Thailand Bar Guy Loses Everything After Years of Bar Loyalty

If there was a phrase that I would have liked to have given to myself to describe who I was at the time, it would have been a Thailand bar guy. That’s what I was, who I was, and what I wanted to remain for the rest of my life. I loved the bars in Thailand more than anything. And I’m not just saying that to try to sound like an idiot or to try to sound like I’m being stupid because some people may think that’s the case. I’m saying that because I really felt that that was who I was and what defined me as a person. The problem was when I was living that life, I didn’t really understand it for what it was. I understood most of what it was. I’m not stupid.

I’m really not. I thought there were little bits of something going on different to what was actually going on though. I thought that I was valued. I think that’s the thing I thought I was. I wouldn’t say cherished. That’s going a bit far. But I thought that because I was someone who frequented certain places for long periods of time, and I thought that would count for at least something. It never counted for anything.

When it came to the time that it didn’t count for anything, I think that was the hardest thing of all because it made me understand that I’d thrown away everything that I had in my life. I’d given everything away hoping or expecting that what I was giving away would be worth it because I would count for something. Understanding that it didn’t count for anything and what I’d given away and what I couldn’t get back, that was the hardest thing of all. The first time I went to Thailand, my world changed for the better, considerably for the better. Up until I went, I wouldn’t say that I was miserable or that I had a bad life because that would be lying. I never felt like I was at one with myself though. I never felt like I was fulfilling my destiny. I never felt like I was doing what I put on the planet to do, which was to just live, to have a dignified, happy life doing the things I wanted to do that would fulfill me the way I wanted to be fulfilled, but that never was the case.

I, like many people, always wanted to have my own house, but I could never afford one. This was happening quite a while ago now, and to think that it’s even more difficult for people today than it was for me back then, it’s very hard to come to terms with. I always wanted my own house. I always thought that that was some kind of God-given right, but it wasn’t, but it should be. Instead of building equity, instead of building up savings and investments and everything that you do in life if you’re lucky, I was paying just to exist, slaving away to exist, doing things I didn’t want to do, again, just to be able to exist on a daily basis, not in a way that I wanted to live. I know that thing happens to many people, and it makes the possibility of somewhere like Thailand, when you experience it for the first time, become so amazing and so exhilarating and so much different than anything you’ve ever had before. Understand that what you’re seeing in Thailand is available to you right now without having to wait. It really does throw something at you as if to say, “Life back at home doesn’t make any sense anymore. “

If it did make sense, then I wouldn’t be living such a boring, miserable life doing things I didn’t want to do in order to just exist. Thailand allowed you to exist, to exist in a way that you weren’t meant to exist at home, but that you were meant to exist in your mind, a way that you could be the person you always thought you were because you could afford to do that in Thailand. It just was such a wonderful thing to comprehend. I hated my job. I absolutely hated it. I wasn’t paid minimum wage, but it was quite close to it, and I had to commute on the bus to get there.

Believing Bar Loyalty Would Be Rewarded

I didn’t even own my own car. That was a very humbling experience because you’d see people walking past or driving past, and I’d be there at the bus station waiting for the bus in the rain and thinking, “Why don’t I have a car? “ I could have afforded one. It’s not like I couldn’t have done. It just felt like an unnecessary expense considering at that moment I was desperately saving for the deposit of a house. I was looking for a house in my area, which happened to be a very expensive part of the country, which didn’t help with lots of people moving into that area from different places who weren’t from there, but I was. But they didn’t have the same connections. But things like that didn’t matter at all, did it?

Nothing seemed to matter. If you had money, you could buy. If you didn’t, you couldn’t. I get it. I thought I was doing the right thing by saving as hard as I could. And I had about 50,000 pounds savings at the time, which was a lot of money. I suppose even today it’s still a lot of money depending on how you term what a lot of money means. The houses I was looking at were around the 300,000 pound mark.

Again, a very expensive part of the country. I just felt like that’s where I was from, so that’s where I’m entitled to live. Why should I move somewhere else? This is where I’m from. But again, a while ago now, there were other parts of the country where things were a lot cheaper. But again, why should I do then? So the fact I had 50,000 pounds, I probably had a little bit of other assets that I could have got rid of too. I remember that too, probably everything.

If I put everything in place, it would have been about 60,000 pounds even. And if I’m being truthful, very close to being able to get a mortgage on a house, I was very nearly there. Very, very close in fact, and I could have probably got one if I hadn’t gone to Thailand and decided that life in Thailand was so much better than life at home and given me so much more and allowed me to be the person I thought I was anyway, right now, as opposed to waiting. That was what it was all about for me. I’d worked and saved for about 23 years to be able to get the money that I had. That was from leaving school at 16, taking me all the way up to 39. 23 years. It was a boring life.

