Where to Begin: 27 Years Living in Thailand

I’ve just turned 50 this year, been living in Thailand for 27 of those years, and I thought up until recently that I had everything figured out, and the last 27 years of my life were a success. I’ve since found out things about my wife, who is from Thailand, and general opinions that I have garnered over the past couple of years that made me realize that I’ve actually wasted the past 27 years of my life.

I’m going to start things from the beginning and I will tell you how I got to the conclusion I have. I thought I was in a genuine marriage. I thought my wife was different and that she loved me for me. And while I don’t believe her to have done anything to the detriment of our marriage, I believe that I only now know who she is and what is important to her.

I’m going to start off by saying that I’m no longer married. I was the one who wanted to get a divorce and I will get to that later on.

A Warning About Marriage and Life in Thailand

I’m not sure if this is a Thailand thing or just a woman thing, but coming to the realization that you’ve wasted the best part of your life is quite difficult. And I hope this acts as a warning for other people before they jump into a relationship that they might not fully understand.

I was 23 when I moved to Thailand and I started out as a teacher. I wasn’t a qualified teacher. I just taught English at any school that would let me, and I was earning 30,000 baht every month. I had some savings that I brought to Thailand with me that I used to supplement my income for a few years, but I wasn’t earning a lot of money.

Why I Left Home for a New Life in Thailand

One of the reasons that I moved to Thailand in fact, the main reason that I moved to Thailand was because I felt like I didn’t fit in at home. The people that moved to Thailand, at least when I moved there, were the uncool people. The people who didn’t fit in and who were seeking somewhere where they could just be themselves.

It pains me watching YouTube in 2025 lots of people moving to Thailand that I would describe as being the exact sort of person I left my country to get away from. If I would have thought that the cool people would be moving to Thailand at some point, maybe I wouldn’t have sacrificed my life to move there. But that’s a different story.

Finding Myself and Starting Over in Thailand

When I first started teaching, I didn’t have a work permit or anything. I had to get tourist visas and kept getting new ones all the time. That was a very annoying experience having to keep leaving the country every 90 days or so, but it was just one of those things that you had to put up with to be able to live in Thailand.

I’d only been in Thailand for a few months, but I was very happy with the decision I made to move there. I felt a lot more confident in Thailand than I did in my country a lot more secure in myself and I wasn’t shy or reserved anymore. I was someone who could speak to anybody. I had a confidence, and this was a newfound confidence that I owed to Thailand.

I did some dating when I first arrived in Thailand all kinds of different girls. But the only thing that I was looking for was a girl who wanted me for me. That was the only thing that mattered to me. Her being real and a girl that wouldn’t change by lack of money or excess of money.

I was dating for two years while I was working at the same school, earning a bit of money. I was lucky though that at the time, although it wasn’t a lot of money, it went a lot further than it would today.

Meeting My Future Thai Wife

After 2 years of dating, I met a girl who would ultimately become my wife. I was 25 when we met and she was 22. She was from Lampang Province, which for any guys that don’t know is just south of Chiang Mai in the north. We met through friends in Bangkok and we kind of hit it off straight away. I always said that I didn’t want to meet any other girls. I wanted to spend all my time with her.

When I met her, she was living with her sister in Bangkok. She didn’t have a job at that moment in time, but her sister was married to a guy from the US and she was spending time with them and that’s when I met her.

She was everything I was looking for in a Thai girl. I always really liked the look of the Bangkok Thais the ones that were generally out of reach of foreigners paler skin and very different from most of the girls I was dating who usually came from Isan. The northern Thais looked similar to the Bangkok Thais. And this girl that I met from Lampang was perfect for me in every way. She was like my dream girl, and it helped that she seemed to be really into me as well.

Living Together Before Marriage in Thailand

Before I knew it, she was living with me in my small apartment in Lat Phrao in Bangkok. At the time, it wasn’t my favorite part of the city, but it was close to the school I was working at. If you’re not aware of what the Bangkok traffic can be like, it’s better to live close to work that’s all I can say. When you want to go somewhere at the weekend, then you can do the traveling. But having to travel to and from that school from where I actually wanted to live would have been a headache even I wasn’t prepared to accept.

