Marriage Regret In Thailand

My story starts in 2007 when I was planning a holiday to either Thailand or the Philippines with a friend from work. His name is Stan, an older guy who used to be an engineer in the same company that I work for. In the end, we decided that we would have two weeks in Thailand in August of that year.

Stan was looking forward to it as he had heard my stories about Thailand. I had been a couple of times before, just holidays, messing around with bar girls. I just liked their company. I did not want a serious relationship with any of them as I had heard the horror stories of other guys losing everything.

August arrived. We flew out to Thailand. We were planning three nights in Bangkok and were booked into the Nana Hotel on Sukhumvit Soi 4. After the first three days, we would fly to Phuket.

The first night, we just hung around Nana Plaza having a laugh and a joke and enjoying the atmosphere.

Meeting Preeta In Patpong

On the second night, Stan asked me where he could buy some copy football shirts, Rolexes, DVDs, that sort of thing. I said Patpong Night Bazaar would be a good place for all of that. So we jumped in a taxi and went off to Patpong.

Stan got a Rolex for a really good price. I was impressed as it was his first trip to Thailand. A bit later on, the heavens opened up and there was a massive downpour. Everyone ran for cover. Quick as a flash, Stan shouted, “Let’s go in this go go bar for cover!”

The name of the bar was the Kiss Spa, with lots of girls on stage. I was seated next to a girl who worked there, and she said her name was Preeta, or I could call her Pre (her nickname). Preeta pointed to a girl on stage and said that girl was her niece. I thought that was a bit unusual.

Stan was joking with an overweight girl about 45, but she was happy to have drinks with him. Preeta told me she was 34, about the same age as me at the time. I was in two minds about asking her to join me outside of the bar as I had not slept much since arriving and didn’t feel like partying. In the end, me and Stan left alone. We had one for the road in Nana Plaza before hitting the hotel for a good night’s sleep.

The next day, Stan wanted to buy some presents for his family, so we went back to the MBK shopping mall. In the evening, we went back to the Kiss Bar in Patpong. Preeta was there, so we chatted for a while. By now, I was feeling refreshed after a good night’s sleep. I decided to pay Preeta’s bar fine, and we left the bar together.

We had a drink at Gulliver’s. She told me her mother was in ill health and started crying. I said, “I’m sorry to hear that.” She also said sorry to me, but that was not a problem, I was a little concerned for her. She went on to tell me that she had two sons from past relationships with two different Thai guys. I told her that was not a problem for me.

Preeta Opens Up

I asked, “What would you like to drink?” She said water, as she had never touched alcohol. I was surprised at this, as most of the bar girls I know can drink me under the table.

We went back to the Nana Hotel and had a nice meal together in the coffee shop. The next morning, we said our goodbyes, and me and Stan set off for Phuket.

Cutting Phuket Short For Bangkok

The trip to Phuket was scheduled for one week. We did the usual stuff, visit the beer bars on Bangla Road, drinking, playing Connect Four with the girls who work in the bars.

After two days in Phuket, I said to Stan, “I’m really missing Preeta. I don’t know, we just clicked.”

Stan said, “She seemed to be a nice girl, not like the other girls from the bars.”

I said, “What do you think if I cut my trip short here and go back and see her?”

Stan said, “Yes, go for it. I can’t see you finding a nice girl down here in Phuket.”

I went to a travel agent, booked a flight for the following day back to Bangkok. I arrived back in Bangkok in the afternoon, booked just one night in the Nana Hotel, then in the evening I went back to the Kiss Bar in Patpong. Preeta looked happy to see me.

Back In Bangkok With Preeta

I told her I cut my Phuket trip short to see her. I had just over a week left on my holiday and told her that I wanted to spend the rest of my time in Thailand with her. I had to compensate the bar for taking Preeta out for the week, but it wasn’t so expensive, and I was looking forward to her company. I also agreed to pay Preeta for her time. Once that was done, we were all set for a good time.

I asked Preeta where she would like to go. She asked me if I had ever been to Koh Samet. I had never been, so we decided on Koh Samet. We stayed five nights just chilling out on the beach, and in the evenings going for candlelit dinners. Koh Samet was nice and quiet, a good place for couples who wanted to get away from the hustle and bustle of Bangkok.

Classic Bar Girl Lines

I felt myself falling for Preeta. She came out with classic bar girl one liners, like the night I met her was the first night she was working in the bar. She went on to tell me that she only wanted to be with me and no one else. She then went on to say that she had made 50,000 baht in her first month working there. Funny, I thought, I met her on her first night of working in the bar.

