Trying To Change A Thai Freelancer From Phuket

I am in my late 20;s and was brand new to the scene.

I had never traveled outside of the US and I wanted to get away from the life I knew.

I chose Thailand because it was on the complete opposite side of the world.

This was my first time in Thailand of course, and it took place at the beginning of April 2024.

I only watched videos on YouTube about the culture, activities, and of course the nightlife; but I had no real idea what I was walking into.

Furthermore, I didnt realize the hotel I chose was at the very end of the go-go bar strip on Bangla side road.

I never thought it could be what I experienced.

Women grabbing at me and offering themselves to me every five steps I took.

Travelling To Thailand To Try And Find A Wife

A bit of background about me, I have had decent luck with women in the US, I had always been in long term relationships

I went to Thailand to find a wife, not knowing what the stark reality is.

I had only planned to be there for the month, enjoy Song Kran and do a lot of traveling.

But the nightlife, cheap alcohol, and the endless options of women sucked me in fast.

It turned from a 1 month stay to exhausting my visa-free stay that Thailand allows for US citizens.

Anyway… to the story.

Experiencing The Bangla Road Nightlife For The First Time

I was so jetlagged, sleep-deprived from excitement, and drank so much that I had to have the driver pull over so I could throw up in a bag.

I got to the hotel about 1pm and immediately crashed.

I woke up at 10 pm and walked out of the hotel.

I lit up a cigarette and walked towards the noise and lights in front of my hotel.

I was attacked by women constantly and tried to find something to do to fill the awkwardness, like buy things out of 711 and talk to the sign holders and other foreigners that were walking around.

I continued walking around until almost 3 am, trying to work up the nerve to take a girl.

I have never been with a freelancer in my life, so I was looking for a girl who liked me for me.

Of course, there was nothing like that there, and instead, I was working up the nerve to pay.

Talking to different women, I began to get a feel for the price and expectations.

I eventually gave up and decided to walk back to my hotel.

As I walked onto the street to my hotel, a hand grabbed mine.

Meeting My First Thai Freelancer Named Nanny

I turned, and a cute girl asked me where I was going.

I told her my hotel and she asked to come with me, we negotiated a price of 3000 baht.

Then off we went.

You can use your imagination for the rest.

I found out the same night that this girl was 41, she looked 31, though amazingly enough.

I found out she was from Isaan, and her nickname was Nanny.

She introduced me to her friends and family; I experienced new food and spent Song Khran with her and her friends.

Songkran and Getting Spiked

On the night of Songkran, I spent the whole day drinking; I ended up accepting a random smoke from somebody and very quickly realized there was something laced inside.

I went from drunk to very alert; I shamefully admit I have tried things before, so I knew what was happening when it hit me.

I always joked around with my friends in the US that if someone spikes me, the joke is on them; because I have done most things before.

But in the instance of this happening, it was not funny.

I subsequently drank the same amount I did all day, before I was spiked, to counteract the high.

The night ended with me feeling drunk and stimulated and just wanting to crash.

I maybe got 5 hours of sleep.

The next day is a blur; I cant tell you much from there other than stuffing my face with Thai food and desserts and seeing Patong Beach.

Moving Into A Permanent Home In Phuket

The next main event that took place was when I realized that I needed to move into some sort of secure housing arrangement, as my plan was to work remotely.

I toured two condos that were both 35,000 baht per month.

They were pretty small compared to what I was used to and a little bit outside of Patong.

The availability of places was very slim because it was high season, which meant that everything was taken care of.

The girl I was seeing said she found someone on Facebook with a townhome for rent that was 35,000 baht.

It was substantially more significant than the other places I toured for the same price as the condos.

So, in my mind, I had found a winner.

Little did I know the nightmare that was about to ensue.

Turning Into What The Thais Like To Call “A Butterfly”

Through one means or another, I got rid of the 41-year-old, which I figured out obviously there was no future with and This is where the story really takes an interesting turn.

I was a butterfly at this point, the term you all are familiar with which means a player.

My intentions in coming to Thailand were to find a wife, but the level of deceit I was met with made it difficult on top of my already severe distrust for women in general.

The Thai party life really added complications to that factor.

I tried talking seriously with 1 or 2 more girls from Thai Friendly; they didn’t work out for one reason or another after the first time I met them.

I was playing the lover game and figuring out how to trick the working women out of paying them by telling them what they wanted to hear.

I was damn good at it too.

However, being tattooed with blue eyes and having a townhouse in a 6-mile-long beach town really helped the situation.

But, I found myself at one point feeling exhausted of having to keep up a love facade and gave into the idea of paying because it seemed reasonable to the extent that we both got what we wanted, there were no questions asked, and would moved on from it.

Little did I know, what was about to happen.

Meeting and Falling In Love With Freelancer Noonn

I went back through my messages to a girl I had seen previously who was 21 and was very, very beautiful.

I knew if I was going to pay, it might as well be with her.

She went by Noonn, I won’t give her real name out of respect for her.

But I will say, she had the prettiest Thai name I had heard thus far, as you know most of them sound objectively not very cute.

The first night with her, was much much more than we both expected.

