How to Tell If a Thai Girlfriend Is Genuine

These ones will be pretty obvious, but there might be one or two in there you haven’t heard before. These are signs she’s looking for a sponsor or just playing a game with you.

1. Every Conversation Turns into Money, Bills, or Family Problems

You go out with a girl for a date. You might go for a coffee the first meet, and within 5 or 10 minutes she’s talking about problems at home in the village her mother’s sick, she hasn’t got money to fund the hospital bills, and all that sort of thing. That’s a real big red flag. If all she does is talk about money, she might not ask you directly for money, but she’s giving you enough sob story. If you’re a decent guy, you might feel sorry for her and say, “Well, look, how much is the medicine for your mother? Here’s whatever it is.”

2. She Disappears and Suddenly Reappears When She Needs Something

A lot of these girls have multiple partners, or they’re playing multiple guys. They have to do a balancing act. They might meet up with you for a day or two. You think she’s a nice girl. You take her out for dinner. You might go to the beach and hang out together. And all of a sudden, she disappears. She’s gone. She doesn’t answer her phone. She doesn’t answer her text messages. Then she’ll come back after two or three days and say, “Oh, my phone died,” or “I had to go back to the village,” or something like that.

What that actually means is a regular customer of hers has flown into Bangkok and he’s called her up. That guy is more important to her than you are because he’s a regular, and every time he comes in, he dates her and gives her money. So she’s dropped you to go with him. Then as soon as he’s out of the picture, she wants to start reeling you in again.

3. She Pushes for Bar Fines or Going Back Quickly Without Getting to Know You

This relates to bar girls and go go dancers. If you’ve taken a fancy to a girl who works in a beer bar in somewhere like Pattaya, and you’ve taken her out a few times, she’s trying to put across this emotion that she actually really likes you. But she wants to spend time with you, and you have to pay the bar fine to compensate the bar. A lot of the time, that’s just what she’s doing. She’s getting bar fined every day because don’t forget they get commissions on drinks, and she’s making money while she’s with you.

4. She Asks What You Earn and How Much You Can Take Care of Her

She’s basically feeling you out and coming across as, “Yeah, well, I could be your girlfriend. I really like you, but could you take care of me? How much could you give me?” So she’s basically looking for a salary. Some guys do it. I’ve known guys to pay as much as 50,000 baht a month, which is a ridiculous amount of money. A typical Thai family, especially from the north, 12,000 to 15,000 baht is a reasonable monthly income for them. So these girls who are asking for 30, 40, 50,000 just stay well clear because they’re obviously working and you’re looking for a girlfriend. You’re not looking to sponsor somebody or pay a salary.

5. She Rushes Things Talking About Love, Needing You After a Couple of Days

Again, she’s kind of pressuring you, putting you into a corner, trying to develop the relationship so you develop feelings quicker for her because she’s telling you, “I love you,” “You have a big heart” that’s one of their favorite sayings, especially if you’re carrying a big wallet. Take that with a pinch of salt because they can say whatever they want “I really like you,” “I’m falling in love with you,” “You’re different to everybody else,” “You’re a kind man.” It’s all a script, and it’s just another red flag.

6. She Asks for Money Early, Even Small Amounts, to Test You

She might ask for something very, very trivial just to see what kind of personality you are. She might say, “I need to top up my phone. Could you lend me 50 baht?” Well, let me tell you something with those kind of girls, when you lend money, you’ll never ever see it again. “Can you lend me? I promise I’ll give it you back.” You’ll never get it back. Don’t get in the habit of giving girls on dates money because they’re just going to laugh at you inside and think, “This guy’s easy. He’s a mug. I can play him for money.”

If you are in a genuine relationship and you’ve been with a girl for several months and you might even be sharing your accommodation with her, it’s very normal here in Thailand to help her out with finances. If she’s not working, she needs to get her personal items. It’s expected that you’ll give her a few thousand baht every week or every month to just get by on. She can’t live on no money. That’s normal. But that’s not like asking for money on a first date.

