These Things Will Annoy You About Thailand

Number 1: The Sidewalks (Pavements)

Number one on my list and I am referring to my trusty clipboard here with it all typed out is the sidewalks. In the UK we call them pavements, but generally we’re talking about the area next to a road that’s designed for pedestrians to walk along safely so they don’t get hit by passing cars.

In Thailand, they seem to be used for everything especially selling things. They are really hard to navigate.

To give you a really good example: Sukhumvit. If you cross over from the police box, you come out of Soi 4, cross over to the police box, you’ll be at the end of Soi 3. Just try walking from Soi 3 down to Asok.

You’ve got stalls on your left that have hanging canopies of plastic. You’ve got owners in front. You’ve got things that they’ve got displayed jutting out onto the pavement. On the right-hand side of the sidewalk, you’ve got people selling drinks with big portable freezer ice boxes. You’ve got beggars lots of kid beggars, children beggars that are probably arranged by the local mafia. You’ve got disabled people on the path in front of you holding tin cups.

Nothing against any of them, but it’s just really hard to walk down the street. In fact, to be honest, it’s actually easier to just step onto the road and walk along the road and that defeats the whole point of having a sidewalk. The point of the sidewalk is so that pedestrians can walk along it safely, but you can’t.

It’s just hell trying to navigate down there. If you’ve done it, you’ll know what I mean. If you haven’t, you’ve got something that you won’t be looking forward to it won’t be a nice experience when you have to navigate down those pavements.

Number 2: Foreigners Are Always Wrong (Even When They’re Right)

Number two on my list: foreigners are always wrong, even when they’re right. I know that sounds crazy, but what I mean is you just can’t win an argument with a Thai person.

You can be right 100%, 200%, even 300%, but you won’t win. If you’ve got into an argument, let’s give you a scenario: you’re at the reception of your hotel, something you’re not happy about. You’re 100% right about what you’re talking about. You know they’re wrong.

You won’t win. They’ll gang up on you. They’ll have witnesses. They’ll falsify things. You just cannot win.

And God forbid you should get into a fight with a Thai. It’ll end up five against one. You’ll end up battered and bruised, rolling around worst case scenario, in hospital. So you can’t win with the Thais. That’s another pet irritation.

Number 3: Taxis The Constant Battle

Number three surprise, surprise that this one gets on the list is taxis. In Thailand, there are thousands and thousands of taxis. It’s great that you can get around, but what I really hate about it, being a foreigner, is that every time I want to go somewhere, I don’t want to have to fight every single taxi driver I come across.

The government makes this big deal about, “If a taxi driver doesn’t put his meter on, report him. We’re not having any more scams. We’re not going to put up with it.” But if you’re a foreigner, you come out of Soi 4, you jump in a taxi on the other side of Sukhumvit for instance, I’ll tell the guy, “Soi Cowboy.” Metered, it’ll be about 45 to 55 baht.

On the rare occasion that the guy just switches the meter and goes which is really rare I’ll give the guy 100 baht. I’ll pay nearly double. I’m quite happy to give the guy a 40 baht tip because I know it’s not the easiest job in the world. I know they’re not highly paid. If he’s an honest taxi driver and I jump in and say “Soi Cowboy” and he just flips the meter and away we go, I’m more than happy to give the guy 100 baht 50 baht, no problem at all.

But what I really hate is I’ll get in, they’ll take one look at me foreigner and say, “300 baht, 200 baht.” I just get sick of it. It really is an irritation.

Number 4: Taxis and Tuk Tuks at Tourist Spots

That takes me quite nicely into my next point same subject, taxis, but included in this one is the tuk tuks. It’s the taxis and the tuk tuks that park and hang about at the end of Soi Cowboy and Patpong not so much Nana Plaza; that generally seems to have one guy there, and they don’t seem to have those mafia-style taxi drivers hanging around.

But what will happen is you’ll come out of the Silom end of Patpong, and they’re all there. All the tuk tuk drivers are lined up, the taxi drivers are lined up. I wouldn’t even waste my time anymore. I found out years and years ago that if you take a taxi from Patpong to Soi 4 where my hotel is located you should pay 80 baht maximum, 120 baht. You’ll give them 150 if you’ve had a few drinks, maybe 200 baht.

