Graham’s Thailand Story A New Beginning
I went to Pattaya for a two-week holiday with my friends. By the end of everything, I had proposed to a 21-year-old Thai girl that worked on Soi 6, promised her family a million baht, a house, and monthly payments… All while my wife and kids back in the UK had no idea what I was doing. So, a little bit about me. I’m Graham, from the UK. I am 56 years old now. I have been married for almost 20 years and I have 2 children. This whole mess started when I was 51. I had been invited last minute on a trip to Pattaya by 2 of my close friends, Mark and Lee.
We had always been close friends, but due to life, we hadn’t seen each other in a while, and taking a trip would have brought back some memories and allowed us to catch up like the old days. This would be my first time in Thailand, but because we were going to a city that has a massively bad reputation, I told the missus we were actually just going to Krabi, a more relaxed beach place. I didn’t exactly want her to know that me and 2 of my guy friends would be spending a few weeks in Pattaya. She gave me the all clear, and this was about 2 days before we were actually meant to go. We had always spoken about going but kept putting it off. This was the only time all 3 of us had a few weeks free at the same time; that’s why everything was so last minute.
I couldn’t wait to get going. Packed all my stuff, said goodbye to the missus and kids, and before I knew it, I was on a plane bound for Bangkok. It was great being back out with some friends again. Life had become a routine: work, back home, cook for the wife and kids, sleep, and repeat. For the first time in a while, I had no worries. On the way from Bangkok to Pattaya, even the taxi driver got involved with the excitement, telling us what goes on there, having a laugh with us, and just made it fun. We had booked a really decent hotel on Soi Diana, and it seemed to be close to most of the action. I could actually see LK Metro and Soi Buakhao from my hotel balcony. We obviously weren’t in the hotel much after checking in the first time. We went straight out to a bar on LK and were just catching up on old times. It had been about 2 years since we’d all seen each other properly.
Now, this was my first time in Pattaya, as were my friends’, so everything was a real eye-opener for us: the names of the bars, the amount of girls walking around outside, and not to mention the girls inside the bars. It was blowing my mind, and it was only the first night. I remember thinking to myself, this is the life. The first night, we only did a little bar hop on LK Metro and didn’t make it further than that. We were shattered and, believe it or not, went back to our rooms alone.
Meeting Nam on Soi 6
The next day was a different story, though. That day, we all wanted to go down to Soi 6 and see what all the hype was about. We’d seen the videos, heard the stories, and now wanted to see for ourselves. This is where my brain switched off. While we were sat in one of the many bars on Soi 6, I clocked this absolutely stunning young girl across the bar. You know the kind: long black hair, makeup spot on, just stunning. She was sat eating with the other girls in the bar, so I didn’t really know how to get her attention. I asked the older woman in the bar what the deal was here. Again, I did not really know how everything worked here. She turned out to be the mamasan. She told me if I want her to come over, I need to buy her a lady drink, so that’s what I did. I asked the mamasan to get her a drink on my bill.
She looked over and smiled, and that was it. I was hooked. She came and sat with me, and we started chatting. She told me that she was 21 years old, her name was Nam, and she was from up north in Thailand. She told me that she had only been at the bar for 4 months because there was no work where she was. She came to Pattaya to work in a bar to make some extra money so she could send it back to her family to help out. My mates were ready to leave to go to a different bar, so I asked Nam if she wanted to join us on a pub crawl as we were new to the city. She said she wanted to come but that I had to pay the bar so she could come with us, which turned out to be around 1,000 baht.
We went bouncing around a few bars together. My 2 friends also found company in the bars, and all of us ended up going separate ways for some reason. Me and Nam finished the night on a Soi just off Soi Buakhao before heading back to the hotel. That was it after that night. I was already reeled in and hooked by her. Stupidly, I told her that I want to spend the rest of my 2-week holiday with her. After she texted the mamasan to discuss everything, we went to the bar to pay, and that was it for the rest of the holiday. During that time, we were pretty much inseparable. The only time we were apart, pretty much, was when she would go home to get new clothes or had things to sort out. Other than that, we spent the days together, going out to eat together. She would join me and my friends when we would go out if me and her weren’t already going on a date, and every day was perfect with her.
