my condo. I took a small loss on it to get rid of it quickly to get the capital available to buy this other place. We were now living in a small two-bedroom unit in the same building, but it belonged to us and life just felt like it was coming together. And because our daughter was born, I was overlooking all the negative thoughts I had about my wife before she was born because it just felt like it brought us together.

We became very happy together and now I was a father and it’s great and everything felt like it was making me happy. I was upset I couldn’t introduce my parents to my daughter because they weren’t there anymore, but even still it did feel like it brought us together in a way which felt like we weren’t drifting apart anymore. It’s great now, everything is great and I’m happy again and she seems happy and she’s looking after me and looking after the baby while I’m working hard and putting in extra hours. I think I was making around 150,000 baht a month at this point trying to save about 50, spend 100 and it was working quite well. I think this was not quite 2024 yet. Our daughter was healthy, everything is going on there well, and she was being a good mom.

She said that someone in her family, her cousin who had just turned 18, wanted to come and live in Bangkok, wanted to try and meet someone, too. She didn’t want to go to university, didn’t want to follow in the footsteps of the family and become a farmer, which was understandable because why should she? She said though she can come and live with us and perhaps look after the baby for a little bit of time and then my wife can have some free time and she can start thinking about working. That’s what she said. She wanted to work. She wanted to do something.

I again didn’t look at the fact that I met her in a bar, therefore she wasn’t capable of doing any other sort of work because if she was, she would have been doing that instead. I didn’t think about it that way. I just thought, yes, she’s going to do some work. Again, not thinking it was going to be her deciding to do something and that would require me to invest any money because I wasn’t that guy anymore. I’m not going to do that, am I? I’m not going to invest any money into anything because I’d made that mistake before which saw me leaving Thailand over 10 years ago.

I agreed that her cousin could come down and stay with us in our daughter’s room.

Although our daughter was sleeping in our room now because that’s what they seem to do in Thailand. Something I found strange, but I accepted it for what it was. But she could have her room and never mind. It was going to be okay. The room was available, so her cousin could stay there. I’d met her cousin before a few times, although I couldn’t really remember her.

Never really spent time talking to her. They was living a bit away away, so perhaps I hadn’t seen her that often. Couldn’t remember exactly which cousin she was talking about because she had quite a few different cousins and sisters and brothers. We’ve been there to visit in the family a number of times. Wasn’t bothered either way. If that’s what she wanted to happen, I was prepared to do it.

I agreed I’d give her 10,000 baht a month to look after our daughter and she’d be a full-time carer, full-time nanny. Then my wife can explore getting a job and I was thinking, even if she’s only going to get 10,000 baht a month from her job, I thought that was just a basic job. At least it’s going to cover the cost of the nanny and we can continue putting the money away and continue building our great life. At this point, I must admit I’m so happy with the fact I’ve got my daughter. My wife is happy and our daughter is happy and that’s the main thing, isn’t it? Everyone is happy.

We also toyed with the idea of having her son move down to live with us, but she said she would be better for him to stay in the village. I guess I was really thankful that that was going to be the case. I didn’t want her son to move in with us because it wouldn’t have really been enough room and it wouldn’t have been fun. Her cousin comes down on the bus to meet and again, I asked if I can go and pick her up from the bus station together with my wife. We had a car at this point and that was one thing, I mean, I have to say it as it is. I don’t really understand why we needed that car.

Public transport is only a few hundred meters away from the condo building and you can go almost all over the city.

And if you can’t, you can go on Grab, which is very cheap. But for her, having a car was important and I suppose even for me it felt good as well. When you’re in Thailand and you’re driving your own car, it does make you feel something special. I’m not going to lie. I didn’t mind if I had to sit in traffic for a long time because it felt good. It felt different to having a car at home.

It really did and I can’t put the finger on why. Maybe I’m just trying to justify paying a million baht for this car. We went to pick her up from the bus station and she was there and I must admit she was stunningly beautiful, really beautiful. I couldn’t believe how beautiful she was. My wife was beautiful, too, but nowhere near the same. And she’s there in the back of the car and I’m driving and I’m looking around and thinking, she’s going to be living with us.

