Meeting A Thai Woman in Khon Kaen

The first time I sat down in a bar in Thailand and was approached by a girl, it was the most exhilarating experience that I’d ever had in my life. And I bet I looked like a nervous wreck. For the girl who approached me, it appeared to be the most casual and easiest thing in the entire world. Yet, to me, it was the exact opposite. The bar was quite close to the hotel I was staying at, and I almost didn’t walk in, having walked past a few other bars, feeling like I didn’t have the confidence to go into any of them. But at her bar, it was different. It was like my legs were carrying me forwards and my mind was telling me to stop, but I didn’t.

And the way I sat down and ordered a beer and probably looked like I was so out of place made me think I should quickly finish my drink and leave. When she pulled out the chair next to me and sat down and reached out her hand to shake mine, I did everything I could to build up the courage to shake her hand and answer her questions and ask my own. That was the starting point of what I would call my new life, which I held out hope would be better than my previous life. But things don’t go according to plan all the time.

I was in Thailand celebrating my 40th birthday and I almost didn’t even bother making the trip because originally Mom was meant to be going with me too, but she canceled at the last minute telling me that I must go by myself. I guess that I didn’t really know it at the time, but she was pushing me towards going myself, telling me I needed to get out on my own because up until then, me and Mom were a team. I felt like we were partners in crime in a way and it felt so wrong to be going to Thailand by myself.

Before Thailand

One of the many pleasures that I had in my life that allowed me to get out of my comfort zone was motorcycle riding. Another big pleasure of mine was gaming and also spending time on the computer and other things like that. This is relevant to my story, so please allow me to get into it. But I would game for hours and hours at a time. And on another screen, I would have YouTube open and I would be watching my favorite content creators making videos from around the world. There was something that I couldn’t quite put my finger on that drew me to Thailand. It just seemed to be such a magical, wonderful country.

And there was a guy I watched during COVID who did a number of motorcycle trips around the country. And the one that stood out to me was the one he did around the part of the country known as Isaan. We had the entire trip planned down to every minute detail, Mom and I. And Mom was into bikes, too, as was Dad. And Mom and I had been on trips together ever since Dad passed away when I was 14. If anything, Mom was more experienced on bikes than me. And that’s why this trip sounded like it was going to be right up our street.

I can remember the feeling of arriving in Thailand by myself. When I walked through the airport, I will admit to being so close to just staying in the airport and booking a ticket to go home because I was that far out of my comfort zone. But there was something inside me that I didn’t even know existed that pushed me to continue with the plan and not let this opportunity go to waste.

I’d arranged to rent a motorcycle in Bangkok, which was going to be the Africa Twin bike. It was similar to the one I had at home, although mine was a bit older, and I was going to be setting off from Bangkok the day after I arrived. That’s exactly what happened. I didn’t really have any time to experience anything in Bangkok, but I was good with that.

For the first four days, I stopped off at cities along the way before arriving in Khon Kaen. I had a very memorable experience in a town called Korat, which involved taking in the culture and the sights, but nothing related to the nightlife, which I knew was available and something I wanted to experience. But I just didn’t think I would have the confidence to experience it. Isaan seemed like it was a land of contrast, I think, would be the best way to describe it. I liked everything that I saw from the very rural to the big cities. And although I hadn’t experienced any of the nightlife in Thailand since I arrived, when I got to Khon Kaen, that’s where everything changed.

I was thinking back to all the words Mom was telling me as she dropped me off at the airport to make the flight to Thailand. Those words being, “Just enjoy yourself, be confident, and be open to anything that comes your way.” I doubt she meant going into any of the bars and speaking to the girls, but it was an experience that I wanted so badly as much as it made me nervous. Although I was nervous when that conversation started, it was a conversation that would lead to other things which would lead to yet more things which would lead me to be in the position that I’m in today, extremely confused about what’s happened and how things have turned out and what I should do.

Meeting Her in Khon Kaen

One thing that I didn’t expect after I sat down at the bar and after finishing my first drink was that I would order another one. When I did, the girl that was talking to me asked if I could get her a drink as well, and I readily obliged. That was the first time in my life I’d ever bought a drink for a girl. And if this was anything to go by, it was something I wanted to do a lot of as well. When I bought that drink for her, the way that she delicately put her hand on my lap, it set my heart racing.

I’m not stupid. You have to understand that I am not a stupid person. I know that she worked in that place, but even still, you can’t fake feelings. You can’t fake something like that. And she definitely wasn’t faking it with me. Although, she may fake it with other people. And I could feel that something about this was real, though.

I can remember ordering my fifth beer or it could have been my sixth, which meant I must have been having a good time. Also meant I was buying the same amount of drinks for her. She was 20 years old, by the way. Pretty much identical to the sort of girl I wish I had when I was that age. So it only felt right that in Thailand this could be a reality for me.