I was a complete love-struck idiot by then. I was spending money left, right, and center on her, spoiling her every chance I got, taking her shopping, buying her clothes, paying for all our dates, and everything else. My friends could see what a fool I was being, but they just laughed and teased me, thinking it’s just a holiday fling and that’s it.
Falling for a Holiday Romance
To be honest, that’s all I thought it would be: just a holiday fling, and then when I get back on that plane to go to my life back in the UK, that would be the end of it. The problem with that was that on my last night in Thailand, me and Nam went to a nice restaurant for our final date, and she opened up to me, telling me she doesn’t want me to leave and wants me to come back as soon as possible. I told her that I will try and come back, but I can’t promise anything. In my head, I still thought this would be the end of it when I left. She even cried when me and my friends were leaving to get into a taxi. I gave her one last kiss and turned to see my friends laughing in the taxi. I also laughed when I got in, but I knew deep down inside I was in trouble because I had really fallen for this girl.
I am a married man with kids and a house. I’m not some young backpacker that can go back whenever they want and have fun whenever they want. I hadn’t even made it to the airport yet, and I’m already on the phone to her, telling her I miss her, I love her, I’ll call her every day when I get home. Finally, we land in London, then another two hours in the car back home. I was dreading walking through that door. The lads could see the state I was in. They just told me to cop on, said I’d have forgotten all about her by the end of the week. And what was I supposed to do anyway? Not like I had any other options. As soon as I walked through the door to my house, everyone was happy to see me, kids jumping on me as I gave them a couple of gifts I had bought back. My wife gave me a kiss, but I could see instantly that she could see something was up. My heart dropped, thinking she had somehow found out about what I had been up to.
She said that I looked down and out and thought I would have reacted differently to seeing her. I just told her it was a long flight and I was dreading going back to work as I had a lot to catch up on. I think she bought it because she didn’t ask any questions after that, just let me relax for a bit. A few days later, my childhood mate Ross was off to the US with his work for a few years. We met up for a farewell beer before he left. When we met, he said I looked different and could tell something was up with me. I told him about Thailand and that I had met someone, cheated on my wife, and that I feel guilty but at the same time had the best time of my life and can’t stop thinking about her.
I told him my head was a complete mess. I said I was snapping at the wife and kids over nothing, and I just couldn’t get Nam out of my head. I said that my plan was that when I got home, I would block and delete Nam’s number and just completely forget about her because there is nothing I could do about it anyway, but that plan failed, and I’ve been secretly texting her every chance I get. Ross told me straight that I need to get over it. Something like that is not going to work, and it’s just going to lead to disaster and heartbreak for everyone involved, including my wife and kids.
Ross Warns Me About Thailand
He was right. Literally, nothing good can come of this situation. With Nam living in a different country and me having my life here, the best thing I could have done was ignore her, keep myself busy, and pretend none of this ever happened. I did try. I tried really hard to forget about her and carry on with my life, but I would always find myself thinking about her. Even at dinner with my family, as bad as this sounds, I would be thinking about what my life would be like in Thailand with Nam instead of sitting around this dinner table. It’s such a horrible thing to think, but I want to be honest. That’s exactly how I thought. Not being able to get over Nam, I called Ross and told him that I was having trouble.
I told him I just wasn’t happy anymore at home, that I couldn’t get over Nam, and that I was thinking about going back to Thailand to see her just to see what, if anything, could come of this. He could tell that things were going to end badly, so he gave me another long chat. He told me there’s no winner in this kind of situation; I just needed to get a grip. Eventually, my wife sat me down and asked me really what was wrong and why I just didn’t seem happy anymore. I just said that I was going through a midlife crisis and work was getting me down. She told me I should go and see a doctor, but I explained I just needed to get away for a bit on my own, go to see my brother who lived in Germany, and just de-stress from everything. She wasn’t happy, but she could see I was having a meltdown, so she said that I should go, as long as I come back as the happy man I used to be.
