Marrying the Thai Family Not Just the Girl

Marrying the Family, Not Just the Girl

When I got married in Thailand, I had no idea that I was also marrying my Thai wife’s family. I didn’t come to that understanding until I’d been married for a while. I’d lost so much money and had some unfortunate incidents that I hope will act as a wake up call for guys thinking that Thailand is some kind of cheat code. It’s not. You may think it is, and on the surface it may seem to be, but I can promise you that it’s not.

Retirement at 55

I’m 65 at the moment. I retired 10 years ago to Thailand. I didn’t have much, but I thought I had enough to see me out. My intention was to see out my golden years in paradise, and Thailand had always been my paradise. It was a place I went to escape the drudgery of my boring life.

I went for the first time 10 years before I retired. That would mean I was 45. I wasn’t old enough to retire then or more accurately put, I didn’t have enough money to retire then. The first time I went, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I visited and I loved it there, but I didn’t realize that there was such a big expat community.

The expat community seemed to be there to take advantage of just how much more affordable Thailand was. It seemed to be made up of guys who didn’t fit in back at home and who maybe felt that at home they couldn’t have what they were fully due. They weren’t able to get a beautiful girl back home. Perhaps they were working in a boring job, but in Thailand they could reinvent themselves. And the appeal of being able to do that attracted me.

A Western Centric Worldview

I had such a Western centric worldview, and when I was in Thailand for that first time, I looked around and saw so many Western things. Everywhere you look, you could see the West was in plain sight cars on the road, for example. I assumed therefore, unfortunately, I was wrong that the people in Thailand respected the West and even revered the people from there. And looking around the country of Thailand, that made perfect sense to me. When I went into my first bar and met a wonderful girl, there was nothing telling me that the fact that I was 45 and she was 22 was a problem.

That seemed to be how it worked in Thailand. And because I had such a Western mindset, it only made sense that because I was from the West, these people were looking up to me and respecting me for coming from a place that provided so much to the world. As I’m writing that, if you don’t know me, it might come across like I have some kind of superiority complex. I can promise you I don’t. But we live our lives being fed information from the news, from our peers, and from other people that we know.

Our mindset is built from this. And that means that I didn’t think the thoughts I was having when I first went to Thailand were anything more than real. And I must stress again it’s not that I wanted that to be the case. I never thought that I was better than anybody. But the way it was set up, the way it made you feel, was just as if that was the case.

The First Bar Experience

Going back to that first bar experience, it was an enlightening moment. I used to go to the pub with my friends when I was working. Every Wednesday was our night. We’d go and have some beers, play pool, and throw some darts. It was fun, but it wasn’t exhilarating.

Maybe there were girls in the pub, but they were other customers of the pub. They weren’t there to meet people. And when they were there to meet people, you could bet your bottom dollar that they weren’t looking to meet somebody like me. They should have been. I was just a normal guy with a normal job, a normal house, and a normal car.

But it seemed that they wanted better than normal. By this very definition, better than normal means the best, and only a few can be the best. So, it seemed like the girls had really unrealistic expectations. When I was in that bar on my first time in Thailand one on Sukhumvit Soi 4 and that girl started chatting to me, the only thing that made sense was that it was because I was from the West and I was revered because of that. The drinks were slightly cheaper than they were in the pub at home, which made for a great experience.

Sadly, I always felt that the beer in Thailand was of extremely poor quality such a lack of choice. Unless you go to some of those places that sell the imported stuff, then it’s more expensive than you’re going to pay at home. I had a wonderfully good evening, though, and that set the stage for a shift in my life which would push me ever closer to Thailand.

Becoming a Two Week Millionaire

I hadn’t yet understood what a two week millionaire was, but that’s what I would become. My life revolved around Thailand. If I was in Thailand, I’d be living it. If I wasn’t in Thailand, I’d be thinking about it, and it became all consuming. I tried going to other places, too.

Guys I spoke to talked about Cambodia and the Philippines. I visited both of those countries, and all it felt like was I was taking precious time away from Thailand. Cambodia was fun, especially in Phnom Penh, and I had the same feelings that I had in Thailand, but Thailand just happened to be so much better. I did like the Philippines Manila and Angeles but from what I had seen online, I was expecting things to be similar to Thailand. While they had the bars and the nightlife, it seemed to be on a lot smaller scale in the Philippines than in Thailand, and it was my hope that it was going to be bigger.

