Forced to Share His Thai Wife

I’d been married to a girl from Thailand for a few years. I’d been to Thailand once, met her, got married, and taken her home with me. Ever since, we’d been traveling every year back to Thailand for our annual holidays. At about the fourth year, I thought everything was going okay. I had given her a lot of money. I had stepped in to help support her and her family, and I was sending money back to the family every single month.

But one thing happened during the passage of time that really turned me off the idea of this marriage. Although I continued my end of the bargain, sending money to her family all the time, she didn’t really keep hers. As time went by, she became more distant, more cold, and a lot more manipulative, trying to get even more money out of me, while at the same time giving so much less.

As we were heading back to Thailand for our fourth-year trip, I was looking forward to having a break. I was looking forward to getting away from the situation at home because I worked very hard. I woke up very early, and I spent 10 hours out of the house, 10 hours when she was alone and by herself, spending time online, and probably getting up to all kinds of things that she never admitted to.

I was really looking forward to going back to Thailand to be able to have a reset. We were going for a month, and because of that, it was something I was excited for. Of course, we were going to have to go and visit the obligatory family. That was going to be for a week. But for the other 3 weeks, we were going to have a blissful time in the country that I wished I could live in, but I couldn’t afford to. At least I didn’t think I could.

When we got back to Thailand, I felt like a huge part of me was whole again. I didn’t have to work. I could spend most of my time with my wife, and she seemed to be relatively happy when we were there.

The problem with that was I’d seen her come to Thailand, be happy, and then return back home with me. Every time she’d done it, it was a little bit worse, and I was dreading the thought of going back home with her.

I was probably 10 years away from the eventual goal of retirement in Thailand. That would have meant 10 more trips back to Thailand, 10 more times taking her away from Thailand. I didn’t think that would be very good based on how every time we went back it was worse. She always said it was fine, and it wouldn’t be a problem, and told me not to worry. But, I was worrying, and I should have worried because this time we were in Thailand.

The first thing we did was go and visit her family. We saw all the things around the house that I’d sent money to pay for. I was giving a big portion of my salary to her family, and she wanted to live in Thailand.

I raised the possibility that instead of sending her family so much money, we could save all that money, not visit Thailand for a few years, and we might be able to get back a lot sooner to actually live there. But that was something that she didn’t even consider. She wasn’t able to work it out mentally how that kind of thing worked. This was important. We had to do it, and we did it regardless of whether it was good for us or not.

Money for Her Family and a 150,000 Baht Motorcycle

When we arrived this time, they had just gone and bought a brand new widescreen TV. They had internet installed. They had a motorcycle parked up, a proper motorcycle, one of those off-road ones that was being used by her younger brother. They’d taken the money and spent it any way they saw fit. And to me, that wasn’t desperation requiring money. It was pure greed. It was untoward and greedy. I remember going up and seeing this and being so disillusioned because my wife didn’t see the problem with me working and giving her family money for things that they didn’t even require and didn’t even need.

It put me in a very bad mood. It took away the whole excitement of being in Thailand and it put everything on the back burner and just made me feel so alone and miserable. There I was looking at hundreds of thousands of baht worth of stuff that had been purchased over the course of a year, hundreds of thousands of baht that had been given to them out of necessity because they were meant to be poor and they needed this money, but instead they’d bought pleasurable items and they’d bought items that they didn’t need and it really hurt me.

I had a big fallout with my wife that same evening when we’d gone to the city to stay in the hotel that we’d booked. I didn’t want to stay at the family’s house and that was something that she was prepared to compromise on, although she would have preferred to do that. She couldn’t do what she wanted all the time. She had to understand that I was a person, too. I had feelings, too, and what I said was important because I funded things. So she didn’t force me to stay at the family’s house.

I really had to speak to her. You keep telling me, and this is the worst it’s happened, your family needs money. Do they need the TV? Do they need internet? Do they need a motorcycle? Do they need all these things that my money’s going to pay for? Of course she said yes, they’re important. We need a motorcycle so that my brother can go to school.

He was approaching the end of high school and the high school was 20 minutes away. I asked why he needed one that cost 150,000 baht. He could have bought a second-hand one for 10,000, but that just didn’t make any sense to her.

Why does your family need a huge TV? It must have been 65 inches. Well, they need a TV. Papa no good cannot see easy have to be big. All this nonsense stuff that she’s talking about. And I just said to her, “You go see your family tomorrow. I’m going to go to Bangkok and when you finish with them, come to Bangkok and meet me there,” because I was just so angry.

I went to bed that night thinking this isn’t right. I can’t believe they spent all that money. I was told that things were going on essentials. I was told they were important. I was told they needed the money. They wouldn’t be able to survive without it. But that was the furthest thing from the truth. It was a fabrication. And I felt like I was being taken advantage of. She begged me, however, not to go to Bangkok, saying her family would have a problem. Saying we can be okay. She’s sorry. Next year we won’t give as much. And I did resign myself to that and said, “Okay.” I didn’t want her to have a problem with the family.

When I was there the following day, which was a weekend because her brother wasn’t at school, he came and spoke the few words of English he knew to me, asking if I wanted to ride on the motorcycle I’d paid for. Obviously, he didn’t indicate the fact that I paid for it. But do you want to go? Okay. So I get on and have a nice ride around. It was fun, but I was thinking, “Next year I can’t give them this much.” Although I had saved for an eventual retirement, I hadn’t put anywhere near enough money away because of how things had turned out and how much the family had had out of me.

We visited them for a few more days. I was getting over the fact because I was already in Thailand mode. I was already not thinking about work. I was already feeling relaxed. The money that I’d given them, well, never mind. It doesn’t matter. I’m not working right now. Don’t worry about it.

Knowing full well when I get back to work, I will have to go and work hard and do lots of things, difficult things, waking up early again, and going to bed late. That money, some of that money, is going to come and make its way here for people so they can be lazy and not work. But I just told myself not to think about it. You are going to be leaving soon and going to Bangkok. That was the place where I’d fallen in love with the country, and I just tried to get over things and get things back on track.

Back to Bangkok and the Old Watering Holes

Eventually, we left the family’s house and went down to Bangkok. That’s where I felt at home the most when I’d met my wife. I met her in Bangkok. I met her in a bar. I’m not going to try to lie and hide that fact. To be honest, if I’m being truthful, I don’t see any difference between a girl who works in a bar and a girl that doesn’t work in a bar that’s had a boyfriend before.