But these guys are quoting 400 to 600 baht. They’re off their heads. Same with the taxis. And it’s the same when you come out of Soi Cowboy. I just want to go home. I’ve had a good night’s drinking, I’m a bit worse for wear, I’m tired I just want to get in a taxi and go home.

But you come out of Soi Cowboy and guys say, “How much to Soi 4?” “400 baht, 500 baht.” Even if you go out onto the road and flag a taxi down at that location, they’re the same. They’ll see you’ve just come out of Soi Cowboy, they’ll think “sucker,” and they’ll just try to rip you off.

So you end up having to walk three or four hundred yards down the road, flag a taxi down. Same thing. You jump in. “200 baht.” “No, piss off.” You get out. You get in another one. “300 baht.” “No, clear off.” Eventually, you get one. But it’s a running battle.

This is one thing that really, really irritates me about Thailand the constant battle with the taxis. It’s not even like I’m a cheap Charlie, sitting there waiting for the last baht. I’ll double up on the fare and give them a good tip. But they’re just really greedy, and it’s a constant battle.

Number 5: Pollution and Rubbish on Beaches

Number five: pollution. It’s getting pretty bad in Bangkok now, as it is in most cities. I’ve actually taken to wearing a mask. I remember three decades ago when I first got there, I’d see the Thais walking down the street with these little white masks, and I thought how strange that looks really funny. I never thought back then that when I visit now, I would be doing exactly the same.

It’s just become unbearable. When I go there, my voice actually changes I get gruff. It is really, really getting very polluted.

The other thing I don’t like about Thailand is all the rubbish you get on the beaches. They don’t seem to take it too seriously. They do have guys who pick litter up, but even so, there are a lot of plastic bottles and rubbish lying around. That’s something I don’t really like about Thailand.

Okay, so we’re already a quarter of the way through and on to number six.

Number 6: The Assumption That All Foreigners Are Rich

Number six is more related to people who work in the entertainment industry the girls, the waitresses, bar people, all them sort of people. It really kind of gets me that all these people assume that because you’re a foreigner, you’re automatically rich. You’ve got a big car, you’ve got a big house back home. You’re rich for the pickings a good target.

They don’t seem to grasp the fact that you could be a postman who’s worked hard all his life just for two weeks in the sun. When you get there, you’re what we call a “holiday millionaire.” You’ve got money to splash around for two weeks, but you’ve saved 50 weeks for that two weeks.

I’ve seen guys try to explain it where the guy says, “In my country, I’m not rich. I’ve got money here because I’ve saved up.” And they just don’t believe that. They won’t have it. They’ll think, “No, you’re a foreigner. You must be absolutely rich.” That’s something that’s a little bit irritating.

Number 7: Apartments and the Deposit Scam

The next thing on the list I’ve come up with is that most apartments won’t give you your deposit back. It’s actually a scam.

In the West, if you go and rent an apartment or a house, they’ll normally take one to three months’ deposit, and you’ll get that back at the end of your tenancy agreement if all the bills have been paid and there’s no damage. They should give you that deposit back.

It never happens. You’ll either get none of it back, or you’ll get some of it back and then you won’t be able to get hold of the landlord. The people you do get hold of say, “Well, he hasn’t got the deposit,” or “That one’s got it,” or “The guy who’s not in the office this week has got it we’ll get back to you.”

It’s just a total scam, guys. Because you’re a foreigner, they see you as an easy target, and they keep the deposit.

What I tend to do now is if I rent an apartment or a house for any period of time, I tell them I don’t let them tell me. I’ll say, “Right, I like the house. I’ll give you one month deposit and one month in front.” If they say, “Well, we want two months, we want three months,” I say, “Nope. Do you want the one month or not?” If they say no, we can’t do it, fine move on. I’ll go somewhere else.

At least that way, if I lose a month’s deposit, it’s only a month and not three months. That’s quite irritating, but when you’ve been there a few times, you learn to adapt to these kinds of scams.

Number 8: The Cost of Electricity Charged by Private Landlords

That takes me into something that’s kind of related: the cost of electricity that private landlords charge you. The government rate for electricity is something like 4 baht per unit. But private landlords can charge you what they want, up to a certain tier I think it’s about 9 or 10 baht per unit.

Let’s just say you were getting charged by the government. You’ve got to have aircon on when you sleep, a little bit in the evening when you watch TV. Let’s say your bill was 1,500 baht from the government. If a private landlord charges you 9 baht per unit, that 1,500 baht bill becomes 3,000 baht plus.