When she moved in with me, she wasn’t working, and she’s never really worked throughout the time we spent together. That was always really what I was looking for in a relationship. I wanted the traditional the man goes to work and the lady stays at home and takes care of the family. That was meant to be her job, and I felt like she did it well. She never really asked for money from me. She just seemed to be happy with me for me.

For the first year of us living together, she never asked for anything whatsoever. But she was a great girlfriend and we went places together. And the longer I stayed with her, the more I found myself falling in love with her.

Pregnancy, Marriage and Starting a Family in Thailand

We’d been together for about a year when she fell pregnant with our first child. It wasn’t planned or expected just one of those things. And as soon as we found out she was pregnant and she let her family know, we had to go up there to get married to save face and generally do the right thing. Let me rephrase that to do the right thing in the mind of her family.

It’s important for me to point out though that her family were fantastic and always have been. They’d never wanted anything from me. They had their own things. Her parents were not old either and in a way belonged to the newer generation who still wanted to cling to some of the traditions but were prepared to throw a lot of them out as being antiquated and old fashioned. That served us well because the idea of having to give money to my girlfriend or wife’s family would have been a non starter. But we never had any problems with her family. In fact, her family were great, and that’s all I can say about that.

Being a Young Father in Thailand

When my wife I will refer to her as my wife from now since we’ve been married from this point was pregnant, I did my best to look after her in the best way possible. I’d go out to work early and come back around 4:00 p.m., and I’d bring her favorite foods for her and generally just take care of her as best I could.

I enjoyed my job, although I wasn’t paid a lot of money, but it was a laugh working with other guys in similar positions as me who had left their countries because they didn’t feel like they fit in. The guys that moved to Thailand 20, 25 years ago I felt like I had something in common with them. Whereas the guys moving to Thailand now, I feel like I have absolutely nothing in common with them at all. But that’s okay. It is what it is.

I noticed my wife change when she was pregnant, but I just had to accept that as being part of what happens when someone gets pregnant. She wasn’t the same as she was before. But I kind of thought, well, we’ve got to give her time. It’s a big thing for her, and I can’t expect her to be the same as she was before she was pregnant. But I can expect her to be the same after she was pregnant when we already had our son.

Moving to Lampang and Building a Life

Our life continued and I’m still working at that job, and we’re married and living together, going out together. But we don’t spend a lot of money. I’m not able to give my wife a lot of money because I don’t have a lot of money, but I did my best and I thought that was what counted.

When our son was born, my wife was struggling to cope with being a mom for the first time. So, we decided to move up to Lampang to be closer to her family so they could help while I was at work. I managed to find another job at a school in Lampang that was paid the same amount of money as I was paid at the one in Bangkok, but the living expenses were less in Lampang and it was less stressful no traffic and things like that.

We actually lived at her parents’ house for 6 months while our son was young. This was able to help out my wife and also able to help us save a bit of money to find our own place when he was a bit older.

Blinded by Love in a Thai Marriage

At this point, I’m really happy in my life. I see my wife and I feel like she’s doing her best for our son and for me. If I look back at that moment in time from today’s perspective, my opinions at that time are very different. If I look back, I see myself sacrificing the best years of my life to be able to be with the lady I loved more than anything. But if I look back at how she actually behaved, I think I was blinded by love.

Because as the time went on and we stayed together, her behavior and her way of doing things changed dramatically when certain things happened in our life. I didn’t notice or pick up on these for years. And I actually only found this out in the past few years, which is why we have had the divorce.

So when I’m describing things as they were, that’s how I felt at the time and how I felt about everything then. I hope that makes sense.

Life, Work and Marriage in Lampang

Her family were great helping with our son when he was young. Although my wife was 22, she was quite immature for a 22 year old. Before she was pregnant, we used to like to go out and drink together all the time. That was some of the most fun I ever had with her in all the time we’d been together. But she was very responsible and she wasn’t going to drink when she was pregnant or when she had a young baby. So, in that sense, she was great.

