The Worst Bangkok Vacation Ever
I planned a trip to Tokyo Bangkok and Pattaya. It was the worst trip I’ve ever had. I’ll skip the Tokyo leg and go straight into the Bangkok and Pattaya leg.
I landed in Bangkok literally one week ago as I wrote this. My driver took me to my hotel on Sukhumvit Road. I checked in and relaxed in my hotel suite. I got ready for my first night at Thermae Café armed with all the information tips warnings etc. from you and other YouTubers.
I bought a drink checked out the ladies and tried to determine which one I was going to talk to. However almost every girl I picked there rejected me. How could this happen? I thought Bangkok was easy pickings as long as you had money in my pocket. My self confidence now shot I walked over to Soi Cowboy and landed in the Baccarat go go bar where two cute girls came up to me and we chatted. I liked both of them so I paid the bar fine 750 Baht each and took them back to my hotel.
Thermae Cafe Rejection
We had a good time but the girls didn’t seem like they were experienced at all. Without getting into too much detail I did all the work. After a while they left and I thought ‘Okay not bad for the first night in Bangkok.’
It gets worse though. I woke up the next morning to the sound of rain. I opened the door to the living room and there was water gushing out of the air conditioner all over the carpet. The entire carpet floor was soaked. I called down to the front desk. The woman who handled it was a pro. She put me in a temporary room and promised to upgrade me to a bigger suite on the top floor. I’m thinking ‘Cool I’ll take that.’
The temporary room down the hall was just like a holding cell at the prison compared to my now soaked room and the room I was about to get.
My plan for the second day was to drive down to Pattaya to check it out for just one night. I know that most viewers will say you need at least a week there. Well I don’t and I’m glad it was only for one night.
I got the call that my new room was ready but I wasn’t ready for what I was about to experience. Wow. It was just one level down from a penthouse suite. It was amazing. For a moment I reconsidered going to Pattaya for one night and just staying here in the lap of luxury. I decided one night away wasn’t going to be bad. I was wrong.
Pattaya Keeps Going Wrong
I hired another driver to take me there. This woman was really crazy. She kept complaining about all sorts of things how her former husband was terrible to her and how she hated men. For the longest time during the drive she offered to be my guide through the neighborhoods and take me to places that were good. I thought about this crazy woman showing me around town and regrettably I said yes.
She dropped me off at my Pattaya hotel and said she would call me back later to hook up for the night. By the way I had booked the wrong hotel. I thought I was checking into a hotel that’s on the beach. Nope. I’d accidentally booked a similar one that’s in central Pattaya. They should call it a hostel. It was horrible. I tried to switch but no luck. So I said to myself ‘It’s just one night. I’ll suck it up.’
The driver returned and we’re walking through Soi Buakhao and LK Metro. I had told her that I would buy drinks and food just for her and nothing else. I think that made her mad. There were some places I had heard about and wanted to try but she kept rejecting them saying she knew better places. What she knew were places where her friends worked and where she could run up a tab. We went to Queen Girl Go Go Club and some dump that had no customers.
I had read about girls who do this to save face with their friends. I was prepared to confront her. I started to get upset and I told her I wanted to go to Walking Street. We finally did and the place was wild everything that I had read about. I told my driver that I wanted to check out some places like Pinup and Black Diamond. We go to Pinup. She argues with a doorman and says he’s racist against people of color because they wouldn’t let us in. Since I did not know the Thai language I wasn’t sure if she was telling the truth.
Then we went to Republic and 808. I was bored of them all. Finally I told her I was going to bed and I’ll call her in the morning about picking me up. I snuck back to Pinup bar and got in. It was great. Now I definitely knew I had to ditch this driver because she’s a psycho.
I got back to the hotel woke up early and called a taxi to come pick me up. No way am I spending more time with that crazy taxi driver. I waited until the cab came and we left Pattaya. I messaged the female driver to tell her don’t bother picking me up. She was really angry. She wrote ‘How could you treat me like this? I switched my schedule just for you. I took time off to make sure you had a good time.’
Leaving Pattaya Early
She didn’t know that I had gotten into Pinup after she left the night before and that I knew she was playing me. I simply told her I had an emergency and had to leave ASAP. I never heard back from her.