That’s interesting. But thinking again, she wants to meet someone. That was the idea. The plan was if she meets someone, she’s not going to be able to look after our daughter. So, how is it going to work then? How is she going to have time to meet someone?

I was saying this to my wife and she just said, she can stay with us for a bit of time. She’s never been to Bangkok before. She’s inexperienced. She’s never done that before.

Marriage and Family in Thailand

So, we’ll have to be there for her to make sure that she’s okay and she doesn’t make any stupid mistakes. So, we arrived back at the condo, show her the room. Doesn’t speak a word of English yet, but it was interesting. She seems to really dote on our daughter. Very gentle, very considerate and life continues from there. I don’t really think much of it apart from the fact that this girl is beautiful living in my condo or our condo because it belonged to both of us.

My wife starts looking for jobs, at least I thought she did. Turns out she wasn’t looking for jobs at all. Turns out she was looking for something to start. She wanted, I found out a couple of months later, to open a hairdressing salon. Why she wanted to do that? Because she said she knew lots of girls that worked in the bars around there and it was only where we lived, less than a kilometer away.

I mean, probably half a kilometer away from the bar where she worked where we lived. She knew lots of girls around there who liked to do their hair before they went to work and she thought it was a good idea. As much as I promised myself that that would be something I would never do because of what happened the last time, again, talking about the intelligent side of things, is she business-minded? If she was, she’d be doing it anyway. But no, well, she wants to do this. I don’t want to do it.

But, I just find myself in such a good mood. my daughter‘s healthy and happy. I’m making good money. I mean, quite good money for Thailand. We’re putting money away. We’ve got this other beautiful girl living with us who’s looking after our daughter. And she’s the one who wakes up in the night and comes into our room and takes her and rocks her back to sleep.

It just feels like you’re living in this world that doesn’t really exist, but it does exist because it’s living there right in front of you. If you were at home, something like this wouldn’t be happening. It’s just too good. I suppose it’s that excitement that you’re living together with your wife together with the fact that your daughter’s healthy and happy and you want to to have a good future that you convince yourself that you’re going to invest into this business that she wants to do because it’s going to work. It was the Sukhumvit area, lower Sukhumvit, expensive rent, expensive property, expensive everything around there. To take over this building that she’d found again through a couple of bar girl friends.

Some people will say, “Well, she shouldn’t be actually out and you shouldn’t let your wife go and see girls that worked in the bars after she’d left the bar. “ I was really finding that quite exciting though. If in all honesty, it’s exciting seeing all these girls all the time who were involved in things that excite you. So, yeah, fine to me. But, she’d found this place. And the problem was she couldn’t just rent it even though the rent was around 60,000 baht a month just in the downstairs part of the shophouse, not even the whole thing.

Wasn’t the whole building. But, there was also something called key money that was involved as well. That was just to take it over. And it was I can’t remember what it was run as this place because I didn’t see it many times. It was what it what it was before. But, the key money I think was 1.

2 million baht just to take it over which I thought was quite ridiculous. She’d gone through everything with me and yes, said it was a good idea. And as much as I suppose I didn’t really want to, I just basically invested in something that I promised myself I never would do again. After I’d paid for the key money and signed a lease for for 3 years, everything’s in her name because I’m still working, of course. I’m not interested in doing anything myself. After it had been redecorated and she’s got all the equipment and the machinery, it was probably and quite alarming about $100,000 that I invested, which was my remaining savings.

I mean, I put a bit of other savings away at this point.

The Hairdressing Salon Plan

I had my visa money in the bank. I had my marriage extension that I’d cordoned off in the bank with an iron gate around it that would never be touched because you can’t touch it. It has to stay there. For the visa, I had that money. I put a bit of other money away. So, in terms of liquid cash, not including my visa money, about ten thousand dollars left after I’d invested in this.

