Online Dating In Thailand For The Oldies
At 60 years of age, I wasn’t getting any younger and became fed up with my daily routine stuck in a western style relationship with my 50 year old girlfriend of 5 years.
One day, I finally told her that I had enough and things was not working out for us.
Even though I was 60, I still felt young and heart and felt I had time to meet someone new.
Also, I wanted to travel while my body still had the ability to do so.
I know most people would give in and rather be sat at home at my age, I just felt I had a lot more in me.
My First Experience of Finding Love In Thailand
So after my experience in Thailand, here I am sharing my first and probably last story about dating a Thai girl.
Like I said, after breaking up with my girlfriend I wanted to try something new, I have always been in to Asian women and as time was ticking, I thought why not give it a try meeting one.
I joined a dating site and began scrolling through.
It was a tedious process going through all the profiles, seeing which ones are real and which aren’t, seeing which girls are looking for real relationships and not just customers.
Any listeners that have been doing the online dating thing might understand where I am coming from.
One girl, actually one of the first girls I saw on the site, caught my attention immediately, so when I finished my scrolling sessions, I went back to her profile.
Her profile read that she was 40, which is 20 years younger than me, she has never been married and has no kids.
The site shows how many people have visited her profile, and according to that, she has had over one hundred thousand profile views, meaning she must have been on the site for quite long.
With the big age difference and how beautiful looked, I think I was punching well above my weight but I thought what the hell and gave it a shot.
Messaging and Video Calls With A Thai Girl
I added one to the number of profile views and sent her a couple of messages over the course of a week.
No reply.
I did not want to sound like a creep by sending her lots of messages, but I also did not want to quit trying to get a reply.
Messaging her on the site wasn’t getting her attention, but she had her WhatsApp number listed on her profile so i decided to message her directly.
I was hoping that might get her attention, which it did, because shortly after my first message I got a reply from her.
Her name was May by the way.
We communicated a lot via WhatsApp, and eventually we would video chat, and that started to happen often.
This gave me a chance to see that she was really the woman in the pictures on her profile and not some online scammer.
So far she has past all the tests that I use to weed out the bad from the good.
Six Months of Talking Online
We would message each other almost every night, and video chat when we could, this went on for a good 6 months and everything was going fine.
During all the days that we were chatting, I never got bored, we always found something to talk about.
I learnt a lot about her life as she did mine, and there were no issues with that.
Ultimately, I was seeking marriage so I can live out the rest of my life in happiness, and when this was brought up in conversation, it turns out she was looking for the same.
She told me that she had been single along time and wanted to get married, but did not want to rush into anything.
She also claimed that she was on dating sites because she had bad experiences with Thai guys and wanted to meet Mr Right Farang.
Planning the Trip to Thailand Together
While we had been talking, I had been planning a Thailand trip, but I did not want to spring it on her instantly as I did not want her to get put off or think that I am rushing things
Months passed and I finally told her that I would be coming to Bangkok where she lives, for a holiday and that I had planned it a few months back.
I said I would come for a 2 week holiday, and asked her if she would like to holiday with me.
I wanted it to sound like I was going to Bangkok for a holiday and not because of her, but really, she was the reason.
She replied that she would love to spend 2 weeks with me but had to request time off work from the company she works for in Bangkok.
When we finally got the OK for her leave at work, I booked the tickets and was soon on my way to Bangkok.
First Meeting in Bangkok
May met me as soon as I got out of the airport and travelled with me to the hotel.
I had booked us into a fancy hotel in the centre of Bangkok, hoping I will get in her good books early and maybe rewarded.
My final test was checking her ID when she gave it to the front desk at the hotel, I wanted to see that her name and age was the same as the one that she had told me.
She passed.
After checking in and getting into the room, it was not long until we was both kissing and embracing each other, and after 6 months of doing the whole online thing, it felt great.
The feeling you get when you finally get to touch the person you have been talking with online for months, is a feeling I can’t really explain.
Though I did have to wait a few days until there were any bedroom sessions.
Early Red Flags With A Thai Girl
May is originally an Isan girl, and despite all the stories out there about girls from Isan that live and work in Bangkok, I did not notice anything bad about her personality.