Nonetheless, I was enjoying her company. The Koh Samet trip had come to an end, so we made our way back to Bangkok for our last night. Once again, I checked into the Nana Hotel. We met up with Stan, and we just did a bar crawl around Nana Plaza. Once again, Preeta was with us and was just drinking water. She seemed so different to the other girls.

In the morning, we checked out and headed to the airport. Preeta came with us. I said my goodbyes to her and promised I would be back to see her as soon as possible. She then said she did not want me to go and started crying.

I’ve never seen anything like this before and felt bad leaving her. I said to Stan a little bit later, “What do you think? What do you make out of her crying? Do you think that was sincere, or is that something they do just to pull on your heartstrings to relieve you of the last few baht you might still have in your pocket at the airport?”

Stan said, “No, I don’t think so. You could see how upset she was.”

I turned my phone off for the flight home. When I landed at Heathrow, I switched it back on, there were about 10 messages from Preeta saying, “Have a safe flight. Please call me when you get home. Let me know you got home.” I thought it was very sweet of her. She seemed so nice.

Money Requests Begin

The next few months, we would speak every day. But one day, she told me she was having a house built in Surin (her hometown) and would I be okay if she worked in the bar for one more year to pay for the house? I was not sending her money, so I could not really say no, but it was driving me crazy thinking of how many guys would see her in that year.

I don’t have the best paid job in the world, but I wanted her to stop working in the bar. The next day when we spoke, I told her, “I have very little savings, only about £3,000 (that’s about 120,000 baht). But if I gave you it all, would that be enough to stop you working at the bar?”

She said yes, but she wanted to work one more month just handing out flyers outside of the bar. “Okay, no problem,” I said. “But I will only give you the money in person when I get there on my next trip.”

I booked a flight for December 28 for a couple of weeks. I thought it would be great to see out the New Year with Preeta.

Wedding Mistake In Thailand

Preeta met me at the airport. It was great to see her once again, and we stayed again at the Nana Hotel. On New Year’s Eve, we went to some go go bars. I remember thinking of friends back home staying in or going to their local pub, freezing in the cold weather, yet here I was in a t-shirt and shorts with a beautiful girl on my arm. We saw the New Year in at the Nana Disco. It was the best New Year I had ever had.

Just after midnight, I was getting a little drunk and came out with something very stupid. I’d made plenty of mistakes in my life, but this one was going to be the most stupid ever. I turned to Preeta and said, “Let’s get married on this trip before I go home.”

Preeta looked at me and said, “Are you serious?” I said yes.

The next day, Preeta rang her family to share the good news. I rang my family in the UK and told them about the upcoming wedding, to say they were surprised is an understatement. A few days later, we went to the MBK Center and bought gold rings for both of us.

Marriage Plans In Surin

Preeta told me that because I gave her the £3,000 (120,000 baht), I would not have to pay a dowry, just have some food and a little party with her family. We got married in a registry office in Bangkok. Afterwards, we got to Surin, stayed in a hotel there as Preeta’s house was just being built.

That evening, I met Preeta’s mother, brother, and sisters, also Preeta’s youngest son who was only seven at the time. I also saw Preeta’s niece, the one she had pointed out to me in Patpong. She had also married one of her customers, Tim, an English guy who was about 60 at the time. He lived in Thailand, and they were having a house built next to ours. It was great to have someone English to talk with.

Preeta and I visited Hua Hin, and it was nice just chilling. Eventually, the holiday came to an end. I told Preeta that I would be back in April, but in the meantime, I would apply for a visa for her to join me in the UK, as this is what we both wanted.

Life In The UK Begins

When I got back to the UK, I found out that a friend from work had married a girl on his first trip to Thailand. He was very kind and came round my house and helped me with the paperwork for the visa, it was all a minefield to me. I would never have done it without his help.

April came, and I flew back to Thailand. Preeta’s visa was approved, which we were both happy about. We then decided to take a holiday in Pattaya. The time seemed to fly by, and it wasn’t long before it was time to fly home. This time at the airport, it felt okay. It was strange saying, “See you next month in the UK.”

I was in the UK for a month, and it was almost time for Preeta’s flight. I sent her the money for the ticket, and when she arrived, I met her at Heathrow Airport. We took the National Express coach to my hometown.