During the cab ride back the driver told me he was part of the Bangkok Mafia and not the Pattaya Mafia so he needed to return to Bangkok. My jaw dropped to the floor. ‘You’re part of what? Mafia?’ I quickly got on my phone and Googled taxi mafias and they exist. Now I’m paranoid that I’m in the middle of a turf war and I’m going to die or at the very least get kidnapped and ransomed off. Plus I made the female driver mad and she knew where I was staying. So if she was connected she could make a call and have me taken care of. I was a mess at this point.
We got back to Bangkok in one piece. I went to my suite and crashed out. A few hours later I woke up and realized I left my wallet with my US dollars cash in the safe at the hotel in Pattaya. I’m cursing I’m screaming I’m mad as hell. I have to go back to Pattaya retrieve my wallet and head back to Bangkok for the second time. I was running out of Thai Baht so I called for a taxi told the driver I would tip him well if he drove me back to Bangkok. He agreed and off we went.
I came to the Pattaya hotel and the receptionist handed me my wallet. To my amazement nothing was missing. They took a copy of my passport I signed the paper saying I had picked up the wallet. I go to a 7 Eleven ATM next door to get more Thai Baht got in the cab and off we went back to Bangkok. Except one thing I left my ATM card in the machine at the 7 Eleven next to the hotel.
The Costly Ending
I’d had enough. I’m not going back to Pattaya again. I called my bank and blocked the card. I went to the Bangkok hotel and suite and sulked for several hours. I left for home the next day after experiencing the worst vacation of my life but coming out with an incredible story of psychos paranoia and misplaced wallets. I guess I’m not meant for Thailand.”I’m really surprised. I think the guy set himself up for a negative time in Thailand. One of the things I’m always saying as well is I’ve never understood how guys can be dragged into a situation where he’s in a taxi with this woman he’s obviously made up his mind that she’s not all there she’s got a few marbles rolling around up there and he still says “Yeah you can be my guide.” Who’s he got to blame for that?
Personally I would have just got out of the taxi thank you very much and made my own way.
Story Two Gummy Bears and a Date Gone Wrong
One night in Chiang Mai I met a good looking nice Thai woman on Thai Friendly a dating app. I’ve always had great experiences with Thai Friendly but I make sure to talk to people on the Line app for a while before meeting to ensure safety. She isn’t a ‘you’ she is a university professor and doesn’t usually go out with foreigners according to her. She spoke actually excellent English and seemed shy when we met. She is from Samut Prakan Bangkok and was in Chiang Mai for a vacation.
We had a great night together at the Chiang Mai Market which is a massive stretch of road blocked off for vendors and customers.
Chiang Mai Date Turns Strange
I noticed that in Thailand people were selling gummy bears everywhere.
So I decided to try some. In California where I come from gummy bears are very potent so I thought I could handle them. I bought five gummies for 500 Baht and we each had some. However what was supposed to be a normal first date turned into a nightmare. The gummies were much more potent than the label stated and I started to trip out harder than usual. I could barely walk and the Thai girl helped me walk. I felt intoxicated.
I tried to sober up by eating some food but it only made matters worse. So I suggested we go back to her hotel room and she agreed. However as soon as we entered the room she wanted to have aerobics with me but I was too dizzy to enjoy myself. She got upset and her entire mood changed. She asked me to leave and I did without an issue.
The next day she apologized to me and wanted to meet up again but I was honest with her and didn’t want to waste her time. Lesson learned in Thailand you can never underestimate the potency of funny edibles they sell here. Just stick to Singha beers and you’ll be fine.
Story Three Bali Beach Boys From a Womans View
I’m a Canadian citizen born in Brazil of Portuguese European descent. Many people consider people born in South America as belonging to some type of Latino race which is just not true. I’m Caucasian as most people born in Southern Brazil Argentina and Uruguay where there were massive numbers of European immigrants beginning in the 1800s.