Because this was my fifth day in Thailand and I was there for 15 days. I still had 10 days left and I still had a lot of the country to explore, and it was my intention to leave Khon Kaen the following morning and go next to Udon Thani. When I woke up with quite a shocking hangover and she was lying there with me, I am very upset that I didn’t really have much recollection of the night before. Although it was apparent that in a way she was my first real girlfriend. That made me feel like I wanted to stick around longer and spend more time with her. And again, I am sorry to say this, and I will probably say this until I’m blue in the face. I wasn’t naive or stupid. I knew what went along with this. I also knew that she just wouldn’t stay with me if she didn’t like me, if she didn’t think that there were any future possibilities for anything better for her in terms of a relationship.

Although it was quite difficult for me to do so, I told her I’m actually planning on staying in Khon Kaen for another three nights and I would love to get to know you more. I asked her what she’d prefer if I came back to see her at the bar that evening or would there be anything that I could do that make her feel comfortable to stay with me now and she could show me around the city. She said she’d love to stay with me, although I would have to give her a little bit of money to help out because she would miss a day of work. That seemed fine to me and I gave her the equivalent of around 100 quid, which she seemed very happy with.

I quickly forgot about my hangover, although I remember it being there quite viciously as the day went by. But she did take me around the city. They had a nice body of water somewhere in the middle of the city next to a big mall, although it wasn’t that big, I suppose, compared to malls I saw later on in my time in Thailand. But it felt big given the fact that I hadn’t been there for very long. There were a few beautiful temples around the water and I guess it was about 15 minutes’ walk in the other direction from her bar to my hotel. I could even see the place from where my hotel was and it was incredible.

Getting to Know Her in Khon Kaen

We went out for lunch together to this great little Thai restaurant. It was down some back alley somewhere that wouldn’t be the sort of place I would have ever ventured into on my own. Again, I’m feeling like because I’m with her, she’s showing me a part of Thailand that many foreigners who were there wouldn’t see. In a way, I felt she was making my Thailand time better. When the evening rolled around, I asked her what she would like to do, and she said, “Up to you. What would you like to do?” I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to go back to the hotel, but I didn’t want to come across as being too keen. But I said to her, “Can we go back to the hotel for a few hours before going out to eat?” She said, “Yes, I would love to.” Everything she’s doing is making me feel like I found what can only be described as the best girl in the world.

She stayed with me the day after that as well, and I was finding out a lot more information about her. She had a young son who was 6 months old and I felt so bad for her knowing that the father of her son had left her with nothing and that’s why she was working where she was. That’s why she had to have money to support her son and also her family who lived out in a village, she said about 25 minutes away. That’s where the contrast side of things come from. The city was huge. It was gigantic. It seemed wealthy. Yet outside when you’re on the motorcycle between cities, it’s a different world. And it really makes you appreciate Thailand in a way that you wouldn’t otherwise have done if you weren’t on the ground feeling it on the bike or on the bus.

Although I extended my days in Khon Kaen, I felt like I needed to extend them yet again because I wanted to spend more time with her and I just thought, well, I’ll stay with her until the end of my holiday and I’ll ride back to Bangkok one day before I’m going to head home and never mind about the rest of the trip. I confirmed with her that she would be happy to stay with me and she said yes and I agreed to give her 500 quid just so she didn’t have to feel concerned about money. By the end of the trip, I had fallen in love with her and I was sure that she’d fallen in love with me as well. I remember calling Mom from Khon Kaen telling her I’d met someone and it’s serious and she just said “very good” probably not knowing exactly what I meant because I didn’t divulge too much information.

The night before I was due to ride back to Bangkok, we were out again. Another really fantastic little Thai restaurant that I would never have seen if it wasn’t for her. And she said something to me that made me go from feeling like I loved her to making me feel like I needed her more than anything. She said, “If you want, I would happily ride on the back of the bike with you tomorrow and spend the night with you in Bangkok before you have to go home.” That was when I felt what we had was real and serious. And that’s what we did. She rode on the bike with me down to Bangkok. We spent a great night there. And when I left, we promised that we would do anything we could to make what we had work because it was special. I left her with some money. Too much money, but it just felt right. And I vowed that I would call her as soon as I got home because I felt like we just had to be together.

I was a mix of emotions when I arrived back home. On the one hand, I’d found this great girl. I was in love for the first time in my life, and I saw a future that I’d always dreamed of, yet never could picture. But now I could picture it. On the other hand, I was quite down in the dumps because I was no longer with her. I was at home and I was due to go to work in a few days’ time.