I was tempted to go to Vietnam and see what it was like, but I was scared that I would just lose more time that I should have been in Thailand. So, I never went. I visited Thailand twice a year for 7 years. And aside from the time I spent a few days in Cambodia and a few days in the Philippines before arriving in Thailand, there was nowhere else I planned to go. Why would you?

Thailand had everything that you needed, and I was respected for that.

Meeting Pam

The following year I did go to Thailand. I went twice again. I met a girl in one of the bars on Beach Road in Pattaya. She seemed to look up to me and respect me. And while I spent lots of time with girls in the past in Thailand, she was one I wanted to take things further with.

I met her on my second day. She was 23 slightly older than my preference, which was 21 or 22 but I didn’t think too much about that because she did look young for 23. At the time, I was only 52. That meant less than 30 years difference. I don’t know if it was because I hung around in a strange scene, but a person that I thought was my friend actually laughed at me, saying, “Why is your girlfriend so old?”

I felt shy and embarrassed when he said this. He was 65 and his girlfriend was 22. I hung around with lots of people like that, and I was influenced by them. I don’t think like that anymore. I just thought it was normal.

Having spent the first 45 years of my life in the West, the West had told me at least I thought that’s what it was trying to tell me that I would be revered overseas. And it was because of that reason that I thought that having a 23 year old girlfriend was perfectly normal and understandable. Maybe I mixed with the wrong people. None of my friends at home would ever have behaved like that. But they were unenlightened, and the guys in Thailand seemed to know what was real.

When I met her Pam was her name I felt the urge to get to know her more, spend more time with her, and try to make something out of it. These were the feelings I was having after I’d only met her for 30 minutes.

15 Trips to Thailand

As I’ve said, I had been going to Thailand at this point for 7 years, twice a year, and I’d been 14 times in total, this being my 15th trip. I’d been around the block. I knew about Thailand and what it meant. At least I thought I knew. As I’ve already explained, I did get it quite wrong.

But what I’m trying to say is that she was not the first girl in Thailand, but she was going to be my last. I felt like it’s one of those things when you know, you know. And after only speaking to her for an hour, I asked her to spend my entire holiday with me. I did plan to stay in Pattaya for the 3 weeks I was there. But when she agreed to spend my holiday with me, I thought it would be nice to go somewhere different.

I didn’t want her running into anybody when we were walking around, and I knew that there was a big chance that she had other boyfriends but I had other girlfriends, and if we got serious, I would expect her to give those up. With that in mind, we went to Koh Samui for two weeks. And I didn’t only fall in love with her. I’d made my mind up there and then that I wanted her to be mine.

The Long Distance Struggle

The problems I faced were monumental. I wanted to be with her, but I didn’t have enough money to be able to live in Thailand, and getting a visa for her to go home with me was going to be an uphill battle. I needed to leave Thailand. My flight was booked for the following day, and I’m in hysterics. I didn’t want to go or I wanted to go and I wanted to take her with me.

I should have been able to take her with me, but I couldn’t. I told her my feelings towards her, told her I would come back as soon as I could, and I asked her if she could go and live in her village with her family while she waited for me to come back. She agreed, and I was able to help her financially. From Samui, we went to Bangkok, and I put her on a bus to her village, and straight after I went to the airport and flew home. Getting on that plane, taking off it’s an awful feeling.

I was pining for Pam, and I couldn’t think about having to go home and be without her for such a long time. When I returned home, I called her immediately, and she was in the village, saying how much she missed me, and I was telling her how sad I was that we were so far away from each other. It wasn’t meant to be like that. She should have been next to me, but the visa rules for her to go back meant it would be a long, drawn out process, and even then she may not be approved.

My Friends Didn’t Understand

The first Wednesday evening back, I met up with my friends in the pub. I told them all about Pam and how I’d fallen in love with her. And when I told them that she was 23 and that she was waiting for me in her village, they all burst out laughing at me. They looked at me like I was not doing the right thing, but I thought they weren’t doing the right thing. One of my friends of a similar age to me had a wife who was only 2 years younger than him nagging, ugly, and always smelled of BO.