Upon arriving in Bali I decided to hire a driver recommended by my hotel manager for a couple of days. We visited Hindu temples waterfalls and other tourist attractions. The driver Jack was very attentive and kind. He would carry my bags ask me if I had eaten well in the morning etc. I was in my 40s but I had many younger and older guys used to check me out in Canada when I went to the gym from the graduate student residence where I lived. I had just gone through a divorce in 2015 after being married for 12 years and because I don’t like casual relationships I didn’t go out with guys in Canada.
Jack and I became friends. When I traveled from Bali to Timor Leste for a month we often talked by WhatsApp or Facebook Messenger. There was no sexual contact but now I know he started to groom me. When I returned to Bali for another couple of days I hired Jack again and then he mentioned that he didn’t see his parents for many months because he lived in a town far away from Denpasar.
We had aerobics and started to plan our next trip away from Denpasar. I suggested that he plan a tour in the northern area of Bali so he could visit his family. He planned a dolphin tour waterfall and more temples. His parents and extended family lived near Lovina Beach. Jack took me to visit his parents and extended family. I found this a great experience because I saw how real Balinese people live their shrines local temples etc. His family was very friendly with me. His sister gave me a dress and his mother invited me for lunch.
Finding the Other Family
Before returning to Canada I gave my camera a tablet clothes and other personal items to his family. I returned to Canada with a small suitcase and gave many of my personal belongings to Jack.
When I arrived in Canada we talked every day on video. Jack was about eight years younger than me not a huge difference. I prefer older guys but Jack seduced me with his gentle ways and how he took care of my emotional needs by asking if I ate and about my life in general. Balinese guys know how to fulfill the emotional needs of a woman.
Slowly Jack started asking for money. He said his father was sick his mother needed help etc. I never send money to guys as it would be very easy for me to find a relationship in Canada. I feel I was pretty enough to find a guy without having to send him money. I told Jack that I gave him many gifts and he could sell some of the gifts and help his family right away.
When Jack asked me for money I started to investigate his Facebook account in depth. There were dozens of ‘Jack Bali drivers’ on Facebook. I kept checking many similar names and I finally discovered another Facebook account with his photo. This account was open and I saw pictures of his Balinese pregnant wife and two children.
As a Western woman I could not conceive the idea that his family knew he had a wife and children and received me as a visitor with open arms. I started Googling ‘female sex tourism in Bali’ as I suspected that many Balinese men were selling themselves to female tourists for money. Then I discovered a whole world I had no idea existed. Many Japanese North American and European tourists go to Kuta Beach in Denpasar to find holiday romance. The documentary ‘Kuta Cowboys’ shows interviews with these women and the Balinese beach boys.
Then I connected the dots. I contacted Jack and said that I found his other Facebook account with his family and the documentary about female sex tourism in Bali. I told him that I was not interested in supporting any man and that I would block him.
Story Four A Soldiers First Trip
It was around a month before my discharge from the Air Force. I was sitting with my two other friends and roommates at midnight discussing our past Army trip to Europe in the style of the ‘Euro Trip’ movie. Suddenly another guy from an adjacent room came in after hearing the conversation and told us ‘Forget Europe. You can go to Europe even when you’re 70 and in a wheelchair. Go to Thailand trust me.’
That was more than enough to convince us. So we did our homework and booked a flight around August 2015 for a three week trip to Thailand.
We arrived in Bangkok and took a flight to Phuket. We stayed for a couple of days in Nai Yang and also took a day trip in Khao Sok National Park which was a fantastic way to kick off the trip. After that we moved to the Patong area and of course we heard about the famous Bangla Road. But hearing about it and actually going there are two different things.
After getting culture shock in a good way I arranged to meet a Thai girl through one of those dating apps. After meeting near the Tai Pan Club on Bangla Road we made our way to the hotel which was Hemingways Silk Hotel. But from what I’ve heard on my last trip a month ago it has closed down probably due to COVID.
Bangkok Lessons for the Soldiers
My first thought was that it was going to be a one night fling with this girl but I was wrong. In the next couple of days I had to change some of my plans and divert from my friends which I still get called out for to this day.