Life Back Home

I didn’t have a problem with my work. And that’s something that’s very important to say. I loved my work. It was something that I was very passionate about and still am, if I’m being truthful. I work in software engineering. Now, that’s very broad. I did more specific things than that, but it’s a bit irrelevant. I worked at that moment for a great company that paid me an even greater salary. It was only 5 years before this, at 35, when I had the privilege of being able to buy my mom’s house from her to give her money to enjoy her latter years. It was a house that she had together with Dad and it was always her plan to sell it and downsize and keep some money for retirement. I bought it from her, paid something more than it was worth, and I was proud of that. Quite a lot more extra than it was worth, but again, it was for Mom and it didn’t matter. She continued living with me in her old house, but it was perfect. I worked and I was in a great financial position, which is what I could cling on to to think that okay, if we speak and things still seem serious, at least I have the financial wherewithal to do something about it.

Mom picked me up at the airport and I think she could tell that I arrived back a changed man. She asked me how my time was and how about this girl that I met. I told her she was incredible. I didn’t tell her where I met her. I just said that she was really nice. I told her she showed me around the city where she was from and I told her she had a son and I quietly admitted that she was only 20. I think I said 21, although that didn’t seem to make much difference. My mom just said, “As long as you like each other, it doesn’t matter.” I think she was just happy that she thought that I’d found someone. It might not have been in the traditional sense like she might have hoped, but it was the next best thing.

Arriving home, I called her and she answered straight away, saying, “I was so scared you wouldn’t call me.” I told her that was the first thing I did. Told her I thought about her all the way home and calling her was the first thing I looked forward to the most. We spoke for hours and hours and when I left, we hadn’t spoken about anything other than “I hope to see you soon” and “let’s keep in touch.” It was none of this “are you going to stop working” or “what are we going to do?” It didn’t even feel like it was an actual 100% relationship yet, but I felt like when I was back, I wanted to tell her how I feel and see how she felt about me. I didn’t say it straight away. I wanted to speak with her for a while first, or for a few weeks, just to make sure she was still interested. I just had to push to the back of my mind the fact that she was working at that bar where I met her. But, well, she was working before I met her, so what’s the difference?

I talked to her every day for the next week and she said, “Is there any chance I could send her some more money?” I didn’t hesitate to send her about £1,000. I didn’t really mind. What I said to her was when I was sending this money, “The reason I’m sending this is because I love you and I really do love you.” And I think I said it probably more than twice. She just said, “Well, I love you, too.” That’s when I started thinking about the possibility of bringing her home with me and taking things more seriously. Let’s get married. Let’s even maybe start our own family. I still wasn’t too old. I had good finances and she was still young. Perhaps this could be something that dreams were made of.

I definitely did run this by Mom first. How would she feel if I was to get married and bring her to live here? Mom said, “If that’s what you want to do, you do it. Go for it. It’s your house,” she said. But I had to tell her, “No, it’s your house. It will always be your house, and you’re always welcome here.” That was just obvious, so I didn’t really need to say it. But I didn’t want Mom to feel like I would push her to the sidelines and forget about her. Maybe Mom actually wanted that, but I didn’t know.

About 6 weeks or so after arriving home, I probably spent 4 hours a day speaking to her and sent her probably 2 to 2.5 thousand in total. And I asked her if she would like to leave Thailand and get married and stay with me at home. Does that sound like something you want to do? When she said yes without seemingly thinking about it, I could see how happy she looked because of course we were video calling. I thought, well, that’s what I’m going to have to do then, isn’t it? It was a question of how do I put this in place because I’d already had my holiday allowance at work and wouldn’t have a chance to have more.

Planning a Future Together

One good thing about being an irreplaceable employee is you can perhaps get away with things that you otherwise wouldn’t be able to get away with if you were easily replaceable. I told them of my situation and they said, “If you’re prepared to work remotely, if an emergency comes up, we’ll pay you for that. Is that okay?” It was fine with me. They told me I could have a month. I did want more than that, but I always thought I could extend my time if I needed to.

Returning to Thailand to Get Married

I flew back to Thailand with this new plan to go to Khon Kaen to see her, spend a bit of time with her, and then take her to England with me. I knew it wouldn’t happen quickly and we would have to sort out the visa. But I was happy with that and happy when I arrived back in Thailand at the start of 2023. We had talked at length and agreed that she would be meeting me in Bangkok because she raised the possibility of going together to a beach resort for a few days before going up to Khon Kaen. She just said, “Go to the beach.” I didn’t know which beach she meant. And to be honest, I didn’t really care.

When I saw her actually standing in the arrivals at the airport in Bangkok, it was the moment when things seemed to shift from being this dream that I wanted so badly into this certainty that was right there in front of me. I don’t know who was smiling the most, me or her. And it was like we could just pick things up where we left off. We spent a night in Bangkok which was just so amazing and we went to Phuket because that’s where she said she wanted to go. To be honest, while Phuket was a gorgeous place, I much preferred the look and feel of Khon Kaen where she was from. Although of course there wasn’t a beach in Khon Kaen. Those three days that we spent in Phuket made my feelings for her even stronger and it felt like the feelings were reciprocated.