For me personally, it’s not a money issue. It’s not that I haven’t got the money or I’m so hard up I can’t pay it I wouldn’t be visiting Thailand or living in Thailand if I was that hard up. I’ve got the money. But for me, I just don’t like people getting one over on me. It’s just my personality. I just don’t like it.

It sounds crazy, but it’s not about losing the money it’s about that guy taking me for a sucker. It’s just something that irritates me. But as I said at the beginning of the list, guys, I don’t hate all these points. They’re just things that kind of irritate me.

Number 9: Racism and the Two-Tier Pricing System

Number nine is quite serious. This one doesn’t irritate me at all now because I’m used to it after decades. I’ve come across it, and it used to really irritate me, but it does send some foreigners wild. I can understand why. It’s the racism and the two-tier system that they have in Thailand.

In the UK I don’t know about other countries there’s no way you could say, “Right, if you’re English, it’s going to cost you £10 to go into this park, but if you’re a foreigner, you’re going to pay £50.” They’d be rioting in the streets. It just wouldn’t happen.

But it is so common in Thailand. You’ll go to these national parks, government-run national monuments, parks, or zoos, and there’ll be a big sign in English at the front. It will say: “Thais XXX baht. Foreigners 100 baht.” How racist is that?

Like I say, these days it doesn’t irritate me because I’m used to it. I just wouldn’t pay. If I drove 100 miles to go to a park and it said I had to pay one baht more than a Thai, I wouldn’t pay it. I’d get back in the car and go. But that’s me I’m just pigheaded. But there you go racism, two-tier pricing. It’s just something I don’t like.

Number 10: Wild Packs of Dogs

Number 10 we’re halfway through the list, guys and this one I really don’t like. There are one or two things on here that do irritate me and I really don’t like, and I’ll point them out to you. This is the first of a couple of them.

It’s the wild packs of dogs that you get roaming around. It doesn’t matter where you go in Thailand, you’ll get these dogs. They tend to hang around outside the 7-Elevens because people chuck them bits and pieces. But they hang around in packs at night.

I’ve had over the years two times where I was pretty frightened. In the dead of night and when I say the dead of night, I’m talking about 1:00 in the morning, not 5:00 in the morning if you’re on a little motorbike like a Honda Click or a Honda Vibe, and you go past a pack of these dogs, a lot of times they will attack.

I’ve had two very bad experiences. One was about ten years ago. I was riding down a quiet soi, and these dogs were sitting there. I could see them in the distance, and I actually thought, “I hope they don’t wake up and go wild.” I went past them, and they just went for me. Fangs, saliva coming down the front of their faces.

I put my legs up like this, and nothing happened because I was faster than them. I looked back, and they were chasing me about six of them running after the motorbike. They didn’t get me, but it was frightening, I’ll be honest with you.

The last time was just recently. I was in Hua Hin I tend to hang around Hua Hin these days, not Pattaya and I met a friend there. I rented my motorcycle, and we were going around all these tiny neighborhoods. I looked down a soi, it looked like at the end it went to the right, so I went down there assuming that I could turn right and go out that way.

As I went past, there was a pack of about three or four dogs on the right. They didn’t do anything when I passed them. But when it was a dead end, I had to come back on myself. When I stopped, turned the bike round, and came back again, these dogs were savages. They just ran at the motorbike fangs showing, saliva dripping. They had hatred in their eyes and blood on their brains.

Again, I lifted my legs up, gave it full throttle, and got away. But I thought about it afterwards: if my front wheel had gone from under me, I’d be lying on the ground with these dogs biting my face, biting my neck. Would they have savaged me? I really hate them.

The thing about those dogs they are absolutely filthy, mangy beasts. They’re not like dogs in the West that are well-groomed and actually look healthy. These things look like they carry every disease known to man and hound alike. They’re awful.

Most of the time they don’t bother you they just lay there, just mooch about. But some of the packs, especially at night if you’re on a bike, just be really careful, guys, because they’re horrible. I really don’t like them.

Number 11: The Lack of Privacy

Now I’ve got that one off my chest, we’re going to number 11. Not quite so serious, but it’s the concept of privacy that the Thais don’t have. They don’t have any qualms about asking you personal questions.