Even my boss at work, who’s a good mate as well, he could see I was in a bad way. He said he was fine with me taking another two weeks, as long as I came back with my head straight. He just said I’d have to make the hours up when I got back. When I told Ross, he was lost for words. He tried to talk some sense into me, but it was pointless. He said I was going to get caught and wreck everything. I just said my mind’s made up, I’m going. So, I left for another trip. Unfortunately for my wife, she didn’t know that there was no Germany trip planned. I was heading back to Thailand after arranging to meet Nam again. I had been gone two weeks, home for two weeks, and heading back off for two more weeks. I couldn’t believe that I had just pulled this one off. Looking back, I was just so selfish. I didn’t care about anyone other than me and Nam, and it’s just so shameful what I did to my family.
Fifteen hours later, I land in Bangkok, walk through arrivals, and there she is, looking absolutely stunning, all smiles. What I didn’t tell Ross or my friends back home before leaving is that I had plans to ask Nam to marry me. Once we got checked into the hotel in Pattaya, I was down on one knee proposing. Yeah, I know what everyone’s thinking, and yeah, they were right. She said yes straight away, and I just stood there thinking, what the hell just happened?
Proposing to Nam
She knew that I had a family back home, but I told her I was going through a divorce, which she was ok with. I was just lying to everyone involved at this point: my wife, my kids, Nam, my friends, everyone. I didn’t have a ring on me at the time because I didn’t want to get caught with it before leaving, and plus, if Nam had said no, then I’d be stuck with a ring. So I told her we will go buy engagement rings together. I thought that we just had to buy 2 rings, but she said in Thai tradition, I also needed to buy bracelets for us both and a necklace for her. For the next 2 weeks, it was like I was living in a bubble. I just pushed everything out of my mind, such as what I was going to tell my wife, my work back home, pretty much everything to do with my life.
It’s like I was living this completely different life that really was just a fantasy, but I couldn’t get out of it. Anyway, the day after I proposed to her, we went out to buy rings, necklace, and bracelets, and I took her shopping. She didn’t go crazy when picking out the rings. She picked 2 that were 30,000 baht each, but there were some rings that were well more expensive than that. I was happy with that. I used my personal credit card, the one the wife didn’t know about. Lucky for me, all my statements were paperless, so no chance of anything turning up in the post. I paid for it, she slipped it on, and off we went.
We went to her bar on Soi 6, where she showed off everything to the other girls and told them about me proposing. You could see that Nam loved showing off the new jewelry to them. While there, we spoke to the mamasan and told her we had plans to go to Isan for 2 weeks so I could meet her family. I paid the bar so we could have the full 2 weeks together, and then we just spent the rest of that night drinking and celebrating with her friends. That first night at the bar actually cost me more than all the shopping we had done earlier, but it didn’t matter. I didn’t care. I was stupidly in love. That first night was amazing. I just forgot everything back home, and I was happy again. Being around Nam just made me feel completely different. The energy and buzz she gave me is hard to describe.
The next day, we are back at Bangkok airport getting ready to fly to Isan, and she brings up the sinsod. She told me it’s a Thai tradition, something I’d have to talk to her father about. I’d heard of it but never really looked into what it actually meant. I told her not to worry, it’s fine.
Meeting Nam’s Family
When we got to the airport, one of her guy friends was there waiting for us to take us to her village, which was another 2-hour journey. I actually got along with that guy straight away. He spoke better English than her and loved football, so we had a lot to talk about. We pulled up, and I’ve got to be honest, the place was proper in the middle of nowhere. I felt a bit intimidated. Her place was like a big shed with an outdoor area where everyone sat and where all the cooking, laundry, and stuff was done. Even the toilet was outside. Everyone was already sat outside when we arrived, and they all made a fuss of me, greeting me, asking me if I want to eat, and passing me drinks.
