Survival And Village Life In Thailand

After years and years of working 60 to 80 hours a week, bringing up two kids, and dealing with the usual marriage life, it was time to get away from it all and start a new beginning. My wife and I were both fortunate to get a 3 month leave of absence from our jobs while keeping them upon our return from our 3 month around the world trip. The purpose was to see if we wanted to immigrate to New Zealand, where we would stay for the last month of the trip.

There was lots of pre planning research done beforehand. We started in Vietnam, working our way through Cambodia and then Thailand for a month. We had been to Thailand before and wanted to see more of the country this time Bangkok, Chiang Mai, and finally Phuket Town, where we stayed in a hotel for the rest of our time in Thailand. Each day we traveled to a new beach or attraction, returning to the hotel by local buses.

The hotel was a bargain, but because it was being renovated while we stayed there, there was drilling and hammering during the day but it didn’t matter as we were always out while the work was being done.

Tsunami On Christmas Night

A few days before we were due to move on to our next stop in Malaysia, the official grand opening of the hotel took place. Local businesses, the mayor, and the local press were all there. We were invited too and treated as part of the guest list. It was a fantastic night with food and drink for all the guests beautiful Thai women dressed in Santa Claus outfits with short skirts and matching boots, and local entertainment with traditional Thai dance and music.

That was Christmas night 2004. The next day saw the worst tsunami. I will not describe any more of that dreadful day or its aftermath, but suffice to say that if it had happened a couple of hours later that morning, my wife and I would likely have been victims rather than survivors.

Two years later, we were divorced, still living in the UK, and both happy to go our separate ways.

A New Beginning In Thailand

I decided that it was my time now to stop working, retire to Spain, and live in a caravan by the sea. My first winter in January 2008, I had to leave the UK caravan site where I was living because it was only open for 10 months of the year due to regulations against permanent residents on such sites. I wanted something different from my usual Spanish fishing trips something more adventurous and you guessed it, I chose Thailand, taking in those single man places I never visited with my ex wife.

Now, this next part might be a bit controversial. I have had many conversations with men and women about this subject both in the UK and later in Thailand. I came here with this mentality back then there is no such thing as romantic love. Replace the word love with lust and agenda. Once the lust is gone, you are left with the agenda. All the women I have spoken to about this understood it immediately. But strangely enough, most men argued endlessly about it. Keeping your thinking head between your shoulders and nowhere else is a good strategy. Of course, that is sober me talking.

My first stop was Bangkok and the Patpong area. “Like a kid in a sweet shop” would be a good description. Back then, there were very few online warnings about scams, bar girls, or prices. And maybe there were, but I never saw them. Don’t get me wrong at that stage I was fairly well traveled, having been to over 35 countries, several on my own and many more than once. I had also worked abroad in the Middle East for a while, so I had a bit of worldly experience and know how.

Next stop was Phuket. Back to the place that held sad memories but now offered new beginnings. I stayed in the same hotel in Phuket Town and did similar day trips to the beaches that my ex wife and I had done in 2004. Only this time it was carefree and single me. I loved the freedom and no care attitude of my new life at 51 years old.

Meeting Her

There was one area I had not been to before. I caught the local songthaew and spent the day there. In the afternoon, I went to catch the bus back to Phuket Town and saw it slowly chugging down the road, waiting for someone to flag it down. I decided I would get the next one and grabbed a cold Chang in an Aussie bar instead. It was a really hot day, and I was sweating like a pig. The lady behind the bar gave me a cold face towel from the freezer, as they did back then.

It was only 400 in the afternoon, and there was nobody else there but me the lady behind the bar and another woman sitting at the corner. I later found out the bus I saw was the last one back to Phuket Town. As I was going to be there for a while, I asked the woman at the bar to play pool. She said in broken English, “I cannot.” I told her I would teach her. We got along well, even though communication was a bit hit and miss. She wasn’t joking about not knowing how to play.

I tried to book us into a couple of guest houses after the night was over but could not get checked in anywhere. The only option was a tuk tuk at about 200 in the morning back to my place in Phuket Town 700 baht, whereas the songthaew was 20. That was around the price for my new friend for the night. So I felt I got what I was hoping to get later.

I ended up staying with this lady until it was time to head back to the UK. I liked her so much I thought what the hell extend my stay. I was only going back to a freezing UK. So, do I stay at the beach in Thailand? No contest.