How was he laughing at me? I’d been to a part of the world where they respected people like me more than they do here. Was it brainwashing that made me feel like this? Or was it just that I hung out with guys in Thailand who seemed to share the same dreams? I don’t know what it was, but when they did start laughing at me and they wouldn’t calm down when I asked them to politely stop, I stormed out.

I wasn’t prepared to accept that my friends thought it was amusing that my girlfriend was a lot more beautiful than theirs.

Planning for Her to Come to England

I contacted Pam every day. I sent her £1,000 in the first month and another £1,000 the month after. I hoped that would be enough to keep her in the village. And when we were talking, I told her that I wanted her to come to live with me in England. I’d come to the conclusion that getting the visa for her no matter how difficult it would be was the only thing that made sense.

She said she would love to go to England with me, and because she said that, it was my plan to get married to her and apply for a spouse visa. We had all the proof that we were contacting every day. We were taking pictures together when we were in Thailand. And if anyone’s been and seen those picture booths that you see in malls, we used to take pictures in there, and it was fun. I was lucky that my salary was more than the requirements and I owned my own house.

So after 3 months of being out of Thailand, I flew back to start the process.

Getting Married in Thailand

She came to see me at the airport, and I thought that was sweet. We got a taxi to a hotel in Bangkok. She appeared extremely happy that I was there, and I felt like my life was finally going to return to normal when she was with me. I had brought with me all the paperwork I needed from England, and after researching what was required, we used an agent to arrange a marriage. All I needed to do was go to the embassy and get the documents, and they would do the rest.

I had been back in Thailand for 5 days, and that’s when we got married. And after we got married, it was our plans to go to her village for a ceremony, and I found another agency to help with her spouse visa. It was planned that I would remain in Thailand until the application had been lodged. I could then leave, and if it was approved, she could follow soon after. We never made it to her village.

Having to get all the necessary paperwork took longer than expected, and it was 3 weeks of real hell. We were fortunate that during that time, she managed to book an appointment for the language requirement test, and somehow she managed to pass it. That was a big hurdle out of the way. The application was lodged, and we had provided everything that they needed, and I just hoped it would be approved. I’d like to think that England wouldn’t decline a visa if everything was there.

The agent we used said that we provided them everything, and if they did turn it down, there would be great grounds for appeal. We then decided that we would go to her village the next time we returned to Thailand. We hoped that would be the following year, but it turns out we didn’t make it back to Thailand until I retired.

The Visa Is Approved

I returned home with a constant fear that Pam would be denied her visa, but I imagined what it would be like having her there with me taking her to the pub and showing my friends just how much better my wife was than theirs. I’d given Pam another £1,000 before I left, and she went back to her village. Four weeks later, she was notified that her passport was ready to pick up. She was up in her village, and that meant her going down to Bangkok. So I sent her some money so she could do that and stay in a nice hotel when she got there.

I’d never felt nervous like that. Would she be approved for the visa? This was going to have a huge effect on my life, whichever way things went a positive effect or a negative effect. And if it was negative, it would have been crushing. She went down to Bangkok the following day, but when she arrived, the place was already closed, and it was Friday, which meant she’d have to wait until Monday to go and pick up the passport.

I was very disappointed with her. She should have gone on a much earlier bus, but she didn’t. And because of that, we missed out on the opportunity to find out about her visa until Monday. She didn’t seem fazed by having to wait a few days more. But for me, it was awful.

When she did pick it up on Monday and called me which was still in the middle of the night at home she told me she’d been approved. That was the best moment of my life. My wife was going to be coming to see me, and I couldn’t wait. I booked a ticket for her for 2 days after, and I told her to take all the paperwork with her because immigration might give her a hard time. I told her my address and told her to keep it on her person when she goes through immigration.

I’d heard nightmare situations where people arrive in England and get turned away because they were not able to answer basic questions. I didn’t want that to happen. But I was on cloud nine and went to work that day in such a good mood. And the following day I did the same. And I took the next day off and went to the airport to pick her up.

I just hoped that she would be able to get through okay. And when I noticed that her plane had landed, I just started counting down the minutes until she came out.