What I used to convince myself was that a girl who works in a bar is meeting guys even though she doesn’t want to. Therefore, if she meets a guy that she likes, that she does want to be with, it’s different. Whereas, if she’s had a boyfriend before, that’s because she wanted to. So, she’s been doing things because she wants to versus because she doesn’t. To be honest, I would prefer to be with a girl who’s doing things that she doesn’t want to do because at least I felt that that was how I was able to convince myself that it was okay. I suppose in some kind of way, I still believe that to be the case now. I did meet her in a bar.

The plan for Bangkok was just to go to all the old watering holes I’d been to the last time I was there. I used to love to go to Hooters on Soi 4. I felt it was a great environment where you could take a seat, order a bit of food, and watch the world go by outside. She’d go off to meet her friends. When I met her, she was working in a bar just off Soi Cowboy, not directly on it, just off it. She’d go off to meet her friends, and that was part of how things went. I would go to my old haunts and have a great time.

After a week there, we didn’t have any plans. I was hoping to go to the beach, but what happened instead was at the end of that week, she said that we need to go back to visit her family again, and we’ll go to the beach after that. I really didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to go at all, but she forced me back up there.

When we arrived, it was clear that there was some kind of problem with some of the money that I’d sent, not this year, the year before, they’d purchased this fruit sorting machine. I can’t really describe what it is, but some of the fruit that they grew in the area, they put it into this machine and it determined the size of it. Certain sizes fall in one part where they get the most money for it. The smaller ones go somewhere else where they get less money. The machine had completely broken and apparently this was a big source of the income.

I was asked, because who else would they ask, if I could pay for it. The problem was that it wasn’t a fortune, but it was about 35,000 baht to fix. It needed a new part and a bit of work doing to it. 35,000 to fix it. And I said, well, I’d prefer not to, but when you’re pushed into a corner, everyone’s looking at you, you can’t really say no. I gave them that money and that put me in an extremely bad mood yet again. I went back to the hotel just feeling like I was being taken advantage of all over again.

Being the Financial Lifeline for Her Family

I think that was when my mind started to change, and I realized things weren’t right. This is going to be the case forever. I’m going to be the guy who’s expected to give money forever. I could be 10 years older and I could be retired with a budget to live on and I’m still going to be asked for money and my wife is still going to expect that for eternity. I didn’t want to be in that position. That’s not how it was meant to be.

I was in a really foul mood as we headed back down to Bangkok. My wife could tell. She said, thank you for helping, but she just couldn’t understand how it really angered me every time I gave money. For her, giving money to her family was a good thing because she didn’t have to work for it and give her time for it. The way I looked at it, when I saw, for example, that motorcycle again, that could be the same as 5 weeks of my time going into the office, sitting, doing work I didn’t want to do. That was where that motorcycle came from. It was my time. And that’s how I started to look at things.

I was getting very angry, but again, I had to get over it. This happened and it kept happening. Every time it was just they keep taking money away from me and this last 35,000, that was a week of my time just taken away. A week of what I could have saved for something better. And again, that’s all I could think about.

I was very upset arriving back in Bangkok. I went to bed that night when we got back, woke up and usually I’d be out and I just couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed. My wife asked if I was okay. Well, no, I’m angry. She knew I was. She knew I was fed up. She said, “I’ll stay with you until you feel better.” I said, “It’s okay. Do what you want.” I just couldn’t be bothered. So, she goes off to see a friend and I stayed in bed all day. I went to bed at night and stayed in bed the following day. That’s when my wife was starting to get a bit worried.

Every time she would leave, in a way I would hope that she wouldn’t come back. Every time she went to see a friend, I would hope that I wouldn’t hear that clink of the door as she opened it and came back inside the room. But every time she did come back, I just felt even more trapped.

I was coming to the conclusion that I didn’t really want to be with her. Not because I didn’t want to be with her, because I loved her and cared about her, but because I didn’t want to be the financial lifeline for her family anytime it was required. That was what was happening. All I could think of doing was not being with her. I didn’t feel brave enough to do that though.

When she came back last time, I had a whole speech ready. I was going to say, “You can choose me or your family.” Knowing she’d choose the family and that would be it. But I just didn’t have the courage to say it. She just said, “You want to go out for something to eat?” I hadn’t been out for 2 days, so let’s go. And we continued that time in Thailand coming back to normal. No more talks about her family. And she probably knew not to push more. And we did return home and I went back to work.

As soon as we landed back at home, though, that’s when she goes into this miserable phase. She goes into being somewhere that she doesn’t want to be. I go back to the house. I’ve got to work the following day because we left it right to the last minute, and she’s just sat there lounging around thinking, “I can’t believe I’ve got nothing to do. I can’t do this. I can’t do that. I miss this. I miss that.” Knowing that I’m in the same position as her, but I’ve got to actually work and she doesn’t. That was a big miserable point, too. Just wishing, “Why didn’t I just leave her when I had the chance?” But I didn’t leave her because I was scared. I could have told her to leave and she wouldn’t have wanted to. Not because she cared about me, I thought, because I was basically her job. That was where I was at the time.

Throughout the next year, up until our next Thailand trip, things just slowly got worse and worse, and we even talked about not being with each other. She really hated that idea, but it was talked about. I raised it, saying, “Every time I come back, you’re so miserable, angry, and bored, and you don’t want to be with me. Maybe we shouldn’t be together.” She said, “I want to be with you. Don’t worry. I love you.” And she always said the same thing.

Then, when you’re not really speaking to each other for a few days because she’s trying and you’re just ignoring her, she does try her best to come round and be how you remember her being, knowing that it’s the time of the month when she needs to get some money, and she starts to make sure that she understands that she’s going to get it. I could see it for what it was, but I just didn’t know how to get out of it.

Her Visa Was Coming Up for Renewal

About a month away from going to Thailand again, I told her, “I’m not going to go and see your family, and as of right now, I’m not going to give any money to you or your family because I can’t take it anymore.” I’d been giving money throughout that year, but it wasn’t as much as before, but I just couldn’t take it. It felt like a little piece of me was being torn away from me every time I handed over money. I just couldn’t take that feeling. It destroyed me.