Returning To Thailand For Her

One crazy thing I did in that Aussie bar one night was ring the bell. I knew all the staff by then, and that night my football team won a cup final. It was the first and only time I have ever rung a bar bell. I counted how many people were in the bar seven in total.

When I was back in the UK thinking about my plans for Spain or wherever next, I decided on Thailand. Only a month after returning home, I was heading back to see her. By my third trip, I went to her village house and met her mother, who had been looking after her only child. By then, he had moved out 21 years old, living and working far away. Her father had left years before to be with another woman.

At this point, I must say I only ever paid for us when we were together. No such thing as monthly salary payments when I was here or back home in the UK. My philosophy was do only what I would do in my own country.

Village House And Illness

Her old house was just that once built on concrete stilts, later filled in with breeze blocks to create a ground floor. When I got there, the upstairs had not been used for a long time. She brought a mattress and a concrete garden table and chairs but put them inside for my comfort. As most households sit on reed mats on the floor, there was no bed hence a mattress. Before we could put it down, one of the upstairs bedrooms had to be cleaned after years of dust and cobwebs. Mosquitoes and rats were a bit of a problem, too.

That day of cleaning and breathing in all the dust gave me chest problems. Over the next 2 weeks, it got worse, and eventually I went to the doctor and then the local state hospital. After an X ray, the diagnosis was double pneumonia, likely caused by the cleanup.

I spent five nights in that hospital, then another four in the main provincial hospital before I phoned my travel insurance because nothing was improving. Despite promises of a speedy recovery from both hospitals, I was getting worse, and the costs were piling up.

A couple of hours later, I was transferred to the nearest airport with my girlfriend by my side as always. She slept on a reed mat on the hospital floor every night. We were flown to Bangkok her first ever flight there. She had her own private room while I was sent straight to ICU. After 11 nights, I was recovering and moved to a private room for five more nights before being released as an outpatient. We were then put up in a four star hotel suite for 3 weeks before being told I was fit to go.

Those first 18 days in hospital took their toll. I lost 16 kilos almost a kilo a day dropping from 78. I had to rebuild my strength. Thank goodness for travel insurance for paying the 740,000 baht hospital bill, plus the hotel and other expenses close to 1 million baht in total. That was early 2009. My first ever travel insurance claim after all those years of trips.

Settling Into Village Life

We rented a flat on the west side of Bangkok and stayed there for a couple of years, with me going back to the UK as needed. I kept the apartment for my girlfriend so she had somewhere to stay and kept all our things there for convenience. I gave her some money when I was away about 1,000 baht a week and she worked in a restaurant as well. She was a hard worker all her life, since leaving school at 12 helping her family in Isan working on farms, gathering food, and later in factories as a seamstress. Working for money was never an issue. As with most Thais from that area, there are no free handouts there. You don’t work, you don’t eat.

I finally moved permanently to Thailand and retired in late 2010. I still went out by myself to bars as I was carefree and single minded after all those years of marriage a father at 19 and divorced at 50. So this was my time now.

Come 2011, my girlfriend’s mom became ill, and she had to go back to her village to help out. She was the eldest and single, so most of the responsibility fell on her. Although her married sister lived nearby, she took the main role. Her mom died 3 weeks later. The old house would now become hers, along with part of the farmland.

I was in western Bangkok, and she was in Isan about 10 hours away. I visited after the cremation and I stayed 3 months before we headed back to Bangkok. We hired a removal van with two drivers and filled it with our belongings and materials for the rebuild. There was no room in the cab for us, so we had to sit in the back with a smoky exhaust. We left at 9 and arrived just before midnight. What a day.

I paid for her old house to be rebuilt into a bungalow. Her brother had a building company and did a great job. His team of seven men lived on site in the garden and had one day off in 28. It took them to finish. The shell was left for me to complete the interior.

Finding Routine

Anyone planning to live like I do should make sure to have several interests. Mine are music, fishing, sport, and working with my hands, so fitting out the house was a pleasure. I also had time to learn the Spanish guitar properly, which I’d always wanted to do. It is hard, but I do okay.

Living in a Thai village is not like going out for a night at a bar. When it gets dark, it’s bedtime. Lights out by 8, one or two English films on my TV box would keep me up a bit longer. Up at 3, and she would be making sticky rice as usual. That was fine for me as I have found it difficult to sleep at night for most of my life. I knew the lifestyle before moving from Bangkok, so no complaints.