I think that her age and the things I possessed, plus what I was able to do for her physically, created this connection for her that was built off the wrong things.

Admittingly, I was enraptured by her.

We both have a mean look on our faces, love to eat, and can handle our alcohol very well.

So, getting along at first was very easy.

She never asked me for money again, which struck me as interesting.

I told her that I came to Thailand looking for a wife, and I think she just thought I was being cute.

But as we spent more time together, she realized that I was being serious.

I talked to her about the future and what she wants out of life and found myself trying to teach her about equality.

For example, I cooked dinner for us that night; and when I went to wash the dishes she yelled what are doing? That’s my job.

I will admit, i was really taken back by this and tried to explain to her that if she wasnt here that I would have to clean the dishes anyway.

She told me she had never seen her father clean dishes her entire life.

I appreciated her dedication to the roles, but I also think there are some basic things that men and women share duties on because we both make a mess.

Relationships Are Never Simple With A Thai Girl

Some interesting side notes here: We broke up 4-5 times over a period of 2 months but always got back together within days of ending things.

We seemed to have this connection, and we couldnt get rid of each other.

We both admitted that it was effortless to block other people, but for some reason, with each other, we were hooked.

We decided to commit fully, and I had her stay with me every day.

Admittingly, I would tell her at first that I had to work online and ask her to leave because I couldnt have her in the house making noise while I was working through video call and that she would be bored sitting there for 8 hours while I was working.

The truth is, I wasnt working; I was out drinking with other women and bringing them back.

Continuing the same pattern of lover talk that got me the girls for free.

I was soothing my soul like a hurt dog licking a wound. It is what it is.

That behavior ended, and I asked her to stay with me every day no matter what, and we wouldnt leave each others side.

Preparing to Leave Thailand

To continue the story….

I was on borrowed time because I knew that I could only stay for six months.

I asked her to be with me every day; she was a freelancer originally, so there were no bar fines or worrying about her job, etc.

She never asked me to pay for her room or buy her anything.

But I knew in the back of my mind she had to be paying for her room with her saved-up money.

Anyway, we continued our fun and spent every day together, and she rarely left my side for even 2 minutes.

It was working out what I thought was in the best way possible.

We enjoyed sushi, spending personal time together at the house, watching movies, the beach, and drinking/clubbing.

She got me free bottlesand a complimentary VIP section at the local clubs and showed me incredible local places to eat.

She was the very jealous type who left videos on my phone in case another girl went through my phone, saying she would kill them for talking to me.

I found the possessiveness very cute.

Arguments Happen Often In A Foreigner – Thai Relationship

We had some arguments that almost caused us to end things, but we worked them out.

We cooked together most days and enjoyed ordering food together.

I think she enjoyed that I did my own laundry, cleaned, cooked, and was financially stable for being in my 20s.

We had some charming dates that were always full of laughter and smiling, and she was, in general, a very sweet person when she wasnt drunk.

When she would drink without me, she would come back so drunk she could barely stand.

I worried about her in that regard because anyone could take advantage of her.

But I couldnt force myself to go out and drink/be in that atmosphere on her behalf every single time, sometimes I wanted downtime.

It eventually came time for me to leave because my landlord had provided me with a faulty water pump, causing flooding of the backroom, high water bills, attempted

to charge me for house repairs, and my energy bill was 3x higher than anything anyone had ever seen that I showed the bill to.

He had a 70,000 baht deposit of mine that I paid through PayPal.

Im lucky, I was smart enough to do that because I was able to chargeback my deposit through PayPal when he told me I would not be getting my deposit back.

Side note: For the first girl I mentioned, who is 41, the landlord told me he gave her 35,000 baht of the 70,000 as a commission fee; when I talked to the girl, she said she got 17,000 baht. 

All I know is someone is lying to me, and I trust nobody, not even the girl I am with.

Dealing With A Shady Landlord Scammer

I decided to tell the landlord I would pay him at the end of the month because that was when I could get more money, and I left the day before he was supposed to collect it.

I blocked him, of course, and recovered my deposit.

I was smart enough to put that 70,000 baht on a credit card so I could avoid using my own money.

So even if PayPal failed to recover it, the bank would indeed dispute it with no problem as it is their money that was spent.

When I left for the airport, I shut off the power to the house to turn off the camera outfront so the owner had no recording of me leaving.

Also, the owner was only 30.

I found out from the neighbor across the street that he used to help him try to rent out the place but he would not provide the proper TM30 forms, report to the tax office or immigration office.

Your lease is supposed to be stamped.

When you go to the immigration office, you would be filling out a TM30, but I noticed they gave me a TM7 when I went by the last time.

This told me he undoubtedly had not reported my stay to immigration and IF he was reporting to the tax office, he under reported to save tax money.

Long-Distance Troubles and Breaking Up With Thai Girlfriend

Back to the girl…

emotions were flying when I left; we were both crying a lot.

I cried on the Grab ride to the airport and at various points on my 36-hour journey home.

Just to make things clear, the entire time we were together, she never asked me for money except for the first night based on our agreement.

By default of course I always paid for her to go with me places and really it felt just the generally polite thing to do being a westerner.