After a night of fireworks in bed we exchanged phone numbers and arranged to meet the next day in the evening. She came on her bike and we rode to a more relaxed bar area near the old top marketplace which was really fun. We went to one of the places she worked at and the bar manager was a really fun guy who let me put on some of my favorite rock and heavy metal songs which he also loved. We all had a good laugh played some cards and table games and drank.
After that we drove back to the hotel. It never crossed my drunk mind that she was drunk and driving but no accidents happened on the way back. We got back for another night at the hotel. She stayed the night and the next day she gave me a private tour around the Patong area.
First we went to her condo. In hindsight I’m glad my kidneys are still with me that could have gone sideways pretty fast. She changed and met up with another Thai lady who was her roommate and also hung out with another tourist. We went for lunch on the beach. I tried talking to the other guy but he was smashed from what I believe was alcohol but I’m not really sure. The girl that was with him even helped him eat so maybe he had some other substance to help him get into this state. We of course laughed.
Taxi Driver Warning
After finishing the ladies paid for the food which I didn’t expect but they said it’s on them. We rode to some of the parks and viewpoints in Patong and it was a really nice afternoon. Even though on one of the roads there was an accident between two cars and one car caught fire so you couldn’t see the road at all there was a policeman who would tell you when to close your eyes and just drive forward until you feel the smoke has passed you. Which sounds crazy but it actually worked.
In the evening I took her for a nice dinner at a restaurant. This time there was no argument regarding who is paying. We went to the hotel.
The next day my friends and I took a ferry to Koh Phi Phi to continue our Thailand journey. So we had to part ways but as we would return to Patong for a couple more days as the other guys had some loose ends to tie here it was not a goodbye just ‘see you soon.’
Koh Phi Phi was magnificent from the cliff jumping and beaches to getting in a ring drunk at 4am but that’s for another story.
We returned after about a week to Patong. I met up with her and we spent the evening in another restaurant and a night at the same hotel. We really liked the place so we booked the same one. That night was fun and full of lust as I was not used to having so much aerobics. It was a good last night in Phuket.
The next day it was goodbye as we were flying to Bangkok. I walked her to her bike outside and after a lengthy hug we parted ways. You should have seen my friends’ reaction when they came to the room and saw the aftermath of the fireworks. I won’t go into any details but let’s just say they had to play ‘the floor is lava.’
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Well I’ll wrap things up here and say don’t be afraid to come to Thailand and enjoy it as there is something for everyone in the Land of Smiles.
The Kidney Urban Legend
Let me just go back and reference that point he was talking about his kidneys. You might not have understood what he meant by that.
There was an urban legend that went around quite a lot here in Bangkok well all of Thailand actually and I’m going back really when it was in full swing about 25 30 years ago. I remember hearing about this several times. This legend I don’t know if it’s true or not it possibly was I don’t know I’m just telling you what I heard many many times.
What would happen is some younger foreigners would get drugged or they’d be fed too much alcohol whatever and they’d wake up in a bath of ice with a note saying “Get to a hospital as soon as possible” or a phone saying “Call the hospital.” To cut a long story short what had happened is they’d been kidnapped put in this bath of ice and one of their kidneys had been removed for obviously somebody else. Horrible horrible stuff. But as I say I’ve never actually heard of it happening as a one on one story. It was just a rumor a bit of an urban legend. Let’s hope it didn’t happen because it sounds horrible.
Story Five The First Trip 2004
The first story is from my first trip to Thailand in 2004 when I was just 23. This was to be my first big trip away without my family that wasn’t just a weekend away in Amsterdam. A friend and I decided to visit Thailand. Not knowing where to go I just gave a load of money to a travel agent and told her to send me to Thailand. So we booked a standard 10 day package in April five nights in Bangkok and five nights in Pattaya.
The time came for our departure from Heathrow and after a long flight we landed at the old Don Mueang International Airport in the early hours of the morning. Taking that first step out of the air conditioned cabin and hitting the wall of heat and humidity that many of you are familiar with took me back. I definitely wasn’t expecting it. This was before the time of YouTube and I didn’t have a computer so I had no idea what to expect. I had no idea April was the hottest month of the year to visit. I had no idea what Songkran was.