After 6 months, we moved out of her parents’ house and rented a small place that was quite close by to her family, so they could come and help when she needed it. I was still working at the same school and didn’t enjoy it as much as the job I had in Bangkok. There weren’t as many other expats working there, and the ones that were there were older than me. The expats that worked at the school in Bangkok were similar age to me, similar opinions of the West, and generally similar people. So I missed that camaraderie when I was working in Lampang.

We moved into our own place and I still felt like I was really happy. My wife was taking good care of our son, albeit with the help of her family, and I thought she was taking care of me. We’re making the money that I earn stretch as far as it needs to stretch. We’re still going out to eat at local Thai places often, and we’re able to have a few drinks when we wanted to relax.

I wouldn’t recommend anybody earning that amount of money today in Thailand because it has changed a lot since when I was doing it. But I felt like I needed to earn more money.

The Bare Minimum in a Thai Marriage

My wife was never distant, was never cold. I’m looking back at that time and that moment in my life. I now understand that my wife was really doing the bare minimum that she could do in order to be able to maintain the status quo. I was blind to this at the time, which is why I suppose I continued working a job that was only meant to be temporary.

The years go by and our son turns three, and it’s time for him to start going to school in the next year and that’s going to cost money. So, I really felt like I needed to earn more than I was earning at the school. I didn’t really have any other skills or qualifications, and knowing what to do to earn more money was difficult.

I’m thinking at the time that I just want to provide a better life for my wife and son. That’s all I was thinking about and all I wanted to do.

Doubling My Income to Support Our Family

I started to do extra lessons one on one with people. I wasn’t expecting much to come of it, but before long, I actually had quite a lot of people who were learning with me, and that nearly doubled my income from 30,000 to 60,000 baht a month, which made a big difference.

As soon as I started earning more money, that meant I was able to give more things to my son, and I was able to surprise my wife with little gifts which I couldn’t do before and I could help her with things that she wanted to do.

One thing that I didn’t pick up on was that when I started to earn more money, my wife started to act differently around me. I didn’t pick up on it at the time. But if I look back, she was different. Different in a good way. She was more enthusiastic, more loving, she smiled more. And I think I became happier because of that.

Now, who wouldn’t want their wife to be happier? I definitely wanted my wife to be happier, but I didn’t look at it how it actually was at the time. I just thought she was happier.

A Painful Realization About My Marriage

When I look back, it’s obvious that she’s getting more things out of me. I’m making more money. She changed her behavior because of that. I really wish I had picked up on that when it started to happen because I wouldn’t have stayed with her if I’d have known that her being with me and how she acted around me and the things she did with me would depend on what I could provide.

As far as I was concerned, she should be the same regardless of how much we had. As long as we’re able to live and cover the bills and look after our son, she should have remained the same. And this was something that took me years to realize.

But anyway, we’re living, having a good time together, and my wife is just behaving perfectly. As I said, I didn’t pick up on the fact that this was because I was earning more money like I wish I did. We started to be able to go away to the beach occasionally, and we started to be able to put away small savings. It wasn’t a lot, but we were still saving.

Buying a House and Having Another Child in Thailand

Time continues to go by and we even bought a house. We bought it in my wife’s name with a mortgage. It was her idea, and if I’m being honest, I didn’t really want to because I just felt like it would trap us in a place that perhaps we might not want to live permanently. But I thought it was the best thing to do for our son and our new baby that we had at this point a daughter.

Of course, when my wife was pregnant, she changed again, but that was acceptable and expected, and I can’t say anything negative about that. As soon as we had our daughter, her family came to stay with us and help her out. But we were living just like normal and like a normal family.

When our daughter was approximately 6 months old, my wife had gone back to how she was when I earned 30,000 baht a month her level of enthusiasm and how she did things, how she acted around me and the family. And again, I didn’t notice at the time, but I was earning double the amount, but from my wife, I was getting half the love.

Looking Back at My Thai Marriage with Clarity

At the time, as I said I need to keep repeating this I wasn’t seeing any problems. I thought everything was great. And because of that, I was prepared to do this job that I didn’t want to do. Live in the place that I didn’t want to live. All these things I was prepared to overlook just to be able to be with her.