We were video calling as much as we could every day, sometimes staying on the phone for hours without saying much.

We purposefully fell asleep while on video call and let each other sleep while we stayed right there.

She promised me she would not return to her old job.

She was feeling sick at the time and was trying to recover, so she didnt have the energy to go out to work.

I was constantly talking to her about the importance of eating healthy, having a good schedule, drinking less, having a routine, and having a healthy job.

I told her that I would cover any extra expenses not covered by her job.

Long story short…

she never got a good job because anytime she found a listing, she would wait many, many days before inquiring about it and make excuses that she wanted her friend to go with her, but her friend was not available in time.

Sending Money To A Freelancer In Thailand

Knowing what she had done previously to make money, I was apprehensive that she would go back to her old way but she told me she would keep looking for a job.

I told her I didnt want her working and wanted her to go back to her familys vllage in south of Thailand.

I attempted to send the money through Wise, but the app put the payment on hold and required me to verify some banking info.

It showed me the money would be deposited in 3 days to her, so I sent her that screenshot saying it would come.

I used those three days to gauge her behavior and how she would act.

I noticed she increased telling me how much she loved me and wanted to spend every waking moment on the phone with me.

She then would tell me she was going to buy certain things for cooking etc.

But I had sent enough for her to pay for the room she was behind on.

Then I would send more money after that so to make sure she ate.

I just wanted to keep her out of the bar scene and away from freelancing to survive.

She really didn’t want to go home because she didn’t want to be a burden on her family, even though I told her I would pay her way so she didnt have to worry about that.

But the truth came out she didnnt want to go back because she would have to work very hard when she was there.

This was another major red flag.

Even as I’m writing this, I don’t understand how a girl would rather sell herself than spend time with her family for a few months and get money for free until I returned 4-5 months later to get her and move us both to Hua Hin.

Well, the day before the money was supposed to arrive, she and I got into a big argument about her not making more of an effort to find a job, and we broke up.

She kept saying take your money back, I don’t want it.

I told her the money hadn’t even been sent to her, so I didn’t know why she kept saying that.

She took that as I never sent it; the language barrier made it so she didn’t fully understand, but the truth is it technically wasn’t sent until I released the funds.

But she didnt know that.

We worked things back out, and then I noticed on her Snapchat location that she was at a bar.

So here is where things became difficult.

She said nothing to me that night, and the next day, she said she got a job at a bar and told me that’s why she was at the bar and didn’t answer my calls.

I asked her if the bar was a regular bar or where she could be bar fined.

She told me there were no bar fines.

Fast forward a few days, and she drunkenly tells me she got a guy to bar fine her so she could go home and sleep.

The story was not consistent, and red flags flew across my face.

I reluctantly tried to trust her, although I never did at all, for good reason, too.

Eventually, I asked her to please tell me the truth and that I would not be mad.

My gut feeling was screaming at me: had she been with anyone else to make money?

She said she had gone with two customers and proceeded to tell me it was because I didn’t send money to her and it was my fault for making her beliefe she was goign to recieve money.

The thing that baffles me about these women is they don’t take accountability, and they don’;t listen very well.

Granted, western women are the same, so I dont know why Im surprised.

Even as Im writing this, she has ignores my calls/texts entirely at this point but still doesn;t want to block me.

I have no idea what she is doing, and it worries me because she has had an instance where a customer hit her in the face a few times.

I dont know why, but I still care about her safety and well-being.

Uncertainty About the Future With My Thai Freelancer

A few days ago, writing this, she said, “You should find a woman who is better than me; I am no good”

I tried expressing to her that she is a good person who is making bad choices.

I used to make choices that I can not put into writing for legal reasons, but I have changed my ways…. mostly.

Anyway, part of me wants to fly back and walk into her bar and talk to her, but the other half of me tells me to let it go.

I have no idea what will happen next, and I know the comments will say varying things; the truth is Im the kind of person who will do what I want regardless of what other people say, but I do appreciate the comments, and I will read all of them.

Frankly, I am about to hire a lawyer to check if there are any pending legal charges for me in Thailand because I do not know whether the landlord had reported me or what repercussions could come of that, so for my first time out of the country, there is a possibility that I may not be able to return.

But I am hoping I will be able too.

If not, Im going to Vietnam in January 2025 and trying this again.

Now a few days later as I am writing this towards the end, she messaged me back.

But I am going to end the story here because it looks like there may be a part two if I decide to pursue the situation.

I am young enough to travel and be heartbroken, so no real loss to me as this is one big adventure.

I look forward to updating you all in the future for better or for worse.

Is This Thai Girl Different?

I am not going to say that this girl is different or the same, because there have been things that tell me both are true.

I have left out a lot of personal conversation details that I don’t believe really matter, as the actions tell the true story more than words spoken.

On another note, I suggest to others: do not sign a lease unless you are dead set on where you are staying and have vetted the situation better than I did, avoid accepting random joints from people, and always make sure you use the safe in your room to avoid mistakes.

Here is a bit of advice given to me by the girls themselves, do not trust women from Isaan.

According to them, the women are not genuine people with their actions and words.