We talked about marriage. We talked about her moving to England and everything along those lines and she just appeared to want that so badly. If anything, I felt she wanted it more than me. Although we had said that getting married would be something that we would do, it wasn’t an official proposal and I did officially propose to her on a beach in the evening in Phuket and she said yes. When she said yes, that was when a sense of calm came over me like, “Okay, it’s in the bag now. Just a question of sorting everything out.”

It was after that that she explained to me how things worked in Thailand with regards to the customs and traditions and what would be expected of me when it came to getting married to her. I had spent a bit of time looking into this, so I wouldn’t be going into it too blind, but it was a case of paying what they call sin sod in Thailand to her family, having a ceremony in her village where the whole village would come and see that we were together. The amount I agreed to give was 200,000 baht, which didn’t seem too bad given the fact I’ve heard of guys giving over a million. I was quite happy that we were talking less than a month’s wage after taxes. I’m not saying I wouldn’t have paid a million because I would. Everything just happened so quickly. In a way, things were forced because I was on a timeline given the fact that I was only technically in Thailand for a month.

We went from Phuket to Bangkok and then up to Khon Kaen. That was when it felt like returning to the place where my life changed, the place that made my life better and more exciting, and the place that made my life complete. The feelings that I had about Phuket were exemplified in Khon Kaen because it just felt like the best place that I’d ever been to. The day after we arrived in Khon Kaen, I rented a car and drove out to her village where I was introduced to the family for the first time. I even saw her son, which was a strange experience because she was half my age and she had a child, yet I didn’t. Even still, I could tell how much he meant to her. I could tell just how warm and loving the family were.

Everything was arranged. Everything was settled. And looking back, I guess I got off lightly given the fact that including the costs, it only cost me 300,000 baht for everything. So, not too bad.

The Visa and the First Warning Signs

I had looked into the visa once we were married and it was a very difficult process. But given the fact that I was paid a great salary, given the fact that I owned my own house without a mortgage, and given the fact that I had savings, it was just a question of providing what you needed and getting the visa. As long as you didn’t make a mistake on the application, I actually found, even before I went to Thailand, an immigration solicitor who would help me through the process. Yes, it would cost a lot of money, but it felt like it was worth it.

It was about 2 weeks since I arrived back in Thailand, and we’d already had the village ceremony, and we’d already registered the marriage. That was when I called Mom and told her the good news. That was the first time I introduced her to my wife, which was a very memorable experience. The next step was getting the visa for her. Only a few days after we registered the marriage, something that I didn’t pick up on at the time, which looking back I most definitely do pick up on, was how, although I’d been giving her quite a lot of money before, this time she asked for something that she couldn’t explain what it was for. Looking back, I think perhaps it was just a test to see if I would give her more money, but it was just, “Would it be okay if you gave me 50,000 baht for some things that the family needed?” I just gave it to her without much thought and got on with what we were doing. Few days later, she asked again, another 50,000. And again, I just gave it to her without thinking anything. I was still focused on the business of her visa. Yet, as I think back to that time, perhaps it was just her seeing how far she could push things and how far she could take things. And it wasn’t something that I picked up on.

We managed to get the visa application submitted 2 days before I was due to fly home. And we both thought the best thing to do would be for me to return home and she could wait for the result of the application. If it was approved, I would go back to Thailand to get her. If it was declined, I didn’t even want to think about what would have happened if it was declined.

When I arrived back home, I was a bag of nerves because I felt like my life was in the hands of the Home Office, whether they were going to approve the application or not. I was told by the solicitor that I used that we had provided everything and they would have to be very pedantic for declining it. And usually they would only decline it if there was a reason to, but they would try their best to find a reason. My wife was staying with her family so she could spend time with them, fully understanding that the visa would be approved, and I tried my best to get lost in my work just to pass the time. I called her as much as I could, and she called me a lot, too. And every time she called me, I was hoping it was going to be with the news that her visa application was ready to pick up.

One thing I wasn’t looking forward to was the fact that the application center was down in Bangkok and she was in Khon Kaen. If we knew the result was out, she’d have to go and get it and would be in limbo not knowing what was going to happen. It made me feel for people who meet someone abroad and who don’t meet the visa requirements because while the visa requirements are so stringent, that doesn’t seem to apply to people going there illegally, which is a bit of a kick in the teeth for people like me.