Obviously, the sad thing was I was married to her at that moment. She didn’t have a permanent visa yet, and her visa was coming up for renewal. I’ll say it as it is. I came up with a very devious plan. I wanted to go to Thailand with her for a month, then we’d come back for 3 months, and then she’d have to renew her visa.

But when it was about a month before we were going to go back, I came up with an emergency that happened. That meant we had to change the time to a month after that. So, if we returned after going after that month, it would only be 6 weeks away from her visa. And then it would be like a 6-week buffer planning to extend that time in Thailand. Perhaps stay in Thailand for longer. And if that ruins my job, I didn’t care.

She knew about her visa, but I’m the one who did everything for her. And because I’m doing everything for her, she’s not going to cotton on to what’s going on, and she’s going to run out of being able to go back to my country because her visa will run out while we’re not in the country. Therefore, I can go alone and she can’t get any more of my money. That’s where I was. I’m not going to lie, that’s what it was and what I was doing. And if you think that’s cruel, that’s fair enough. That was what my plan was.

She was devastated that we couldn’t go at the time that we’d booked and we had to wait another month, but we went eventually. And I wasn’t giving her much money at this time, and she was trying to get bits off me when she could. I did give her bits here and there just to keep the peace.

And when it came time to leave, I said, “I’ve got a surprise for you. We can stay for an extra 2 months.” I knew it was going to cost me my job and some money, but we could stay for two extra months. She said that was great. Thank you so much. And she didn’t even think about her visa. I didn’t think about anything negative, either. I just spent those 2 months thinking about what to tell her as most of the time we weren’t even spending time together. She was away seeing friends. She went to visit her family and I was alone.

And when I was alone, probably about a week before her visa was due to expire, she’d gone up to visit her family.

A Girl with Pink Hair in a Pattaya Bar

I decided to go to Pattaya. I’d never been there before. I’d spent most of my time in Bangkok. I was sitting in a bar, as I did lots of times, and at the front of the bar, because I was looking out to the street, and there were motorcycles parked up in front. It wasn’t a busy road. It was one of the sois just off Beach Road, so you didn’t see many cars going through there at night time because the place was quite hectic. But there were motorcycles parked up just in front of the bar. It must have been early evening and I was on my second or third beer and out of the corner of my eye I noticed a motorcycle driving towards the bar. There’s a really beautiful girl sat on the back of it and a Thai guy about her age sat at the front driving. And I’m thinking, I wonder where she’s going.

Before I had much more chance to think, the guy driving pulls in right to the front of the bar I was at. She gets off the back, doesn’t really acknowledge that man once, doesn’t look at him like anything and she wanders into the bar and goes to the back of the bar, gets changed, puts her bag in a safe place and comes out to the front. As soon as she did that, the guy had gone off on the bike. I just thought it must have either been a motorcycle taxi driver without a vest on or something like that and she didn’t acknowledge the guy like he was anything special, so nothing like that crossed my mind.

I did notice her. I noticed how beautiful she was and since I’d been with my wife back in Thailand this time, coming up with this plan and working with this plan, I hadn’t really spent time with my wife in any way together because we weren’t like that anymore. It was awful, but she was still using me for money and this was my plan to be able to save what I had. I felt though that I was in real need of being with the girl because I hadn’t been with my wife properly for a long time and it was really grating on me.

That girl was exactly my type. I know people turn their noses up when guys say they like girls with tattoos and piercings, but I really do. And she had pink hair and she looked very sweet and innocent and quite shy at the same time. She had a little skirt on and fishnet stockings and she was just everything that I want a girl to be to look at, beautiful. Also a nose ring. I would have guessed 24. Wild, lively and beautiful in every single way. I thought I’m going to have a chat with her before any other guy grabs her up because there were a few guys in that bar.

I looked over in her direction hoping she’d catch my eye. She did and she comes over and she kind of skips over in a way where it’s exciting and well, everything I remembered it being before I met my wife. But I hadn’t been in a position like this ever since I had met my wife. I remembered how much I loved it and how much fun it was.

She comes over and shakes my hand. I think that’s what she did. I asked her if she’d like a drink. She said yes, she goes to get one and comes back and then we start playing pool. We’re just having drink after drink and I find that her English was quite good, a lot better than my wife’s English was when I met her. She’d been working in Pattaya for a few years, lives with her friend she said and she comes and works in the bar every day apart from the fact that she gets two days off a month.

I felt really attracted to her. I felt like she was this perfect girl. When I say she had pink hair, it was bright pink but only about 50% of it. The top of her head was black because obviously it had been growing out and she hadn’t re-dyed it. When I mentioned it saying how pretty her hair was, she said, “I will get rid of it soon but I don’t want short hair. I’m too old for this,” she said and I thought that was quite a sweet thing to say. I’m finding that I’m liking her.

Of course, I wanted to take her out of the bar which I did. I didn’t feel guilty about my wife because I didn’t care about my wife anymore. This plan was put in motion so that she couldn’t go back home with me so she couldn’t try to get any more of my stuff.

Typically though, when I’d just arrived at the hotel, she calls me and I had to answer. I spoke to her as quickly as I could without this girl catching on, telling her I’m coming back to Bangkok in a few days. She said she was going back to Bangkok in a few days too because we were going to be going back in a few weeks. The idea was to spend a week or 10 days or so in Bangkok. The exact days here don’t matter. I can’t remember them precisely but something along those lines. Her visa to my country was actually expiring soon and that made me nervous. That’s why I suppose I went to the bar and had a few drinks and met a girl because I was really nervous.

The thing was though, I had probably the best time of my life with that girl. It was everything I remembered it being with my wife when I met her. Fun, exciting, not thinking about anything. Well, that’s what happens when you stay with someone for a long time. The spark diminishes and things get worse and that’s how it goes. But I was thinking, this is how it should be. She really made me understand that what I was doing was right. She left that evening. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Although I had to go to Bangkok soon and I wasn’t going to see her again, I remembered her. She was in my mind throughout my journey back to Bangkok waiting for my wife to come. Her visa coming up for renewal soon and not being in the country to be able to renew it.