Pam Arrives in England

Luckily, she wasn’t given any problems, but she did say that she was grilled by the person behind immigration. She had all the information to give and gave all the right answers until she was allowed to officially enter the country. As soon as I saw her walking out, she rushed over to me and jumped into my arms. I actually cried that she was there. I couldn’t believe after all those weeks of heartache and stress that we could just get on with our lives.

She Hated England

Driving her home, she was in awe of what she was seeing out of the window. That was her first time leaving Thailand. In fact, I think it was her first time on an airplane. So the experiences for her were something else. I took her to my house, showed her around, and then we went for something to eat.

Her first day there was better than anything, and now we could get on with the job of enjoying ourselves. This was 2 years before I retired to Thailand. It quickly became apparent that she hated England. It wasn’t anything like she thought it would be, and after only being there for a month, all she talked about was going back to Thailand. I heard her on the phone speaking to her family about how she didn’t like it, speaking to friends, telling them if you get the opportunity to go to England, don’t go.

I felt bad that she was feeling upset, but she was still my wife and she was still there with me, and I was happy because of it. I just hoped she’d turn around. She didn’t, and Thailand was all she talked about for the next 2 years. I think that’s why I moved to Thailand when I did her constant nagging, constantly being upset and talking about Thailand. It started to wear me out, and she kept talking about how she wanted to go and live in her village. ”

Why can’t we live there?” she said. But I told her we’re trying to save more money so we can retire soon. She kept saying she doesn’t want to wait.

Selling Everything

She convinced me to sell my house and move to Thailand move to her village, build a house there, and we could live there happily. She told me that we could have a much nicer house in Thailand than the one in England, and it would only cost half the price of this house, and there’d be half the money left over for me to use for retirement. The first time she mentioned this, I didn’t really like the idea. It was my plan to keep my house and rent it out and eventually move to Thailand. It was going to be a big part of my income.

But the more she talked about it and the more she described what life would be like in the village in our house the more I started to feel like this actually was the best idea I’d ever heard. A big detached house in a beautiful Thai village. Her village was only 4 hours away from Bangkok, so if we had a car, we could go there on the weekends, go to Pattaya or anywhere we wanted. I started thinking like this could be the best thing to do. During all the time she was living in England with me, I was giving her money to send back to her family.

I always felt proud to be able to take care of her family for her, and I felt like she respected me more because of it. It was settled then. After we’d been in England for just over 2 years, I caved in and sold my house, sold everything I had, and we moved permanently to Thailand. I was 55 and she was already 25. She was getting older, but my love for her remained as strong as ever.

I would have done anything for her, but at that time I thought she would have done anything for me as well. I guess her not waiting in England until we had enough money to retire my way didn’t count. My house sold almost immediately. I sold my car, and I had a collection of coins that I sold that I’d saved over the years. Everything I could lay my hands on, and I had £220,000.

I felt rich. I’d never had that amount of money before in one place. And I pictured all the things we could do and what life was going to be like. Flying to Thailand thinking you’re going to be there forever feels good. Pam was delighted to be going back.

And although I did have a slight bit of apprehension that this was a bit too soon, I was also very happy to think I’d be living where I wanted to live ever since I visited Thailand 7 years ago.

First Impressions of the Village

When we got to Bangkok, we stayed there for a week. I wanted to acclimatize hadn’t been for a long time and it was time to let our hair down a bit. But after that week, we’d arranged to go up to her village. We still hadn’t had the wedding ceremony officially, so that was going to be something we would do. And when we were there, we were also going to look at the possibility of building a house and looking for some land in order to build it on.

We weren’t going to move there straight away. We would move when the house was ready, and it was guestimated that it would take 6 months. Bangkok is an amazing city, and when you have to leave Bangkok, you always feel like you’re going to be missing out. This time for me was different because we were going up to her village, going to be doing something that would add to our lives for the better. Leaving Bangkok wasn’t a problem.

I was so excited to go to her village and meet her family. I wondered what it would be like seeing people who were not used to seeing people from the West. I wondered what the level of difference would be like. We went on the bus to her village. Her village was 10 minutes outside of a big town, and the bus only went to her town.

Her cousin came to pick us up in his truck. I was a bit nervous when we got there. I didn’t know how people would react, and I wanted to come across as best I could. Her family this was her mother and father and a younger brother who I think was 16 lived in a very basic structure. I wouldn’t go as far as calling it a house.