In the West, if I was living in my apartment and somebody moved in next door and introduced themselves “My name’s Peter, what’s your name, what do you do?” probably that’s about it. If they wanted to open up and tell me what they did, all good. If they didn’t, no problem.

But in Thailand, it’s not like that. They’ll ask you personal questions from day one, and then they’ll gossip about you to other people. They’ll ask you things like, “Have you got a girlfriend? Have you had a girlfriend?” I can’t think of a really personal question at the moment, but “How much have you got in the bank?” no problem at all asking questions like that.

That doesn’t really irritate me, but I’ve had to think of 20 things, and that’s something that’s a little bit I don’t really like it. It’s one of the things I don’t really like about Thailand this lack of privacy, where they don’t understand the concept of people wanting their privacy.

Number 12: The Expat Community and Heavy Drinking

Number 12: the expat community seems to be comprised of a lot of alcoholic people. Now that sounds bad. What I mean by that is I like to drink as much as the next person. I am quite a heavy drinker when I’m in Thailand it’s just the whole vibe out there.

But I’ve always had a golden rule for myself: I don’t drink in the daytime. There have been rare occasions I’ve had a beer, but generally, as a rule, I don’t drink in the daytime. There is a method behind the madness. The reason is I’ve always had this fear of becoming an alcoholic. I do drink a lot at night when I’m out there, but in the daytime it’s coffees, teas, soft drinks. I won’t touch alcohol.

It’s just a fear of mine that if I started drinking in the daytime, it would run into the evening and then become a 24-hour thing. I have a cutoff point.

But it seems that no matter what group you join or what bunch of friends you hang around with in Thailand, it seems to be the norm for expats to be real heavy drinkers. Even in the daytime, I’ve gone to somebody’s house I know that person, but I don’t know the other six people there. I’ve been introduced, and they’ve got a bottle of Thai whisky on the table, and they’re drinking at 9:30 or 10:00 in the morning. They think I’m weird because I’d rather have a coffee.

It’s not something I hate it’s just something that makes me feel uncomfortable. You want to fit into a group, especially if you’ve just been introduced to people. You don’t want to be seen as a bit weird. They’re all drinking whisky and you don’t want to drink, and it just makes you feel a little bit uncomfortable. That’s one of my pet hates, actually.

Number 13: Deodorant Hard to Find and Expensive

Number 13 this is a bit of a strange one. It’s a little bit of an irritant, but you can’t get hold of good deodorant cheaply. If you go into 7-Eleven or these small pharmacies, you can get deodorant, but they tend to use these sticks with a rollerball on the end. I find them sticky and messy. I just don’t like them. I like a good aerosol.

In England, you can buy a can that size for about a pound, and sometimes you get one free with it. You can use it generously. I like to use the same stuff in Thailand.

If I go on vacation for a week or so, it’s not a problem because I’ll take two or three with me. But in Thailand, they’re hard to get hold of. If you go into somewhere like Boots or Watsons, you can get them, but the can is about that size and they’re like 600 baht just so expensive. That’s a pet hate. I just wish it was easier to get deodorant.

One of my top tips I always give everyone is: if you’ve gone out in the evening and you’re wearing shorts and short sleeves, if you don’t want to be bitten by mosquitoes, forget all your mosquito repellent. What I do is when I use the deodorant, I’ll just spray my arms and my legs. I never get bites. It works, believe me, guys.

But again, you need to take plenty of deodorant with you. If you’re an expat and you live there, then obviously that’s not an issue. But it’s a little bit irritating.

Number 14: The Floating Markets (Floating Toilets)

My next point on the list number 14 is the “floating toilet,” as I call it. It’s more commonly referred to as a floating market.

Years ago, the floating market was a traditional market. They sold fruit, vegetables Thais went there and bought all their goods for consumption in the week. There is still a lot of that that goes on, but it’s a big con now. The water is dirty. You pay 1,500 baht to be taken out onto one of these boats, and you get pestered by people selling new trinkets and rubbish that are all overpriced. It’s a pet hate of mine.

If I had somebody coming to Thailand for the first time and I wanted to show them around, I’d take them to Jatujak or even Patpong night bazaar interesting. I wouldn’t take them to the floating market. If I did, I’d take them there and we’d look at it from the bank. Not because I didn’t want to spend the money I just think it’s a con. “Look, there’s a floating market,” maybe go for a meal, but I certainly wouldn’t go out on one of those boats and be pestered by those people.

