Thai Woman That Owns Bar Needs Help

She owns the bar, and as far as I know, she does not and has not worked in nightlife.

She is very business-minded well, that’s what I thought at the start. And she also has houses that she rents out to tourists. She has other properties up and down the country, including real estate and land that she owns.

She had previously been married to a Thai man and has 2 children with him. They ended up dramatically breaking up just after the birth of her second child.

Following their breakup, she agreed that the children would live with their dad’s parents while she moved from Bangkok to Phuket. She still sends money to the children’s grandparents that are taking care of them, but their father seems to have very little to do with them as he has moved on with another woman that has children of her own.

When she first moved to Phuket, she did different types of work such as hotel work, cashier in bars, massage but eventually started trying out different businesses of her own, starting with a shop first and then different bars.

Her Previous Relationship with a Farang

Eventually, she met a farang there in Phuket, and they started a 2-year relationship. During their relationship, they owned and did up two semi-successful bars together. However, when they broke up and they were doing the paperwork for the bars, she expected that they would be left to her. She discovered that there was a silent Thai partner in the bar that pretty much owned half of the bar, with the farang owning the other half. Seems her boyfriend had a plan for if things went wrong so that he wouldn’t be left with nothing. Makes a change for the Thai woman to not get everything, but she was practically left with nothing. I don’t really know how it all works there, and I may have got some of the information wrong, but that’s what I think happened from my understanding.

He did give her some money after they parted ways, but nowhere near as much as she had been expecting from the bar. This happened about 5 years ago, and after the break-up, she took what money she had and opened the bar that she now owns. From then, she did have a couple of boyfriends and short-term relationships here and there, and she claims they were all farangs, but nothing really stuck.

Now, although she had land, rented out houses to tourists, and owned bars, she still had a lot of financial problems and debts that she had been struggling to pay back for the last couple of years.

How We Met In Thailand

When we first met, it was in her bar, and we used to just be chatting all the time. Her bar was not in a hugely popular tourist place, but still had a few customers and staff. None of the staff really interested me, though.

I would just sit at the bar and talk to her. She was interesting, and we got along pretty well. It wasn’t a romantic thing at the start, and I was not there to try to take her out or do anything like that with her. We just had a good connection and got along as friends to start with. After a few times of me going back to the bar, we started getting closer and closer, talking about each other’s lives.

She opened up to me that she was in a bad financial state and not emotionally stable, although from the outside looking at her, everything seemed fine.

After a few days of us going out together on what I would consider dates, she tried pushing me away, stating that she had too many problems and issues in her life to get close to someone and start a relationship.

I did really like her, so I wouldn’t take that for an answer. I said that we can take things slow, and if nothing happens between us, then so be it. We spent the rest of my time in Phuket together pretty much every night together but I was not pushing for anything, and I think she appreciated that as she did not feel pressured into being with me.

She never really showed me the typical nightlife behavior. Actually, it was the opposite. She actually tried to keep emotions out of it and did nothing to try to attract me to her. I never got the feeling that she was out to scam me or anything.

She never tried to create this illusion that she was madly in love with me like many others in that environment do. Though she is not young and was not in her prime, so I guess she is over the bar games now.

The First Loan

However, she did ask me for money one day because she had electricity bills to pay. It was around 7,000 baht, to which she said she would give it back to me before I left. Although it is known not to lend money to someone in Thailand especially someone working in nightlife I felt she genuinely needed help, and I trusted her. It was not a big amount of money, and if I was being scammed and would never see the money again, then I wouldn’t have lost a lot and just gained a small lesson in trust. So I agreed, and we went to pay the bill together so I knew exactly it was for bills.

She did actually pay me the money back 1 day before I left, but this is where another problem started for her. I did not know this at the time, but in order for her to be able to pay me back, she had to borrow money from someone else with a 20% monthly interest.

Anyway, I left Thailand with no commitments in place or any labels on our relationship.

The Long-Distance Struggles

The following months while I was back home, we stayed in touch, and I’d often call her and one of her employees just to catch up and see how things are going. One day, we got onto the topic about her finances and how it was going. She told me that she had borrowed 200,000 baht from a friend of hers and had problems paying it back even just a part of it.

