Dal The Thai Girl Who Wanted To Be Remembered
I arrived in Thailand in late October of 2023. My first time back in 8 years. And this time, I promised myself I’d do things differently. No falling in love, no silly decisions, and no thinking with the wrong head.
I booked a 3 week stay in Pattaya and checked into a mid range hotel off Soi Buakhao. Nothing flashy, but clean, safe, and guest friendly. My plan was simple: enjoy the sunshine, drink some cold beers, and take the occasional girl for a short time when I felt the urge. That was it. No emotional entanglements, no drama, just pure managed enjoyment.
For the first few days, it went exactly as planned. I floated from bar to bar around LK Metro, sometimes Soi Diana, chatting with the girls, buying a few ladies’ drinks, bar fining now and then, always short time, no sleepovers, just in and out and thanks very much. And then I met Dal.
She was sitting at the end of a small beer bar near Treetown. Not overly beautiful at first glance, but something about her made me stop. She had an honest face and tired eyes, the kind of face that told you she’d seen a lot more than a girl her age should have seen. She looked mid-30s, but later told me she was only 28.
I offered to buy her a drink, and she accepted, but didn’t seem that interested in talking, just sipping on her Spy cooler and watching the road. Eventually, I asked her if she wanted to come with me, and she said yes, but in a very matter of fact way, like she was just doing a job and didn’t care either way.
Back at the hotel, she surprised me. There was no rush, no routine service. She undressed slowly and climbed into bed like it was the first time she’d done it in weeks. After we finished, she asked if she could stay the night. I said no at first, but then she looked at me and said, “Please.” I caved in. In the morning, she was gone before I woke up. And I figured that was that, just another bar girl.
Dal Comes Back To The Hotel
I was wrong.
That night, she came back. I hadn’t invited her, but there she was, standing outside the hotel waiting for me like she knew I’d return at the same time. She smiled and said, “I left my charger in your room.” I knew that was rubbish, but I let her in anyway. We didn’t even do anything that night. She just wanted to be there, and I let her.
The next morning, I told her this couldn’t continue, and she nodded and said, “Okay, see you later.” And I thought she meant it.
Hungry Message From Dal
Two days passed and I didn’t see her. I went back to her bar and they told me she’d gone home to Buriram for a few days. I figured that was the end of it. But then late one night, she messaged me online. Just one word: Hungry.
I replied, “Eat something.”
Then she wrote, “No money.”
I told her I wasn’t her sponsor, and she left it at that.
Dal Shares Her Sons Photo
A day later, she sent a photo of her son, maybe 4 years old, holding a toy that looked like it had been through hell. She didn’t ask for anything, just sent the photo and went silent. I showed it to one of the other girls at the bar, and she said Dal used to work in a club on Walking Street, but stopped dancing after she got sick. She didn’t say what it was, just that she was different.
After that, I started feeling bad, and the next time she messaged me, I agreed to meet her. We sat on the beach drinking cheap beers from 7-Eleven. She told me her son lived with her aunt, her mother was dead, and the father was a Korean tourist who never looked back. She said she used to have dreams, wanted to work in a hotel, but ended up dancing in a go go bar instead, then later massaging, then just sitting at the bar, hoping someone would choose her. She laughed when she said that, like it was a joke, but there was no humor in her eyes.
I knew then I was screwed. The kind of screwed that doesn’t show up until you’re waist deep and sinking.
Seeing Dal Every Day
I started seeing her every day. She didn’t ask for money, but I gave her what I thought was fair, 2,000 baht here and there. I paid her rent for the month. I told myself it was to keep her from the bar. I bought her groceries and left them in her room. We didn’t even sleep together every time. Sometimes she just wanted to hold me and sleep.
One night she started crying in her sleep, and I asked her what happened. She said, “Nothing, just ghosts.”
After 2 weeks, I was thinking crazy thoughts, like maybe I could bring her to the UK, or at least come back and see her again. The night before I left, I gave her 10,000 baht, and she said thank you, but didn’t look at it. She held my hand and said, “I don’t want you to be sad. I’ll be okay.”
I got on the plane thinking maybe this was real. Maybe I’d found the one, the good one, the unicorn everyone talks about.