There are lots of tourist destinations where this kind of thing happens. If you go to some of the temples, you get these scam artists who will say, “Look, it’s closed today for renovation, but he’s my friend he’s got a tuk tuk and will take you around and give you the grand tour of Bangkok for the afternoon,” which will cost you an arm and a leg. That’s something again I don’t like.

Number 15: Mistreatment of Elephants

Right, on to my next one. We’re 75% of the way through my list now. This one you don’t see so much these days, but I used to hate it, and I still hate it if I do see it. That is the mistreatment of elephants.

Years ago, you’d see every single night if you were hanging around Soi Nana Plaza you’d have a guy with a baby elephant. He’d have a stick about that long with a hook on the end of it, and he’d dig this stick into the elephant’s ear or its neck to pull it forward or entice it to come forward. He’d have a bag of bananas with him.

As a tourist, I’ve done it myself, and I wish I hadn’t. I did it once. Basically, what happens is you buy a banana or a couple of bananas for an inflated price overpriced and you feed the elephant. But it’s really, really cruel. It encourages it.

The last place in the world a majestic beast like an elephant especially a baby elephant needs to be is in a polluting, busy centre of Bangkok. A busy city like Bangkok, and especially hanging around somewhere like Soi 4 I just think it’s terrible. It’s cruel. It shouldn’t be allowed.

I’m going to take a shot in the dark here, guys. I’m going to take a wild guess, but I think it probably has been banned. The last few years that I’ve been going around Soi Nana and all that, I haven’t seen an elephant. Don’t write in and say I’m wrong because you’ve seen one if you have, fair enough. It’s just one of the points that I don’t like. I just think it’s very, very cruel and it isn’t right.

If they have banned elephants from coming into the city, then good on them. I’ll give them full respect for that one. It’s something I personally didn’t like to see.

Number 16: Hotel Photos on Agoda That Don’t Match Reality

Number 16 the photographs you get of hotels on Agoda. I suppose it’s the same all around the world, but it seems to be particularly bad in Thailand. The photographs never match what you actually get, and that really annoys me.

I have an experience that I can share with you on this one. I went to Hua Hin at the tail end of last year. Because of my age, I’ve worked hard all my life. I’ve stayed in budget hotels, I’ve gone around on the cheap, I’ve done flights where they’ve stopped off for 20 hours to save 100 pounds. I just wouldn’t do it anymore.

I’m 60 now, and it’s about quality of life. If I haven’t made enough money to enjoy life by now, then I’ve wasted my life. I’m doing okay. I tend to treat myself sometimes not all the time, I still stay in budget hotels but every now and again I like to treat myself.

I found a hotel halfway down Soi 94 in Hua Hin. I forget the name of the hotel I’ve got a feeling it’s called the Smile Hotel. It was about twice as much for this room. It was what they call a “suite room.” Nothing to do with confectionery it’s called a suite room because there’s normally a seating and eating area, so they’ll have a sofa and a chair or a dining table and a couple of easy chairs.

I looked at this on Agoda. It looked very big, very airy, very bright. For the price they were asking twice as much as I’d normally pay I thought, “Why not? Enjoy yourself.” I booked it.

When I got there, it was very, very nice. But I was disappointed. Most rooms you go in, the door is at one end and at the far end you have the windows and a balcony. That’s the normal setup. In this room, it was slightly different. You walk in the door, and on that side was a balcony, and on that side was a balcony.

What the guys had done was take the photograph with both balcony doors open. The guy taking the photograph was on the far balcony, and there was a girl a model or something, a pretty girl on the other balcony. They opened both balcony doors, the girl went as far as she could go in the corner of the balcony on one side, and the photographer did the same on the other balcony, leaning right back to take the shot.

When you looked at the photographs on Agoda, the room looked huge absolutely huge. That was one of the things that enticed me to rent that room for about a week.

When I got to the hotel, it was very nice. It was clean. There were a lot of big windows it was airy. The staff were very nice. It was a small, simple hotel, but it was nice. The room was nice. I was happy with the room.

But I’d never stay there again. Why? Because they conned me. They made the room look about 40% bigger than it was. Although it was a very nice room, the staff were nice, and I had a nice experience, I wouldn’t go back there. They conned me by showing me bigger photographs.