Nam walked inside and then came outside with her mom, holding a 2-year-old child. Turns out, Nam had a kid that she didn’t tell me about. Later, she told me that she didn’t want me to know in case it scared me off. To be honest, it didn’t bother me that she had a kid. What bothered me is that she had left him behind while she went to work in Pattaya. I know it’s rich coming from me, but I could never have left my kids behind at such a young age. But this is Thailand, and things are done differently here. I later learned that’s quite normal for girls that go to work in Pattaya. They will leave their children with their parents and then just send money home every week.
After all the introductions, they sat me down with the family, and it just felt surreal. I couldn’t quite believe this was my life now. That night, I ate like a pig and ate things that I have never even considered eating before. I’m talking frogs, insects, and a bunch of other crap. Not my idea of a good meal, but it would have been rude to say no. After all that, we went to a guest house that wasn’t too far from her parents’ place to get settled for the night. She told me that her family plans on having an engagement party for us and that it’s tradition that I pay for it all.
She said I would need to spend about 10,000 baht on food and drinks because her whole family and friends would be coming. 10,000 wasn’t a lot of money, and I was excited for my first party in Isan and wanted to make a good impression on the family, so I was fine with that. Morning came, and we were still in our own little world, head over heels, living this fantasy again.
Learning About Village Expectations
Surprisingly, I felt really at ease in the village. I still hadn’t even thought about what’s going to happen when I go back home. I realized just how different Nam was to the wife back home. I was so into her, not even thinking about how everything is going to work or even considering the big age difference. I had been looking online, and I was over the required age to retire in Thailand, so that was always an option if this did ever work out. Anyway, Nam said I needed to have a word with her old man before the party, about the sin sod. I was up for it, but then she said he doesn’t speak any English. Her uncle, though, he spoke it well enough, so he’d sit in and translate, sort of mediate between us. This was a proper awkward moment for me because she said that she can’t be there when we discuss, nor can any other of the family, only her uncle as he is needed to translate.
So she drops me off at her family home while she takes her mom to the market to get all the stuff for the party. So I’m there with the father and the uncle, and straight away, they crack open a bottle of whiskey. It’s early, still early in the day, and I’m not really a whiskey drinker, but you’ve got to be polite, so I just manned up and got stuck in. Her dad was asking me questions in Thai, and her uncle was translating. What do I do for a living, how much money I make, how I’m going to support his daughter, am I willing to build a house here? I felt like I was being put on trial, but again, I just put it down to Thai culture as I knew I would have to be paying for some stuff.
After a few whiskeys, I started relaxing. Next thing you know, we’re all getting on like a house on fire, having a laugh, and talking about football. Turns out the dad is into his sports as well. I really wish we could have understood each other because I think me and her father would have gotten along really well. Then the sin sod chat comes up. I’d been thinking about it since Nam had told me about it. I had no clue how it was going to go. The uncle told me the sinsod is based on a few things. The main one is taking her away from her family, and then various other things such as her looks, her age, and how much I make. Then he gives me a number: one million baht.
One million baht at that time was around £20,000 or 30,000 dollars. My heart just stopped, but I couldn’t exactly show any reaction while sat in front of her dad and uncle. But that was way more than I had in my head. I really just had to go with it, but I was honest with them that I don’t have that kind of money right now just to give out, but I will have it once we are getting married.
Promises of Land and Monthly Money
But that wasn’t it. Next, they wanted me to buy land, build a house close to them for her and her family, and also have to give them money every month. Honestly, her dad was straightforward and blunt. There was no beating around the bush with him; he was very direct. I agreed to all of that but said we can arrange all of that after we get married, to which they accepted. So, to put it in a list, this conversation turned into a 1 million baht dowry, paying for land, building a house, and giving her parents money every month. They seemed happy that I accepted and started celebrating even more. I was relieved, but in the back of my mind, I had no idea how I was actually going to do any of it.