Didn’t really have many relationships throughout that time. I had the odd one every now and then, but it never seemed to actually give me what I thought a relationship would give, which would be the excitement and the comfort and the enjoyment of being with someone who you were able to do things with that you couldn’t do by yourself. That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? I didn’t think about it in the new sense of what a relationship was, where it’s how it was or how it became. I thought about a relationship in the terms of what it was like for my parents and for my grandparents and for their grandparents and for their grandparents. Should we go on through the generations of what it meant to have a relationship? Why was it only in my generation when things were changing so considerably out of the favor of the guy into the favor of the woman to the point where you can’t necessarily be in a relationship because it’s not the same. Again, another thing setting me up for failure in Thailand were the beliefs that I held and finding those beliefs in Thailand and grabbing onto them and hoping that would they be what they were for me.

Trying to Buy a Home in England

I think that’s what it was. Something I want to say about the first time in Thailand. I was going in 2012 to Thailand. It was going to be my first time in Asia, my first time going on holiday for approximately three or four years, one or the other. I hadn’t been away because I’d been saving. Then I got to the point where I was very close to being able to get that mortgage. It was that that gave me the confidence to be able to say to yourself, give yourself a job well done. Go and enjoy yourself.

Come back and start building. Start putting into place what you’ve been waiting to put into place for all this time because you’ve earned it. So, go and enjoy yourself. I was feeling on top of the world at that moment and up until then I never did. I felt miserable and bored and just wasting away. 23 years, that’s how I was feeling. Now I felt like I was myself and I was able to function properly to get me to where I needed to be, which was to be a homeowner in my own country. Why is that such a difficult thing to have?

Thailand though, when I arrived there, 2012, 39 years old, believing it was just going to be 2 weeks away. I chose Thailand like everyone I suppose chooses Thailand today. Although I see the people choosing Thailand today and I look at them and wonder if Thailand is Thailand anymore. People I used to believe and meet and talk to went to Thailand because they liked how different it was. Not the different that that people seem to be attracted to today. The different to do with the girls and to do with the bars and to do with the nightlife and to do with that side of things. That’s what Thailand was to me. I’m not going to lie and say it wasn’t going for that.

I was going for that. Although I didn’t expect to love it and cherish it the way that I did when I arrived to such an extent that it became my be-all and end-all. I was going to be spending 2 weeks there, mainly in Pattaya, a night in Bangkok to start with. And after that 2 weeks in Pattaya, I’d done some research and I’d spoken to some guys. And there was a guy that worked in my office who had been to Thailand and said how great it was. He was older than me, and he was one of those people who said he was going to retire in Thailand this year. He’d been saying that for 5 years, but one year he actually did it. He actually did retire there.

And I thought he kept going back to the country, so there must be something to it. Truthfully, I’d been thinking about going to Thailand for a long time, probably 10 years I’d been thinking about going. And I wish I had in a way, because I’d have experienced Thailand in a different light when it was so much cheaper than it was when I even arrived, when it was like you were entering a different world as opposed to just a different country.

Why Thailand Felt Like Home

I didn’t. It was still great though when I arrived, don’t get me wrong. The stories I’ve heard from guys who went a long time before I did are even wilder than the stories I’ve heard from guys who went after I did. It just gave you something that isn’t available to give you anymore. I suppose that’s the thing. I found Bangkok to be an incredible city. I arrived quite early in the morning and luckily managed to check into my hotel early because I had arrived early. Apparently, that was a big thing that was happening because sometimes it didn’t work, but it worked for me.

The hotel wasn’t busy, check-in, no problem. And I just found myself feeling this sense of euphoria. I didn’t know anything about Thailand at the time, apart from what went on there, but I didn’t know how it felt to do things there or how to exist there or anything along those lines. That wasn’t something that I would think about. I didn’t feel like I had any business doing anything to do with that anyway. I’m there and I decide, “Okay, the first thing to do is to go and have a swim in the pool because I’m on holiday. It just seemed to be what you did on holiday. The hotel I was staying at had this big pool and it wasn’t on the roof, but it was on some roof, not the roof of the hotel, but it was on a building.

I believe it was where the buffet restaurant was. They had this enclosure around there and the pool was up in that direction and I think it was level four. Went for a swim and the first thing I noticed was a couple of guys with a couple of girls there. Older guys, younger Thai girls and thinking, well, I wonder how easy this is going to be. I was excited to go and find out. Again, not believing that it would become my be-all and end-all and my everything because I had no inclination that that was going to be the case. After the swim, I went for a few beers in one of the bars around the lower Sukhumvit area. Again, seeing girls around thinking, this is fantastic.

