The Thai Pole Dancer and the Military Man A Tale
Story One The Pole Dancer and the Military Man A Tale of Love and Regret
I was a young officer in the US military stationed in Asia (Japan). I was in my early 30s and in excellent shape physically a handsome ish man in my prime, you could say. This was due to not just my military career, but also because I used physical training as a way to deal with a terrible mental and emotional state I had been in for at least a year prior.
I had gone through a terrible divorce that involved many years of infidelity on the part of my former spouse. So, while physically fit, emotionally I was damaged goods. This explains my mental state and why I made some of the decisions in this story.
The Captivating Dancer
One of these nights I was restless and decided to go to one of the better known clubs for an evening. As I walked to the bar, I noticed a stunning dancer maybe 10 feet up on a pole platform. My first thought was, ‘My god, she is stunning.’ A perfect athletic figure in a silver sequined bikini, blonde hair (perhaps a wig), but she was doing professional type pole maneuvers you would see out of a high end Vegas gentleman’s club.
I was captivated by her moves and her tight, slim, but muscular figure. I found myself unable to look away. It was then that a quite attractive girl next to me said, ‘Hey, you like her? She’s my friend. Want to meet her?’ Of course I said yes. She said, ‘Well, buy me a drink first,’ which I obliged.
It didn’t take long for me to realize the song was almost done, as was my beer, and the girls had not come back. It was then I started to get a hold of myself and reflect. ‘There you have it. You just got scammed for four drinks by a couple of pretty faces.’ Quite common. I thought I was just smarter than that. Clearly I was not.
Meeting Benny
At that time I was tapped on the shoulder to my surprise to see the friend standing next to a stunning brunette (not blonde, as that had been clearly a wig). She was no longer in the silver bikini, but wearing a light crop top, jean shorts, and tennis shoes. She was stunning with a lighter complexion and a look I couldn’t quite place maybe half Filipina, very exotic, even with little makeup.
My dancing girl’s name was Beni (spelled B E N I), which made me think she didn’t want to tell me her real name. I was just happy to be in the company of two young beauties.
We jumped in a taxi and ended up at an outdoor eatery with a live acoustic band playing 80s music not too loud so we could talk. Apple worked at a call center and lived with her boyfriend. Fine, because it was Beni I had my eye on.
The Connection Deepens
We got along well and went back to my hotel. I was very attracted to her and there was a real spark. The only negative was when I told her I only had a month and I wouldn’t be back for a few months. ‘No problem,’ she said. We could do our best to keep in touch.
The sparks kept flying and we really connected in every possible way. After we carried on like young lovers, the elephant in the room was that we both knew I was leaving after a month. I started to get conflicted by my feelings. I knew I should not get too close to someone who could be just a vacation girlfriend. In my head, due to my recent divorce, I was not prepared for an emotional connection.
The Terrible Mistake
That evening, she could tell I was troubled. I told her I was tired. Then I did something incredibly stupid. We had been intimate and were lying together when she said, ‘You know, I think I love you.’ I should have been happy, but instead I pulled away and said, ‘Look, you may think that, but I’m not going to be here soon, and you are going to be here. You will be in the arms of another. You don’t love me, and I don’t love you.’
Tears welled up immediately and she said, ‘Well, then what am I doing here?’ She got up, collected her things, and left. I tried to call her several times before I left, only to hear nothing.
I got two emails. One from her sister Rose: ‘Tim, leave my sister alone. You treated her poorly and she was crying all week. Do not contact her again. You are not a good person.’ Next was from Apple: ‘Tim, I should not have introduced you to Beni. She is not a working girl, but you treated her like one. She was honest with you. You are a liar. Shame on you.’
I apologized and told them I hoped very much to see Beni in two months when I returned to apologize in person.
That is part one of my story. I remember it like it was yesterday, and I still can’t forgive myself for the words I said to Beni.
Story Two The Pole Dancer and the Military Man Redemption and Heartbreak (Part Two)
It had been a month since I had last heard from Beni. Even if she had decided not to forgive me, I still would have liked to hear that from her directly, just one last time to end things properly.
Recognizing that I was getting distracted at work by thoughts of her was alarming to me. Because of this, I resigned myself to move on. I told myself it was best for her anyway. I wasn’t good for her. I was a traveling man, emotionally damaged, and didn’t live a lifestyle that could support a healthy relationship.
The Unexpected Opportunity
The day before I was scheduled to leave for South Korea, my boss called and said I had to go back to Manila. He promised me time off afterwards. I realized this was an opportunity. I could get some time off in the Philippines a full week with no work obligations. I had no plans to stay in Manila. I was going to Cebu.
Suddenly, Beni was at the forefront of my mind again. When I landed in Manila and powered up my phone, I saw a message from Beni dated about a week after I’d left Cebu. It simply said, ‘I miss you.’
The Reunion
I booked a hotel for a couple of nights near her work at the IT center. When I saw her walking out of the building, my breath caught. She was even more stunning than the first time I saw her in that silver sequin bikini dancing on stage.
She took a deep breath, looked at me, and simply said, ‘I’m hungry.’ We went to a nearby cafe, sat down, and talked seriously for the first time. ‘What now?’ she asked. ‘What do you want?’
I decided honestly was best. I told her I didn’t know. I reminded her that we’d only had one month together a great month, yes but now, how could either of us really know where it was all headed? Did she know? Were we supposed to have all the answers so quickly?