A few more drinks, and I was completely gone. Nam came to get me as I wanted to sleep it off before the party. When she got there, I was in a right state. She struggled to get me back to the guest house. That Thai whiskey is some serious drink. That night, we had a massive party at her family home. There were people coming from all directions, and everyone was having a great time. She introduced me to her mates, lads and girls, and that’s when I realized just how big the age gap was. All her friends were young enough to be my kids, and for the first time, the age difference played on my mind a bit. The next day, I was hungover, so Nam went to have breakfast with her family. When she came back, she told me her dad had a word with her, told her what I’d offered for the sin sod.
She asked me about the house and the business I’d mentioned. She was made up, couldn’t believe how fast things were moving. I was slightly hungover still at the time, but I could remember that I never mentioned anything about a business to her father or uncle. She told me that she wanted to start a small shop in the village so she could be around her family, and told me that I had agreed to that with her dad. Maybe it got lost in translation, but I’m 99% sure I never agreed to any such thing. But me being me, I went along with it. Things were getting out of hand now, and I was starting to realize I was in way over my head.
Later that day, she said she needed to show me something. I hopped on the moped. She drove a bit and stopped at this field. She said the person that owned this field was a family friend and had told her dad that he is willing to sell a bit of the land to me so we can build a house there. It would cost me 200,000 baht. Now, you can probably imagine the thoughts going through my head and what I was thinking. Things were moving way too fast. I was getting worried, and all of this was getting out of hand.
The Engagement and the Belgian Comparison
While we are looking at the land and she is showing me around, her friend Mo pulls up on her bike. She’s another young girl with a farang boyfriend. They are chatting about where the house would be going, who’s going to stay where, and all that stuff. I’m just stood there nodding like an idiot. Mo’s boyfriend calls her, and after she tells him what she’s doing, he asks to speak to me. He’s a Belgian guy, and turns out he’s also building a house in Isan for Mo. He wanted to meet up when he’s back so we could have a chat. While Mo and Nam were busy talking about the land and house, I slipped in a couple of questions for Mo’s boyfriend. I asked him how much he was sending his missus a month.
He said he was sending 30,000 a month to her. When I asked what he did for a living, he just told me not to worry about that. Not sure what that meant, but I thought it was best not to ask again. After talking to him, I realized then I’d have to find thirty thousand a month to get her out of the bar and keep her up in the village. Not great news. But like everything else that was going on, I just pushed it to the back of my mind for then. The next afternoon, me, the father, and the uncle go for a walk through the village. He thanks me for getting his daughter out of Pattaya. He said that he never wanted her to go to Pattaya, but the family needed money and they had no other choice. Whether that’s true or not, I don’t know.
Then, through the uncle, he asks how much I’ll be sending her each month. Me and Nam hadn’t even discussed this ourselves yet, and now I was being put on trial again. I was kind of backed into a corner there. I knew I had to match what the Belgian guy was sending, or close to it. So I said twenty-five to thirty thousand. They both looked made up with that. The last night in Isan before heading back to Pattaya, we had a big dinner with her family and friends. Again, I paid for everything, and before leaving to go back to the guest house, her uncle reminded me of everything that I have agreed to.
We got back to Bangkok and made our way to Pattaya. We had one week left before flying home, so I was going to make the most of it. While we were in Bangkok before going to Pattaya, Nam told me some extras that I needed to pay for. She explained that for her to leave the bar properly when I leave for the UK, I will have to pay the bar because they would be losing a girl, so there would be a fee.
Leaving Thailand and Facing the Guilt
I already knew that, so I said, yeah, I get it. Nam also wanted to have a second engagement party at the bar; that would also be her leaving party. I knew that was going to cost me a fair amount in lady drinks and food, but I reluctantly agreed to it. As soon as we got to Pattaya, we checked into the same hotel again, dropped our stuff off, got ready, and went straight to her bar. When we got there, there were balloons and all that crap outside the bar showing that there was a party going on: our engagement party. The mamasan asked for 10,000 for the party, and that would cover everything, which I guess was good because if I had been paying for lady drinks separately all night, I think it would have been well over 10,000.