Beautiful girls, too. The sorts of girls that should be available to you at home, but weren’t because they’ve got too much money at home. I suppose that’s the problem, too, isn’t it? And it’s sad in a way and I believe it really is sad because why should it be that you can only have the people that you want and that you’re attracted to because of the financial reasons? It shouldn’t be like that, should it? Every guy should get a girl that he deserves at home. And if every guy could get a girl that he deserves at home, who would behave appropriately and who’s meant to be like that way, then there wouldn’t be all this divorce and all this negativity and all this stuff going on. It’s the problem of women wanting to be on a level playing field and I don’t have a problem with that.

Women are equal. Of course, they are, but they’re being too equal. Like too much of an equal. Like more equal than men in a way, which is what I believe it has become. But it really did feel fantastic looking at these girls and thinking, what do I do now? How do I make a move? I didn’t really know how to do it then. Before long, though, I’m in one bar, probably had a few drinks and in complete excitement and amazement of what’s going on, feeling very lively and excited.

First Impressions of Pattaya

Even though I’d just come off two long flights, it didn’t feel like that. It just felt like everything was falling into place for me. Before long, this girl comes to say hi and wow, she was a stunner, 10 out of 10 stunner. And again, many people say today that the girls that work in the bars aren’t as attractive as they used to be, and I would probably have to agree. Even still, stunner, 10 out of 10. Talking to her, chatting away. She speaks quite good English, but not really. I’m just thinking, this is actually going to happen, and it did.

And I remember that I was with her for the rest of the day. Then I needed to get down to Pattaya, and from my research, going on a taxi was the easiest thing. When you’re on holiday, there’s no point messing around for a bus. And I had to say goodbye to her thinking, this is awful. I don’t want to say goodbye. Maybe I’ll never have an experience like this again in Thailand. I remember at the end of my holiday thinking back to that first girl and those first thoughts I had of maybe I’ll never have an experience like this again, and actually laughing to myself think, if only I’d known. But I felt quite bad leaving her, but also excited to be going to Pattaya.

When I arrived in Pattaya, I immediately felt something. I immediately felt like I was arriving in a special place. I felt like I was arriving in the sort of place where dreams were made of. The sort of place where a guy like me could be the guy he was meant to be every single day without question, without anything. I could be the guy I was meant to be. I just felt that as I’d arrived, even though I hadn’t seen the streets yet, even though I hadn’t been on Beach Road yet or Second Road or any of the sois where the bars were, I hadn’t seen any of it. All I’d seen was coming off the tollway. I remember that journey because I did it time and time again.

Coming off the tollway right at the top of Pattaya, turning right and then left at the street and getting in or out of the taxi at the hotel, which at the time I didn’t know where it was, but it was quite close to Third Road. Getting out of the taxi, feeling in awe of the place, not knowing anything about it, but it had an aura emanating from it. It was like it was screaming out to me, “Welcome home. Welcome home. You belong here. This is your place. “ I don’t know how I felt like that, but I did. I have to tell you how it was, and it was something special, and I felt it was like an out-of-body moment, like I’m here and everything is available to me and the world is my oyster.

That’s how it felt. It was wonderful. It really was. And to be able to experience things like this and I’m telling you as it is, even though it might sound extreme, but that’s the case. I’m in the hotel immediately thinking I need to go out. I’d heard about Walking Street. Everyone had heard of that. It just turned out that that was quite a long way away from the hotel, but I didn’t care.

I was going to go out and on foot and take it all in. I had 2 weeks to be able to do this and I didn’t even make it to Walking Street that day. I walked first up to the beach or down to the beach, whichever way you’d like to say it. That was where you’d got there was nice hotels on the left and on the right as you take a left onto Beach Road and then you see the beach in front of you and in the distance it just stretches out for a couple of miles. All the amazingness of the front, you don’t really see the bars at that point, but again, I was on the beach side of the road walking and looking and thinking this is something else.

Walking Into the Thailand Bar Scene

All the thoughts of back home are gone. All the thoughts of this is to celebrate the fact that I can finally get a mortgage to buy a house in my own country. As if that should be something to celebrate at 39. I should have had it when I’d left school. Everyone should have a house, but again, that doesn’t happen. I just walked along down Beach Road taking it all in, taking the sights, taking in everything. And before long, I saw bars on the other side of the road. I think I’d crossed past Soi 7.

I can’t remember exactly where I was because a few things changed when I went last and when I went again, but I think it was past Soi 7. They’ve got those bars on the front and it’s only 1 or 2 p. m. and I crossed the road and went in and ordered something to eat. They had food there as well and beer and it was when like I’d arrived home. It was a very fulfilling, like I was fulfilling a destiny that I didn’t even know I had until then. The beers were cheaper back then. They The beers were cheaper then than they were today. Of course they were. The food was cheaper too.