As I expected, she was very happy. Of course, she was happy. She was now this business owner, and she really who she was as a person after that. She felt like she was the bee’s knees, the big shot. She felt like she was a business woman. At this point, her cousin was still looking after our daughter, but she was going out occasionally.

What I’m trying to say is my wife’s working in the business, her cousin goes out, and I’m there after working all day on a job that was actually bringing in money, spending time with my daughter alone and looking after her until my wife comes back very late because they closed late because she had girls going in all the time up until the very late hours. She was good at it, though, I suppose, and she was making money. The thing that shocked me a lot was the fact that yes, it was actually making some money. I’m not going to lie and say it was a complete failure and because it wasn’t, and she shouldn’t have done it. But more like the fact that it was just luck. Perhaps that was the case, too.

But it was in a good area, and if these girls needed to have their hair done, she knew lots of girls, so they went there. But what’s happening is after she’d set up and it was going okay for a couple of months, she might have made eighty thousand baht. I’m expecting to be paid back for my initial capital, or at least, maybe getting half the money that’s profit. I’ll get back that back to revamp the savings. But she’s not doing that. She’s going out and she’s spending lots of money, and she’s splurging, and she’s really just living not the high life because she’s not making that much money, but you have to remember, she doesn’t have anything to pay for.

She doesn’t pay for food.

She doesn’t pay for drink. She doesn’t pay for the property where we live. She doesn’t pay for the taxes. She doesn’t pay anything. If she makes eighty thousand baht, she’s got eighty thousand baht to spend, and she’s spending through it like it’s nothing. Was she working hard?

Potentially, she was. And she’s got girls working for her, too. And I’m thinking she’s there working, but she’s not actually coming back late because she was working late. In fact, she might finish at 5:00, I found out. And then she might go out and have some drinks and go out and be the big shot, or at least she thought she was in the area. I was finding this out at the same time as being the one who’s there looking after my daughter, not getting any money back.

Really in a position where I don’t know. I was of two minds. That’s being truthful. On the one hand, I am happy that my wife’s making money and I’m not giving her any money. I’m happy that I’m still working and I’m putting savings away. I’m happy I’m spending time with my daughter.

I’m happy we’ve got someone to look after my daughter because I was working so hard. But on the other hand, unhappy because my wife’s not spending time at home like she should. Not happy because she’s coming back drunk many times. I never caught her cheating on me. I don’t honestly think that she did, but it’s like we’re not a family anymore. It’s like she’s living her life, doing her thing, and I’m not getting any money back.

I just had to resign myself to that fact.

We owned this condo together, which was really my condo, but it was both of ours legally. She was just behaving in a way which I couldn’t understand. I couldn’t understand it. And we’re in 2024 at this time. Our daughter is so beautiful, a beautiful baby, really fortunate that she’s happy and healthy, which was the main thing to me. Just missing the fact that my wife seems to be really focused on getting drunk, and that’s it.

She was getting drunk all the time, and I wasn’t liking it. At this point, her cousin is really picking up quite good English. Not great, but we can have conversations. I work in my bedroom or our bedroom up until 5:00 or 6:00 or 7:00 p. m. , and I’m tired. Come out, and your wife’s not there. But I’m starting to be able to speak to her cousin, and her cousin was just so beautiful.

Like I said, though, she’s going out sometimes, and I didn’t know what I was meant to do. I started confiding in her cousin as much as I could in the English she was able to speak, saying that I miss my my and she should come back. I don’t know what she’s doing. She would say in very basic English, “Oh, she love you. She work. “ Well, I understood but she comes back drunk.

Why does she drink? Oh, she just relax because busy. Of course, the cousin is going to be on my wife’s side, isn’t she? It was like I remember as if it was yesterday, a Friday evening. Her cousin was going to go out and I don’t know who she was going to meet or what she was going to do, but she was going out for a few drinks.