The party was brilliant; everyone had a laugh. Then at the end, the mamasan said I have to pay the bar another 8,000 compensation for losing her. So I paid that too. Costs were really starting to add up. I started thinking this was getting seriously expensive. The last 5 days were brilliant together. We didn’t really do much of the bars; we just went shopping a lot, ate at the beach and restaurants, and just spent days being lazy together. I was really in love with this girl, the way she made me feel, how much happier I was there than at home. Yeah, it’s going to cost me an arm and a leg, but I was very happy being there with her. Soon enough, it was time to go. We both went to the airport because I had purchased her a ticket for her to go home, so I knew for sure that everything she had done, like leaving the bar, etc., was true. We said our goodbyes as I had to go to a different part of the airport. I told her I’d be back as soon as the divorce from the wife was sorted.
While I was sat waiting for the plane, I rang the wife to say I was on my way home. She was made up; said everyone couldn’t wait to see me. Sitting there alone was the first time in two weeks I’d actually had a chance to sit and think properly. Thinking about my wife and family, and after everything that had happened, the guilt just rushed over me. Even though I was feeling guilty and knew I shouldn’t be doing what I was doing, I was still sat there working out how much I’d need to send her each month to keep her up in the village. But then there was also the other stuff I had agreed to. How much would I actually need to make this relationship work?
Thirty thousand a month for her, then the land, the house, the business, and whatever I’d promised the old man on top of that. Then I’m thinking, what about my job? How the hell am I going to make money while in Thailand? Yeah, I could actually get a divorce and retire out there, but after the divorce costs, how much money am I going to actually have left?
Telling Nam the Truth
It was all starting to sink in. And back home, I’ve got a good woman and 2 kids who didn’t ask for any of this madness. Before I went to Thailand for the first time, my life and relationship with my family had been good. I can’t believe I had gotten myself into this. What the hell was I thinking the whole time? On the plane home, I actually started doing all the numbers and writing everything down. How much money I had saved, how much retirement I’d get, how much I’d be spending each month, what I would be left with if everything goes to crap. I had to be honest with myself. There was just no way I could deliver on everything I’d promised out there.
Although life in Thailand and life with Nam was amazing, and I think if we actually were together I would be really happy, I knew I didn’t really have a choice. I was going to have to go back on everything I’d said. I felt absolutely sick about it. Heartbroken over Nam because I was probably going to have to let her go. And disgusted with myself for what I’d done to my family. I got back home, and the wife and kids were buzzing to see me. I just put on a happy face, tried to act normal. She asked how the trip was. I said I didn’t really go out much, just relaxed with my brother and got some much-needed alone time, trying to sort my head out. She believed me. It was after midnight, so I just went straight to bed. I woke up the next morning feeling proper sick and just overwhelmed with guilt. Just thinking about the mess I’d made, with the family and with Nam.
I switched my phone on, and there are half a dozen messages from Nam, missed calls as well. She was asking where I was, if I was alright. I told the missus I was taking the dog out for a walk to get some fresh air. Once I was far enough from the house, I called Nam. She was made up to hear from me but could tell something was off in my voice. I said it was just because I wouldn’t see her for a few months, and she believed me. I was just bottling it really, not telling her the truth. We spoke for a bit, all the “I miss you’s” and “I want you to come back,” and then the conversation quickly turned to money. She asked when I’ll be sending money, now that she is back in the village and not working yet. She still needed to take care of the family.
I told her I would send some ASAP, I just needed to get back to work and sort everything out there first. When I got back to work, I put on a brave face. The boss was sound about everything. All week, Nam‘s texting me, calling me. I still hadn’t told her that I can’t afford to be with her and that I really doubt it’s going to work. I just couldn’t bring myself to accept reality, really. I knew that when I finally did tell her, it wasn’t going to be pretty. This girl has sacrificed her job, and I made promises to her family. All of that is going to come crashing down when I finally come clean. Weeks went by, and she’s asking when the money’s coming. The money I’d promised her.