Of course it was. It was I would say just under half the price, maybe 30% of the price what I would pay for something back at home, which I think would be accurate, about 30%. That place that I went in, the bar stroke restaurant, didn’t really have girls working there because I suppose it was mainly a restaurant, but right next to it they did. That’s where I went in after, and I was just mesmerized by it. Just absolutely mesmerized by the experiences that you were able to have there and the things you were able to do and the girls you were able to, let’s leave it at that. Few beers there, again early days. Not going to get carried away like I did on that first night in Bangkok because I could have spent more hours out and seen more girls and had done more things and I completely forgotten about that first girl completely. Laughing almost like I said when I was leaving.

Even then I was laughing to myself thinking this morning you didn’t want to leave her. Imagine if you’d brought her and you wouldn’t be experiencing this. I think that’s a mistake so many guys make. They get attracted to a girl and spend time with the girl and believe that she is the be all and end all. Like Thailand was the be all and end all to me. The bars were. Like the girls are for some reason. Like it’s a point where if she’s the be all and end all then you’re not going to experience anything else.

It’s a huge mistake that many guys make and I would say be careful not to make it. I just finished up that day walking in the direction of Walking Street but never made it there. Think I finished off on Soi 13 or something along those lines where I met a girl and just fit into place with her and something all together different happened and it just was great. Anytime you go on holiday before you don’t really seek out places like this because it’s not an essential part of the town or city. In Pattaya that was just what it was. That’s what it was for. That’s why Pattaya existed for this. And that was the reason that it felt like it was great.

That’s why it felt so good. That’s why it felt so wonderful and exciting and all the feelings that you’re having. And it’s a place for guys from the West to meet beautiful Thai girls.

A New Life in Thailand

That’s what it’s for. There’s no other reason for Pattaya apart from this. And because that was the reason, that’s why it felt as good as it did. Again, it’s important. You have to understand that at the time you didn’t have such perverse degrees people coming from other different countries to such extent that kind of ruined it in the way that it’s been ruined today. It wasn’t like that. You had a few but it was mainly a Western playground. It had been developed based on the West, hadn’t it?

I know when I’ve learned some of these things as time goes by, I find it fascinating. I suppose I’m still addicted to Thailand today even though what happened to me shouldn’t have happened, but it did. It’s like people who go to Pattaya perhaps after say 2015 or 2016. If you hadn’t been before then and someone like me is describing Pattaya as the best place in the world and it’s everything is everything you’d want in a place. You could justifiably look at someone like me saying that I’m an idiot for even thinking that because of what it’s like today. But I’m describing the old one. I’m the one that wasn’t what it became. I’m describing the one that was a Western playground.

That’s what it was. Pattaya was that and I always thought it would be. That first night finished up Soi 13, met a girl, wonderful. And the following morning thinking to myself, I don’t want to not be with her, but also thinking, I don’t want to not go to the bars. And it was just a repeat day after day. Made it to Walking Street eventually and what an abomination that’s become. It’s shocking to understand that it’s been allowed to happen to what it’s become. And again, at the time it was wonderful, fantastic in every way.

A few negatives of course, there were negatives around, but I felt like I’d found my place in the world and I felt like I can’t wait to come back next year for another holiday. That’s where my mind was at that moment. I’d met a different girl every day, never fell in love, but I suppose I could have done very easily because of how wonderful it was. It was just like I was meeting the sorts of girls that I always thought I would meet. The girls at home that I would meet weren’t anything like this because they were more like me. That wasn’t what I was interested in. I was interested in different and exciting. It was something that changed me.

At 39 years old, I was a changed man. I’m saying that in every single meaning of the word change, the truest meaning of it, the truest sense of it. I was different now. I was changed. It wasn’t like I was. I’d experienced something that many people experienced, but so many people didn’t. I was experiencing something that people who hadn’t experienced it would look at you and say, “How awful to go somewhere like that. How seedy.

Learning What the Bar Life Meant

” They didn’t know though. They weren’t enlightened and I was. From that day, I would suppose I would define myself as a Thailand bar guy. That’s what I was. That defined me as a person. As I said when I was leaving, it wasn’t going to be anything more than a place I’ll come to on holiday every year as I’m building things back at home, as I’m fulfilling the dream of buying a house and getting on the property ladder and perhaps finding a new job and building up something more. I had distant thoughts and dreams of retiring Pattaya in a few decades time, but the thoughts to live there as of yet were nonexistent. One problem came up though when I got back home and this was very real and I don’t want anybody to say anything other than what they should say to this because it really is real and it grabs hold of people.

There is a Thailand withdrawal syndrome. I believe that’s a real thing. I believe it should be defined as a medical thing. It exists and don’t tell me it doesn’t. If you’ve felt it, you’ve felt it. It does exist. The Thailand withdrawal syndrome is a medical condition in my opinion. It ruins people and it destroys lives.