I must admit, I needed breaks. So every 6 to 8 weeks, I packed a bag with my fishing gear and clothes and headed off on my own for a week or two, visiting old drinking spots and having fun, then returning refreshed to Isan farm life.

Back then, I had a second hand computer from Bangkok, no internet, and one of those small Nokia phones. There were no free apps for calls or messages. I phoned my parents once a month at about a pound a minute and occasionally texted friends. There was an English expat in the next village, and we met a few times a week, which was nice.

I wanted to change my UK life of working all the time and paying endless bills. I liked that I did not need a car here, and I could use cheap, reliable public transport, which has always been one of Thailand’s best features, even if it’s declining now. I do not own or want a car here that’s my choice. I certainly managed to change my life, that’s for sure.

Drunken Disaster In Isan

This is how the routine got set very quickly back in the days after the rebuild of the house was finished in 2012. As I have said before, it was lights out not long after sunset and early to rise before sunrise. My girlfriend would set her alarm for 300 in the morning, get up blurry eyed and wander around like a zombie, starting the process of making the rice. I used to think she was still half asleep and that it was some kind of natural instinct taking over.

Her farmland plot was located outside the village about 5 to 10 minutes away. There was only one handmade makeshift hand pump to get water from the underground source a very labor intensive job filling bucket after bucket and carrying them to water the plants and banana trees. Water for the rice fields was different, as there were proper man made concrete dikes carrying water from the mountain reservoir to each field so they could be flooded individually as needed.

My girlfriend would go to the farm every day on her own about 70% of the time, with me joining when needed. She returned just before sunset.

I, on the other hand, had about 27 chickens and a dozen ducks to feed and water at the village house. We built a large netted area behind the house big enough for all those 15 free range birds.

Leaving Without Warning

It must have been at least 10 weeks since my last holiday away normally 6 to 8 and I was getting itchy feet. One day, I decided to have a lunchtime beer while my girlfriend was at the farm. Just me with the chickens and ducks. Maybe I should have stopped at two large Changs, but I didn’t. And by mid afternoon, I was packing my rucksack with everything I needed for a fun trip away, including my fishing tackle.

Once packed, I locked up the house and went over to the shop opposite to give them the keys for safekeeping so they could pass them to my girlfriend when she returned. I started walking to the main road with my backpack over my shoulder, heading for the nearest town to catch a bus to Kalasin and then an overnight bus to Bangkok.

What I failed to do was to tell my girlfriend I wouldn’t be there when she came home that evening. I was off on another jolly. I had always told her before when I was planning a trip and included her if she wanted to come. But 99 times out of 100, she stayed behind to take care of the farm and the animals. This time I just thought I’m off.

Night In Kalasin

So there I was in Kalasin, sobered up, sitting in my room, staring at the wall with nothing to do until the next day. I thought I would pop out for a beer or two and asked reception where the nearest bars were. Although my girlfriend and I had stayed in Kalasin many times before, we had never gone out drinking.

I got directions and headed off, but to this day I could not tell you where I went. I ended up early evening sitting alone in a bar that had just opened. The only woman there was still applying makeup. I chilled for an hour or so, and the area started to become alive with more bars opening up in dark corners across the street. I headed off to find somewhere with more life.

I found a bar full of Thais finishing their workday, winding down socially. I went in, and after a while it was packed. Everyone was Thai in groups or couples. I noticed a nice looking woman not far from me standing with a small group. After a while of me glancing at her, I motioned for her to come and sit with me. To my surprise, she did. She spoke quite good English, and we chatted politely.

After a few drinks, drunk me said, “Why don’t you come to Bangkok with me tomorrow? I’m off on holiday.” Fair enough she declined my dumb request. “No worries,” I said. “Let’s go to another bar as this one was getting too loud and crowded.” She took me to a bigger and more relaxed bar. How we got there, I do not remember.

We sat at a table for just the two of us with my back to the entrance. I had definitely had enough to drink by then, and my judgment was gone. I told her to pay the bill for me while I finished my beer and handed her 1,000 baht, thinking the bill would be a few hundred. You guessed it. I sat there for a while until I finally clicked that she had walked straight out of the bar never to return.

Now there was a big problem. That was my last bit of money apart from a few coins. Nobody around spoke English, and I had no money to pay the bill. I had never been in that situation before. I sat there for ages looking around in stupid desperation.