A Divorce and 100,000 Baht

The first thing she said to me, which was very fortuitous when I saw her was, “I know you haven’t given a lot of money to my family, but they really need something. They need 50,000 baht. Can you give them?” That was the perfect moment because I could just say to her, “Absolutely not. I can’t believe you’re asking again. We’ve been through this and we’ve had conversations. We’ve been through it time and time again.” And I did use that as an excuse to be the angriest I’d ever been and to not come around and to be more open than I’d ever been. She saw, but she didn’t stop though. She thought she could win and she started getting more angry too and more flustered. I just said, “That’s it then. I don’t want you anymore. You’ve asked this again even though everything’s happened but it’s over.”

And I stormed out of the hotel we were staying at hoping that when I came back a few hours later she’d be gone. But she wasn’t gone, was she? She’s saying she’s sorry, very sorry and I didn’t have the heart to be angry anymore, which is the problem.

Until she asked for the money again. Again, I told her no. She said they needed it and it was like need, need, need and I said no, no, no. You were making it up to me until you wanted to say this. But no, it’s over. It’s finished. We can get a divorce. She said no way. She said, “I want to be with you.” I said, “No, I’ll go back home myself and you can stay here.” And she kept saying, “No, I cannot. Have to be with you.”

There were still a few days until the visa expired and the plane tickets weren’t booked yet. I mean, they were, but we hadn’t extended them to the new time yet. And I kept saying to her that this is it. It’s however long it was, maybe another few weeks because of that. It was what it was and I told her, “You can’t come back with me. Your visa finished now. You cannot come back. I don’t want you.”

She stormed out after that. Didn’t see her for a day. And I was just getting ready to go out myself that evening. But then she comes back. She’s saying sorry again. Saying this and that. And it went on on and on. A very uncomfortable situation until it was a few days before actually time to go back and her visa had already expired.

I told her, “I’ve already told you that you can’t come back because of the visa. You don’t have it anymore.” That was when she completely blew her top. Even though I’d already explained it once before. Now it had actually happened. She didn’t understand. She said, “What do you mean my visa finished?” I mean your visa finished. “You do on purpose,” she said. I looked at her like, “No, not at all.” I talked about it, but she just didn’t catch on when I was talking about it.

You know when you say, “Of course not,” you’re putting on a bit of a sarcastic tone. But I told her you can’t come back with me. I don’t want to stay with you anymore and I want to get divorced. I can give you money to get divorced if you do that. Otherwise, you can’t. I don’t want to stay with you. I’ve been thinking about this for such a long time. It’s not working and I don’t want to be a source of money for you and that’s it. She didn’t want to accept it.

A couple of days later, something like that. I think she found out that that was it and she had to accept it. And luckily, she agreed to get divorced from me, for which I gave her 100,000 baht. We were shouting with each other and she was actually hitting me and everything that went along with it. But it was what it was. I was free. I’d escaped, and if I’m honest, I felt like I’d won.

I had the return tickets booked for not too long away and for her, but I just couldn’t see myself going back right then. I changed my tickets again, had to leave the country, and reentered so I could stay for 30 days plus extend for 15 more, and I wanted to, you know, have those 45 days to myself before going back. I wanted to be ready for going back alone.

A Week in Hua Hin Together

Naturally, I went back to Pattaya. I just kept thinking about that girl that I’d met in that bar, and I wanted to see her. And when I saw her the next time, she was already at the bar when I arrived, and she remembered me straight away. She came over and hugged me. “Oh, I not think you want to see me again. So happy you come.” And it felt amazing to be back with her, because in a way, she’d given me the confidence that I needed to break it off with my wife. I felt like I’d escaped, and I felt like I was up for a brand new adventure and a brand new girl.

What I thought went wrong with my ex-wife was she wanted too much money from me for her family. She wanted money for her family more than anything, and I thought as long as I don’t meet a girl who wants the same thing, and as long as I’m 100% clear up front what I can do and what I can’t do when it comes to a relationship, and when it comes to being with someone, if I lay out the rules right up front, then that should fix everything, and nothing should go wrong because of it.

When I went to see this girl, I wasn’t there yet. I was thinking that she could be the answer I’d been looking for. She could be the replacement to my wife, because I really did think she was so much better in every way.

I suppose also I hadn’t known her long enough. The longer you know a girl, the more complacency sets in, and the more you notice that she doesn’t like you, and the more they show that they don’t like you, because they’re already emboldened to do that, because they’re more comfortable around you when they think they’ve already got you where they want you, and that you don’t want to lose them. At the time you’re doing anything, you don’t think that, and I didn’t think that at the time at all.

I went to see her. I had about 45 days available to me, and I spent a fortune changing flights, but I didn’t care. I said to her, “I’d love to take you away for a week. I’d love to do that.” She said of course how much she would need because of not working. That was okay with me. I didn’t mind.

We left Pattaya the following day. In fact, we went to Hua Hin. It was an interesting taxi ride to get there. And we basically got there, checked into a hotel, and I didn’t even think about my wife. She had tried calling, but I didn’t answer. My ex-wife this is.

And I felt amazing. I didn’t feel guilty for her. I felt guilty for myself. I felt guilty that I’d given away so much more money to her family than I should have done. And how when we were at home she was always so complacent and boring and not fun and not fulfilling the role of wife that she was meant to fulfill. So, I didn’t feel guilty. I didn’t care. I felt amazing now though that I was with this other girl who was everything that my wife was when I met her times a million. And that’s how great it was.

I had an amazing time with this girl in Hua Hin to the point where I’m starting to think she could be the real one. She could be the actual one. We had to go back to Pattaya though. I wanted to extend our time there, but she had a few jobs to do in Pattaya she said, so I didn’t want to push it.

Back in Pattaya and Playing Pool Again

We arrived back in Pattaya and she said she was going to go and do what she needed to do. And she would meet me at the bar later on. And I said, “Fine.” I remember when she left feeling a bit down in the dumps. Felt like I didn’t want to be apart from her because perhaps she was a rebound after my first wife or perhaps she was everything I’d always wanted my wife to be. Or perhaps I remembered my wife being like that and she was playing the role perfectly because I had just met her. Whatever it was, that doesn’t really matter. When she left, I felt a bit upset. And I went for a few drinks to calm down. Went back to the hotel, had a swim in the pool, and went to meet her at about 7:00 p.m. in the bar.

I arrived and she wasn’t there yet. I noticed some of her habits since I’d spent a bit of time with her. She often paid very little attention to time. Time was a suggestion to her, so I already knew that. I ordered a drink, sat in the same place as when I first went to that bar, looking out at the street. It was quite lively. You had bars exactly opposite, and you could see guys being pulled off the street into the bars. You could see girls in beautiful clothes or lack thereof walking around. It was just such a fun and exciting time and place. I was waiting for her to arrive. It was probably 45 minutes after that. Which is quite crazy how long I was waiting because it was meant to be 7:00.