It fractures people’s essences and their every being in every way that you can imagine. And I was hit with a severe case of Thailand withdrawal syndrome as soon as I returned home. I get it. One thing that really angers me and it really angers me today, like makes my blood boil even. You’ll see people talking about how they miss Thailand and how they love Thailand and they didn’t go to enjoy the bars. So, how can you say you missed all of Thailand if you didn’t enjoy the bars? That’s what Thailand‘s for, especially Pattaya. That’s what Pattaya is.

Now, you get all these nouveau liberal people as I suppose you like to call them, addicted to your channel by the way, mate. I must say I am. I’ve already said that once and I’ll say it again. Really love the deep dives. But, I just love them because it paints Thailand like I love it. So, I know that you’re not necessarily a bar guy, but even still, who cares? I am. I always will be.

But, how can these people say they miss Thailand? I suppose I don’t know what it is. All I’m trying to say is that these new people, they kind of miss Thailand, but they don’t really miss the real Thailand. Like, what are they meant to be there for? They’re not there for the bars, so why are they there at all? To get back to that though, I was hit with the most severe case of Thailand withdrawal syndrome that I suppose anybody had ever been hit with. I fell into this awful depression. When I got back, I was meant to be looking straight into a house to buy.

Going Back to England

I could actually get on the property ladder. I could actually have my got my deposit together, which I’d spent a lot of money in Thailand, even though I’d still, but I hadn’t gone crazy, and I hadn’t got most of my money left. I’d got absolutely all of it, because I had a specific holiday budget. But anyway, I am back at home and back at work, and it was the most cruel thing that ever happened to me. I didn’t want to be there anymore. It felt wrong. In what world should I be toiling away like this as I was toiling away doing this ridiculous job so I could get a house and pay a mortgage for 25 years. What and why should I do that?

And I didn’t want to. I wanted to be in Thailand. I was in withdrawal, and I really was. I don’t know what it was. Instead of looking for a house and doing property chores, and I was excited to do it the thoughts of before I went to Thailand, now it was I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to do anything apart from go back to Thailand. The thoughts of people experiencing and enjoying the bars when I wasn’t able to enjoy them, that didn’t make sense to me. It made no sense thinking about the girls in the bars and the girls going out to the bars with guys and I wasn’t there to experience it.

In a way, what would have made it better was if I could have left Pattaya and I could have clicked a button and Pattaya would have been placed on hold and everything would have stopped in its tracks. Nobody would go, nobody would leave, nobody would do anything. No girls would have to leave the bars because it would have stayed and it stayed as if it was staying for me when I was able to return. That would have been acceptable. But the fact that Pattaya was getting on with life and the girls in the bars were getting on with life, and that wasn’t available to me, I just couldn’t hack it. I just couldn’t take it. It was probably after I’d been back only a couple of months, probably 2013 now. Only a couple of months I’d been back, and I was starting to think, you be who you’re meant to be.

Be who you’re meant to be. Go back to Thailand, live there. People live there. You saw people living there. You saw people doing it. Lots of people talking about it. Lots of guys and expats there. Lots of guys living there.

You can do it, too. Why don’t you? I’d seen a guy. I didn’t meet many, but I saw one guy who was living there. He said he was a teacher. Didn’t make any money to write home about, but that’s what he did. Didn’t have any savings or anything, but he said he could live there. He could exist, and he could do and go to the bars.

Working and Living in Thailand

I think at the time, and that’s the thing in 2012 when I was there, you could work as a teacher and still go to the bars. I suppose going to the bars were different things for different people. When he said he was able to go to the bars, I took that as meaning he could go to the bars every single day and go and do what I was doing on holiday every day. I suppose him going to the bars might have meant he went once or twice a week in moderation and had a few drinks, and maybe that was it. Perhaps that’s the thing. If someone says to you something, how you interpret it can make a huge effect on your life, a massive effect on your life. And that’s what happened to me. I clung on to what that guy said to me as if it was gospel, as if my interpretation of what he said was absolutely true.

This guy is a teacher. He can go to the bars every day and he can live like I live on holiday. If he can do it, I can do it, too. That was it for me. As soon as I determined that I could be a teacher, too. I could work in Pattaya, too. I could live like I wanted to live because that guy was doing it, and I had my money, all the other stuff together, about 60,000 pounds. I could do it.

I could even buy a small condo. I’d ridden past one and when I’d rented a bike one day, a condominium in Jomtien, saw a sign for 900,000 baht. I didn’t know that that was the lowest floor or studio style, but again, I didn’t know or much about it. I just thought I could buy it. I could get a house there. Well, I couldn’t really get a house because I didn’t know about the ownership laws at the time, but for maybe 20 grand, a small condo, and I’d have 40 grand left. Be a teacher, no rent to pay, live in Thailand. Why don’t I do it?