I think my approach made sense to her because she smiled, laughed a little, and said, ‘You’re right. I don’t love you and you don’t love me.’ Ouch. Why I had ever said that to her previously, I’ll never know. I’ve never said them again to anyone.
The Rules of Engagement
We spent the next week reconnecting. It was during that time that Beni really decided the nature of our relationship. She wasn’t going to be a vacation girlfriend. She knew my travels took me all over Southeast Asia, but if we were to continue talking, there would be rules. I had to swear off any other female company. And she, of course, would do the same. She wanted exclusivity, but not rushed love declarations or marriage proposals.
I left Cebu with a girlfriend in the Philippines.
The Deployment
Over the next year, we spoke almost every day using Skype. Then came the pack your bags orders that people in my line of work dreaded: 8 months in a combat zone. Beni didn’t take the news well. First, she was worried about my safety. But the bigger issue was time. She had grown used to seeing me every few months and was hoping for a future together. She wanted assurances. I simply couldn’t give them.
I knew it would hurt, but I told her the truth. I did love her, but there were things in my life beyond my control. She was heartbroken.
Soon after, I got another nasty email from Apple, once again blaming me for breaking Beni’s heart. The second email, however, was from Beni’s sister Rose, and it hit me differently: ‘Tim, I no longer think you are a bad person. I think you’re a good person, but I think you are the wrong person for Beni.’
After a lot of soul searching, I did the only honorable thing I could. I wrote Beni a long letter ending things as gracefully as possible.
The Devastating News
10 months later, I found myself standing outside the IT center in Cebu. When I landed, Beni didn’t answer my texts or calls. Then I saw Apple come out of the building with her boyfriend. She approached me smiling and said, ‘What are you doing here? Beni isn’t here anymore. She got married and just had a baby. Have a good life.’
I was floored. Completely floored and heartbroken all over again. Married? Had a baby? I did the math. Could it be? I’d never truly know.
Later, my planning team told me they had seen Beni a few months after I left, visibly pregnant. They believed I was the father. They also knew who the new guy was a good looking Air Force cargo pilot who had recently joined the planning team. I had actually met him.
I felt burned. He must have seen Beni and me together, then taken his shot while I was gone.
Two scenarios haunted me. One, the baby was mine and he simply didn’t care he married her anyway because Beni was worth it. Two, she had been two timing me the baby was his and she chose him over me. Which was worse? But ultimately, none of that mattered. What mattered was what was best for Beni. She had been there for me when I needed her most. She deserved happiness no matter the story behind it.
I returned to Japan with much sorrow and loss. I knew then I had to reinvent myself. I went back to my old ways. The forever drifter, the rambling man. One thing was certain: I would never let a young Filipina into my heart again. God, however, had a different plan entirely but that is another story.
Story Three The Wealthy Expat and the Ambiguous Thai Lady A Cautionary Tale
I am an expat residing in a small island nation not far from Australia and New Zealand. Here we have a small expat community, and in our region we tend to know each other quite well.
I live with a Thai lady who is very beautiful, lots of fun, the life of the party, and we get along exceptionally well. We are very much the happy married couple. Yet, I am an ordinary looking Caucasian now in my 50s, and many of my friends wonder how I ended up with such a beautiful girl. ‘There are plenty of them,’ I tell them cheekily, ‘but you need to go to the land of smiles.’
Martin’s Quest for Love
One of my friends, Martin (not his real name), a man who is quite wealthy and has been married and divorced numerous times, was eager to secure his next love interest from Southeast Asia. Martin has a strong personality, and as a result, he has ostracized himself from most of his family, including his own children.
Martin is now in his late 60s and finally connected with an attractive Thai 50 year old living in Isan. He conversed back and forth with her over a number of months, developing a very strong affection as they chatted daily via video. Eventually, Martin flew his new love interest to his island home to see how they would work as a couple.
The Warning Signs
She had an extremely loud personality, but she is likable. The two of them get along well, and naturally, she enjoys the benefits of a wealthy partner living in a beachfront house with a cook and a maid, flying at the front of the plane, all the big brand shopping that he allows her. She started to develop an enjoyment of Martin’s wealth.
In a short period of time, Martin and his new love interest decided to go through a marriage ceremony in Thailand, including payment of dowry. They returned to his home and lived life as a happy married couple.
Martin’s new wife admitted to my wife that at the time she and Martin were messaging each other in the initial stages of their relationship, she was already in a relationship. Not only was she in a relationship, but she was also living with her son from another partner and this husband was not the father of her son, and they were legally married. In fact, she had schemed her exit to leave her partner and her son to visit Martin in Fiji.
This was the first example we had seen from her that she was indeed a cold and calculating woman, and Martin was being played.
The Downward Spiral
Over a period of about 12 months, Martin started to fall out with each of his friends one by one. Long term friendships ceased as his mind was filled with all sorts of misleading information from his new Thai wife. Martin is foolishly besotted with his new wife, and suddenly everything she says must be true.
Now, after residing here for 20 years, Martin has sold up everything, resulting in a very healthy bank account for his remaining years. She has successfully convinced him to relocate to Isan with a view to a new life together, starting fresh.
So now Martin has no family and no friends and a large amount of cash, going to live in Isan with his new bride.