The Cost of Staying in Thailand

I believe what I know afterwards, anyway, that let’s just say it is this. He was going to go out together with my wife. Turns out that my wife was busy and yeah, she wanted to go and celebrate doing what some celebration or a categorically allowing herself to live this way she expected to live doing all these crazy things, something like that. But she wanted to go and try and meet someone at the same time. I think that’s what it was. She was trying to help her cousin to meet someone cuz her cousin was interested in that.

Although, she hadn’t met anybody yet, not at all. I’m there going to be on a Friday night looking forward to the weekend, but I was alone with my daughter in the condo. I find myself just watching TV. Cousin had gone out at 7:00. Wife had gone out at 2:00 p. m. and hadn’t seen her. Cousin goes out 7:00 after I’d finished work and I’m watching TV thinking, “I’m happy on the one hand I’ve got my daughter there and my wife’s not taking money from me.

I’m making okay money. We’ve got our condo. We’re progressing. ” Don’t forget I had my house at home, too. Why aren’t we going out together, though? Why aren’t we spending time together?

She’s spending time drinking doing goodness knows what. I went to bed about 11:00 and put my daughter to bed before that. I was woken probably about 1:00 by my daughter. Nobody’s back yet. I thought it is what it is. I’m starting to think to myself I’m going to have to put my foot down and set some proper boundaries for my wife because it wasn’t acceptable.

This was an everyday thing. Although, usually her cousin would be there to look after my daughter because she was being paid to do that. She wasn’t there yet.

So, I’m watching TV again. Couldn’t go back to sleep. Daughter on my lap falls asleep. Half an hour later, the door opens thinking, “Finally, my wife’s back. “ But it wasn’t my wife. It was her cousin, and she was extremely drunk. “Where’s my wife?

” “Oh, she friend. She still drink with people. She party. “ “Party? Why is she partying? She’s got a daughter at home.

” That’s the thing. She had a daughter at home, and it was like she didn’t care. Then I’m thinking, “Well, she left her son, too, didn’t she? “ I’m thinking, “Well, can you tell me where she is? “ And her cousin was drunk, and “No, she just in club. Don’t worry, she come soon.

” I asked if she was someone else. “No, she no with someone else. She with friend. “ Of course, she had lots of friends. She knew lots of girls that worked around there, and she felt like she was one of the big shots for being able to pay pay for the drinks, and that’s what she was doing, paying for drinks for people cuz she was working and making good money. Maybe she was in her mid-20s, so she wanted to do that. But, she had a child.

Most people who have children in their mid-20s settle down and accept it for what it is, but no, she wouldn’t. I was really upset, and her cousin could see I was upset, and she was really drunk, and I have to say, really drunk. She said, “Oh, don’t worry, I take care of you.

Setting Boundaries at Home

I put baby Ben. ” And she said, “Yeah. “ “Okay. “ She was drunk, so I said, “No, it’s okay. I’ll put her to bed. “ I didn’t want her her really holding her because I mean, she might have dropped her.

I was quite worried. And I walked over to the fridge after I put my daughter to bed, and her cousin, who was drunk, and I shouldn’t have done it, but her cousin said, “Oh, I like you, too. “ “I like you. “ I don’t think she knew what she was doing. At that moment, though, I just felt like I needed companionship, and I felt like I needed to have someone, like I needed love, and yeah, it was just what it is. I missed my wife because she hadn’t spent time with me in that way for probably a month, just busy, or not really busy, just getting drunk all the time.

Wakes up in the morning hungover, and she wasn’t fun. And although her cousin was drunk, I allowed it to happen because I wanted it to happen, and it was strange after that, it really was. But, I didn’t like I didn’t want it. And now I’m thinking, “Well, this girl seems to look after me better than my wife. “ I’m trying to think to myself, even that first night, perhaps I just have to divorce my wife, and I’ll stay with her cousin instead. As stupid as that sounds, I knew that wasn’t going to be a thing.

