My Thai Girlfriend Owned a Secret House 10 Minutes From Ours

Last year, my girlfriend Cander asked if I would help her move a refrigerator. Nothing unusual about that, except it wasn’t going to our place. It was going to another house about 10 minutes away in Rayong, a house that I didn’t even know existed, despite the fact we had been living together for almost two years.

I remember standing outside this little townhouse thinking I’d misunderstood her. So I asked her, “You bought this?” She just said, “Yes.” Then the front door opened and her sister-in-law came out with her little boy. I knew them, but I had no idea that they had been living there.

Cander’s younger brother was working in Taiwan at the time, and apparently his wife and son had been in this house for nearly a year. So I asked Cander when she had bought it. She said last year. “Why didn’t you tell me?” She shrugged and said, “You don’t ask.”

I was completely baffled. We still had this damn refrigerator sitting in the back of the pickup, so I ended up helping carry it inside while trying to process how my girlfriend had bought an entire property without ever mentioning it.

The Mortgage and Hidden Monthly Costs

Now, for a bit of contrast, I’m American, in my early 50s, and I’ve been traveling to Thailand for many years because of my job. Cander had a decent job, her own car, and her own money. We never combined accounts. I paid most of the rent because I earned more, and she normally handled the electricity, internet, and groceries.

So, I wasn’t angry because she bought property. It was her money. I was angry because we were living together and talking about our future, and somehow she’d managed to take out a mortgage and buy a house 10 minutes away without me knowing.

Once we got home, the argument really started. She had taken out the loan in her own name and used savings she’d had before we met for the down payment. Her brother sent money from Taiwan, and his wife chipped in when she could. None of my money had gone into it.

Cander couldn’t understand why I was making such a big deal out of it. “My money, my loan, why problem?” And then suddenly, the previous year started making a lot more sense. Money had constantly been tight. If I suggested going away for a weekend, she couldn’t afford it. When her car needed some work, I helped. We went to Phuket once, and I paid for nearly everything because she said she didn’t have much spare cash. I never minded because I earned considerably more than she did.

Now I knew that some of her salary had been disappearing into a mortgage I didn’t know existed. I asked her straight out if I’d been paying more of our expenses because she was paying for that house. She didn’t really answer. Her share of the mortgage wasn’t even enormous. Once I finally got the numbers out of her, it worked out at around 9,000 baht a month after the money from her brother. It wasn’t the amount that bothered me. It was the secrecy.

The House Was Also for Her Son

Then, the following weekend, her son, Game, came to stay. He’s a teenager and normally lives with his dad in Chonburi. We were eating dinner when he casually asked his mom when he’d be able to live in the other house. Cander immediately snapped at him in Thai, and he went back to staring at his plate.

At that point, I thought, “Here we go again.” I left Game out of it. But after he had gone back to his dad’s, I asked Cander what he’d meant.

That is when she told me the house wasn’t really for her brother. They were just living there for now and helping with the mortgage. Long-term, she wanted Game to have it. Her thinking was that when he finished university, he’d always have somewhere to live.

And honestly, that took some of the anger out of me. I could understand a mother wanting to do that for her son, but I still didn’t understand why she’d hidden it from me.

And that is when she reminded me that I’d spent years telling her I wouldn’t buy property in Thailand. I’d said plenty of times that I’d rather keep my money invested in America. What I meant was that buying property here didn’t make financial sense for me personally. Apparently, what Cander heard was that buying a house in Thailand was a bad idea.

Why Cander Bought the House as Insurance

She knew I would question it, and because she wasn’t asking me to pay for it, she didn’t think she needed to involve me. Then she turned the whole thing around on me. She asked exactly how much money I had invested back in the States. I wouldn’t tell her. Then she asked how much I had in retirement accounts. Again, I didn’t give her a number.

She basically said, “Why your money private and my money not private?” That shook me up for a minute.

Now, there was still a difference as far as I was concerned. My investments were causing her to pick up more of our household costs. Her mortgage had indirectly done exactly that. When I explained it that way, I think she finally understood why I was upset.

I thought that was the end of it. It wasn’t. A few days later, we were talking about the house again, and I said something about Game always having somewhere to live. Cander said, “Me too.” That caught my attention.

Eventually, she explained what she really meant. Her previous marriage had ended badly. The house she had lived in belonged to her ex-husband’s family. And when they separated, she basically left with her car, clothes, and personal stuff. She never wanted to be in that position again.

Working Out Shared Living Costs

So yes, the townhouse was meant for Game eventually, but it was also hers. If our relationship ended, she had somewhere to live. If I left Thailand, she had somewhere to live. If something happened to me, she wasn’t suddenly depending on somebody else for a roof over her head.

Now, that part hit me because I’d been looking at the house as some secret she was keeping from me. She’d been looking at it as insurance against ending up with nothing again.

I still didn’t like that she had hidden it, and she still didn’t think she’d done anything wrong by buying something with her own money. We argued about that for weeks. Eventually, we did something we probably should have done before we ever moved in together. We sat down and worked out exactly what our shared life cost every month: rent, electricity, internet, food, and the usual stuff.

We agreed what we’d each put toward it. Whatever Cander had left after that was hers. Whatever I had left was mine, and we’re still together. Her brother is back from Taiwan now, and his family are still living in the townhouse. I’ve eaten there a few times.

So, the place that nearly caused us to split up has somehow become somewhere I occasionally sit and have dinner. But I still think she should have told me. And she still thinks she didn’t need my permission. And fair enough, she’s right about that part because I never wanted her permission for what I did with my investments either.

I suppose the bit that bothered me most wasn’t really the house. It was finding out that the woman I lived with had been making plans to make sure she’d be okay if one day I wasn’t there. Then again, maybe that’s just sensible. I still don’t know.