Dal Gone From Pattaya
2 months later, I flew back to Pattaya, booked the same hotel, and messaged Dal. She didn’t reply. I went to her bar and she wasn’t there. I asked the mamasan, and she just shook her head and said, “Gone.” I asked where, and she said, “Don’t know. Maybe back to Buriram. Maybe somewhere else.”
I checked the room I used to visit, and it was empty. I messaged her every few days for a week, then finally got a reply from a different number. It was her cousin. She said Dal was in the hospital in Buriram. She’d been sick for a while and it got worse. I asked if I could help, and she said, “Too late. She died yesterday.”
I stared at the message for what felt like an hour. My hands were shaking. She never told me she was that sick. Never asked for help. Just wanted someone to sit with her, to talk to her, to listen to her stories, and not treat her like a piece of meat. She didn’t want my money. She wanted my time.
I still have that photo of her son on my phone. Sometimes I wonder if I should try to find him and help him in some way. But I don’t know where to start. All I have is a name in a face that haunts me every time I close my eyes. I came to Thailand to escape, but I left a piece of myself in a cheap apartment in Pattaya with a girl who just wanted to be remembered.
Girlfriend Experience In Bangkok
I first came to Thailand in November of 2023, flying into Bangkok with zero idea of what I was about to walk into. Even though I had done months of research, watching travel clips and reading forums, I was 58 years old, divorced, semi retired, and ready to enjoy a bit of adventure after a stressful few years back in the UK.
I had heard all the usual warnings about bar girls, scams, and broken hearts, but figured I was smart enough to avoid the obvious traps. My plan was to stay two nights in Bangkok, then move down to Pattaya for 10 days.
On my first full night in Bangkok, I visited Soi Cowboy just to see what all the fuss was about. I popped into a few bars, bought a couple of ladies’ drinks, and quickly learned how the game worked. One girl in particular caught my eye. Her name was Mim and she was stunning. She asked for a drink, I said yes, and next thing I knew she downed two vodka Red Bulls in under 10 minutes and was asking if I wanted her for a short time. I politely declined, saying it was my first night and I was just looking. She smiled and said okay, but then asked if I wanted to meet her tomorrow instead. I took her LINE ID and left the bar feeling a bit pleased with myself for not jumping in too quickly.
Lex On Soi Honey
Fast forward 2 days and I arrived in Pattaya. I checked into my hotel on Soi Buakhao and hit the streets that evening. I wandered into a small bar on Soi Honey and was greeted by a lively crowd of bar girls all shouting over each other to get my attention. I sat at the bar and ordered a beer. A petite girl named Lex sat beside me and introduced herself. She asked if she could have a drink and I agreed. I watched in amusement as she slammed down a shot of tequila and immediately asked me for another.
We chatted using a mix of broken English and Google Translate. She was 32 years old, originally from Isaan, and had worked in Pattaya on and off for 5 years. She told me she had one daughter who lived with her mother back in the village, and that she worked to support them both. After three more shots, she asked me if I wanted to pay her bar fine. I told her I wasn’t sure yet and asked if we could just hang out a bit more. She said okay, but kept checking her phone like she was waiting for a better offer.
I ended up bar fining her and taking her back to my hotel. The private time was decent, and she stayed the night. In the morning, she asked me for 2,000 baht, which was fair enough. I paid and she left, saying “maybe see you tonight.”
I didn’t plan to see her again, but that night I ran into her around another bar on Soi 6, and she acted like we’d never met. That kind of annoyed me, so I moved on.
Meeting Min Near Treetown
A few days later, I met a different girl named Min. She was different from the others, softer spoken and seemed more genuine. She worked at a quiet bar near Treetown, and we sat for hours playing Connect Four and chatting. She only asked for one drink, a vodka shot, and sipped it slowly. I liked that.
After about an hour, I asked if she wanted to come with me, and she said yes. Her bar fine was 500 baht, and she asked for 1,500 baht for a short time. We went back to my hotel, had a decent time, and afterwards she opened up a little bit more. She told me she didn’t like working in bars and only did it to pay off her younger brother’s university fees. That caught me off guard. I asked her if that was really true, and she showed me pictures of her family and a clip of her brother in his graduation gown.
That night, I let her stay and gave her an extra 500 baht in the morning. We ended up spending three more nights together, and she never once asked me for more money or drinks. I knew she was still working, but somehow I didn’t care.