7. Her Story Changes It Doesn’t Quite Add Up Over Time

One of the biggest giveaways is she won’t let you look at her Facebook page. She’ll disappear. She’s very vague. She picks the places to meet because she doesn’t want you to take her to a certain restaurant or bar where one of her other guys might drink or eat there. So she’s going to suggest where to go, where to eat, where to drink. And sometimes they’re on commissions from the restaurants as well. You’ve heard the stories, haven’t you, where girls go into restaurants with guys and they order a whole table full of food that they hardly touch? They get commission on that food, plus she can take the food home for her and her friends.

8. She’s Only Available at Certain Times Usually When Other Guys Aren’t Around

We’ve already touched on this point. If she disappears for a week, the management will normally say, “She’s gone back to the village. Her mother’s sick. She’ll be back on Monday.” But actually, what that means is a regular customer came into that bar and took her out for a week and probably took her down to one of the islands. Again, they can’t admit that.

9. She Gets Moody or Cold If You Don’t Spend Money

You’re out on a date, walking through a mall, and she’s expecting you to buy her bits and pieces. Normally, they’ll go for the high end stuff, but at the very beginning, they might test you. Now, again, there’s nothing wrong if you have a girlfriend, you’re walking through a mall, and she sees a pair of shoes for a couple of hundred baht or a nice top for 150, 200 baht buy it for her, make her happy. There’s no problem with that. But when they start asking for gold, expensive mobile phones, and bits and pieces like that, then you know she’s just interested in your wallet. She’s not really interested in you.

10. She Treats It Like a Transaction, Not a Connection

There’s absolutely no connection there. She turns up, meets you, and you do whatever you do, but you can just feel it. She’s not interested in you. She’ll be playing on her phone, texting, or looking away. If there’s a genuine connection and you take somebody out for dinner, she’ll generally be listening to what you say. You’ll be having a conversation, even if you have to use Google Translate. There’ll be some kind of connection there.

All those are red flags. But they’re the main ones to look out for. If you come out here and you date a girl and she’s just kind of money orientated, just walk away. There are plenty of nice girls out here.

Part Two Signs She Genuinely Likes You

These points will give you an indication that she’s not really looking for money or a sponsor. This is by no means a guarantee that she’s 100%, but if you’re not experienced, these points will help you.

1. She Makes Time for You Without Always Expecting Money or Gifts

You want to spend time with her, you like her, and you arrange to meet her. You might ask her, “Where do you want to go?” One of the other girls would want to go to an expensive mall. But normally, these girls would say something like, “It’s up to you. I don’t mind. I’ll follow you. Whatever you want to do.” And you’ll say, “Shall we go for a coffee?” And she’s like, “Yeah, that’s fine.” She’s got no problems with you sitting having a coffee in a mall, even a cheap coffee shop. That’s a very good sign because she’s not looking for anything. She’s just happy to go and have that coffee with you.

2. She Messages You First Sometimes Not Just When She Wants Something

This is something that girls on the other side of the fence do. They’ll never message you unless they want something, and they’ll take forever to answer your text message. You could send her a text message, and it’s 3 days before you get an answer. But if a girl messages you and she says something genuinely nice “Have you eaten today?” “What are you going to do today?” “How are you going to spend your day?” just general questions like that, that’s a very good sign because she’s actually caring about you.

3. Conversations Feel Normal Not Always About Money or Problems

When she turns up, she’s just happy to see you. You sit down. You talk about Thailand. You talk about things in general her life, your life. But it’s not all doom and gloom. It’s not all about her problems, her finances, her family who don’t have any money and she needs help. It’s a genuine conversation, and you can feel that.

4. She’s Happy Doing Simple Things Like Food, Coffee, or Walking

My girlfriend, my partner now of coming up for 4 years my first Thai girlfriend (I was married to a Korean woman for 33 years) the first day I took her to Benjakitti Park. I met her on Tinder. She came over to the BTS station. I met her. For a first date, we had a walk around Benjakitti Park, and then we went and had a coffee, and that was the end of the day. That was very, very nice and very honest.

If a girl is only coming over to see what she can get from you, she won’t be interested in that. She’ll say it’s too hot, she’ll get sweaty, her makeup will run all that rubbish. A regular girl will do herself up and try to look nice for you, but she’s not going to look like she’s out working.