Settling Into Village Life

There were holes in the walls, and the walls were nailed together as they were made out of wood. The roof was made out of corrugated tin, and there were a few holes in that. I dreaded to think what would happen when it rained. It’s very difficult to describe the house. It was on stilts, and you walked up some wooden steps to go inside.

You couldn’t stand up underneath the house. I’d say the stilts came to chest height. And when you walked in, it was just a big room and two smaller rooms adjoining that. Those smaller rooms were the bedrooms, and the big room was whatever it was. Mosquito nets were in each room.

And the thing that I found most strange was the bathroom was a 20 meter walkway. The kitchen facilities were underneath the house, apart from the actual stove which was a bit further away. Nothing like anything I’d seen before. But nonetheless, I was happy to be there, and the feeling in the village was just like I hoped it would be. I couldn’t wait until we had a house here and started to live here.

Her Father

I won’t describe the rest of her family, apart from her father. Her father was a small man, very slim with a heavily wrinkled face, and he was only 49. He was actually younger than me, and I felt like he respected me because of that. He also seemed to have a penchant for Lao Khao rice whiskey and rooster fighting, and he seemed to have a massive sense of pride when he showed me his prized rooster. Apart from that, he was very distant, if a bit cold.

I thought he’d lighten up. Maybe he was just surprised that someone from the West was in his village, and he didn’t want to come across as being too excited. I bet he felt quite proud that his daughter was lucky enough to have married someone from the West. I’m only telling you how I felt at the time.

The Sin Sod Demand

A few hours after we arrived, her grandparents came around from both sides, and they sat together with her parents and me and Pam and started talking about the ceremony and what we needed to do. I thought it was already arranged, but it turns out it wasn’t. And they were talking about all kinds of things, which of course I didn’t understand a word of. Pam was translating for me, and there was this talk about sin sod. I’d heard of this, but I thought that wasn’t going to be relevant because we were already legally married and already lived together for over 2 years.

But they were adamant. They wouldn’t let me marry their daughter if I didn’t pay it. Common sense didn’t seem to be a strong point. I tried to explain to Pam, “We’re already married. We have the paper, and you’ve lived with me for two years.”

But I don’t think she was translating what I said word for word. No matter what I said, it was going to be required. 300,000 baht, two baht weight of gold jewelry, and a female pig. Eventually, I just caved in and agreed. I also felt that by agreeing, I would be in a good light in the village, and if we were going to live there permanently, I expected to see my life out there.

There was nothing wrong with spending £10,000 for that level of comfort. I thought it was going to be worth it. It was arranged that we would do the wedding ceremony in 2 weeks’ time. So that meant we’d need to stay there for 2 weeks, but that was okay with me. Somebody who lived in the house close by was currently working down in Bangkok, and it was agreed that we were allowed to stay there.

It was very hard to stay there too hot, and having to walk outside to the bathroom was an experience. But I was open to experiencing anything new.

Looking for Land

When everything was agreed about the ceremony, it was already late in the evening, so we had some drinks and went to bed. The following day, we went looking for land that we could build a house on. The village was quite tightly packed, but surrounding it there was a lot of open land. I wanted our house to be on a plot of land that wasn’t right next to somebody else’s house. Pam also said that’s what she would prefer, and we spent all day driving around on the family’s motorbike looking at land.

You didn’t often see sale signs on land in the village. You had to speak to people and ask them if they had land for sale or if they knew somebody that did. We ended that day feeling like it was a job well done after we’d looked at quite a few available plots. We were going to spend the next two weeks while waiting for the ceremony picking out which piece of land we wanted, and we’d make an offer on it and hopefully get it transferred onto Pam’s name. I knew foreigners couldn’t own land in Thailand, but I didn’t mind that.

I loved and trusted my wife. The next few days, we didn’t do much of anything, apart from continuing to look at land. And after we’d been there for a week, the family had another big meeting to talk about the wedding ceremony.

Wedding and Land Costs

I was then informed that I would need to pay for all the food and catering services. Also, we would need to pay for a band to come in all kinds of stuff and that was going to cost 100,000 baht. When it was mentioned that we would also need to buy another pig, I asked, “What about the one I gave for sin sod?” Apparently, that was different. That was going to be kept by the family, but we needed one for them to cook.