That being said, the only thing that threw me off very slightly was that she kept telling me she loved me every chance she got.
We had been video chatting for many months, we hadn’t just met each other on the street so I guess she could have actually fell in love with me.
I had strong feelings for her and was interested in seeing what the future holds, but love is a strong word and im not sure if I 100% felt that at the time.
The first day, I was pretty jet lagged so we laid in bed falling in and out of sleep in each others arms.
We would chat a lot when we were both awake, discussing places we are going to go and things we are going to do on the trip.
We also spoke about marriage, yes that’s right, we spoke about marriage shortly after I arrived in Thailand.
She seemed really keen about getting married, I would be lying if I said I did not like speaking about it.
Once we was both finally awake properly, she took me to do some sight seeing and took me to visit her condo for her to pick some things up.
In the evening, she took me to a great seafood restaurant that seemed to be quite popular, she also insisted on paying the 6,000 baht bill.
Obviously I did not let her, I covered the bill, but it was a nice gesture from her end.
After the restaurant we went back to to hotel and did a lot more chatting before falling asleep, and no, no bedroom fun happened that night.
The Gold Shop Incident Should Have Been A Wakeup Call
The next day she told me to get ready because she wanted to take me somewhere special.
I was excited, I thought maybe we would be visiting a special temple, trying out some unique Thai food, or doing something romantic.
Instead, we ended up in a gold shop on China town.
This was the first red flag that I should have caught.
There were probably more red flags before this, but I was just blinded by love or lust that I couldn’t really see them.
She told me that in Thailand it’s tradition to give gold to your future wife to show that you are committed and really do want to marry her.
I know, alarm bells are screaming there and this is where the story should have ended. But I went deaf and couldn’t hear the alarm bells.
I let her choose a ring and a necklace which totalled around 55,000 baht.
It was actually pretty cheap, it could have gone a lot worse, and with the love struck state I was in she really could have took advantage.
Once I paid, I justified it in my head by thinking that this could be me paying her to spend time with me and enjoying my holiday, even if marriage doesn’t happen.
We then walked around China Town for a bit while she had a huge smile on her face, due to receiving the gift.
Looking back I bet she was thinking “Ive found a right sucker here”
Anyway That night, she shown her appreciation in more ways than one during the bedroom session time.
More Expenses and More Red Flags
After the session, she told me that she wanted to visit Chaing Mai because she has never been before.
I looked online and reading about things to do there, it did not really peak my interest and looked a bit boring in my eyes.
But as the farang fool, whatever my Thai sweetheart wanted, my Thai sweetheart got.
I agreed to take her, and the very next day we were due to fly there.
The next morning when we were packing and getting ready to head to the airport, she suddenly remember that she had to pay rent and did not put money aside for it.
Another red flag completely ignored by mr fool here.
I gave her 8,000 to go and pay her rent, she was gone so long that I did not think we would make the flight, we were minutes away from having to rebook an alternative flight.
She had booked us into another nice fancy hotel that clearly wasn’t going to be cheap.
I Shouldn’t Have Checked Her Phone
I asked her that night if I could see the necklace that I had bought her from the gold shop, but she told me that she did not bring it because she was scared that she might lose it or it gets stolen.
I teased her and joked around saying “I bet you took it back and got a refund”
She did not take this as a joke, she had a hissy fit and gave me the typical lines a Thai girl gives you when she is caught out in a lie.
You know the lines where they guilt trip you as if it’s your fault, saying things like “You don’t love me? You don’t trust me?”
Seeing her act that way put doubt in my mind, and made me start to think if I can trust this woman or not.
After her little tantrum, we kissed and made up before heading to the bed for a make up session.
However, that night when she fell asleep, I could not shake the doubt in the back of my mind, which lead me to check her phone.
I don’t want to sound a creep, but I had seen her put her phone passcode in many times and it was easy to remember.
I know I should not have gone through her personal belongings, but the doubt was just eating away at me.
And after what I found on there, I kind of wish I never looked.
There were many chats with all different guys, all of them westerners.