The first few months went fine. I got Preeta registered with the doctor and the dentist, and I got her a bank account as she said she wanted to work. After a few months, she got a job in the same company as me, on night shift. I did the day shift. She earned a lot more money than me, but I paid for most things. I did not mind. I would treat her to weekends in London to see a show, and she would also like going to Harrods and buying Louis Vuitton handbags, but at least the handbags she bought were with her own money. I did not understand the need for brand names, but if that’s what she liked, fair enough, her money.

In the summer, I would pay for us to go to Cornwall. It was nice having a woman to share life with. But she would get very upset over silly things. It was not too bad to start with, but over time it just got worse.

Violence And Regret

One afternoon, we were at home. She asked me about the girls I saw in Thailand before I met her. I did not want to talk about it as it was all in the past and that’s where it should stay. Preeta got angry and told me that if I ever see another girl in Thailand, we would be finished.

I tried to tell her I would never do that, now I’m married, and the girls I used to know are in the past. But she kept pushing it. In the end, I raised my voice and said in a sarcastic tone, “Let’s talk about the past, let’s really enjoy ourselves.”

She looked shocked, then slapped me across the face. She ran out of the kitchen, down the garden, round the side of the house, and in the front door (where I was still sat) and just for good measure gave me another slap. I think she hoped I would chase her outside.

After she slapped me again, she said sorry. She said that I could do the same to her to make it fair. I told her that there is no excuse for a man hitting a woman, and there is no excuse for her hitting me. I think she hoped I would do the same to her so that she could tell people at work and show them the marks. But I would never hit a woman.

There were lots of similar instances like this over time. It was beginning to dawn on me that I had made a big mistake marrying someone I hardly knew, who I met in a go go bar in a red light area.

Returning To Thailand Trouble

About a year later, we flew to Thailand to see Preeta’s family. The house in Surin had been built by this time, so we stayed there. Had a little party with the family. I took her son swimming in the hotel swimming pool, as he had never been in a swimming pool before, and he looked really happy and was enjoying himself.

Preeta was planning to spend more time in Surin with her family, so I asked her if she would mind if I went to Phuket for a few days, as it would be nice to go to the beach before we went home. To my surprise, she was okay with it, and she said she would join me in Phuket in a few days.

I checked into a nice hotel at the top of Bangla Road. I did not want to go to the busy bars at night as I was now married and it did not seem right to do that. There was a quiet bar at the top of Bangla Road which showed American wrestling on TV. I just thought I would chill here.

There were two ladies who worked there, the usual bar girl conversation took place. They told me their names, asked me my name, but I was quick to tell them I was married and my wife would be joining me in a couple of days. “No problem,” they said. “Bring her here, everyone welcome her.” They seemed nice enough.

Phuket Bar Confusion

A couple of nights later, Preeta arrived. We had a night out, visited different bars. At the end of the night, Preeta wanted to buy something from 7-Eleven. We had to walk past the bar I was drinking in before. The girls remembered me, as I walked past, they waved and said, “Hello, Dave!” I put my hand up to them.

The look on my wife’s face was one of horror. Preeta thought the worst. I said, “I went for a beer and watched the TV, that’s it.”

“Then how do they know your name?” she asked.

I said, “They asked me, and I told them. I also told them about you, so they know I’m married. I even said, why don’t we have a drink there to prove I’m telling the truth?”

Preeta told me, “I’m not going in the bar. Bar girls are rubbish. They give my country a bad name.”

I could not believe what I was hearing. I’d met her in a go go bar. I did not say anything, what’s the point? I just wanted her to shut up about it. We were supposed to be on holiday to have a nice, relaxing time.

Argument In The Hotel Room

After we got back to the room, she just couldn’t let it go. She went on and on about these girls in the damn bar for over three hours. I don’t normally lose my temper or raise my voice, but after three hours of her constant nagging, I finally snapped and shouted: “I had a couple of cold beers in the bar while watching TV. What the hell did you want me to do, sit in the room until you get here?”

Her reply was to scratch her nails deep into my back until she drew blood. I did not say anything. There was also a single bed in the room, I just got into that bed and left her to it.

The next day, she said sorry. I told her I lost control, it was my fault for raising my voice. I said, “Just forget it. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

It was soon time to go home.

Messages From Paul

A few more years passed, and it’s now 2017. Preeta had not been to Thailand for a year. She was due to go in March and had saved her holiday up at work and carried some days over. She was going for a total of seven weeks. I did not go, I wanted to save money and go the following year.