All of a sudden, I’m finding that this is what I want to do. And I’m in work for a couple more weeks, and before I know it, almost as if I was in autopilot, I’d quit my job. I wasn’t a worker. I wasn’t that. I wasn’t a guy who worked. I was a Thailand bar guy. That’s who I was. And I was going to fulfill that and be that every day for the rest of my life.

I threw in the towel, told work I was quitting, and it was exciting to do that, and it was really invigorating. All of a sudden, I don’t have a job. All of a sudden, I was on the way back to Thailand thinking it’s amazing. I’d just turned 40 as well. I felt like what an amazing way to turn 40. All I need to do is get a job as a teacher, and I can go to the bars. All I need to do is transfer some money, and and I can buy a condo. That’s what I was thinking.

Defining Myself as a Thailand Bar Guy

I was thinking that this is going to happen, and it was happening, and I was on the way, almost as if I was on autopilot. Kind of when you land in Thailand, I went in a one-way ticket, and I got this education visa at the time from the embassy, done some research in order to learn to speak Thai. Apparently, this school that taught Thai, quite a big place in Pattaya, they were also able to help me with any certification I needed to be able to get a teaching job. Didn’t have a degree, never had a degree, so I couldn’t get a job and get a work permit to teach. But, the more you look into it, the most people don’t do that anyway, so who cares? So, I had this, and I was going to be able to have an education visa, keep that on the go, keep that in play to be able to stay in the country, learn the language. And I wanted to learn the language. I wanted to be the guy that goes into the bars and speaks fluent Thai to the girls and listens to the conversations, and is just there.

That’s who I wanted to be. I was already the bar guy, but I felt like I was going to be the bar guy 2. 0, bar guy that other bar guys weren’t. And it was amazing to think that it was actually happening. Although, when you get there, it is quite apprehensive thinking I’ve actually just done it. I don’t think I realized what I’d done until I was actually living in Thailand thinking I have done it. I actually have. This little bit of nervousness at the same time.

It was that nervousness that made me realize that this was the right thing that I did, and that’s why I did it. It was amazing to be able to. You know, of course, I went straight down to Pattaya, didn’t even stay in Bangkok and a couple of nights just taking in the fact that I was now living there. I went to see this school, and everything was above board with them, and I paid them for the course, and I think it was about a thousand pounds or something for the year. Have to go renew the visa occasionally, but no problem. I was going to do it, and And also going to get the certification needed that I would needed to be able to teach and that would last about a month. It all sounded well and good. That was after about 3 days of just really enjoying Pattaya for what it was and taking it for what it was and again going to the bars every day meeting beautiful girls every day.

It really got to the point of this being just such a great thing. I knew it was time though that I’ve got to go to the school and I got to start learning Thai. And my routine for the first month of being there was waking up reasonably late, going into the school, learning some Thai, doing some of the certification and hitting the bars. And I did that every weekday for about a month. At the weekends I was just at the bars. I started to develop a few of my really most favorite places to go, my most favorite places of all. I had about five bars that I went to most of the time and I became on first name terms like the regulars during the month. First name basis with a few of the girls in the bars but not much yet.

But it was time went by that would crop up as you fall out of favor with some of the bars and some of the other bars become your favorable ones too. After that first month and I think it was about a week after that, that was when I would actually landed this job in Jomtien. Couldn’t believe it. It had actually happened. It was only a small salary but from what I remember that guy saying how I still cling on to this, I was paid about 35,000 a month but it did change after that and went up a bit but it started at 35. How I thought I could just go to the bars every day because I knew how much I was spending when I was going to the bars now. I thought that that I get it so surely something must change. Probably just wishful thinking.

Moving to Thailand and Learning Thai

I had some savings so it didn’t really matter. I was going to be buying my own place. I’d already looked around in Jomtien and I had found somewhere. I had found a place. Old condo building, 700,000 baht, less than 20 grand. I found someone to help me buy it, this firm. Make sure it got everything in place in the foreign quarter. Transferred the money in and bang I owned a condo.

The monthly maintenance fees were extremely minimal. So all of a sudden I’m not paying any rent. Got 35,000 baht a month coming in. After paying for electric which was important because I had the air conditioning all of the time, after paying for the maintenance fees and the water which again was negligible, I’m left with about 32,000 baht, just over 1,000 baht a day I had to spend, which felt like a lot. Plus, I had given what I’d probably spent on everything, about 40,000 pounds left. I enjoyed the teaching. It was quite fun. It was different, nothing like I’d ever done before.