Robbed Twice In One Night

There was a table of four people to my left, and one was an obvious looking ladyboy who kept looking at me. I was thinking maybe he could help me while he was clearly thinking something else. I took a deep breath and beckoned him over. He spoke better English than most bar girls. I explained my situation, and he said, “No problem. I’ll take you to the waitress, then take you to the ATM. Then we come back and you can pay.” Easy, right? Drunk me had been fearing I’d get beaten up or be washing dishes for a week.

Next thing, I’m sitting on the back of his motorbike. It seemed a long way to get to the ATM. I thought I’d better take out enough for Bangkok too. So I withdrew 10,000 baht. We went back to the bar, and all was settled. I think I bought him a drink or two to say thanks for his generosity. But the next part is a blur.

What I do remember clearly is that he took me back to my hotel, helped me up the stairs (even though I told him I could manage, but he insisted). I lay on the bed fully clothed, he got too close, and the rest is a blur. That is all I remember.

I woke up about around 915 the next morning no pain, thankfully so that was a plus. After a quick wash, I gathered my things and checked my pockets to find he had left me with only 20 baht to my name. My bank cards and passport were still there, which was a relief after panicking that they were gone too. I had been robbed twice in one night in a completely Thai bar scene. I must have been an easy mark. You never know who is observing drunken fools like us.

I had to rush to catch my bus at 1000. So I quickly packed, hurried to the station 10 minutes away, and just made it. Not quite over, though. My poor girlfriend had no idea where I had gone no one to help her after a hard day’s work. My phone was dead, and I had forgotten my charger in my rush to leave. So it wasn’t until 10 at night the following day that I could finally call and say, “Hi, how are you? I’m on holiday.” What a drunken fool I was. Never again, I said.

That was two thefts in one night out of three I’ve had in Thailand. The last one happened about a year after that double disaster in 2014, but that’s another story.

Epilogue

My girlfriend and I have been happily together for nearly 18 years, almost 14 of them living in her village. We go on holidays two or three times a year now. And I’m not as much of an idiot as I used to be. Or so I think. Although I still have the occasional solo trip just to keep the blood flowing.

Cambodia Temples And Kindness

Back in 2016, I decided to go to Bangkok where I knew a few girls in different bars I had frequented before. But this time, instead of two weeks there, I decided to take a trip over to Siem Reap in Cambodia for a week. I booked a local return flight with Bangkok Airways for less than $80 US. I really wanted to see the Angkor Wat temple ruins and the Apsara dancers. I booked my hotel and off I went.

I did a bit of research beforehand, and I found Jimmy’s Angkor Tours. So I booked with him. Jimmy was a really nice guy who ran an English language school in his home village just outside Siem Reap. He raised money to educate the children by working as a tuk tuk driver and guide. The kids ranged from about 7 years old up to their early teens. After finishing their village farm work, they came to his school for a few hours several evenings a week. He had helped several children go on to university and become successful in their fields.

One day I went with him to the school, where I got to teach the kids about Australia and my travels around the world. It was a brilliant few hours answering their questions. At Jimmy’s suggestion, I brought some pens, pencils, crayons, and paper for the kids as gifts, along with a few bags of lollies to share around. The kids loved the lollies, but the new stationery went down an absolute treat.

A few days later, Jimmy wanted to take me to a retired monk who did therapeutic massage. I had to buy the monk a care package from a shop on the way, which contained a couple of beers, cigarettes, rice, soap, incense, stock powder, cans of dehydrated milk, candles, dried fish, and a t shirt.

The next hour was probably the most painful massage I ever had in my life. Jimmy translated what the old monk was saying about how the essential oils, stretching, kneading, and twisting were helping release my inner pain. I told Jimmy it was the worst pain I’d ever felt. Jimmy translated this to the monk, who laughed and said my “inner fire” meaning my injuries would respond. I couldn’t help but doubt him because of his laughing during the session. It took 2 days before the injuries he worked on started to feel any better.

Kindness Of Strangers

On the second to last day, I hired a motorcycle early in the morning to ride through the countryside, seeing farmers working in the fields, along the river, and through the villages doing their daily routines. I thought about going up to the Laos border, but after 3 hours the weather changed and it started raining heavily.

I was getting drenched when a farmer saw me from his hut as I rolled past at about 20 kilometers an hour through the stinging rain. He beckoned me into his hut for shelter. Inside were his wife, their 5 year old daughter, and the wife’s elderly mother. No one spoke English, and I spoke no Khmer.