This is a farang friend of hers that she has known for many years. He is from Denmark. She knows him and his wife. They go to Phuket at least 3 times a year, renting a place from her each time they visit. His wife is Thai. I have seen pictures of her with him and his family. They all seem very close, so I can understand why they would lend her money. The problem is, during the last year or so, the Danish guy has expressed his interest in her. Obviously, his wife and family do not know anything about this, and because my lady does not want to cause any trouble, she has not told them anything. But it has led to their relationship becoming strained. But because there is money involved, it makes things even worse and adds more pressure. This has caused a lot of arguments between her and this Danish friend of hers. She became an emotional wreck and not being able to think clearly.

I Offer to Help

I did not like her being in this position and could see the effect it was having on her health. So without her even asking me, I offered to send her 100,000 baht so that she could at least pay 50% of the 200,000 to the Danish guy. This was at the start of November, and she promised to send me back 50,000 by the end of January.

However, January came around, and she was not able to pay me back anything. She apologised many times, and finally I allowed her to pay me back on a new date, to which we agreed would be August as that is when I would be visiting Phuket again. After that agreement, we never spoke about money again and just kept in touch until my next visit to see her. While I was home calling her and helping her out when I could, she told me that she understood that I cared about her and that I was not just another prowler in Thailand.

August that year, I went to visit her, and our relationship picked up again. Compared to the first time I met her, she was a completely different woman in terms of being involved with me. This time, she was not trying to push me away. She opened up a lot more to me and became very emotionally involved with me even more so as the days went by.

Then she told me something that shocked and disappointed me. She told me that she did give the Danish man the 100,000 that I lent her, but she had to ask for it back from him because she had more debts to pay. So in turn, she is back at square one with the Danish guy, owing him 200,000 and on top of that, she owes me 100,000.

Maybe at this point I should have walked away, but I didn’t. I stayed. I was disappointed that she had got herself in more debt after I tried to help her, but I wasn’t ready to walk away just yet.

The Loan Shark

Also, she had another shark that she had to pay 5,000 baht a day to, because she borrowed from him with 20% interest. I had met him a couple of times when he would come into the bar to collect his money from her. Looking at him, he’s someone you really do not want to get involved with. She had serious cash flow problems when I was there. She never asked me if she could borrow any more money, but she did ask if there was something that could be done about the 100,000 baht that she already owes me.

Because I was staying in her rented house with 2 friends, she agreed to deduct the cost of the rent and mine and my friends’ bills from the bar, and then give me the rest in cash to make 100,000. At the end of this trip, she was able to give me 15,000 cash which, of course, she had to borrow from someone else again. She still owed me around 30,000 baht, but between you and me, I was ready to lose around that amount from the start when I first lent her the money. I kind of knew in the back of my mind I would not get back the full amount that I lent her.

She got into a very dark spot and became completely sick of her life, which led her to decide that she wanted to sell the bar and have a change of life. In her head, she wanted to sell 50% of the bar and then work there every now and again about 5 months of the year. Up until now, she hasn’t had much luck. She’s just been offered some lowball offers that she has declined. It’s really not looking good for her.

My Feelings for Her

I do really care for this woman, and my feelings are genuine towards her, as I think hers are towards me also. I could see that even though she is extremely suffering from her finances, she still made an effort with me and helped our relationship develop. Although we have never really spoken about what we actually are and I’m fine with that it feels like we are more than friends and in somewhat of a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

We have discussed together about her coming to my country, which is Italy, just for a simple holiday together, with no expectations from both sides. She has said that she might not like Italy, but if she did take a liking to it, then she would be ready to try to come and live here and work here, not just live from my wage. Despite her financial situation, I can see that she is a workaholic and it’s in her blood to be hardworking, so I don’t doubt for one minute that she would expect to be a scrounger from me.

However, we have spoken and both agreed that before taking any steps like that in our relationship, she needs to clear her debts and get her finances in order at home first.

The Main Problem

Now here is my main problem. I understand that she got herself into this mess. She borrowed money from the wrong people and just kept drowning herself in more debt to pay off previous loans. With all the debt she is actually in, it seems impossible that she could financially recover with the cash that she is making right now. Because she has borrowed money from bad people in the past with interest she needs to clear that first. Right now, she is just working to stay alive by paying off the interest.