I’m working very hard averaging 60,000 baht a month, but I don’t feel if I look back like I was getting equal value in return for my commitment and work. I would recommend nobody unless you are an actual teacher with teaching qualifications to teach in Thailand. It’s not the greatest of jobs, and many people do it because there’s nothing else to do. That’s why I did it. I’m being honest. The only reason I was a teacher is because I couldn’t do anything else in Thailand at this point because they don’t let foreigners do anything, even if they’re married and have children.

Another few years go by and I think I’m happy. I think I’m really happy. I think I’ve got my dream wife, two wonderful children, and I’m able to live in Thailand. That’s where I based my success. The fact I was living in Thailand and the fact that I didn’t have anywhere close to what I expected myself to have at that age didn’t come into things because I had a great wife and I loved being in Thailand and that’s all that mattered.

I thought I had a great wife. I thought. But if I look back, I was not sure.

Searching for Better Work Opportunities in Thailand

I was always looking for other jobs to do, always looking for more ways to earn money. And I must have applied to over 100 jobs in Bangkok that expats were eligible for. I never heard back from any of them. I tried and I tried. But if you’re a foreigner in Thailand as I said, even if you’re married and have children you’re not able to get jobs unless they specifically require an expert. You can’t compete with Thai people. Even though you have a Thai family, no matter how crazy that sounds.

I agree people shouldn’t be able to just come and work in Thailand. But if you have a Thai family that you need to support, it only makes sense that you should be able to work in Thailand.

But out of the blue, I got a call back for a job I had applied for in Bangkok. The job wasn’t a glamorous one. It was doing sales work for a call center. I must stress that this was a genuine call center. It called companies back in the West and worked on behalf of companies that were from the West.

Taking a Risk on a New Sales Career

I’d never thought about sales before, and this was just one of the jobs that I applied for and the only one that got in touch with me. But the salary was 30,000 baht a month. But it also paid a 25% commission. I didn’t know if I’d be any good at selling. I didn’t know if it would be worthwhile to quit my teaching job to try this job because they did offer it to me.

But I thought if I could do this well and could hit targets, I could earn over 100,000 baht a month and that would give me a work permit, which the school wasn’t giving me at that moment. So, I moved my family down to Bangkok and took a risk. It was a big risk, and I just hoped it would pay off.

When I started the job, I can remember being so incredibly nervous. I’d never done anything like that before. And if it didn’t work, and if it couldn’t work, I’d have to go back to teaching.

Success at Last in Work and Business

But we rented a condo in Bangkok, this time in the area I actually wanted to live in because the office where I worked was very close to that area. This was a blessing in disguise because being so close to places you wanted to be made it a lot easier to have a good time on the weekends and evenings not that I had many evenings because I was calling for companies in Europe. I finished work around midnight, but that was a small price to pay. I hoped.

I got stuck into the job and I found I’m quite good at it. In my first month, I made 90,000 baht. In my second and third month, I made over 110,000 baht in each of those months. And after that, I was averaging 130,000 baht per month. I need to stress that this was a genuine call center who had genuine clients in Europe. And it turned out I was good at selling, and I was earning great commission.

But I didn’t pick up on my wife’s behavior again. And it’s all these years later when I finally understand. But all of a sudden, she was smiling more. She was more enthusiastic, more loving, and more giving. And at the time, I just thought this was because we were living in a new place and it was new and exciting. I didn’t think she was behaving differently because I was making more money and she could have more gifts than normal.

If I’d have thought that her change of behavior was down to me making more money, I would have run for the hills, because I find that to be the most disgusting way of being. Your wife should be the same regardless.

The Pattern Becomes Clear in My Marriage

That job lasted not long enough. Sadly, I got two years out of it, but I did manage to save some money. But I knew that finding another job that I could earn that amount of money was going to be very difficult.

We were living in Bangkok, which was more expensive than it used to be, and also more expensive than how it was in Lampang, where we had our house. I started to apply for more jobs. And it was just difficult. Hardly any jobs for experts, and the ones that were there were very few and far between.

It took me 3 months to find another job, and during that time, most of the money that I’d saved through hard work at the last job was being spent to cover living expenses. This was the first time in my life where I felt angry. I didn’t work hard all that time to have to use that money just to live. That money was meant to be saved for the future for a point where I could stop working, and I felt really upset having to eat through it.