One Danish guy that she had been talking to over the last month had transferred over 100,000 baht into her account before ending it with her saying that he will not be sending anymore.
There were a few older messages from before she met me, which her past has nothing to do with me.
however all these messages revolved around them sending money or her asking for it.
Some of the messages even looked like she was blackmailing the guys into sending her money.
Finally there was a Facebook message from a guy around the same age as me from Canada but lived in Bangkok.
They had been speaking way before she met me, but it had continued even after I arrived in Thailand.
The latest message from him said “Are you free tonight? Same room as last time, I will bring lots of treats”
This was very disappointing to discover, though not fully unexpected.
We Always Had Confrontation and She Had Excuses
It was late at this point, I was tired and did not want to cause a scene while I was angry and disappointed.
I thought it would be best to try and get some sleep and then question her about it the next day after I have relaxed and have a level head.
So the next day comes and ive had about 30 minutes sleep.
I wanted to wait until later in the day before I start my questioning but I couldn’t help myself, I told her that I have been on her phone and what I found on there.
After her going crazy about me looking through her phone, which she had every right to, she calmed down and told me everything, though a very watered down version of it all.
She said that most of the men she had spoke to was before she met me, and she only wanted to get money out of them because they used her and strung her along, they had no intention of meeting they just wanted fun.
she wanted to use them back and get her own back on them by trying to get as much money from them as possible before blocking them.
Once again, I gave her the befit of the doubt, I just asked her to stop messaging them if she wants to be with me. She said she wanted to be with me and I watched her block them.
A Sudden Change in Behavior
After that little episode, her attitude and personality changed big time to like a completely different person that I had first met.
She was so much more loving, not just in the physical sense but in every way possible.
She would be constantly telling me how much she loves me and how lucky she is to find a man like me to marry and spend the rest of her life with.
She claimed that she had told all her friends and work colleagues about me and our plan to get married, and that she wanted us both to go to Isan so I could meet her family.
That’s exactly what we did.
Meeting the Thai Family in Isan
After our short holiday in Chaing Mai, we headed to her parents on a rice farm where she introduced me as her future husband.
I actually enjoyed her home town more than the busy life of Bangkok, everything was more relaxed there. Maybe that is just my age talking.
Her family were really nice and sweet to me, even though only 1 of them spoke English.
I thought her father may have a problem with the age difference but he seemed to be ok with it.
They did not ask for any money, but because they had cooked us food over the few days, I asked May if I could give them 5k just as a thank you.
They were happy that I gave them money, but her mother asked May if I could give them 2 thousand more for one of the little cousins school or something.
I did not want to be a cheap Charlie and I was pretty much put not he spot anyway so couldn’t exactly refuse.
Planning a Wedding Was The Financial Reality Of This Whole Relationship
Once we were back in Bangkok, May wanted to start making plans for us getting married, which seemed to be on my next trip to Thailand.
Things were certainly moving faster than I expected, it was a strange feeling to say the least.
In some ways I liked it moving this fast and seeing May excited, but in other ways I wanted things to slow down.
I knew a rushed wedding can lead to a rushed divorce, and most of the time, its the man that comes out of the divorce in a bad state.
Returning Home and More Financial Requests
I returned to the UK after 2 wonderful weeks with May, minus the little trantrums and issues we had.
We went back to our online relationship thing, and remained in touch every day, we was even spending more time chatting and video calling this time.
One thing I cleared up quite fast was the missing gold necklace that I bought that was supossidly some type of Thai tradition.
After pressing her for a while, she finally admitted that she pawned it off.
She gave me some excuse about how she was desperate for money because she took the time off work to be with me so lost part of her salary.
Im 90% certain this was just some excuse because she pawned it while she was with me, well that’s what im guessing because I never saw her wear it.
I transfered her 30,000 baht and told her to go and get it out of the pawn shop as soon as she can.
The next time we video chatted, she was wearing the necklace, and wore it every day since then.
Just Too Many Red Flags With This Thai Woman
Although she lied to me about the necklace, my mind was a little bit at ease when it comes to night time activities.
We would call almost every night without failure, so I know she wasn’t spending nights at the bar or doing any other type of entertainment work.