She arrives exactly the same way as I saw her the first time. I remember the guy driving the motorcycle. She’s on the back. She gets off and doesn’t really acknowledge him. They don’t acknowledge each other. Again, perhaps it’s her go-to motorcycle guy. It didn’t matter. She walks in, sees me straight away, and comes over to me and doesn’t even acknowledge anybody else in the bar. None of the Thai girls in the bar. She didn’t acknowledge them. She didn’t acknowledge any of the other guys. As if I’m the only person that she can see, and she wants to see me, and she doesn’t want to see anyone else. It made me feel very special and amazing.

She comes in, straight to me, asks what drink I want because mine was about to finish and I needed another one and one for her. She goes and brings those drinks a few minutes later, and we start playing pool again.

She said that she’s finished the job she needed to do. That was great. And she wants to spend more time with me. She knew how long I had left there, and she knew I wanted to spend that time with her. Maybe another week. Let’s go somewhere for another week. Let’s go to Bangkok. Every week she wanted 20,000 baht. And I thought that was fair because she couldn’t work and she did need to work.

The problem was she’s talking about her family, but not really like how she supports them like my wife did. But she said she doesn’t really see them, but she does bits when she can. I told her where I was. Also told her that I was in a relationship before it then broke down because of family. I said I’m happy to give money, but it can only be a certain amount, and nothing extra can ever be asked for.

When I told her what had happened, she said she felt very sorry for me. She understands that many ladies take advantage of men, and she would never do that. She would be happy with a certain amount of money, and that would be it. It would be fine for her. She even said if she was ever with me, she would never do that to me. And it gave me the confidence that I was pushing forward with the girl who really was exactly like I needed her to be, and a girl who respected what I was able to do. Or, I could have just been completely blind, not knowing that I was doing the same thing, even worse than last time.

35,000 Baht a Month and a New Life in Thailand

We went to Bangkok together and had a great time. And at that point, I’d wanted her more than anything. The thought of my wife made me actually burst out in laughter. Why was I with her when I could have been with this girl? And she was perfect. She wanted 20,000 for the week because she needed that money, and I suppose that really was a lot. But I said to her, “I’m thinking I might want to be with you. I can’t give you 20,000 a week, but we can have an agreement, which is a certain amount every month, and we can’t go over that. You can’t ask for anything extra. Perhaps 20,000 for a month would be okay.”

I’ll be leaving Thailand soon, but I was even thinking at this point I wanted to be in Thailand. I felt more happy there. Wouldn’t have wanted to be in Thailand with my ex-wife, though. That would have been awful. Would have been cruel. As soon as I was free from her, Thailand felt good again, and wanting to be in Thailand felt amazing again.

And I said 20,000 a month. She didn’t look at me like it wasn’t enough. She said she understood, but she said, “I think for me it’s not enough because of my responsibility.” She said maybe 35,000 is what she would need. Of course, she wouldn’t ask for anything extra on top. And it was as if she already wanted me, and asking for money from me was making her feel bad and guilty because she didn’t really want to do that. She didn’t really want money. She just had responsibilities, and that’s why she needed it.

Why I’m thinking she’s different to my ex-wife, I don’t know, but perhaps because she was new and exciting, and it felt like it was worth the money. Whereas my ex-wife stopped feeling like she was worth it and started feeling like she was a drain on my resources without getting anything in return. With this new girl though, I was getting so much more value than I thought out of it because she was fun and happy to be around.

We had this conversation, would that be something you would be interested in? Maybe I would love to be with someone like you. And she kept saying how she felt she was getting a bit too old now. She was only very young. She was actually 24 like I guessed. She’d been working for a few years, and she didn’t really give much information away about her family. She never really talked about them like most girls did. Most of the girls I’d spoken to talked about their family in a particular way, but she didn’t really do that. Maybe it was because I hadn’t spoken to that many girls or maybe it was because she was different.

She said she doesn’t really go back to visit them often. She doesn’t really have family that wants anything from her, but she gives them a little bit just to show a token gesture. Even that probably didn’t make much sense. It wasn’t like it was a set thing, but she had responsibilities. Everyone has responsibilities. Everyone has different responsibilities, but hers did seem to be a little bit different to what the other girls would tend to say. I find I’m just pushing as far forward as fast as I can to be with her because it feels great. It feels finally like I’m better again.

By the time we’d been in Bangkok and back to Pattaya where we remained until I was due to go back home, we’d already agreed to the fact that we were definitely made for each other. I felt like she was everything I wanted my ex-wife to be times a million. And I’ll have to admit she said I was not like any other guy that she’d met before too who just seemed to look at her like she was an object. I didn’t. She said she really respected that and of course that’s how I always like to treat people. Suppose that’s how I treated my ex-wife because I always caved in and I always made myself feel bad so she could feel good. That’s why it ended the way it did and that’s why it had come crashing down the way it did.

Perhaps I’d always tried to be a nice person and a friendly person and considerate and always tried to do it like that. And it’s because when you find yourself doing that, that’s when enough is enough eventually because your kindness gets taken advantage of.

Now, I was treating this new girl right and it was great. We ended up spending a few weeks in Pattaya together and I was due to go back home.

Moving to Thailand on 100,000 Baht a Month

I’d already decided I was going to move to Thailand, definitely. My love of Thailand had just jumped up tremendously. I felt that her wanting 35,000 a month was fair because it seemed right. Bear in mind I was giving my ex-wife about 25,000 a month, but there were so many extras on top, probably adding up to another 25 on top of that, probably more even, maybe a total of 60,000 a month that my ex-wife had got out of me. And I did earn quite good money. But all this money we could have saved, it was just not right, not in the right head space as I was coming up with this idea.

We even went to look at apartments to rent. One thing I suppose, looking back I understand why. I just said I’d love to live with you in Bangkok because that’s where I feel the most comfortable. But as soon as I said that, she said, “No, no, I can’t. I have to live in Pattaya. I need to live in Pattaya.” I didn’t push and ask why. I just assumed that that’s where she liked more than anywhere else. But she said, “I have to stay in Pattaya. That’s where I want to be. I like Pattaya.” And to be honest, that was fine with me.