But my wife also changed again. We’re not spending as much money. She’s not having as many things, and she becomes less enthusiastic, less loving. But again, at the time, I just took this as being a natural change in behavior that happens with people. I didn’t think it was money related not even for a second.

The other job I found was teaching 50,000 baht a month which was enough for us to live on and be comfortable and still be able to go out. But it wasn’t the same as before. I just had to accept that I was a foreigner in Thailand and I had no rights. Not few rights no rights.

Thailand does really need to change things and make it easier for foreign people who have Thai families to actually be able to provide for their Thai families. How it is now is just disgusting.

Living Under an Illusion in Thailand

I worked this job for a few more years and I think I’m happy. I think I’m happy with my wife and my two children. If I look back, I might have been happy because I was under an illusion. I was under an illusion that my wife genuinely loved me and was with me for me. But her actions during that time when I worked at the school were so different to the time when I worked the job before because I was earning more money.

But again, I didn’t pick up on this. I didn’t think about it. I didn’t think I need to put myself first here because that’s the thing I need to admit. I was with my wife for 25 years and I didn’t once get what I wanted. Not once. But I thought that was a sacrifice you were meant to make. I thought it was my job to sacrifice for the benefit of my family. But in return, I would expect a sacrifice as well but it never came.

And at this point, I’m still feeling like we’re happy and content. This went on for over 8 years. My salary kept going up incrementally, but it kept going that Bangkok was getting more expensive. So although I was making more, it was costing more to live. Crazy how much Bangkok changed from when I first went until now. But I suppose that’s progress. It only really benefits the rich.

Inheritance from My Father and a Change in My Marriage

After the end of those eight years, I had some very sad news. Unfortunately, my father had passed away, and I had to rush back home for the funeral. I did find out that I inherited some money from him, and it was the equivalent of 10 million baht. But I wasn’t thinking about money. I was just thinking that I lost my dad. And it was very sad.

But when everything was sorted out and I got the money, it was transferred into Thailand, and I used it to buy a condo in Bangkok. I also paid off the mortgage on our house in Lampang, and I still had half the money left. Being able to live in our own condo saved on rent, which was great. I think looking back that it was a good investment because it is worth more than it was before, and luckily it wasn’t affected by the recent earthquake.

The Scales Fall from My Eyes About Our Finances

But when I had that money, this was the first time I started to think like my wife might not be who I thought she was. She seemed to be a lot happier than before. She seemed to be more giving, more loving, and just a better wife in general. But how could that have been as soon as I got this money?

I saw a big change in her. It was a positive change, but the fact that it appeared she was changing because all of a sudden we had more money and we had a condo and a paid off mortgage on our house this made me feel really disgusted. She was the perfect wife all of a sudden. She was never bad before, but if she was able to do this now and be like this now, surely she was able to do that for the whole time we were together.

I always gave 100% when I was working. I always gave everything I had to try to do my best. But it felt like when we had this money, my wife wasn’t the person I thought she was. She only gave 100% if it meant she could get something out of it. I didn’t realize she was so transactionally minded, but that really hurt me.

I never brought it up with her at the time because I didn’t see it going anywhere. But it did make me think about the times when I had a better salary and she was better to me. I had a worse salary and she was worse to me. And I felt like this was very disingenuous. The wife that I loved more than anything the love of my life was actually a person I didn’t know.

Investing in Bangkok Condos for Rental Income

We continued with our life though. I’m as happy as I can be, still working at the same job. And I actually decided to buy two more condos in the same building where we had one to be able to rent them out and get passive income. In my mind, this was the most sensible thing to do. And looking back, it was because I still get the rent from the condos and that nearly covers half of my monthly living expenses. So that is a positive.

But my wife didn’t see it like that. Or at least looking back, I don’t think she did, because now we didn’t have any money in the bank. Now she’s not able to get a new bag when she wants it and small things like that. And she goes back to how she was before.

And now I’m really starting to think that what I’m thinking is actually true. And I’m not imagining it. She didn’t see the fact that we had investment condos as a positive. She saw it as a negative because we didn’t have money to spend on her.