For me personally, I might be old fashioned, but once somebody’s done that to me, they won’t get my business again. That’s something that irritates me.

Guys, if you do go to Thailand, don’t totally rely on the photographs you see on Agoda. They’re not real. Yes, it’s a room, but they’ll normally show you the best room in the house. A lot of the time, you’ll get disappointed. If you can find a friend who stayed there or some other means of other photographs that are real, then try and do that.

Number 17: The Loud Advertising Baht Buses

Do you remember I said on this list there are a couple of things that really irritate me? The rest most of them don’t they’re just little things but two or three of them do. We’ve got to another one of them. This one really, really irritates me.

It’s the advertising baht buses. They’ve got two sides to them. Normally they’re advertising Thai boxing or a show or some singing group that’s come to town. They start off real early in the morning like 8:30 and they’ve got a couple of speakers up front, and they are goddamn loud.

When I went to Hua Hin last time, I was in Soi 94. I’d had a late night the night before been down Soi 88, had a skinful, got back to the hotel about 3:00 in the morning, fast asleep. And I could hear this thing getting nearer and nearer. It seems to take forever to get to you and then pass you.

I had the pillow over my head, and it was getting nearer and nearer and louder and louder. They are so irritating it’s unbelievable. They’re loud. By the time it got to the hotel, it was deafening. It passed, it faded away. I laid there and thought, “Thank God for that.” Five minutes later, another one came.

There’s not much I really hate about Thailand, but I really, really hate those baht buses those loud advertising baht buses. Just in case I never mentioned it: I hate those baht buses.

Number 18: Visas Red Tape and Difficulty

Number 18 is visas. I don’t have a problem with visas these days because I generally go for a month. If I want to go for two months in Hua Hin, you can go to Blue Port and get that one month extended to two months. It’s very easy it’s 1,800 baht. There’s not really much of a queue.

When I lived there, I was quite comfortably financially, so visas weren’t a problem. It was a lot easier back then. What I used to do was pay a company who’d get me a Non-Immigrant B visa and then a visa that let me stay there for a year. Four times a year, every three months, it had to be stamped. For a fee I think even back then, about 25 years ago, it cost me about 30,000 baht they’d take my passport off me, get me the year visa, and a day before it was due to be stamped, they’d take it to their office, take it to somewhere like Cambodia over the border, get a load of them stamped (they had other people’s obviously), and I’d go back and pick my passport up. It was really, really easy.

From what I understand from other people there now, it’s getting more and more difficult. It’s getting more and more expensive, and there’s a lot of red tape. If you’re one of those guys who’s struggling to stay in Thailand and you find the whole visa process a nightmare, then I feel for you. I’ve put it down as one of my pet hates but it’s not actually a personal pet hate because I haven’t really experienced it. But I would imagine it can be quite bad, especially if you’re on a budget.

Number 19: Trying to Find a Real Thai Massage

We’ve got two left and the bonus one. Number 19 and this might sound really strange is just trying to get a real Thai massage.

Years ago, there used to be a place at the back of Soi 22. It was a huge place, and it was old ladies who did the massage really well trained. They did a real good job. It was a proper Thai massage. When you went in there, these women were all about 40 to 50, all well trained, proper masseuses. They gave you this kind of two-piece outfit, almost like pyjamas. They were all six sizes too small because they were tiny size, and I’m quite a big chap so they were always really tight.

But these women, they knew what they were doing. They had a bar along the ceiling that they’d hold on to. They’d walk on your back. Your bones would creak. They’d pull your fingers and your elbows. Your head would go that way, and everything creaked and snapped and popped. It was like a torture chamber.

I know this sounds weird I’m not a sadist but it was actually quite a good feeling. One of my little tricks was if I went out for a meal, I’d go for a two-hour massage. Back then in Soi 22, it was 250 baht, and it was a proper, proper massage. These women were brutal it was good.

What would happen is you’d have dinner, go in there for two hours, they’d tie you up in knots, walk on your back, crack your neck. At the end of it, you came out feeling brilliant really good. The first thing you wanted to do was have a cold beer, and that went down a treat.

What I’m saying about finding a real Thai massage now is that most of the places especially around the tourist areas they’ve got young, pretty girls. It’s all extra services and that sort of thing. I’m not knocking it, but people do want to have a real Thai massage.