She also shown me that she had deleted her profile on the dating app because she did not want any new guys contacting her and me getting jealous.
We talked more and more seriously about getting married, and when I finally shook the doubt from my mind, it again resurfaced.
She wanted to speed everything up, she wanted the buddhist ceremony to be had shortly after the civil ceremony, bringing it forward 6 months earlier than we agreed.
Next she did not want any type of prenup agreement, which is a big red flag.
Also, she wanted me to buy marriage gold for her mother and father, I had never heard of marriage gold until she said that.
The gold would be around 400,000 baht.
The most expensive piece to this mysterious puzzle was the sin sod.
Granted, we supsoidly get the sin sod back after the marriage so we can buy a home in Thailand, but the amount they was asking for was a huge 6 million baht.
I eventually got the sin sod down to 3 million after explaining I could not afford 6, I could barely afford 3 for that matter.
We agreed 3 million in a joint back account of me and May’s so it could be shown at the wedding ceremony.
However, later she asked if we could have half each in each of our accounts.
Im stupid, but not that stupid, I gave her the clear answer of No on that request.
Lastly, she was very keen to register the wedding quickly and go to an agency to sort out a spouse visa so she could come to the UK.
I mean, that doesn’t sound bad and that’s exactly what we would have done, but it’s the way she wanted to rush it that made me start over thinking.
Finally Ending The Relationship
I don’t know why I kept going along with it, I guess I just wanted to see where it was going to end, even though I felt like I was being set up for a huge scam.
I did want to see if anything about her feelings was true and if she really did love and want a future with me.
So now I am at a cross roads really.
It’s easy for anyone listening to say that I am being set up to be scammed, but at the same time, maybe she really is genuine and wanted proof of my commitment.
Maybe she has just had bad experiences with other guys that she needs to be 100% certain that she can trust and rely on me.
Or on the other hand, yeah, maybe she is looking for the biggest pay day of her life and unfortunately, I would be the one paying that.
Emotional Aftermath With All The Requests From May
Anyway, after thinking a lot about this and all the requests May was making which involved money, I finally came to my senses and was pretty sure I was being scammed.
I took the time to write May a long message, telling her that my feelings were genuine, and that I do think I love her, but I would not be coming back to Thailand to marry her.
To start with, she did not want to accept what I said in the break up message, she flooded me with affection messages declaring her undying love for me.
She even told me that she would drop everything that costs money, there would be no sin sod, we would wait a couple of years for the visa and her parents didn’t need the gold.
As long as we would get married then she would be happy, she begged for me to come back.
This got me thinking again, maybe I got it wrong after all.
Maybe all this was just a test to see how serious and commited I really was, maybe she really does love me and wants to marry me.
Or could this be yet again another trap to get me to the table and slowly the money requests start coming in? I just don’t know.
Love Or Money With Thai Girls?
I replied that it’s not all about money, I reassured her that I was in love with her but it was just impossible for me to marry her and live in Thailand permanently right now.
I made the excuse that there was too many things in my life I had to take care of before I could come back and commit to something long term.
For over a week I did not hear a single word from her, no text messages and no phone calls.
Then all of a sudden a wave of abusive texts saying she hated me and only cared about money, then changing to I love you and want you back.
In the loving messages she repeats that she does not care about the money and wants to marry me with no money involved.
I don’t know what to think, I don’t know if I made the right choice or not.
It could just be not me understand the Thai mentality, I have no shame in admitting to not understand female mentality either, ive not exactly had many partners in my life time.
Did I Just Throw Away The Last Chance of Happiness?
This is where I am right now pretty much, its still continuing, me and May still talk but I have put everything on hold for now and plan on keeping in that way until I can figure out what Is going on.
So, im hoping that if anyone is listening to my story that has experienced this type of thing with a Thai woman, can shed a bit of light and give some advice.
Even if you haven’t had this experience, what do you think is happening?
Despite the outcome, I had a great holiday with May which I don’t regret, it was nice imaging and planning a future with her until my thoughts got the better of me, which may have been a good thing.
Did I just escape from being the victim of a big scam?
Or did I just throw away the last chance of happiness with the love of my life?