There was one little incident that happened, I’d say about 10 days after I arrived back home. Me and Mom were just sitting down to dinner and I can’t even remember what we were talking about, but that’s not important. She called me and I had to answer it even though we were eating dinner because just hearing her voice and seeing her face was what made the waiting worthwhile. I didn’t usually speak to her in front of Mom because I tried to keep them separate. I didn’t have anything to hide from Mom and I didn’t know what she was going to say. She said that based on the fact that the visa was going to hopefully come soon which is what she kept saying she’s no longer going to be able to be close to her family. She wanted to make sure her family would be okay if there was ever an emergency for them and she’s not able to quickly get money to them. So did I think it would be a good idea if we could put a little bit of money into a bank account in her name in Thailand that her family would have access to if an emergency ever came up. I just thought that sounded reasonable. It made sense to me and I was more than happy to. I asked her how much she thought would be a good amount. She said 250,000 baht, which was more than I was expecting her to say, but still I had more than enough money to give her that without it affecting me. So, I just said, “Sure, I’ll organize it soon.” We spoke a few minutes longer. She said she can’t wait to see me again soon. She told me she loved me. Just the usual things. And I hung up.

Money Requests and Home Office Waiting

I started talking to Mom about whatever it was we were talking about before the conversation happened. Mom said, “Are you sure that’s a good idea to send over 5 grand to your wife?” I just said to her, “Why not?” She asked me if I sent money to her many times. And I said, “Yes, I’ve given money to her. She’s my wife.” Mom just said, “Okay.” But she had a bit of a wary look on her face as if she was trying to tell me something like, “Just be careful and understand that there are instances where people might be able to get money from you without you understanding that they are getting money from you.” I just told Mom not to worry. I know that there were people like that out there, but it’s not like that with her. I’ve spent time with her. We love each other, so don’t worry.

After finishing up with dinner, I just went to do a bit of gaming, just tried to kill the time. I did send her that money, and it was just a question of patiently waiting until we knew that the visa application was ready to collect. The days from then up until we did finally get notified that the application was ready to collect felt like the longest days I’ve ever had to live through. I was jittery at work. I was clock watching, which is something that I’d never done before. And I couldn’t get lost in my games like I used to because I wasn’t able to get into them. My head was in Thailand with my wife in the hope that everything would come good.

When she called me saying it was ready to pick up and she was going down to Bangkok that day and she would be able to collect it the day after, it was a sleepless night like I’d never had, but I didn’t have worries. She went to collect the passport from the visa application office on Sukhumvit Soi 13 in Bangkok and called me on video with her face holding her passport open with the visa stuck on it. And that was when I knew that I could relax and could finally feel comfortable that my wife was going to be able to move to be with me in the UK. She’d been issued with a spouse visa and that was probably the best moment in my life apart from the day that I met her and the day that I married her. Funny that, isn’t it? How all the best days of my life in some way involved her.

When I told Mom that it had been approved, she looked really happy for me. She said she couldn’t wait to meet her in person. I couldn’t wait for Mom to meet her in person either. And I told my work long before this that I would need to go to Thailand again, but not for very long. I had a week one week to go back to Thailand, get my wife, and return home so we could finally start living our proper married life together.

Up until this point, I had given her a lot of money. I didn’t have any problem with the fact that I had given her a lot of money. I just saw it as a normal part of the relationship. Going back to Thailand that time felt so much better than the times I’d been back to Thailand before, because it felt like I was going with a really important purpose. Granted, when I went before, I was going with a purpose. But this time felt like it was an elevated purpose. And it was amazing to arrive back in Thailand feeling like a different man than the man who arrived the first time. I wasn’t nervous. I wasn’t uncomfortable. I wasn’t scared. I was confident. I was just in that stage where I was finally coming out of my shell and it felt great.

She’d been staying in Khon Kaen ever since the visa was approved which wasn’t that long ago because she wanted to spend as much time with her family as possible before leaving. I didn’t spend any time in Bangkok, just a few hours on the ground waiting for the connection up to Khon Kaen where she was waiting for me. It was a great reunion because I felt like from that moment, if things went like I expected them to, there wouldn’t be a day from this moment when we wouldn’t be together. And that was exactly the sort of feeling that I’d been craving my whole life. Yet, in a way, I didn’t really know that I’d been craving it.

Meeting Her Family

We spent a great night together in Khon Kaen city, and the following day, I rented a car again, and we drove to her village, where we spent a bit of time with the family. I could tell she was a little bit upset by the thought of leaving, but that was normal. It was a normal feeling to have. I could also tell, or I felt at the time, that she was just so excited to be going to England to be with the love of her life, and that was me. That day was spent with her family. I felt quite proud of the fact that they did have some money to use in an emergency if they needed to, because I was aware that they did rely on her for quite a lot of their needs and also because they were looking after her son.