On the fourth night, she didn’t show up at our agreed meeting spot, and I felt stupid for feeling disappointed. I texted her, no reply. I waited an hour, then walked over to her bar. She wasn’t there. The mamasan said she had gone out with a regular customer. That stung a little bit more than I expected.
The next day, she messaged saying sorry. The customer had shown up and she had to go with him. She said she liked me, but he paid her more and she needed the money. I didn’t reply.
Girlfriend Experience Was A Service
I spent the last few nights of my trip bouncing between bars, buying drinks, and trying to recapture the buzz I had felt with Min. But it wasn’t the same. I knew then that the girlfriend experience I had been chasing was just that, an experience. It was a service, and I was the customer.
On my flight home, I looked through my photos, mostly of food and beaches, but a few selfies with Min, too. I felt a strange mix of sadness and gratitude. I hadn’t fallen in love, but I had definitely felt something real, even if it was only temporary.
Since that trip, I’ve gone back to Thailand once more and plan to go again later this year. I know now to keep my expectations in check and my wallet closed. Pattaya is a fantasy land where dreams can come true for a night, but rarely last until morning. And yet, I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything.
Love Outside The Tourist Bubble
This story, I do not think, is usual. It’s not one where I lose my heart before my wallet and trousers. Rather, it’s one with a happy ending, which also has a happy beginning, one where I was lucky enough to drift outside the tourist bubble and got even luckier in 2018, meeting someone who 2 years later became my wife.
Before that, a little background. I had been going to Thailand regularly since 1995. Initially, I went in a group with my bicycle. We would tour mainly in the north where it was cooler, either from Chiang Mai or Chiang Rai, and cycle out into the mountains and around the Thai side of the Golden Triangle. Younger and fitter, that’s when Thailand first caught my attention, because not only along those mountain roads was the cycling fantastic, but it was the first time I had ever encountered go go bars or goldfish bowl massage parlors. And more than that, wherever we went, people seemed so good natured and ready to have a laugh with us. We loved it.
I remember once laying back in a bath filled with bubbles against the body of a beautiful girl. We all loved the Thai trips. And as the pound was then around 60 baht and an hour in a premier massage facility cost us £17 or around $20, today you’d be lucky to see change from £100 or $120. None of us were big drinkers, so we never got deep into the bar scene. But even so, we had so much fun, we came back as often as we could, probably every couple of years or so.
We also cycled in Laos and Vietnam. Both countries were much more underdeveloped than they are today, and because of that, it was an adventure. But wherever we went, we were always glad to arrive back on Thai soil. Once, a Thai, hearing about our excursions, exclaimed, “What do you want to go there for? It’s like Thailand was 50 years ago.”
Later in life, single and now traveling without a bicycle, I visited Thailand often, usually twice a year. At weekends, I used to cruise around Nana Plaza, which has gone downhill fast since back then, and then during the week, take the train down to places like Hua Hin. While outside Bangkok, I often used ThaiFriendly. Some relationships I fell into lasted longer than others, and I began to appreciate how there existed an invisible line between customer and genuine boyfriend, and how the unscrupulous could exploit that to draw you in and slowly slide you down a slippery slope, which one way or the other was going to cost you money.
Along the way, from my Thai companions, I’d collect stories detailing desperate situations, all of which could be saved by an immediate injection of my cash. Slowly, I began to tire of being a customer, a mark to be exploited, and wished I could establish nothing more than a regular relationship in a country I’d grown to love. But as a tourist, how are you going to meet regular Thai girls? And where? How do you break through the bubble? And if you do, what’s on the other side?
Meeting Pom In Bangkok
By the time I began to think that way, I already had friends who were permanently based in Bangkok. And when I was in town, we would meet up. It was one of these trips, to visit an expat friend who at that time was employed by the British Council to teach Thais English, that I blundered into his apartment 7 years ago and met Pom.
At that time, she was, for the A1 UK visa requirement, teaching Thais English and foreigners Thai. I remember looking at her, transfixed. Maybe I had a premonition. “Who is that?” When she had gone, I said to Mike, “Has Pom got a boyfriend?” He told me he didn’t think so and gave me her LINE ID so I could get in touch. But before I could reach for my phone, he offered me advice along the lines of, “Pom is a conservative and traditional Thai woman, and if you take up with her, you will have to be strong and use your power to be good.”