It felt a bit like you were a clown as opposed to a teacher, just there to be the white face who was able to bring in the money for the school. Perhaps that’s what it was, and it was in many aspects, but I enjoyed doing it. I enjoyed it for the first couple of weeks, and it was an amazing thing. You’re in the condo in the morning thinking it’s mine. I don’t need to get a mortgage at home because I own this. It is mine. I’m looking at it. It belongs to me.

Then you go to work, and you enjoy that. Some great guys that you’re working with and getting on with them. Some of them there to do similar things to you. I suppose most of them were there to do similar things to you. Then you leave, you go back home, get changed, and bang you’re at the bars, out to your favorite bars. I think I spent the time doing that for a good 6 months, and again, probably on autopilot, enjoying it to such a level. Yeah, it was like the honeymoon phase, loving it to such a monumental degree. It really felt like I was building something great.

Of course, I have just over 1,000 baht a day to spend, and I’m spending probably 3 to 4,000 a day during those 6 months. And that’s what I needed to do. I needed to do it. But after you’ve done that, and the money dips below a certain amount that you promised yourself it won’t dip below, you have to work out that 3 to 4,000 baht a month, or a day should be, is probably too much. But I was spending then. I was eating nice food. I was spending time with the girls. I was drinking a lot of beer, buying drinks.

The Honeymoon Phase of Thailand Life

And it was a lot of money, 120,000 a month. After the salary, it’s like a lot more times. Spending way too much, and over the first 6 months I spent 10 grand out of my savings over what I was earning. It’s when you get there that you think it’s perhaps a little bit of time to settle down. That’s when I suppose the cruel side of Thailand kicks in, the cruel side of Pattaya. When you’re arriving back from work, and you’re sitting there in the condo, it’s only a small studio, twiddling your thumbs, looking out, and you see Pratumnak to the right, and you know over the hill you’ve got Pattaya, the amazing place of Pattaya and your favorite bars where you’re meant to be. It does hit you really hard like a sledgehammer, like, “Oh, I can’t go there today because I need to be sensible. I need to save money. ”

The problem was, given the fact I need to spend 4,000 a day, I could have probably got that down to 3,000 if I was being a little bit sensible. That means I can go once every 3 days. I managed to do that for a good couple of months, but it felt off. It just felt so wrong. At this point, I hadn’t had any relationships or anything serious because that’s not what I was there for. I wasn’t a relationship guy. I wasn’t a girlfriend-boyfriend guy. I was a bar guy.

I wanted to be in the bars because I loved them. I loved the bars that had the little rooms upstairs. I mean, I suppose I shouldn’t talk too much about that. I loved the girls like that. That’s what I wanted my life to be, and I couldn’t do it all the time. I’m not saying I was depressed because that would be ridiculous. I was still loving it. You go out with a couple of the guys who were teachers, and you wouldn’t hit the bars.

You’d go for some local Thai food and have a good time with them. I was really loving my time in Thailand, loving being there, enjoying myself, really happy with the decision I made to be there. I felt like everything was falling into place. I just felt a bit of a disconnect to the reason that I was there, though. This is 6, 7, 8 months in, enjoying the job, enjoying the camaraderie with the guys who work there, enjoying going to the bars when I can, but there is something missing, something just missing there that I can’t quite put my finger on. It’s like, when I’m not in the bars, I’m not miserable, but I’m not where I want to be. I suppose after that went on for a little bit longer, I decided that all I could do, the only thing that made sense to me, was just to go to the bars. Show your commitment.

Show your commitment. That’s the thing I kept coming back to. Show how committed you are to the bars. Show how much they mean to you. And again, commitment is the wrong word. It’s just trying to think of a way to best describe it. Get to the point where you show that the bars are your be-all and end-all, that you’re prepared to spend all your money there, and surely something good will come of that. I didn’t know what would come of it.

Building Relationships in the Bars

I didn’t think anything about it. I suppose looking back, that’s the most ridiculous, most insane thoughts and ideas that you could ever have. But that’s what I was leading towards. If you show that you’re committed to these places, that you’re prepared to go and spend money there and go daily and get on a first name basis with all the girls that work there, know the owner, know everything about it and show them that this is who you are, surely something good will come of it. Again, what? I don’t know. How was I thinking that? I don’t know.

That was my justification for just going back into that and enjoying them again. I did. I started enjoying them properly again. And one thing I should say, I suppose, before I go any further, how ridiculous it was because I wasn’t necessarily being the safest of safe, just doing things with all these girls and just being in that position. It was not necessarily the best idea, but I was hooked. It’s who I was and it did define me as a person. It was what I was meant to be and I was a Thailand bar guy through and through and I didn’t care about anything else. I suppose I could be thankful in one sense that my lack of precaution and safety didn’t necessarily destroy me in the way it could have done, physically and health-wise.