A few weeks before her trip, Preeta said something very strange. She said, “When you go to Thailand, if you want to take a girl back to your room, no problem.” I was shocked and upset, this coming from the woman who used to tell me that she would divorce me if I ever looked at another girl, let alone sleep with one. I told Preeta that I would never do that, it was just not me to deceive somebody.

Then came the second popular bar girl line: “Up to you.”

The day of her flight arrived. I took her on the National Express coach to Heathrow. She was on Messenger all the time, I thought it must be her family getting excited about seeing her when she gets back. She barely said two words to me for the whole of the journey. When we arrived at the airport, I said, “Let me know when you get there safely.” She shouted back at me, “Don’t tell me what to do!” I only meant it in a caring way.

The following day, I had a message on my tablet (I did not have a smartphone at the time). A guy called Paul, who worked with us, said in the message: “Have a great holiday, see you when you get back, sexy legs.”

It was my account. She forgot that I had access to the messages. That’s how I got the message, because I did not have a smartphone, she thought that I would not see any messages, but she had forgotten about the tablet.

Reading The Messages

I scrolled through the messages between Paul and Preeta. I looked at the time and date, she was even talking to him when I was sat next to her on the couch.

One message from Preeta to Paul said: “I cannot wait for the seven weeks to go quickly so I can see you again.” Another said: “I will be single next year. LOL.” Paul wrote: “When you come back, you can get into bed when he is at work.” She sent silly love heart stickers in her messages to Paul.

I now understand why she had said I could sleep with other bar girls if I wanted to, she wanted me to get the blame for the marriage not working.

I could not take it all in. I know it was not a happy marriage, but I did not expect her to do this to me. I just printed the messages off my tablet and sent them to the works legal team. They said it does not prove she has cheated, but in my book, it was unreasonable behavior, so I divorced her anyway.

I acted quite normal while communicating with Preeta in Thailand. This time, I was the deceiver. She had no idea that not only had I discovered what she was up to, but while she was still in Thailand, I cleared out our flat/apartment and moved out. It was a council property anyway, so no great loss, but I held onto the keys until she returned.

The Confrontation

When she got back, I met her at the airport but did not tell her anything. I had printed out her messages, including a photo of her not wearing a lot of clothes while with Paul, and left them on the coffee table in the lounge.

When she got back and saw all the printouts of the messages, she just looked at them with disbelief. I told her, “You won’t be single next year, you’ll be single this year. And I have also moved out.”

It was really bad luck for her really, because by this time, Paul had found an English girlfriend.

Preeta would still ask me to help her with small jobs, which I did for a while. She said, “I’m only in this country because of you, and we not divorce, okay?” She went on to say, “I will give you the money back for doing that with Paul.” I said, “It’s not about the money. I just don’t trust you anymore.”

Divorce From Preeta

She got very angry and said I’m a low class person with no good heart. I said, “If that’s how you feel, that’s fine. It wasn’t me who slept around, was it?”

I received a further 20 or so messages from her saying sorry, “You’re a good guy, I just get angry with people.” She also said that it was not true about Paul and her, even though she had said sorry and I had the evidence. She tried to make out it was all work gossip. What a lot of crap.

The divorce came through in January 2018, exactly 10 years after I had married her.

Aftermath And Lessons

I later found out that she went on a date with a lorry driver from the same company, but it only lasted about a year. Friends have told me if he sees her, he just ignores her. I can only guess that she treated him the same way she treated me. It now turns out that she has started seeing a retired guy in his 60s.

As for me, I have been back to Thailand since. My friends were surprised, they said, “We thought you would have had enough of visiting Thailand after such a bad experience.”

Thailand is an amazing country full of nice people. I’m not going to let one person put me off Thailand. Looking back, I was simply naive. I just did everything wrong. I married a girl from a go go bar, I hardly knew her.

Bar girls are okay for fun on holidays, but you have to wake up to the fact that they are there to make money. Despite what they might tell you, these girls are not in the bars looking for a lifetime partner. That said, there are many nice girls in Thailand with a good education and background who I think would be loyal, just not in the bars.

I’m talking to another girl now, and not from a bar, but I’m certainly not rushing into anything ever again. Right now, it would be great just to get back to Thailand and enjoy it all again.

Nan A Different Kind Of Encounter

I’m a Canadian who was 30 back then, and I stayed for two weeks in Bangkok in March 2018. Every day in Bangkok, I walked at least 20 kilometers. My walks would take me to Thong Lo, Ekkamai, and Sukhumvit area. While exploring, I would make a note to see how middle class Thais live, by hanging out where they hang out.