She really wants to sell the bar, but this is taking more time than she would like, and with more time passing, it means more debt for her.

My Proposed Solution

So here is my idea that I am thinking about. Because I honestly hand on my heart believe that she is being genuine and not trying to scam or do anything bad towards me, I offer to lend her 200,000 baht to pay off her debt with the Danish friend, and then another 200,000 baht to pay off any remaining debt from the sharks and for her to pay bills and whatnot. But with one of the payments of 200,000 baht, I would ask for my name to be put on the bar if that’s possible, and then once she finally sells the bar, I would get it back. If I am a registered quote-unquote shareholder, I should be able to get my investment back if anything happens to the bar, and if she did happen to pull a fast one on me and leave me, my name would still be on the bar.

I haven’t asked her about this yet, and I still need to look into the legal side of things, as I am not sure if it’s even legal for me to do in Thailand though I have read somewhere that I can own up to 50% of a business if a Thai national owns the other 50. Like I said, I don’t know. I need to look into it. It’s just an idea I have for now.

My Doubts

Now let me share some of my doubts that I have recently been having.

It’s been about just over 2 years since I met her, and from the start until now, she has had money problems. I just do not understand how she has not managed to recover in all this time. Where actually is all the money going that she is borrowing? Earlier this year, her mother passed away which I have proof of and apparently she had to pay for months of treatment in a private hospital. But apart from that event and a few repairs here and there on her bar and rental property, I have no idea what she is spending it on.

Also, something that has been playing on my mind I did not think of it until recently but when I transfer her money to borrow, she always insists on using Western Union. They have high commission fees, but she does not want me to use anything else or directly transfer money to her bank, which I think is a little strange. Does she even have a bank account? It’s all becoming a little suspicious for me.

She rents out her house and sleeps at the bar with some of the other staff. She does not live a fancy lifestyle no car, no bike. It’s confusing where all the money is going. Is there someone else that I don’t know about that she is financing? Does she have an addiction problem that she has somehow managed to keep secret from me?

Even if I do decide to help pay off her debt, there are still many questions to be answered. Is that the total debt? Will she get in debt again? Is it true she owns what she tells me on her own? Is somebody else involved? Is she free to do what she wants with these properties?

It all comes down to what I do next and how I help her.

Our Emotional Connection

I really do care about her. I have been happy the last 2 years with her in my life, and I know she cares about me. After coming back from my latest trip to see her, she was an absolute mess because of me leaving, and she really did not want me to go. As soon as I got home, she was blowing up my phone with calls and texts, saying she misses me, she loves me, and she doesn’t know what to do with her life without me there.

Strangely enough, a couple of weeks after I got home with us talking every day and telling each other we miss each other she randomly disappeared for a week, completely ignored me. When she did finally call me, she was in tears, apologising, saying she was losing her mind with the situation she was in and did not want me to have to deal with her mess. I told her that I knew about her problems when I met her. I’m not going to leave her because of it.

I understand her behavior, which can get very messy. We both have feelings for each other, but she has got a lot of stress in her life for us to be 100% happy with each other. I think if I was living in Thailand, we would make it work easily no doubt. With things as they are, we both are afraid and affected by the distance, but especially the major problem is her financial situation that, of course, does not leave her with happy thoughts about the future.

What worries me the most is if I cannot help somehow with her problems, then our relationship will stall and probably just end. It’s quite impossible right now for our relationship to go any further.

What I Am Wondering

I am quite confident she would never try to take advantage and “steal” my money. But I know I would run the risk of her not really being able to do things properly and stay out of debt this time. What I am wondering is: even if I decide to take the risk, would this be enough to help her out of the hole where she is drowning?

Even if I were to lose money, I think I would be willing to take the risk for the sake of our relationship. I can be ready for an investment, but I am not ready to throw away my money that I know 100% I would not get back.

So I ask your listeners based on your experience if there is a way to understand or check this situation better. What is your opinion? Can anything be done to clear at least a part of my doubts?

Thanks for reading this on your channel if you do, and thank you, viewers, for taking a listen and giving any feedback.

Thank you.