We weren’t going to be spending a night in the village, but we did plan to go back a few times before spending a few days in Bangkok because we had some important jobs to do there. It was on the last day that we were going to go and see her family and she asked me again if I could buy something for her son. He was very young, so I asked her what she had in mind, thinking maybe a little toy or a little memento or something along those lines, but she said she wanted to get him something for his future. I had to push a bit further. What do you mean by that? She said, “Maybe I could buy him a little bit of gold so that when he’s 18 or when he’s older, he will have something saved up and maybe the price will go up a lot over the course of that time.” Now I get that and prices have gone up since then and that’s beside the point. She took me to a gold shop, picked out a little bit of gold and I asked how much. 80,000 baht. Thought that was a lot, but I handed over the money and now she had this gold for her son.

I need to stress that I’m not picking up on any of the money I’m giving to her at all. Looking back, I can see it for what it was. But at the time, I was happy because although it was money that I could spare, it would have been better if I didn’t have to spare it. It wasn’t like I thought to myself, if I don’t do this, if I don’t give her this money, if I don’t buy this, she will change. We took the family out to a really nice restaurant as a way to say goodbye. And she had a bit of a tear in her eye when we were leaving, but that was fully expected.

We spent the next days in Bangkok as planned, and the important job that we needed to do was to make sure that she had some new clothes because in England it was so much colder than Thailand and she didn’t have any suitable clothes yet. That was something I was happy to do. I wanted to buy her more things and if she wanted something, she could have it. The fact she took me to Siam Paragon to look around the shops there couldn’t have been a more expensive choice. But I didn’t care because she’s my wife and what’s the problem? She loves me. I love her. If this is something she wants, if this is something that will make her happy and in return, I can be happy, I can have the love that I’ve always craved, then let’s go for it. I spent a couple thousand on new clothes, and we had a great few days in Bangkok. And then we flew home together.

It was a very strange experience having her sitting next to me on the flight home. And I even booked business class tickets for us, which I hadn’t done before, just so she could arrive in style. When we did arrive, she hadn’t changed into warmer clothing yet. It was as if she couldn’t comprehend how cold it was going to be, and I told her maybe she should put her coat on, but she just said she’d be okay. When she stepped off the plane and realized what cold meant, then she had a change of mind, and we both laughed. It was little laughs like that that made me think that this was great. It was real.

Mom was there to pick us up at the airport, and that was the first time that my wife and my mom met each other. I thought it went amazingly, but there were a few things that Mom would raise with me later on that I didn’t even think about. From there, I drove home and it was quite a strange yet wonderful experience at the same time. By the way, when I say Mom picked us up from the airport, it was my car that I allowed Mom to use. So, I don’t want you to think that I was unable to drive. I just want you to think that I wanted to give my mom the retirement she deserved.

Settling Into England

When we arrived at the house, I could see that she was tired and she said she wanted to sleep. I guess she was overwhelmed, and that was understandable. So, I showed her to the bedroom and let her relax and went to speak to Mom. Mom was making a coffee in the kitchen, and I walked in buzzing. All the effort and all that hard work had finally paid off. Mom seemed to be quite happy. We didn’t really have much of an introduction, just saying she seems nice. But she did say, “Just be careful when it comes to the money side of things. Don’t let yourself get taken advantage of.” I was quite hurt when Mom said that because this was my wife that we were talking about and she was a lady I loved. And because of that, I felt it was only right that I stepped in and supported her. So, I told Mom not to worry about it. And then we went on to talk about other things.

It took a few days for my wife to get used to the different time zone and also to get used to just how cold it really was. But she was seemingly very happy to be there and very excited when we went the following weekend down to London to go and see the sights. She did ask me when we were going to London, “Why does your mom go everywhere with you?” I just told her that Mom and I were a team and we had been that way ever since Dad died and I bought the house from her and just wanted to make sure she was okay. It wasn’t like she had a problem with it. It was just a question she asked. We went to a Thai supermarket for the first time a few days after that. Bought her all the things that she liked, and I was quite shocked about just how expensive certain ingredients from Thailand were. But it was worth it to make sure she was happy and she could eat what she wanted.

When I was already back at work, probably the worst point of everything up until then was because she got all the ingredients she needed to make som tam, something very common in Thailand. Mom, however, had been out with friends and had come back, and she seemed appalled at the smell coming from the kitchen. And unfortunately, instead of keeping her cool and just letting it slide, she stormed into the kitchen, screaming at the top of her lungs, “What do you think you’re doing with that smell?” Because I wasn’t there, being at work, my wife called me in tears, saying that Mom had shouted at her for cooking som tam. I just apologized and said I would talk to Mom later and don’t worry about it. Then Mom called me saying, “Do you know that she’s stinking out the whole house?” I told Mom that’s her food, just kind of like when I opened a packet of cheese at her family’s house and they all looked like it smelled dreadful to them. However, they didn’t react in the same way. They understood that it was something I liked and it was just different. But Mom didn’t see it that way.