His wife and her mother helped me out of my wet clothes, giggling and pointing at my half naked frame. I was about 185 cm tall and 95 kilos at the time around 6’1″ and 210 lbs. They gave me a blanket, and we all sat together in their combined meal, sleeping, and living area while they gave me hot tea, which really hit the spot. While my clothes dried in front of the fire, we tried to communicate by pointing and naming things while listening to Khmer music on an old radio. They tried to offer me food, but I politely declined as I’m always cautious about food in foreign countries.

The rain stopped about 90 minutes later, and I put my dry clothes back on. I tried to give them some money for their hospitality, but they refused. I rolled on to the next town about 40 minutes away, but it was getting late, so I turned back towards my hotel.

I stopped and bought one of those care packs I had previously bought for the monk, along with a six pack of beer, a pack of tobacco, and some lollies for the daughter. I rolled back to the farmhouse, called out, and waved as the family came outside. I handed over the gifts, and grandma immediately grabbed the tobacco and packed her pipe. I think they understood my appreciation for their kindness. They were such lovely people who just wanted to help despite living in obvious poverty.

The Waitress

On the last night, Jimmy and I went to a local Khmer restaurant where there wasn’t another Westerner in sight. We had another great meal, and I was offered dried grasshoppers from a basket. Everyone in the restaurant watched me as I picked up a large one, showed it around, and ate it. Crunchy on the outside and soft and squishy inside. I managed to keep it down while the locals clapped. I nearly finished a whole beer to wash away the taste.

While we were eating, the waitress Aran, a pretty woman in her mid 30s with long black hair, a great figure, and nice legs, kept looking at me, smiling, fussing over me, and chatting with Jimmy, throwing me glances. She spoke no English, and I spoke no Khmer. So Jimmy acted as translator. Eventually he told me that Aran was asking if I was single. I said I was. And she asked if she could come home with me.

She was a single mom with three young children. Her husband had been killed in a car accident 3 years earlier, and Jimmy knew her well. He said she hadn’t been with a man since her husband died and lived with her parents. I told him I wasn’t looking to hire a girl for the night because I was flying back to Bangkok the next morning. But he said she didn’t want money. She thought I was handsome and just wanted to spend the night with me.

Aran came back with me. The bedroom aerobics were excellent. She woke me up a few hours later for a second session and again before dawn for round three. She was very enthusiastic, and I enjoyed the night.

The next morning, Jimmy came to take me to the airport. I gave Aran a hug and a kiss, and I tried to give her $50. She looked insulted, as if I had offended her by offering her money. I tried to explain through Jimmy that it was for her children to buy them something nice. She softened, gave me a big hug and kiss, and said goodbye. I gave her a few riel for a tuk tuk and returned to Bangkok to see other friends.

It’s been a few years, and I still speak to Jimmy a few times a year. He always says that when he goes to the restaurant, Aran asks about me and whether I’m coming back. I loved my trip to Cambodia and often think of her and what a great night we had. Too bad I didn’t meet her the first night.

Cambodia And Laos Reflections

While Jimmy showed me around town, the markets, and villages, it was noticeable how many middle aged and older people were missing limbs due to the last war and the Khmer Rouge. There are still minefields in the outer areas. Farmers trying to expand their land sometimes accidentally encroach on mined areas, causing explosions that kill people and livestock. Despite this, most of these people want to earn money rather than take charity. So they sell all kinds of things around town.

Jimmy told me not to stop haggling over prices because it’s part of their culture and a matter of pride. The smiles I got from those people after following his advice were heartwarming.

I went back to Cambodia in 2023 for a week, spent a few days with Aran, and then flew to Laos for a few days. While walking from my hotel to the night markets along the Mekong River, I was approached by a sly looking young guy about 18 or 19 who had four girls who looked very young dressed like working girls. He offered me any of the girls. I was furious and told him in no uncertain terms to get lost or I would throw him into the Mekong. I continued to the markets, and when I returned to my room several hours later, they were gone.

I was still angry that this man was trying to exploit these young girls. Later I thought it might have been a setup to trap tourists and force them to bribe their way out.

To say I didn’t like Laos is an understatement. I was underwhelmed, and I will not go back. Two days later, I boarded a plane to Bangkok, where an old friend May picked me up and took me to visit Pattaya for the first time.