One night, I popped into a bar that was mostly attended by young Thais who seemed to be professional types. I was a fish out of water as I’m a brown male, so I stood out. I was having a drink at the bar when a Thai woman started chatting with me. She introduced herself as Nan, and she told me she was a real estate worker.

We hit it off pretty quickly as we shared stories of our travels, music, and keeping fit. I got her number, and we met up on Saturday at Siam Paragon. By the end of the day, we had walked a total of 54 kilometers. We explored so much of Bangkok that she didn’t know half of the places we stumbled upon.

Exploring Bangkok With Nan

We had drinks at a popular pop up under the bridge bar, met a group of Israeli soldiers fresh off mandatory military service, and drank in front of a convenience type store run by an older lady near Chinatown. It was clear Nan wasn’t used to this, as she carries herself more like an older professional than her true age, but to see her interact with Thais from a different class, along with tourists (who she admitted she didn’t care for), was something I enjoyed. She really began enjoying herself when she was starting to let her hair down.

We met several of her co workers in Thong Lo later that night. I had no idea how successful she really was until I met her co workers and her assistant. When we described our day, they were shocked. “She did all that?”, no doubt shocked that she was actually hanging out with a dreaded tourist. Haha.

Goodbye To Nan

When my time in Bangkok came to an end, I was truly sad to leave her, as we had both formed a bond. She became emotional as she described that she never felt this way about someone and was really happy she met me. I wanted to stay so badly but knew I had to leave.

We have kept in contact since, and she is now dating a good guy and having a great life with him. I suspect she will be getting married soon as she has indicated as much, and I am happy for her and him. However, I do feel like we would have had a great life together if somehow I’d stayed in Bangkok, but maybe I’m just being delusional.

Freddie And Nantawan Money Requests

Our friend Freddie is 67 and we have enjoyed his company on several holidays to Thailand over the last few years. He is a humorous guy and generous, despite not being fabulously wealthy.

On one trip a few years back, we spent our final part of our trip in Bangkok, and it was here, in one of the usual bars, Hillary 4, that Freddie met Nantawan. Freddie seemed to have a great time with Nantawan and was looking forward to seeing her on our next trip.

When we arrived home, it was not long before Nantawan hit Freddie up for some money. Freddie, being the nice guy that he is, didn’t mind helping out, as we all do, given our state of wealth in comparison to most Thais who work in the entertainment industry. It did not take long, however, for the ensuing requests to become more frequent and for larger amounts of money. The requests all seem to have a sense of urgency and desperation to them, so that Freddie felt compelled to help.

Enter Kevin, Freddie’s longtime friend. Freddie had already helped Nantawan by sending her some money. What we got him to do was think more about the reasons she was giving and think back to many of the warnings he had heard.

Five Requests From Nantawan

What follows are the top five requests for money from Nantawan:

Number one: She needed money to pay for her car loan. This was a considerable amount of money. When Freddie said he could not afford what she was asking, she lowered the amount. The latter adjustment was probably a way of working out what his financial threshold was.

Number two: Her roof needed fixing. This was a bit of a strange one as she was living in rented accommodation at the time.

Number three: Her son was involved in a car accident and urgently needed money to get his car fixed. There was no quote or price. When Freddie mentioned, “What about insurance?” the request was then changed to “for the insurance excess.” Strangely enough, her son also works, but for some reason, he could not contribute.

Hospital Bail And Buffalo Requests

Number four: Her mother was in hospital and urgently needed money for medical attention. The request was accompanied by a picture of an elderly woman in a wheelchair. We were not sure if it was really her mother or not, but Freddie, wising up to her by this stage, checked online to find out that Thailand has a national health care system for its citizens. He was then told it was a private hospital by Nantawan.

Number five: She had been arrested and needed money for bail. By far, we think that this is the best request of all. But despite our curiosity, Freddie ignored this one, so we have no idea why or for what reason she was in this situation.

At least there was not a request for the sick village buffalo.

Freddie Learns The Lesson

Finally, as a token of her affection for Freddie, Nantawan sent a nice photograph of the pair of them together. Freddie showed it to us, and we are still trying to work out who the guy is. We think he’s a Pom (yes, we are Australian). Unfortunately, Freddie is afraid to ask.

Compared to some of your stories, Nantawan seems to be a rank amateur. She has though been incessant and always needy to the point where Freddie feels obliged to help. Freddie has helped, but fortunately has realized that unless this stopped, the requests would continue and perhaps become even more absurd.