We got through customs and our complimentary driver was waiting for us to take us to our hotel. The first thing we did after checking in was dump our bags in our rooms and go exploring. With no idea where we were in the city we took a few lefts and a few rights and came across a street of bars that were clearing up from the night before. Making a mental note of where it was we planned to return that night.
From there we got a bit lost so we flagged a taxi down which of course took us to a tailor where I bought an Armani style suit. It was a beautiful suit and I probably overpaid but it was still a lot cheaper than I would have paid in the UK.
Bar Drinks and Decisions
Straight away we got coaxed into a bar on the corner by some very attractive women. We played a few frames of pool with the girls setting up the balls for our next games. I felt like a celebrity. We finished our beers and then took two maybe three steps out the door when two girls grabbed us and literally pulled us into a small bar at the entrance of Soi Cowboy.
The girl who held on to me wasted no time in throwing her arms around me. She introduced herself as Nang and followed up straight away with ‘Do you want to go boom boom?’ I hadn’t even bought a beer yet. So after a few beers and some lady drinks and with the bar fines paid all four of us jumped into a tuk tuk and headed back to the hotel.
Arriving back at the hotel with the girls in tow we found out the hotel wasn’t guest friendly. So after paying the joiner’s fee I finally got Nang to my room and she led me to the bathroom for the pre aerobic shower ritual. A lot of bedroom aerobics happened that night. It must have gotten to about five in the morning and Nang finally let me sleep. But waking up again around 7am even more aerobics followed.
After saying goodbye to the girls and nursing our hangovers we set up camp by the pool. My hometown’s football team was playing on TV that night so after we got dressed for the night ahead we commissioned a taxi driver who called himself ‘Beer’ to take us to a bar that had the football on. I think it was Patpong.
Getting out of the taxi a tout tried to get us into a ping pong show but we declined. Asking a guy working in a bar if our game was on he replied ‘Yes come on in.’ But of course that turned out to be a bit of a lie.
We sat on a couch chatting where one of the staff kept asking us if we wanted company. We kept saying no but as the beer started to flow we finally caved in. The guy kind of ordered the girls to line up in front of us so we could choose the one we liked the look of. I felt kind of awkward but chose one all the same.
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As my friend had limited funds we agreed we weren’t going to have any more bar fines that night. That idea didn’t last very long either and we were soon paying the girls’ bar fines and asking for the bill.
The Rest of the Holiday
Now my traveling companion had spent all his money and feeling sorry for himself all he wanted to do now was sulk by the pool and phone his girlfriend on his room phone which of course I ended up paying for when we checked out trying to get her to send him money or trying to rearrange an early flight home. I felt bad for him but at the same time pissed off with him because he was ruining my holiday and spending my money.
That night I sat in the hotel restaurant and ordered a ribeye steak mashed potatoes and steamed vegetables. After that I went out on my own to find Nang and take her back to my room. Getting onto Soi Cowboy I first bumped into her friend who grabbed me and led me to Nang who threw her arms around me and shrieked. So after a few drinks her bar fine and a joiner’s fee later we were soon laying on my bed out of breath and in each other’s arms.
I can definitely tell why some guys fall in love with Thai girls so easily.
After a few hours she mentioned that she was hungry so we went back to her bar where we hung out for a bit with her friends and I bought her some fish and chips. I met an elephant that was being walked past the bar and engaged in some friendly banter with a few Southampton supporters sitting outside the next bar.
For some reason I felt a bit duty bound to my friend so I sat with him by the pool for the next two days. But on our last day I wanted to go and do some touristy stuff so I got into a tuk tuk and went to see Wat Pho and the palace. By now it was getting a bit late in the afternoon so a lot of places had already closed.
The next day we were off to Pattaya. Because I was lending my friend money and buying him food I was running low on funds myself so we just sat by the pool for the remainder of the holiday. Because of that I vowed never to travel with anyone again. I got a great tan out of it though.
More First Trip Memories
So that was my first experience of Thailand. I have more stories from my very short trip to Bangkok in December 2019 on the way to Cambodia and my most recent one in February/March of this year where I spent 40 days traveling to Thailand three nights in Ho Chi Minh City and I’m currently in Cambodia where I have a few more when I hit Phnom Penh on Friday.