The Pattern Emerges

It can’t have been 2 weeks since we were back home, and aside from that one incident, I was happy. But I think this was the first time I had a slight inkling that things weren’t exactly like I thought they were. She asked me again for more money, even though I’d already given her so much. And it wasn’t that I couldn’t afford to give it to her, but I just didn’t see how she thought it was okay to ask so soon for what was just over £1,000. She said she wanted to send it to her family so they could rent some land close to their land so they could do extra farming. It was a big piece of land and they should be able to make more money. I said, “I think we need to start saving now. Let’s have a think about it and talk again in a week’s time.” I just left it at that. I think I went back to playing some games and she was doing whatever.

When I went to bed, she wasn’t in bed. So, I walked downstairs and she was lying on the sofa with a blanket over her. Mom was already in bed long before this, so I had to ask her if everything was okay and she just said she didn’t feel well, but everything was okay. While I didn’t pinpoint the fact that I hadn’t given her the money she asked for that day and now she wasn’t sleeping in the same bed with me, I didn’t think those two things were connected. Yet, as the days went by, when I did agree to give her the money, then all of a sudden she’s back to her old self. It was like something was a bit off, like there might be a pattern here that I wasn’t aware of before. Although this was something I was thinking about, I still didn’t think it was as perverse as it can happen to be for other people. I just thought I would slowly take things as they came and pay very close attention to what she asked for and her reactions based on what I did when she asked for something.

It wasn’t long before a pattern did start to emerge. And when that pattern started to emerge, it was very difficult to unsee. It was very difficult to clear my mind from what was now filling my mind. It wasn’t like I had a huge shift in my understanding of what my relationship was. It was just a subtle hint that I needed to pay closer attention to my wife’s actions based on how I reacted every time she asked for something. And it wasn’t very long before she asked for money again, even though I’d already given her money for her family. She said that now this land was sorted out, now they could farm it, but they needed to buy seeds and fertilizer and whatever else they needed so that they could grow something. So, could she have about the same amount again to help her family with that?

I felt very hurt that she asked so quickly. While again I could afford it and it wasn’t going to ruin me, I said to her that maybe we needed to take a step back because I’d spent a lot of money ever since we met bringing her here, the marriage, the money I’d already given to her family, the gold I bought for her son, the clothes in Bangkok, all of it. Maybe we needed to work out a budget so she didn’t spring things up on me like this because the amounts she was asking for could become a problem if she carried on. The thing I noticed straight away was how upset she looked, as if she just expected me to hand it over like it was nothing. And I stuck to my guns just to see what would happen.

I went to work after that and came back and everything appeared normal that evening. She slept in the same bed, but there was something there that told me she wasn’t behaving the way she would have behaved if I had given her the money. And as painful as it was, I wanted to see what would happen if I didn’t just cave in quickly every time. And it didn’t help around this time that when I arrived home from work the following day, Mom and my wife were having a heated argument and it was about money. Mom telling her to stop asking for money and stop being so greedy. And I knew straight away I shouldn’t have even spoken to Mom about it because it wasn’t really any of her business. But Mom had always been a big part of my life. And I felt like I needed to share things with her. And my wife was saying she wasn’t asking for too much. It was just little bits for her family for help. And she started saying things like, “She came here to be with me. She gave her life for me. She loved me, but she couldn’t work here.” And it quickly became clear that Mom and her just didn’t get on. And as the days went by, there was tension in the house because I hadn’t given her that other money yet. Nothing was happening between us at night like it did before. And that was when I decided the next time she asked, I would give her the money immediately, just to see if the pattern would break or if she’d behave the same way.

I kept thinking she couldn’t be so brazen about it to make it that obvious. But then again, you never know what someone’s thinking, and I didn’t have long to wait. She said the family had to borrow money to get what they needed, and now there was interest to pay, and she was worried because they wouldn’t get the crop for a long time. And she wanted to help them pay back this loan. I should have asked what happened to the money I’d already given, but I didn’t. I said, “All right, if there’s a loan, then it must be serious. I will help.” So, I gave her the money straight away like I planned to. And part of me was hoping her behavior wouldn’t shift so dramatically that it was obvious. But part of me already knew what was coming.

The Cost of Love

That night, she went back to being my perfect wife again. Affectionate, warm, all of it. And I think that was the first moment I fully recognized the pattern that if I gave her money when she asked for it, she was everything I wanted. And if I didn’t, she was miserable, even if she tried to hide it. And it left me in a difficult position because it felt like everything in my life was perfect except for the thing I couldn’t ignore anymore. The idea that my wife might be with me for money and not for love and I was with her for love. I was with her because she made me feel like a better version of myself, because she got me out of my shell, because she made me happy, and I loved her without conditions.