I paid for everything, and it was a countdown to the ceremony. A few days later, we’d already found some land, and we managed to get it for a great price, and that was put onto Pam’s name before the ceremony.

The Wedding Ceremony

But the ceremony came and went. I couldn’t believe just how different they did things. That pig that we needed to buy that was going to feed everyone it’s very graphic how they dispatch of it. Think big wooden stick being swung by a very strong man. The whole village came.

Everyone’s getting drunk, and we have this band playing on the stage that we had to hire. And there were some attractive girls dancing around, and all these really old guys from the village blind drunk at this point placing Thai baht notes in these girls’ clothing. I wasn’t expecting that type of thing at a marriage ceremony, but it seemed to be how they did things, and everyone seemed to be having a great time. The family seemed to be happy that we’d been married, and I’m starting to think everything’s going to be okay. It went on for the whole day, so when it was over, I was tired and just went to bed.

Building the House

And the following morning, we started looking for someone to build our house. I was recommended somebody in the village who was meant to be a great builder. He worked with his wife and had a few other guys that helped him. We told him what we wanted and waited for him to come back with the price. We had to extend our stay in the village to get this sorted out, but when he came back and said he could build what we wanted for 600,000 baht, I didn’t believe him.

It turns out he was a village builder, and the house we would get wouldn’t be like we were expecting. We went further afield to find an actual company who had experience in building good quality houses and took them on to build the house that we wanted for 4 million baht. This was going to be our dream house, and we didn’t want to scrimp and save. This included everything throughout apart from furniture, but it did include AC. The company seemed great, and we paid a deposit and with that went to Bangkok to spend more time there.

6 months goes by, and we’re spending time in Bangkok, Pattaya, and we’re going to other places in Thailand while of course visiting the village to check on the progress of the house. After 6 months is up, the house is complete, and we bought a car. I did put that on my wife’s name because foreigners can’t own cars in Thailand did the same with the bike. We bought all the furniture, and life in the village was ready to begin, and I was really happy. I’ve heard other stories nightmare scenarios where families move into the house of foreigners.

Her family didn’t move in. They seemed to be very respectful of our privacy. When I stood back and looked at the house, I couldn’t believe I was able to live in such an amazing place. It made the house I used to have in England look poor in comparison. And I felt like both me and my wife were going to have a great life there.

The First Incident with Her Father

We got into the swing of life. Things were going well. 3 months passed, and there’s nothing telling me I’ve made a mistake. Pam still seems to be in love with me. I thought she was because I was in love with her, but she was spending a lot of time in the village with her friends and family.

I didn’t think there was anything wrong with that because why wouldn’t she do that? What else could she do in the day? I spent a lot of time watching TV, being on the computer, reading, and also going on the bike trying to find new places that I’d never been to. Out of the blue, one day her father arrived to the house completely out of his face drunk. He couldn’t walk straight, and he was wobbling around everywhere.

He stumbled over to the house and barged his way in and fell asleep on the sofa. My first reaction was it was quite amusing. How had he allowed himself to get so drunk? Pam wasn’t too happy, and she called her mother to come and get him, and she did 5 minutes later. She was bowing and waiing to me saying “khor thot” which means sorry in Thai.

I told her not to worry about it. I thought it was amusing, but she seemed to clearly be embarrassed. If only I knew what would come from this.

The Rooster Incident

This happened again a week or so later, only this time, for some unbeknownst reason, he brought his rooster with him. Pam translated what he was saying even though it seemed to be extremely garbled that one of his friends was going to come around with his rooster, and they were going to pit them against each other. I wasn’t happy about that. “Why are they going to do that at our house?” I said.

She said they weren’t, but the place was close by and he probably forgot where he was going. I was fascinated. I’d never seen anything like that before. And I want to set the stage perfectly. If you know those bikes in Thailand a motorbike, like a small scooter, semi automatic, four gears something attached to the back of it, like a metal trailer, maybe only 1 and a half meters long and 1 and a half meters wide.

So, they’re not very big, but it does make the bike more difficult to drive. In the trailer, there was his rooster in a cage. And the fact he was going to drive it so drunk I have to be honest, I thought it was amusing that you could do that in Thailand and get away with it because at home they’d throw you to the dogs. So, he’s there at our house trying to get me and Pam to go and watch. I was all for that, and Pam reluctantly agreed to go as well.