We looked around at apartments. I suppose I was looking at places that were the sorts of places I would want to live. Nothing too tiny or too cramped, but nothing extravagant. For 20,000 in that range, we could have something that was good. Two bedrooms, decent views out of the beach or other parts of the city. Anything that you really wanted you could get for a good price. We’re talking about this about 8 years ago now, so I suppose the prices have gone up a bit.

We’d looked at places and I realized that my budget, giving her money, paying for an apartment, paying the bills, and living a decent lifestyle, I should be able to do that for around 95 to 100,000 a month. That’s what the budget could be. And based on what I had at that moment, I could have probably made that work. I thought so for the foreseeable future. And I expected to be able to.

I’d been earning decent money throughout my life. I had my house which I’d paid off. That was one of the reasons I was able to come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with my ex anymore and take her home because I didn’t want to lose that. But I had that and if I rented that out, that could bring me in about 800 a month. Investments that could probably bring in another thousand a month. Plus I had some savings which I could dip into gradually and that could give me the money I required.

Now I always expected to retire and I wanted 5,000 pounds a month in retirement. That was my target. I wasn’t going to be there, but at least from everything I’d worked out, what I had should be great.

A few days before I was due to go back and sort everything out, I proposed to this girl that I’d met not very long ago. Pink hair, nose ring, everything that I’d want in a girl. Exciting, fun, vivacious, and all the words you can use. And we were due to get married. I was going to go back home. I was going to put everything in order and I was very excited about this new chapter. I’d escaped from the clutches of my ex-wife who just wanted money and was engaged to a girl who I didn’t believe wanted money, but of course she did.

Putting Everything in Order Back Home

It felt awful leaving her. And by this point my wife had been calling my UK number many times and left so many messages when I’d arrived saying she’s sorry and she didn’t mean it. All of the things under the sun that you might listen to a girl say. She’d left so many messages. Crazy, but that’s exactly like it was.

When I’m at my house and I see all her things, I did feel a bit guilty then. I mean, a little bit. She was my wife. She was still beautiful. But at 29, she was gone from my life. Everything I’d wanted when I met her, but everything that she wanted was money and I didn’t want that and that was the problem. Her family was the problem. I wanted it to be me and her, and her family could sort themselves out. But I did feel a bit guilty.

As soon as I called my fiancée, though, I felt better. Felt amazing again that I was going to be with her soon. It was a bit uncomfortable. I’m calling and she’s in the bar. And it wasn’t like I told her to stop working in the bar because that wasn’t who I was. I wasn’t someone who cared about things. I mean, I did, but I’m calling her, she’s in the bar, and saying, “Can’t wait to see you soon.” And she’s saying the same thing.

I was still giving her money, and she said, “There’s nothing to be done for her in the bar apart from getting drinks.” And that was fine. She needs to see friends and not be lonely. It wasn’t going to take me long to get back anyway.

I remember gutting my house, throwing all my ex-wife’s stuff away, and feeling a weight lifted off my shoulders when I did that. I’m in the process, funnily enough, of putting everything in a black bin liner ready to throw that away. And my phone rings, and it was my ex-wife, and I decided to answer.

I said, “Hello.” “Hello, and how are you?” “And why you not answer before?” she said. I said, “I’ll hang up then.” She said, “No, I’m sorry. I not mean. My family very angry with me because I lose you, and they don’t know why happen.”

I told her I said, “You know exactly why it happened because you kept asking for money from me and for them, and I can’t do that. Taking so much money away, and that’s not right. We had an agreement, but you wanted more and more and more and all the time I say no, you still want.”

Again, she said she was so sorry, she didn’t mean to. She’s sorry, she misses me. She wants to see me again. “I want you. I miss you. I will change.” But, I didn’t believe her.

What I said to her was, “I’m coming back to Thailand soon, in a few months, in fact, so maybe I will see you.” She said, “Okay.” She hopes to. She said she was staying with her family. Her family and everybody has a problem, and she’s not happy. She doesn’t want to go to Bangkok and work and see friends anymore. She wants to be with her family, and she’s thinking about me.

But, I didn’t know what to say. She was probably saying everything that you’d have expected her to say to try to get something out of me, such as me again, so she can get her job back. But, I don’t know. Although I did have a bit of guilt inside me as soon as I put the phone down and called my other girl, that’s when everything started feeling more exciting again and like everything was going to be okay.

Returning to Thailand and Registering Our Marriage

Eventually everything was in order and I’m heading back to Thailand. I got a retirement visa which felt amazing as that just needed to be extended. Although I hadn’t got my actual retirement in order to the point where I was getting 5,000 a month which was always my target, I had enough money to spend about 100,000 baht a month and that felt to me like it was a really good budget. 35,000 for my fiancée, 20,000 for a place to live and enough to be able to go out regularly to eat and have a few drinks and go away occasionally and to me that was more than good enough.

As soon as I got to Bangkok though, straight down to Pattaya, straight to the bar and I’d arrived early on and she wasn’t there. I was going to surprise her and it felt fun. She knew I was going back soon but not exactly when.

Then again though, she’s dropped off at the bar by that same guy and I’m not even picking up on anything at that moment. I’m not picking up on it. She sees me and squeals and comes over. That guy turns around and leaves and looks a bit sullen on his face as he’s driving away. She says, “Oh, you surprised me. Thank you. Thank you.”

What happened then was I paid the bar and gave the bar enough so that she could stop working and that’s what we’d talked about. And we walked hand in hand to Beach Road where we crossed over to the beach and started walking and talking and thinking and it was such an exciting time.

I was having the time of my life. I was with the girl I thought I would be with forever. I’d already got a tenant for my house. That was 800 a month. My investments were bringing in 1,000 a month and I had cash in the bank enough to spend an extra 1,000 and a bit a month until the end of my life. I felt amazing, really amazing. I was with my fiancée. She loved me. I loved her. She didn’t only care about money and she never talked about her family in a way like my ex-wife did and she was just the reason I was in Thailand. Maybe nothing could be better from this. I mean, it couldn’t. Nothing could go better because everything, I suppose, started to go wrong. But, I didn’t know it was going wrong for quite a while. In fact, quite a long time, I didn’t know things were actually going wrong.