I still tried to tell myself that she loved me too. I convinced myself she must be under pressure from her family to provide and maybe her behavior was linked to that. Maybe it wasn’t her, it was them. And if that was the case, then it would be something I would have to accept.

Mom Leaves

That idea changed firmly after we’d been back for not even 3 months. That’s when I was faced with an extremely difficult choice. Arriving home from work and finding Mom and her in an argument had become quite common and it was starting to take its toll on me because I felt like I was stuck in the middle. It was the final time that that happened when I arrived back and they were fighting again. This time I don’t even know what it was about and Mom said she’d had enough and she was going to move out. I felt like I really let Mom down when she said that. I promised her she would always live in the house and I told her, “Don’t be silly. Let’s work it out.” But she said, “No, I can’t live here with her.” She didn’t take me to one side and say to me, “I don’t want you to do anything for me. I will be fine, but I can’t live with her. If you can, and you’re happy, you do what you want.” She kept telling me, because she knew I wouldn’t accept that. I think she knew how much my wife had given me more confidence and put me in a better position mentally than I was before. So, I just had to accept that Mom was leaving. She’d been with me every day for the whole of my life, apart from the times I was in Thailand, and it felt awful. But she had quite a lot of money from me when I bought the house from her that she hadn’t used. She said it was her time to follow something she wanted to do. She wanted to do a bit of traveling around Europe. So over the next few days, she left and I was alone with my wife.

My wife always said she didn’t know why Mom always argued with her. And if I’m being honest, I couldn’t really think of any reason to. Although around this time I was feeling that there was a bit of a disconnect between who my wife really was and who I thought my wife was.

It was only a few days after Mom moved out when my wife asked me for some money yet again. Although this time it was for something for her and it wasn’t a small amount. She said she wanted to get a brand new MacBook so she could do some things online and maybe try to make some money for herself. I didn’t know what she had in mind, but I thought that that was something that I would give money for in a reasonable way, and I was going to give it to her, but I didn’t say yes straight away. That was when I was left with no doubt in my mind that money was the reason that she was with me, and it really broke my heart. That night, after I said I would think about it, it was as if she couldn’t help herself to be as obvious as she was being. But I couldn’t bring myself to ask her, “Why is it that every time I say no when you ask for money, you behave in a very different way than you would have done if I said yes?” I should have asked her, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I just wasn’t brave enough to do that.

So, I told her that I would happily go at the weekend with her to pick out her new computer. It was funny how she turned from lying on one side to lying on the other side. And well, now it was certain. She didn’t love me. She just wanted money. That was a very difficult position to be in. When you find out the truth like that about the person that you love more than anything, it makes you question who you are as a person. I was questioning every decision I’d made since I was with her, wondering if everything she’d done was only for money because it never felt like it was. I always felt like we were a loving couple who respected each other and who had specific jobs in the relationship. And while it was my job to provide, and I was happy to provide, it was as if she wanted to be provided for to a very good standard, yet asked for things as and when she wanted them, and if I said no, she made it clear that she wasn’t happy that I said no.

Several things happened over the next few months, and I tested it again, and it was quite apparent. It wasn’t like she was trying to hide it. I asked myself a question. What would I rather have? Her and less money, or more money and no one? I made the decision that I loved her. She’s with me. She’s not cheating on me. She’s always happy and smiley and kind when I’m doing what she asks. So, I’m just going to have to step up to the plate and be there to give her what she wants when she wants it. I also tried to make it clear that there is a limit to how much I’m able to spend. That’s the decision I had to make and the choice I had to come to.

It’s been my life ever since. And if you can remember, I had hopes of starting a family. This is something she’s refused to do. She said she would happily have a family with me if we moved to Thailand, something I don’t have any plans to do because I’m happy where I am with my job and my life. I never had any problems with where I was from apart from the problem of not being able to meet a partner or to feel confident.

Life After Mom Leaves

So that is where I am. I guess I have enough money to move to Thailand, but it’s not something I’m willing to do. So, ever since we arrived back in England together, and this is the reason I wanted to share my story in the first place, is to say that I’m still with my wife because of money and that’s it. I guess since the last thing I spoke about, there has been approximately £15,000 extra funded to her and her family. And while I can afford it, knowing that it’s that money that is keeping my wife the way she is and keeping her with me is something that I’ve just had to accept as much as it’s extremely painful for me to accept.

I know my story isn’t the same as many people’s stories because I’m still with my wife. But coming to terms with the fact that she’s only with me for money is the worst thing I’ve ever had to come to terms with because it’s not the marriage I wanted, but it’s the marriage I’ve got and I’m never going to have anything better because I’m just not that sort of person.

I would say to anybody else, before you put yourself in a position to fall in love with a girl in Thailand, understand: are you going to be okay if she’s just with you for money and nothing else? I’m not, but I’ve had to accept it and it hurts every single day.