From that moment, the following morning, my wife was already back and her cousin looked very sheepish and very alarmed around us. I wasn’t going to say anything and it appears that she wasn’t, too. When my wife left at 2:00 p. m. just go out again, it was awful thinking that she’s going to come back drunk much, much later on again. Her cousin said she was sorry and she didn’t mean it and I said never mind. One thing it did give me was the understanding that my wife wasn’t really behaving like she should. She wasn’t behaving properly.

She really wasn’t and it was awful. It was awful to understand that she was doing what she was doing. It was that same month when everything came to a head and I told her how upset I was with her and told her how angry I was and it wasn’t right.

But she just said, “Oh, I busy. I have to take care staff. I have to take care people who go place. I make money, you know, give money. It’s like everything’s good for her, but it wasn’t. It was just a shocking situation.

I’d done what I promised I would never do and it had gone wrong, but it hadn’t gone wrong in the same way that it had before. It had gone wrong in a different way. It wasn’t losing money. It was losing my wife. It’s crazy and it was really aggravating. Her cousin’s still looking after our daughter and I don’t know how I had such courage.

I suppose it’s not courage, is it? When my wife goes again and again and again, I just said to her cousin once, “How would you like to stay with me instead? ” expecting her to say okay. Her cousin looked at me as if to say absolutely not then, well, I shouldn’t have said it. And that drew a huge wedge between us because now it felt so awkward when she was there and I’m in a really desperate situation. I thought that she was going to work and it didn’t and I’m there thinking, “Well, she wasn’t about to do that, was she? She wasn’t stupid. ” Okay, when she was drunk, that’s one thing and I took advantage of that and maybe I shouldn’t have done.

But even still, it’s not going to work. I tried to apologize about it and say don’t worry about it, but there was now a strain between us and she starts going out more with my wife all the time. They’re both going out together. And before long, she’s not living with us anymore and she’s gone to work in the same bar that my wife worked in, just like that, as if it was nothing. Okay, a new bar girl in the family and I think she was not forced into it, but she was shown that this is the best thing to do. You can make money, you can be independent, and she just went to work there.

At this point, my wife and I are not speaking, really. And I told her and gave her an ultimatum. I want you to either fix things or not.

She chose to continue going out. Luckily, though, I managed to get custody of my daughter after we got divorced. Unluckily, I’d lost the entire investment into that business that she did. All of that was gone, and we had to share the condo money, which was ridiculous, because we shouldn’t have done that. But, I agreed to it just to get it out of the way. I’d lost $200,000 in that relationship, but I had custody of my daughter, which was the main thing.

It was now a question of, well, what do I do now? This was about the end of 2024, and I needed someone to help me look after my daughter, because I was working very hard in order to sustain our time together. We were financially okay, even though I’d lost a lot of money, a lot of money, and my ex-wife had absolutely no interest in her at all. I suppose I should be thankful for that, because it allowed me to be with her. At that moment, I was still convinced Thailand was where I belonged. my daughter was Thai. She was Thai as well as my nationality, too.

I was convinced that Thailand was where we belonged, and I managed to find someone to look after my daughter. I moved into a rented place, and I worked, and I allowed myself to go out every few days, again stupidly, to try to meet someone. Where would I want to meet someone? Because it was just fun. At this point, I’d found out that my wife’s business had not collapsed, but she decided to close it. Now, she had millions of baht out of me from the condo sale, half of it, and she managed to sell the business, and she had about 6 million baht, I was led to believe.

I kept going to different bars, and my ex-wife left Bangkok entirely. Don’t know where she went, but it didn’t matter. Her cousin’s still working in that bar, and I wanted to go back and see her again. And I see her cousin, and she knows we’re divorced now, and I felt like, I don’t know what it was. I just felt like, in a way, I was getting one over on my wife by going to see her cousin. Her cousin, now she was working in the bar, was a lot more open to things than she was before.

And I spent a bit of time with her cousin, and I felt good to be with her because it was like I knew her and everything was great.