What happened to start with was we found a place to live, which was nice. It was everything we needed. We went to go and get really good quality bedding. I was very wary. If you’re in Thailand and you go to get bedding for a place, most of the places, it’s very plasticky kind of fabric. You have to know where to go to get proper stuff. So, I got nice stuff for the place, spent a few wonderful days getting our condo into great condition. I’d also bought her a beautiful ring and necklace, gold of course, as part of our engagement.

I wanted to get married to her as quickly as possible, and she wanted the same thing. Funnily enough though, when I raised it, “How do your family feel?” She said, “Oh, family okay.” “I’m not looking forward to going and meeting your family. I was a bit worried.” I told her. And she just looked at me, “No, you don’t need to see family. I understand. You can just give me so much money and you don’t need to worry about my family. I don’t want my family to think they can get money from you.” Very interesting for her to say that. I just thought what a beautiful, perfect girl she is, putting me first for a change.

The idea was we were just going to register our marriage, and we were going to basically live like that. If that was all that was needed, then so be it. That’s perfect. No sin sod, no family problems, no anything. Just 35,000 she was getting from me, which I felt was fair.

What was happening was she was just using some of that for responsibilities she had. She said she wanted to keep me completely out of the loop with it because it wasn’t my problem, and she doesn’t want me to feel like I want her to actually destroy things by getting her family involved.

I felt she was very mature for saying things the way she was. Very, very mature for understanding that that’s exactly what I needed, and she put my needs first. I wanted a girl like her who didn’t involve her family with me and didn’t pressure me into doing things. And she didn’t guilt-trip me, too, into doing things that I didn’t want to do. She wasn’t doing that, and it was wonderful. Everything any guy who met a girl in Thailand would expect and want their girl to do. And I was very content with what I felt like I had.

Our Routine in Jomtien

We had a decent routine before long. I found the place we rented, actually in Jomtien. It was in Jomtien, not exactly in Pattaya. Really nice location. I found it very easy to get to Pattaya.

And our routine was pretty great. In fact, we would wake up anytime we wanted. Just seeing her with her pink hair when I woke up was amazing. We’d go out for some breakfast. There were a few places around. A couple of hundred baht could get you a decent spread, and that would usually double up as lunch. Then we’d go back to the room, crash for a bit, maybe go swim, go for walks.

Three or four times a week, she’d go out herself to see friends, and I’d go and try to build friendships, too. Sometimes I’d come back drunk, sometimes she’d come back drunk. We weren’t on top of each other all the time, and that to me was what felt like an amazing kind of thing. We didn’t want to be there all the time on top of each other.

A Two Bedroom Condo for 6 Million Baht

One day, I was actually walking by myself. She’d gone to see a friend quite early on, and she was coming back quite late. I was walking. If you know Jomtien, you’ve basically got the beach road like you do in Pattaya, and you’ve got the sois up there. Just there’s one soi that goes up to I don’t know the name of the road, a big road, but they had lots of condominium buildings on there. I was walking, and I saw a sign that said for sale. It looked quite exciting. I’d seen those before, but I’d never gone and looked at a sale unit. But I decided I wanted to go and have a look. I felt like I needed to. What harm could that be?

I went and asked the security where the sales office was, and I was pointed to where it was. And of course, they had people working all the time to try and sell these units. I looked at a two-bedroom place, about 6 million. Well, 6.5 actually. 6.5 million for this two-bedroom condo. A bit smaller than one we were in, but it was perfect. A great view. Reasonably high floor, but not right at the top. Decent facilities, too. Again, quite similar to the place we were in, which was 20,000 we were paying. This one, if you bought it, would have had common fees, and I think they were about 3,000 baht a month.

I just looked at it and thought maybe this could be what we need, our own place. We were married. I thought I was the happiest I’d been. Everything was going accordingly like it should, and with the girl of my dreams, my ex-wife, I’m not even thinking about her anymore. And we’ve been there for a few months, and I thought I would raise it to my new wife. Shall we buy somewhere to live? How do you feel? Does that sound good?

She came back that evening, pretty drunk, though. And she was always fun when she was drunk, so I didn’t mind. That was who we were. It was our life. I didn’t raise it until the following morning. How would you feel about having our own place? She looked at me like what I said was great. She said that would be amazing. I told her I went to see one, and I want to take you for a look.

She said she’d love to go, too. She even said she was meant to be seeing her friend the following day when we were going to go and have a look, but she said she’ll cancel and go with me instead. For the rest of that day, we didn’t really do much. The following morning, she woke up and said she was meant to see her friend. Again, she said that. I don’t know why she raised it again, but if she couldn’t wait to go and see this condo, it was so much more fun.

I took her. We had a look around, and she fell in love with the place. 6.5 million or 6 million. And what was interesting? Basically, there was a special promotion on at the moment. It was 6 million for this two-bedroom place, but that was the Thai quota. If you wanted the foreign quota, it was 6.5 million. That was it. That was why.

I just felt happy in the moment, great about things in the moment that I was thinking about buying this place and using my loose cash to buy it, which would mean that my income top-up for the rest of my life wouldn’t be as much, but I would be able to save on rent, and I still would be able to top up my income for a while, but just not to the same degree. I had that cash and then some in the bank. But maybe we’d need to swing things around a bit, but we’ve got many years to sort that out. And I would be saving most importantly the money on rent.

And I suppose that’s why I decided to go for it. I wanted to buy it, and I wanted to buy it for her because it was a 500,000 baht discount. To me that sounded good enough. So, she signed on the dotted line as did I. And it was already constructed, the building, and they were selling units gradually, and we’d just bought one.

I felt quite nervous, but also quite amazing. It was like solidifying Thailand for me, and it just felt amazing that we had this place, moving so quickly, though. That was crazy. I couldn’t believe how happy I was in life with the girl I was with. And to me, it was like she never asked for anything over what I gave her, and she’d never done that. And it was perfect. I’m thinking like I’ve only been with her for a couple of months, I suppose, but I was already very besotted with her to the point of not seeing reason.

Now we had a condo. We moved in a month later, and we had a big party. She had a number of friends coming around, and it was everything I thought it was going to be.