5. She Doesn’t Rush Anything or Push for Money Straight Away

She’s not trying to push you forward. She’s not trying to tell you, “I love you, we’ve got to do this. Let’s get engaged or come and meet my mother or my family.” She’s not being pushy. She’s not pushing you into a corner. She’s giving you time to find out about her. She wants to find out about you and turn it into a genuine relationship. That’s always a good sign.

6. She Remembers Small Details About You and Your Life

You meet her the first couple of times, and she’ll tell you about her background, where she comes from. You’ll tell her what country you come from, what you do, what you did when you were working. And she’ll remember the little details. In a month’s time, you might be talking about something, and she’ll say, “Yeah, and when you worked, you used to do that, didn’t you?” That means she’s taking in what you’re saying, not just listening and nodding and going through the motions.

7. She’s Consistent and Doesn’t Change Based on What You Spend

It doesn’t matter whether you take her to a cinema, a high end mall, or you just go to eat noodles on the street her mood is basically the same. The way she treats you is the same. With the other girls, you take her to an expensive mall, and she’s all smiles, hugging you, grabbing your arm. You take her to a noodle stand, and she looks like her world has just ended. If she’s quite happy to do anything and her mood doesn’t change from one place to the other, that’s another good sign.

8. She Doesn’t Disappear and Come Back with Excuses

A decent, regular girl is not going to do that. She’s got no reason to disappear. And if she does, she’ll text you. Even if she doesn’t speak English, there are translation apps now. Part of the LINE app has a translation service it’s very, very good. If she is going to go home maybe she does need to go back to where she comes from for a couple of days a decent girl is thinking about you rather than herself.

I remember last year, my girlfriend said to me, “I’m going to go back to Lopburi. One of my aunties had died, and she was going to the funeral. I’ll just go for one night, then I’ll come back.” I said, “Don’t you want me to come? I’ve got a car. I can drive you. What’s the point in taking the bus?” She said, “I didn’t want to ask you because I didn’t want to waste your time. I thought you wouldn’t want to come.” I said, “You’re my girlfriend. Of course I want to come.” So I drove her up. We stayed in a local hotel. I went to the funeral with her. That was interesting.

At the beginning, you might think she wanted to sneak off with somebody. But actually, she was thinking of me. She thought it would waste my time. When I offered to drive her, she was over the moon. That kind of increased my scorecard, as it were, because she saw me as a better person for doing that.

9. She’s Okay When You Say No No Dramas, No Guilt Trips

You’re walking around a mall, and she’s like, “Oh, I really like that phone. My phone’s really old now. What do you think?” And you say, “No, I can’t afford it, or I don’t want to buy it. I haven’t known you long enough.” And then they go into a mood. You go to eat, and she doesn’t say a word to you. You say, “What’s wrong?” And they sit there and say, “Nothing’s wrong with me. I’m just tired.” It’s all BS because you didn’t buy that phone.

Whereas another girl won’t even ask you. My girlfriend if I go to a mall, I’ll see a nice shirt or something. I’ll say, “Oh, look, that’s really nice. Let me buy it for you.” And she’s like, “No, no, I’ve got a wardrobe full of clothes. Don’t waste your money.” I literally have to force her to buy anything like that. This is what regular Thai girls do. They’re very, very frugal, and they won’t want you wasting your money.

Another good example: My girlfriend said to me one day, “Why don’t you check the bill?” I said, “I just pay it. I know what I’ve had and I know how much it is.” She said, “No, you should check every single bill.” So I started checking the bills because she’s thinking about me. She’s caring for me.

I went to one restaurant with a friend. We decided to share a bottle of water. The restaurant automatically brought us two bottles of water to the table without even asking. I said, “No, we’ll just take the one for now.” When the bill came, I looked through the itemized bill, and there were two bottles of water on there. It saved me 50 baht. 50 baht‘s not the end of the world, but how many other bills have I had that were 50 baht over? This is why a good Thai girl will check the bill. She’s looking for bargains, buy one get one free. She’s thinking about your money. She’s trying to protect you. That’s what good girls do.

10. She Shows Real Interest and Affection Without Expecting Something in Return

We’ve already touched on this, haven’t we? You can take her on a date. You don’t need to spend a lot of money, and she’s very happy just to see you.