Leaving Thailand with a New Perspective

But again, instead of doing what I should have done, which was just to be on the next plane out of Thailand with my daughter and build a life at home, I was still in Thailand. And that was the thing. I somehow managed her to managed to convince her to move in with me, that her cousin that is, because she already knew me and everything like that, and it lasted for 2 months. And this is something that is such a vital part of my story. It’s extremely vital. And you only understand like this because of what they told me everything I needed to know about the bars in Thailand, absolutely everything.

Her cousin that came to live with us from Buriram to help look after our daughter, she was so sweet. She was innocent. She was a nice person. She was full of dreams and hope and happiness and naivety that was really attractive. She went out with my wife a few times drinking. Perhaps she met a guy here and there occasionally, but it wasn’t like a bar situation.

She spent time with me, which I suppose was one of the best nights of my life because it was just the thing that you never think would happen. She was then working in the bar for a number of months before I went to see her. Then I got her to move in with me based on who she was when she was looking after our daughter before she went to work in the bar. But she was a different person entirely. I found out over those few months she was nothing like what she was before. That really goes to show what bars can do to girls.

It was alarming how she changed in such a short space of time. She was so much It was like there was a wall built up in front of her between real intimacy and real effects and real things. It was as if she didn’t know that there was a wall there. It was as if it was built perhaps to protect her from things that she didn’t want to actually have to do. It didn’t seem like that. You go and see her and she’s smiling and she’s really bubbly and she’s joking around and playing pool, and it’s as if she’s the happiest girl in the world.

But you can notice that there’s such a disconnect between that and the reality. Because of that, it just didn’t last. It just didn’t feel right, and I just didn’t see the bars in the same way anymore as a place to meet a girl. It just didn’t feel like it was meant to feel, I felt, and it felt awful. You go and meet a girl and she’s happy, just you don’t know what she was like before she worked in the bar. Before she worked in the bar, there was this difference there.

I only found that out because of knowing a girl before she worked in the bar and after. When you meet a girl in a bar who you haven’t known before, it’s like you can’t understand that there is a wall there or there is something there because you don’t know what she was like before. It really is quite shocking to witness. I found that in plain view with my ex-wife’s cousin who I probably found very attractive from the moment I met her and had secret dreams that perhaps she’d be better than my wife. I suppose every guy’s fantasy, maybe. What it did for me when I tried to make it work with her again, she was okay with it because again she probably had this wall built up to where any kind of something like that wasn’t a problem anymore.

Anything goes kind of thing when you work in the bar. But yeah, seeing that disconnect, seeing that difference between her old self and her new self in terms of everything was so alarming. I mean, it’s not like she wouldn’t look after my daughter and be okay. Of course that was okay. It wasn’t like she wouldn’t do anything that was okay. It was like this carefree energy, this carefree love of life had somehow been ripped away from her.

She was always a little bit more guarded, a little more less likely to be comfortable, less likely to be fully able to let herself go and let her guard down. It was alarming, it really was. And after that ended, luckily, I don’t think my ex-wife ever found out. She’d probably have been very angry about it. But I’m sat there in Thailand in early 2025 thinking, “What am I meant to do now? ” I’d already committed to Thailand once before and it didn’t work.

How the Bar Changed Her

I’d committed to Thailand again. This time I’ve lost even more. In total, the first loss 40,000, now probably over 200, so 250,000 dollars I’ve lost in my two plans in Thailand. What I did have was my house at home and probably about 100,000 dollars because we sold the condo and I got my share. If I was to go home, what was I meant to do? I was older, I had a young daughter who I loved more than the world.

How was I ever going to meet someone who was like the girls that I would be able to meet in Thailand? But the bars now don’t do it for me anymore, so I couldn’t meet them anyway, because I don’t always feel like I felt before in the bars. It was great before, and then to stand in what it now was wasn’t great anymore. It was a cruel situation, cuz if I went home, what was I meant to do? I persevered for probably 6 whole months in Thailand, had someone looking after my daughter, trying to go on dates, and trying to meet someone, trying to meet someone out of the bars who was a similar age as the girls that worked in the bars, and it never worked. I started looking for girls who were older, in their 30s, then girls in their early 40s, just seeing if I could meet someone who would help me look after my daughter, who would be a family together, and who could actually be with me.