We followed him on our bike. I’m surprised he managed to make it. He was swerving all over the road, and it was only 2 minutes away when he pulled into another guy’s house. We pulled up after him, and they had those small wooden mesh style cages with lots of roosters in them all over, and there were people everywhere. It was very popular in Thailand, but I’d never experienced it before.

I actually felt quite bad for the roosters. I got off the bike and walked closer to where her father was. He got off his bike and had fallen down on the ground. So, I reached into the trailer and picked up the small cage that his rooster was in. I was trying to help him out, but immediately he stood up and took a swing at me.

The Rooster Incident in Thailand

He hit me on the left side of my jaw, and everyone turned around to look, and Pam is stood there in amazement. He then takes another swing and another and another, and he’s shouting at the top of his voice. I’m not wanting to fight back. I don’t want to knock him out or cause any permanent damage to him, but he’s continuing to hit me. He probably hit me seven times, and then I fell to the ground.

And at that point, he’s being dragged off. I get up feeling dazed and extremely confused about why he did that. Pam is saying sorry to me. And although I’m in quite considerable pain, I could actually see the funny side of it. But when I started laughing which I couldn’t help he broke free of the guys holding him back.

And he came and struck me again, this time even harder. Unfortunately, that was one blow too many, and I hit him back with one punch, and he fell to the ground. He seemed to be out of it completely. And now Pam was furious at me. “You killed my dad,” she said. ”

No, I didn’t. He’ll get up soon,” which he did.

The Marriage Breaks Down

But Pam wouldn’t forgive me that I hit her dad even though he’d hit me countless times. And I couldn’t believe it.

The Beginning of the End

And when things calmed down, Pam told me that her dad thought I was trying to steal his rooster. Why would I do that? I was just helping him to get it out of the trailer because he was drunk. We didn’t get to watch roosters fighting that evening. We went back home, but Pam had fallen out with me.

That was the beginning of the end. Unfortunately, after I’ve had time to analyze what happened, and when I started to come to terms with the fact that the opinions I held about Thailand were so wrong, I started to think that perhaps he was waiting for a moment to attack me. I was older than him, and his daughter was married to me. Perhaps that was the reason. Or perhaps he genuinely thought I was trying to steal his rooster but I highly doubt that.

I found out that her father had even been in jail once for attacking someone, and he’s been known to attack other people in the village. So perhaps it wasn’t even to do with the fact I was a Westerner. An alcohol fueled rage. And no matter what I think, I will never actually know what his reasoning was for hitting me.

Life Was Never the Same

Life was never the same. Pam looked at me differently now. I’ll never understand that because he hit me first. I wasn’t enjoying being in the village. Anytime someone looked at me, all they saw was the guy who had been attacked by his wife’s father.

I tried to salvage things because this is where I wanted to live. This is where I was meant to live forever. But Pam no matter how much money I gave her or no matter what I bought for her she never came around after that. She was still the same person, but she wasn’t the way I wanted her to be. And I thought that’s why you got married in Thailand because you had a vision of what marriage was meant to be like, and your wife was meant to play that part.

Because you were providing for her more than she could provide for herself. But after spending tens of thousands of pounds more over the course of the following two years, I found myself spending a lot of time alone away from the village. When I found out Pam was cheating on me with a Thai guy, no less I was devastated. We started fighting, arguing not physically fighting. That was more of her dad’s department.

And after those two years, I had to leave. I was completely defeated. I’d lost most of my money. And I tend to blame the whole thing on her father. What would have happened if he didn’t do that?

Would things have been better, or would they eventually have turned out like they have now? My wife when I left, we didn’t get divorced, but I guess she’s probably taking me to court in my absence. Or maybe she doesn’t know how to do that. But she’s living in the house I built with that Thai guy, and she’s had a child to him. If somebody would have said to me that something like this was possible in Thailand when I first went there and during those first seven years I visited all the time, I would have looked at them like they were completely wrong.

I had a vision of what Thailand was like, and that vision was backed up by the opinions of so many other guys that seemed to be doing the same thing.

Lessons From the Marriage

You need to understand how things really are in Thailand before committing to anything.