But that’s the thing I don’t get. She never really asked for money. She never wanted anything. She never appeared to want anything apart from a happy family. But she actually did. And that’s the thing I didn’t get. Perhaps it was subconscious on her part, and perhaps she didn’t even know she was doing it.

Confronting the Truth About My Wife

But at this point in time, no matter how much I loved her, I felt like I couldn’t take this much longer. When I brought it up with my wife eventually it had taken me a lot of time to get the courage to actually talk to her about this why are you so different when I have a better job or when we have more money? I’m not talking about in happiness senses because she always appeared to be happy. I’m talking about how she acted around me. Her actions around me should have remained the same regardless of how much money I had.

That’s one of the reasons why I got married very young when I didn’t have anything because I didn’t want to have something and then get married to someone who was marrying me for the money. I would rather have stayed single. But it was like clockwork her behavior.

And I brought it up, and all she could say was, “It’s normal and don’t worry about it.” But as far as I was concerned, it wasn’t normal.

The Decision to Leave My Thai Marriage

I did have to overlook it and forget about it. Our youngest was approximately 13 at this point, but I knew that I didn’t want to stay with my wife anymore because her actions were dreadful. I couldn’t believe how much she changed based on what we had. And the fact that she could behave in the way I wanted her to behave but only when she could get something out of it that made it worse.

I decided right there and then that when our youngest went to university, I wasn’t going to stay with my wife. I wasn’t prepared to accept a wife whose behavior was so dependent on what I could provide.

Some people may say there’s no difference in this, but if you can’t see a difference, you’re blind. My wife can behave in the way that I would like her to behave without having to actually do anything apart from behave. There’s no luck involved, no management involved just being nice. Whereas for me, there is luck involved in finding the right job. There is luck involved getting the sale when you need it. And luck involved in order to be able to get things. Therefore it’s different. And that’s how I would sum it up for anybody who is yet to be able to get it.

I did tell my wife that as soon as our youngest goes to university, I don’t think we should stay together anymore. And she didn’t say anything.

The Divorce After 27 Years of Marriage

We lived on as a married couple until our youngest left, and then we did get a divorce. I still love her and I don’t think I ever loved anyone as much as her. But when I thought about it and how throughout our marriage she acted and behaved solely dependently on how much money I was earning looking back, it’s obvious and so blatant. But I don’t know why I didn’t pick up on it earlier.

When I started earning more money, all of a sudden she’s a nicer person. I earn less money and she goes back to how she was before. Started earning a lot more money and then wow, she’s even nicer. That goes along and she changes again. Then you inherit some money from your father and then your dream wife all of a sudden appears in front of you. You invest that into something for both your futures. Now she doesn’t have access to it and she changes again.

It took me years to understand what kind of person she actually was. And I’m not sure if it’s just women in general. Perhaps it is. But I didn’t think it was.

She got the house in Lampang. She got the car and some money. And I kept all three condos. And we went our separate ways.

Was My 27-Year Marriage All a Lie?

Our children were upset with us getting a divorce, but I wasn’t sacrificing my life for 50% or 70%. As far as I was concerned, I was sacrificing my life and I wanted 100% in return. I was giving 100% at all times. But the fact that she was only giving 100% when there was something there really goes to show that’s not the type of person I wanted to be with.

25 years we were together and all of that time was a lie.

We still speak occasionally, and she’s living at that house in Lampang. And she even says, “Do you think we should try to make things work again?” I haven’t been near another woman since we divorced. Don’t trust them as far as you can throw them. Different species altogether, and I don’t know what to do about it.

Part of me thinks that we should just get back together, but I want her to get back together with me because of love, not because of financial benefit. Why does she want to get back together? That’s what she thinks about? Perhaps she actually genuinely does love me, but I don’t know about that.

A Final Warning About Thai Relationships

This was meant to serve as a warning. A warning about women in general and the fact that my wife was Thai. This might have no bearing on anything whatsoever, but it just might be a woman thing. But if it is, I don’t know if I want to do anything about it.

That’s the thing before I end this. If I got back together with my wife, how would that benefit me? I know how it would benefit her. But it might not benefit her enough where she can actually act in a way that I want her to.

I don’t know.