I can’t say I wasn’t intimidated by his words. Be careful what you wish for. Who knows how it might turn out. But looking back, it turned out that his advice was sound.
So I messaged Pom. And after a few messages, she gave me her number so I could call. I explained how I was due to go home in a couple of days, but nonetheless, would she like to meet up? I remember she didn’t sound impressed, blurting out how she hadn’t dated anyone for 4 years, and even if we did see each other, she had no intention of introducing me to her family because that would be rude. But on the other hand, she didn’t say no. So there was hope.
Poms Family Duty
When we did meet up, the date went well. Our time together was made easy by her ability to speak excellent English. While we ate, I sensed I was being interviewed. Your job? Your education? She explained how, after receiving a Queen’s Educational Award, she had left home at 14 and went to a special school, then to university where she studied accounting and business English. After university, her dad retired, Thai state pension just 700 baht each month from his job in a sugarcane factory, and it fell to her to find work and send money home. So off she went.
As she was leaving, her mother gave her one last piece of advice: “Do what you can, just don’t work in the adult entertainment industry yourself.”
The first place she went was Phuket. Thais always like to work in Phuket, highest wages in the land, I’m told. And she found work in a seafront hotel bar. While she was there in 2008, the tsunami hit. And if she had been on the morning shift, she wouldn’t be here today. After that, she had done a range of jobs, all the while feeling pressured to send money home. I asked her how she had managed. She told me she used to walk everywhere and she didn’t eat very much.
Back in the UK, we kept in touch, and it was a few months later that Pom told me she had to go home to care for her dad, who had had a stroke. His present carer couldn’t continue. As an only child, and since her mom died, it now fell to her to do the caring. Home for her was an agricultural center in lower northern Thailand where there was very little paid work. If you were lucky, maybe you could work long hours in a 7-Eleven. She couldn’t care and work.
So, long story short, against my better judgment, I started sending her money each month. A few months later, I flew out to see her. She met me off the bus from Nan and took me to my hotel. After I’d thrown my things into the room, we went to eat. I remember she recommended a local dish, meat stew. “Okay, I’ll try it.” When it arrived, on top floated a chicken’s foot. If you have never tried chicken’s feet, all you do is get the foot and suck, and out comes this tasteless gunk, which some people love.
Visiting Pom In Northern Thailand
In the next days that followed, Pom would come to my hotel, sit quietly, and go again. Often, while she was away looking after her dad, I had to fend for myself. I called my pal in Bangkok, who asked how it was going, and I told him, “Not very well. She just keeps coming and going again.” “That’s okay,” he assured me. “Just let her come to you.”
Then after a few days, she suggested we go to a nearby city to look at the remains of an ancient city. She would book a room. That sounded hopeful, so off we went. We spent the day touring the ruins and went back to our room. Our first night together didn’t go well. For dinner, we had different choices, and hers began to make her violently ill. She spent most of the night in the toilet.
Back home, we spent time together exploring the local area, not that there was much to see. When the time came for me to leave, we had become quite close, and as the bus left, Pom waved me goodbye.
Visa Review And UK Visit
Later in England, the months ticked by until I asked Pom if there was someone else in her family who could do the caring, someone to whom I could transfer the caring allowance I’d be sending. If there was, then she could come to the UK to see what sort of a life we could have together. She applied for a visitor’s visa which was refused, and there’s no appeals process.
I knew an old university friend whom I was still in touch with. She used to work for immigration at Heathrow. So I contacted her. She told me I could apply for a judicial review. There’s an online pro forma. I designed it. It’s just not an appeal. It’s a review. What’s the difference? I’m still not sure. I had sent her a copy of the refusal letter and asked her for her advice. She sent me a few suggestions, which I cobbled together and, with fingers crossed, submitted the appeal, sorry, review. A couple of weeks later, visa granted.
Pom arrived and we toured. Before she went back, we agreed to get married in Thailand. At that point, I did get to meet the family. We took them all to a local seafood buffet. At the end of the night, there was no hugging, handshaking, or vocalized hopes we would all soon meet again. In fact, they all evaporated, vanished, nothing said. Pom later explained that they’re shy.