The Game Was Up
In the end, I sent her twenty thousand. She was happy enough with that for now, but I knew I couldn’t keep doing it. I had a look at my statements of how much I’d spent over the last couple of months meeting Nam, and it was actually crazy. I spent way more than I should have. There was no way I could afford to keep going like this. I had a mortgage to pay, a wife and kids to look after. The game was up. I was going to have to end it with Nam, call the whole engagement off. I spoke to Ross again and told him everything, even if it made me sound like a complete idiot for doing so. His advice was, as expected. First, he rightly called me a fool for doing all this and spending the amount I did.
Next, he told me that I need to call the whole thing off. No matter which way I look at it, someone in this situation is going to get hurt. It was just my choice who that would be. He said the sooner I tell my girl from Thailand that everything needs to stop, the easier it’s going to be for me to rebuild my life. He also told me that even when I do break it off with her, the guilt is still going to eat at me, so it’s better I come clean to my wife as well and be ready to accept the consequences. Again, he was right. Easier said than done, mind you, but he was totally right. The worry was really getting to me. I couldn’t sleep at night. Another week went by, and I knew I couldn’t keep it going.
So I picked a day. I called her and I just told her straight. I couldn’t leave my kids and move to Thailand. The amount of money I would be spending if I went to Thailand would mean leaving my kids with nothing. I simply cannot do that. She lost it. Started screaming down the phone, laying into me. And I knew I deserved every bit of it. She went on for a good ten minutes. I apologized again, but she wasn’t done. She really dug into me, telling me I have ruined her life and how she is going to lose face and respect everywhere. She told me she can’t go back to the bar because she already quit, and that she has to break it to her family that a new house or business isn’t going to be built. After telling me she regrets meeting me and that I’m the worst person she ever met, she hung up on me.
I felt absolutely awful because she genuinely was a good girl, and I think she wanted this to work as much as I did.
After the Anger and Looking Back
She sent me a text and warned me that if she ever sees me in Thailand again, she will make sure I am taken care of by some nasty people and deported and blacklisted. For days, I felt absolutely rotten about what I’d done to her. I was still mad about her, but I knew it just wasn’t going to work. The next week, the texts kept coming, dozens of them. And they were nasty. She was furious. They were just full of name-calling and threats. She even started talking about my family, so in the end, I just blocked her. I tried to forget the whole thing ever happened and get back to normal life with the wife and kids. After a few months of not hearing from her, I get a text from a new number on WhatsApp. It’s her, saying that she’s no longer angry and understands why I couldn’t leave my kids.
She said I should never have promised her anything, and that she is back in Pattaya working. Although she forgives me, she hopes to never hear from me again or see me again. I fully understood that and thought that was a mature thing for her to do. A few years after I last heard from her, I did reach out to her on Facebook, just out of curiosity. I wanted to see how she was doing. Turns out she’s been married twice, cleaned them out both times, apparently. And she’s on her fourth engagement now, to a fifty-six-year-old American. She said after what I did, she learned a massive lesson, and it would never happen again.
She told me I made her tough as nails, made her who she is now. She reckons it’s why she doesn’t trust farangs, and why she’s on to husband number three. I completely accept that my actions and stupidity in everything made her turn out to be that way, but I’m glad she is doing ok in life and seems to still be searching for that knight in shining armor that is going to take her away from everything. As for me, after everything that happened, I stuck around and rebuilt my life here, trying to be happier than I was before. I’m ashamed to say that I am still with the wife, but I could never find the courage to tell her what I had done. I know it’s a shady move by me, but I just can’t stand the thought of hurting such a good woman who stood by me through everything. I have been back to Thailand a couple of times over the years with the lads for a laugh, but I’ve never been back to Pattaya because I never want to get myself in that kind of situation again.
Now my Thailand trips are more laid back, exploring and sitting on the beach. I’ve even taken my family to Koh Samui. I still think about Nam now and again, think to myself what would actually have happened if I did move to Thailand and leave my family. I know it was me just being stupid and chasing a fantasy. I still feel guilty about the whole thing. And I should for the rest of my life. No excuses.