My Wife Had Been Cheating on Me

Life continued probably until the start of 2019. For a number of months, everything was great. Spent half our time together and I’m building friendships, and she’s doing what she’s doing. And to us, it just worked. She never ever asked for anything extra, and because of that, I was really happy. Everything that I wanted my ex-wife to be. Until one day I’m walking around and doing what I’m doing. I’m walking past a few Thai restaurants. Just Thai restaurants that mainly Thai people went in, and I saw her. I’d never seen her there before, but I suppose we were bound to cross paths eventually because we went out separately. I thought she must have been with a friend.

I went to go and say hi, and she was with a friend, but it was a guy. And I could remember it was a guy who I’m sure had taken her on the motorcycle to the bar. I recognized him. I didn’t catch on to anything at the time. She looked a bit shocked. Oh, he’s my friend. He said hello and what was I meant to think? I didn’t think straight away, oh that’s her boyfriend. But then I’m thinking back to the times and thinking, is it? Because I remember seeing him on that bike. It would have been crazy if it was and I didn’t know what to think. It was a bit unnerving, but I didn’t want to jump to any conclusions.

I couldn’t say anything there and then. I just told her let’s go then, you can come with me and she said okay, she’ll finish the meal. She paid which shocked me a bit and he didn’t and said goodbye to him. Not in a strange way. And off we went. We actually went back to the condo and I just said to her, are you sure that’s only your friend? And she said yes, no problem, my friend. And that was what it was, friend. I suppose once you’ve seen that, that’s when things become a lot easier to notice.

It took me about a month to work out that that was her boyfriend and always had been. When I pushed and pushed and pushed and asked her to admit it, she said it’s no problem, don’t worry. I not have a problem with you if you not have problem with me. I stay with him long time, we okay together.

When I found that out, I was just devastated. Of course I was. I loved her more than I’d loved anyone before, more than my first wife considerably. She was my perfect wife and she’d been taking money from me to be with this guy.

Obviously he lived in Pattaya. That’s why she wanted to live there. Obviously he worked, didn’t make a lot of money and obviously he was prepared to accept her being with me for half the time, every single night with me. He was prepared to accept that for money. Obviously she paid for that meal. She was getting 35,000 from me and her responsibility was him. That’s how it seemed to be.

At the moment I found out properly, I was heartbroken. Number one, I’m quite heavily invested here. Number two, my wife has been cheating on me with someone who she’s always been with and probably loves him a lot more than me and I’m just there having to accept it. That’s when the illusion completely breaks.

In a way, we were sort of okay for a month after that. Although it was very awful, I knew exactly what she was doing. It’s the illusion, isn’t it? It’s not like she’s behaving any differently. It’s not like she’s doing anything any different way at all. It’s not like she’s changed. It’s like she’s exactly the same. And I know where she’s going because I couldn’t force her not to.

But she kept saying it’s not a problem. Just because I know, it’s not the same. I don’t want to be in that relationship if that’s what she’s doing. It was difficult. I didn’t want to be with someone who does that to me. I don’t want that. But the problem is I loved her, too. And it was a very difficult thing because as soon as the illusion was shattered, it couldn’t become un-shattered.

The Condo Was in Her Name

Financially, I was quite devastated because of this. She had the condo that I bought in her name, and that was how it was, and I couldn’t get anything back out of that. That was one of the things that gave me the idea that what I should do was I don’t know, maybe I should just accept it as difficult as it is because at least I have a place to live, and there’s no indication that she’s going to want to actually not be with me.

And in a way, I’ll admit it, I was forced to share my wife with someone. I was forced to. I didn’t like doing that, but I felt like the choice was that or I would lose my place to live. And if I lose my place to live, I’m going to have to rent somewhere, and then I’m going to have a lot worse a go of it, a lot worse income.

I should have thought I was giving her 35,000 baht a month, and that was what she was getting out of me. If I didn’t have to give that, then I can save a lot there.

But I still had feelings for her. I still cared about her. And the times that we spent together were still absolutely amazing. And it wasn’t like I could actually understand what she was doing because she wasn’t doing it in front of me. And I know it’s crazy. I know it’s embarrassing. I know it’s crazy, but I just decided this is something that I’m going to have to accept.

COVID and Having My Wife to Myself

It went on for a few more months. It was very difficult for me to actually accept this, but it was going on. And it went to the point where eventually COVID happened. And when COVID happened, that was the time when we weren’t allowed to leave many times and many places. And she’s staying most of the time with me. She even said he had to go back up to stay with his family. And I finally felt like I had my wife to myself. It was amazing in a way because everything that I’d accepted was for a reason.

And I always told myself, “Okay, she’s with me and she’s doing what she’s doing, but it’s not like I know.” But deep down I know. And perhaps I’m just trying to accept and explain things to people so they understand why I did what I did. But I did what I did out of necessity for the place I lived and because I cared about her. And I accepted doing that because of what it did.

COVID though gave me time to spend with her. And that was a few years of things going absolutely great. Unfortunately though, it was clear that she contacted him occasionally and she always tried to do it behind my back so I didn’t know, so I didn’t have to feel guilty and bad about it. I think she did feel guilty in a way, but even still, what was I meant to think?

When it came back to him coming back to Pattaya to work, it just resumed as it had before. And the thing was, I think eventually he actually found somebody else. He found someone else and stopped being with her and I could tell she was absolutely devastated because of that. But for me, it meant I was forced to share my wife. It was awful, but I did. I shared her for a long time up until the point where he couldn’t take it and he met someone else.

And it was about 2023 when I started having my wife to myself permanently. If asked whether it was a price worth paying, I would look back and say, “Yes, it was.” I’m not proud of what I did. I’m not proud of anything. I’m not proud of hurting my ex-wife originally because that wasn’t how it was meant to be. I’ve had many years to dwell on things and I think I just wanted something to be the way I wanted it to be and nothing else mattered.

But I’m very happy today with my wife, my new wife, who I believe is with me and with me alone. We go out together and separately all the time because that’s just how we are together, but I don’t believe she has anyone else and I’m thankful that I did what I did.

It was difficult to do it when I did it at the time. It was. I will admit that. I was not happy about doing it. I’m embarrassed to do it and to say that I shared my wife for a number of years is humiliating. But at least I’m with my wife now. At least things are okay and at least I have a good life.

She still gets 35,000 a month from me and she does what she wants with it. I don’t care. She gives me the life I have and if it is not really love from her to me then so be it.

I was forced to share my Thai wife. I did it willfully and now I’m not sharing her and I have her all to myself and I will say as much as it’s embarrassing, I believe it was all worth it.