My experience gained following that first step suggests that Thai female expectations for a good long term relationship focus on stability, along with a hope of a general improvement of living standards, not only for her, but her whole family. You take on one, and to a certain degree you take them all on. Remember the comment about being strong, a leader, and using your power for good? To a certain degree, that has to be for the good of the family.
Thailand Wedding With Pom
Next visit to Thailand was for the wedding, which was fantastic. If I knew it was going to be that good, I’d have invited you all. We hired a resort for two nights and a day. It had 12 chalets, a restaurant, swimming pool, and an air conditioned function room. We had flowers packed in ice sent up from Bangkok, a band, nine monks (signifying a new beginning), and 60 family and friends, some from the UK. Afterwards, I got the bill: 120,000 baht, less than £3,000. A bargain.
Pom had organized everything, borrowed things, made things, and the whole family pitched in to decorate the hall and surrounding area. As I’ve said, Thais are not predictable, so often you never quite know where you stand. One indication comes when effort or support is required. That’s when you can see how well regarded you are and how much you might be respected. Pom had worked like a dog to make that wedding the best she could and had not spent a baht more than she needed to.
Meanwhile, COVID was beginning to take hold. 2 weeks after our wedding in March 2020, weddings in Thailand were banned. Getting home was done just in time, to get back on a plane and away. On the plane, people around me, many of whom had snapped up the last few seats for up to £1,000 each one way.
Back home, I applied for a family visa and waited for Pom. I find the whole visa process nerve wracking and expensive, it’s even more expensive now. Nerve-wracking because one slip and the whole application could fail. Again, Pom was great because she could cope with all the arrangements required at the Thai end. She could translate documents herself, and thankfully the visa was granted.
Pom Arrives In The UK
In July 2020, all masked up, Pom arrived at a deserted Heathrow. I remember we walked into the parking area and she smelled the fresh cool air. She said, “Aircon?”
“No. Welcome to the UK. It’s cold.”
For us, lockdown was a good time. Neither of us got COVID, and as I was working at home, we got to spend time together with fewer distractions. Pom’s working now and can send her own money home to cover her dad’s care. We’ve built a house and renovated next door, her old house.
Meeting Pom was luck, but also I needed to be in the right place to meet someone with decent values, someone I could eventually trust to work hard to make our relationship work. And that right place, as I’ve come to realize, was not around Nana Plaza or Soi Cowboy.
Pom told me once how one way Thai people describe a good relationship is as being “stronger together.” And that’s how 5 years on, our relationship feels.
I wish there was some magic formula for men wanting to date Thai girls. But there isn’t. There are, however, certain principles. Good English is a plus. The ability to do things on their own, also a big plus. And your ability to understand a little bit of Thai culture, this goes a long way. Thais have a very different mindset. I’m still trying to understand this. Their belief in ghosts and spirits could prompt another 10 stories. But for now, an excellent book on Thai Western relationships is available on eBay: “Thailand Forever.” One page is written in English, the other in Thai, so your partner can read about you and your values, and you about theirs.
Phone Call That Saved My Life
This is my story, and it’s very much a tale of good luck disguised as bad. I had made the terrible mistake of getting married very young. My marriage barely lasted a year before a painful divorce ensued. Soon after my divorce, I discovered Thailand, and it saved me from depression.
It was around early 2002, and Thailand became an escape for me that would in time heal the damage of my disastrous marriage back home. I was in my early 20s and was in a decent job. Having become newly single, I was enjoying repeated trips to Thailand with everything it had to offer. I loved the food and the weather, and I found the women stunning.
So, my story starts with what was then my third or fourth trip to Thailand. I had booked my ticket and was now a couple of days away from flying out. Annual leave had to be booked in advance, and I made sure that my leave was booked well in advance. I had purchased a cheap ticket and was counting down the days, the hours, and the minutes until I would be boarding my flight back to the Land of Smiles. I was planning to fly out on Sunday night, and I had stayed behind late at work on Friday evening to finish off what work I had. I didn’t mind. I knew I would be flying off in 2 days’ time to spend a whole Christmas in Thailand.
The weekend arrived, and I was now like a kid the night before Christmas. I couldn’t wait, and I had decided to spend the day before my flight in the gym, doing some last minute shopping as well. Fast forward to Saturday evening. I was now planning my journey to the airport the next day. I had booked an evening flight and so was anticipating I would have much of Sunday morning to lie in and would leave for the airport nice and early.