I’m not the sort of guy who stops in the street, goes on my mobile, and starts looking through countless reviews “Best traditional massage in Sukhumvit” and sits there for 20 minutes looking at reviews. I don’t want that. What I want is to see a massage parlour, go in there, and have a proper massage.

But the times I’ve gone in there and said to them, “Is it a proper massage? Is it a real Thai massage?” “Yeah, proper Thai massage.” You go in there, the girl starts giving it all this on your shoulders “Aah, here we go” and it’s not a proper Thai massage. That does kind of get to me a little bit. When you’re paying for a service it’s not about the money you’re paying for a service, and you end up getting something that’s not really what you want.

Number 20: Scams They Never Give Up

My last one on the list number 20 is scams. Scams take place everywhere, but it’s just so irritating in Thailand because they never give up. It’s always the gem scam. It’s always people trying to get you to jump in a tuk tuk and go on a special trip with them shopping. There are just so many scams.

I don’t know maybe it’s because I’ve been going there for so long that it does irritate me now. When I feel I’m getting sucked into something like this, it’s just totally irritating.

So that’s my 20.

Bonus: The Condition of Banknotes

The bonus one at the end it was just a coincidence, really, that I was making this list, because one of my subscribers wrote to me today and said, “Why don’t you tell your viewers about the notes the cash notes having to be clean?” I thought, “That’s really good. I can add that onto the end of the 20 things I don’t like about Thailand,” because that is one of the things that I hadn’t thought of.

When you go to Thailand, it’s really weird. In England, for instance, if you’ve got a defaced note a note that’s been covered in writing or creased or it’s been burnt or ripped as long as you’ve got the two numbers (in the UK there’s a number on the left at the top and a number at the bottom on the right), as long as you’ve got those two numbers and you present them to a bank, they’ll change that note for you. It is legal tender. You can spend it.

But in Thailand, they’re so fussy. Even if you get a tiny little corner off the top of the note just a tiny tear, I’m not exaggerating or there’s a little line, or somebody’s written the number two, or there’s a little bit of dirt on it, they’ll just refuse it.

It’s irritating. What happens is you go to the bank like recently I went there and I took £2,000. The biggest denomination in the UK is £50 notes, and generally they’re in better condition than the tens and the twenties. So I asked for £50 notes. I looked through them couldn’t see any rips I thought, “Yep, good to go.”

Go to Thailand. You change a couple of hundred pounds, 300 dollars, something like that. You get 10,000 baht. You go back to your room, safe. Another £200, 300 dollars, change it do the same thing.

What happened was I went to a change booth with £200 four £50 notes and they only changed three of them. They wouldn’t change the fourth one. This happened a couple of times. When you looked at it and it was hard to see at the top of the £50 note, it was slightly, slightly frayed. They just wouldn’t accept it.

It’s so irritating because what happens is you have to take that note home. You can’t change it. You start to think, “Oh, I’ve got less vacation money now,” and you start having to be a little bit clever. Instead of having £2,000, you might only have £1,700. You’ve still got that money you haven’t lost it but the whole point of bringing money on vacation is so you can spend it and not take it back home with you.

I watched a video recently about a guy in MBK. I can’t remember the channel name, but it wasn’t a bad video. He had the same problem. He went to change his notes, and he managed to change about 70% of them. Just for fun, he thought, “Well, I’ll try a few more.” He went round some more change booths. Some of them were really strict. Some of them would change one or two that had been refused. Others, to cut a long story short, he managed to change the whole lot but it took him about two hours, going around seven or eight change booths.

That’s not a way to spend your vacation walking around change booths all afternoon.

The best advice I can give you on that one is when you’re in your bank ordering the money, tell them that you need good notes. When they give you the money, sit down, take five minutes, and just go through every single note. Inspect it front, back, no writing, no tears. Put aside all the ones that you think are a little bit iffy. Take them back to the cashier, be polite, and just tell her the truth: “I’m going to Thailand they’re very, very particular. Could you change these?” Inspect the new notes that you get. Eventually, you’ll get good notes. If you’re unlucky, you might have one or two not six or seven.

That’s something you’ve got to keep an eye on if you go to Thailand. Especially if you don’t know for the first time definitely don’t take a load of ten and twenty dollar notes that are not in very good condition. Dump them and get some nice notes.