I thankfully met a girl who was 39 years old, just out of a relationship, out of a long relationship with a guy from Germany, not had any kids with him. She had kids in a previous relationship, but they were already nearly grown up. Met her, and it was like she was tired of waiting to be able to just live a normal life and settle down. Apparently, this guy cheated on her all the time. He was a bit abusive, or so she said. I mean, that’s what she said.

I don’t know if it’s true or not. But, I met her on a website. She’d not got any money at all. This guy hadn’t left her with anything. I mean, I wish I could have done that to my ex. But, I just felt like we connected in a way, and you know, talked my daughter into it.

I mean, of course, my daughter couldn’t speak, but I’m again, when you’re a dad and you’re sitting there with your daughter who’s getting older, and you’re looking at her like she’s everything, kind of asking her, is this okay? And she’s not answering because she can’t speak yet, but even still, it’s just one of those funny things that I did. But, I believe everything came and connected together. And as soon as I was with her, after a few months, I knew that I would be able to be with her if she remained the same way as I as she was when I met. The thought of living in Thailand anymore, though, that was a no-go. I didn’t want to be in Thailand.

I didn’t need to be in Thailand, and I wanted her to go and live at home with me. Take my daughter, take her, and everything would be great. As of approximately 7 months ago, we’d been living in my country, married. So far, touch wood, things are going okay. That’s basically my Thailand story. Some exciting times, sometimes that you wouldn’t have if you were living in your own country.

Some things that you really appreciate the fact that you’ve been able to do. Witnessing things that have alarmed you and shocked you after finding out about things that you never thought would happen in a particular way. The best thing about my Thailand story is my daughter. The best thing by a long shot. I’m very fortunate that she’s happy and healthy and living a good life. That is the main thing.

I could not have gone back home alone though. That’s another thing. I could not have done that because I wouldn’t have been able to meet anybody at home. And I’m happy to say that that’s the case. I would have wanted to, but I wouldn’t have been able to. Now things, at least I hope they are seeming perfect for me.

As of now they are perfect for me. It’s not without trying though. It’s not without losing a lot of money along the way. It’s not without, I suppose, falling in love with Thailand and then falling out of love with Thailand. Falling in love with that girl who became my wife, who took money from me and changed and falling in love with her cousin, finding out that the bar changed her and falling out of love with the bars because of that understanding of how the differences between the girl before they worked in the bar and after. And seeing that change is quite alarming.

Falling out of the love with bars because of that. Thailand in total cost me a quarter of a million dollars, but it’s got me where I am today. If that’s all I lost, then at least I didn’t lose everything like some guys do. I often think, would I have been better off just not going to Thailand? And the only reason I say no is because I have my daughter. If I didn’t have my daughter, then yes, I should never have gone.

That’s the truth of it. I am thankful for what I have today. I’m thankful for the times I’ve had in Thailand. Thailand gave me so much, but it took so much away, too. The thing I want to end on is the alarming change what I witnessed with her cousin, who worked in the bar after I known her for a lot amount of time. I really felt when I she wasn’t working in the bar, like in another world I would have loved to have met someone like her before she worked in the bar, before she had done other things that she perhaps wouldn’t have wanted someone to have done in that position.

But again, being with her after she went to work in the bar, it was quite an alarming understanding that it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be because of how the the had changed her. And it wasn’t the same anymore. That’s the most alarming thing of all, cuz if I think about it, even though I’m happy together with my wife today, and I’m living a good life, and I hope to be able to live this forever, and I do love her, if my ex-wife’s cousin could have been the person I could have had before she went to work in the bar, I would have chosen her in a heartbeat, and I still think about her all the time. Unfortunately, things go as they go, and I’m living where I’m living now, but I’m happy, and that’s the main thing, and I hope suppose that I’m going to be happy forever, as long as my new wife doesn’t change. “