To this day, I still don’t know why I answered that call. It came unexpectedly late on the Saturday evening, the day before my flight. It was my boss at work. He knew that I had booked my leave over Christmas. Yet here he was, calmly reminding me of how much work we had and how he was struggling, and how he thought that whilst I had made a good start in my new job, it was important for my future career prospects at the company to help out when the workload was high.
Canceling The Thailand Trip
It was a one-sided monologue, and I just listened, but all along knew the call was always going to be about one thing and one thing only: to cancel my planned trip. I had made a mess of my life with my divorce, and my job was now the only good thing I had to hold on to. I had seen many people come and go at work, and it was a brutal environment. I knew that refusal to cancel my trip would likely mean my career prospects would take a significant hit.
Every inch of my body and every ounce of my soul cried out, wanting to take that flight. Thailand had become a home from home and was therapy for me. Yet despite this, I couldn’t go. I put on a brave face and told my boss he was right and that I could rearrange my trip another time. The call ended, and I felt the ground under my feet had opened and swallowed me whole. The trip I had been looking forward to, the trip I had been counting down the hours and days to, had now vanished in a single phone call.
I know many people will likely think I was being a fool for not standing up for myself, but I was in a job that was notoriously difficult to get into and was desperate not to make any more mistakes in my life.
I stared at my half packed suitcase, longing for those warm, Thai evenings and the amazing food and beaches and everything else Thailand had to offer. I can’t begin to describe how depressed I was arriving at work on Monday morning and sitting down at my desk, knowing I was having to do another grueling 12 hour day instead of lying on a beach next to a beautiful Thai lady.
I sunk into a depression for the rest of the week and found myself constantly thinking about what I would be doing at this particular time or that particular day had I taken my flight instead of staying behind to work over Christmas.
Boxing Day Tsunami Realization
Now, I did start this story by saying this was about good luck disguised as bad. In my previous trips, I had regularly stayed at a hotel located on a beach. I had really come to love the laid back lifestyle of Thai islands and beaches. This hotel had a number of bungalows directly on the beach, which I had made a point to book every time I visited. And on this planned trip, I had booked a bungalow which I knew to be directly on the beach, only meters away from the waters edge. I’ve always loved the sea and had made sure that I was going to make the most of it. But not this time, because I was stuck back home and at work.
Christmas Day had arrived, and I was at home alone, pretty much feeling sorry for myself, still angry that my boss had made me miss a Christmas in Thailand. I went to bed that night and wondered why it was that life could be so cruel.
The next day was Boxing Day, the day after Christmas. The date was 26th of December, 2004. It was a date that will forever remain in my mind. This was, the day of the Boxing Day tsunami. I remember sitting up in bed watching the news unfold. The memory of that day still haunts me. Thousands of people losing their lives.
I know now that had I not canceled my flight, and had I been there in my beach bungalow, meters from the sea, there is a very good chance that I would not have made it back to the UK alive.
Returning To The Tsunami Hotel
I eventually did manage to return back to Thailand about a year later and made my way to the island in the south of Thailand where I had become accustomed to spending my time when I went out there. Sure enough, I visited the hotel on the beach to see if it had managed to survive the tsunami. Whilst the main foyer of the hotel that was built with brick had remained intact, the bungalows on the beach were nowhere to be seen. Speaking to the staff at the hotel, it became apparent that many of the beach bungalows had washed away in the tsunami, with the loss of many lives.
The key rack for the hotel hung behind the hotel reception, and I could see the room keys hanging for the bungalows that had long ago washed away into the sea, taking with them innocent victims of that terrible day. I couldn’t help but wonder how close I had come to being one of these victims.
Thanking The Boss Years Later
I often think back about how things might have been so very different had I not answered that phone call from my boss that evening, or had I plucked up enough courage to just say no to my boss. I look back at it now and realize how fortunate I had been, where many others were not. On this day, my boss has no idea his call saved my life. I never told him, and he didn’t know I had booked a flight to Thailand, I think he thought that I was traveling to see my family over Christmas.
I left the company a few years later and have not seen my boss since. I never told him about this, and if I ever bump into him, my ex boss, I’m not sure what I would say, but “I was mad at you, Sam, for making me cancel my trip, but with hindsight, I would like to say thank you for saving my life.”