Lucky me, or should I say unlucky me? I suppose this is going to be the most difficult thing to say. I would have taken perhaps something detrimental if it meant I could have continued doing it till the day I died. Again, stupid to say that, but even then, what I did was just that and it’s true, so I have to say it. As soon as I’m starting to live the life again and I’m going to the bars daily again, I did manage to get my spend down to I think around an average of 2,500 a day. All that was doing was delaying the inevitable of the money running out. I didn’t want it to run out again. I was hoping, hoping onto some kind of hope and holding onto the fact that I was committing.

I was showing my true colors. I was showing my hand. Okay, I am on a first name basis with lots of girls. I’ve spent time with girls multiple times across weeks and months and I know girls very well. I’ve got contact numbers for girls and I’ve got contact numbers of a couple of owners of bars and I believe I’m a valued member of the community. I believe I’ve shown who I am and who I’m prepared to be and what I’m prepared to do to support these places and these girls and everything about that. I’m just living in a fairy tale land. I suppose I am.

I’m living in a land that my mind has constructed around me to be some form of place where I’ve justified everything that I’m doing and I’ve got to the point where I’ve convinced myself that what I’m doing will somehow benefit me when it needs to. Basically, what I’m telling myself is your money‘s going to run out eventually and everything’s going to be okay. That’s what it boils down to. Telling myself that once the money‘s out, everything will be okay and somehow believing that what was going on wouldn’t actually cause me any big problems. Fast forward to approximately 2015 and my money had run out. I was still working on about 40,000 baht a month and I was loving it. I really did. I loved the job and I loved the guys there.

The First Signs of Bar Loyalty Failing

Some guys left, new guys came in and that happened a few times. But all the time people leaving and coming and going. I felt like I was happy with my lot. I was happy with my lot in life. Had my own place too and that felt great and I felt amazing to have this high-floor unit with a balcony that I could see and everything around. It was fantastic. But my money ran out and at this point, I probably had maybe seven or eight bars that I’d spent so much time in them. I knew all the girls that worked time with most of them and knew the owners and I knew everything.

I just thought I don’t know what I thought, but I kind of thought to myself, well, now it’s their time to reward you in a way. Not like I’m going to go into a bar and drink for free or anything like that, but I’ve got all these girls’ numbers, I’ll call them and let’s just spend time together and let’s just be with each other because of everything I’d done in the past. How I thought I could just call a girl and she’d come around, which I mean that happened once. She came around and of course, she expected something. I thought, well, I called you and I didn’t meet you in the bar, so it’s different, but I didn’t have any money to fix that problem. I suppose it was that and other little incidents like that happening. Calling the owner of a bar and do you fancy going and meeting for a drink somewhere else that’s a bit cheaper and still being in within, still being in with the bar life and things and the people who work there and own them, but not going in and actually to spend there, but no one wants to speak to you anymore. I suppose that was a huge rude awakening for me.

A huge rude awakening because what I hoped to happen, I suppose even I don’t think I hoped it to happen because it was crazy. I just justified what I was doing, expecting girls to just come and stay with me because I’d spent so much money before, expecting a bar owner to go and I’ll pay for them to have a drink in a local Thai style place, and they’ll invite me to their bar and pay for me to drink there. It’s a reciprocal kind of thing. I can afford 500 baht for a couple of beers at a local Thai place and a meal, and he can afford to give me a drink at cost. Well, of course, none of this happened, and I’m finding this out over a few months of nothing uh falling into place. Nothing put me back into okay, I don’t make a lot of money, but I can exist in the same way, although making sacrifices. None of that happened. When that starts to come to pass, that’s when you really get to the point where I don’t know what I’m meant to do.

It’s not like I didn’t like work. I could have done that forever. I loved it. But all I could think about doing, why don’t I if I sold my condo, I could probably get 2 years out of that. That’s what I was thinking to myself. Then I’m thinking, that’s not the best idea. I can’t do that because if I did, then that money‘s going to run out anyway. Now, I had plain knowledge and plain understanding that if money does run out, I know exactly what’s going to happen anyway because nothing will come to pass.

Nothing will favor me. Nothing will help me. Nothing will do anything to actually get me to the point where I can enjoy my life anyway because of how I felt now and the two-faced people were I was starting to think people were just two-faced. And you’re a friend and everything’s good when I’m paying for things and nothing when I’m not. I didn’t like that. And I suppose it did, you know, change the feelings of the bars away from me a little bit because of that happening. But at the same time though, I wanted them more. I wanted the bars more because of it.

When the Money Started Running Out

I’m not trying to come across as being an idiot here because I’m not. I’m really not. I’m not saying that I was blind to what they were at the end of the day. I’m not saying that, too. I’m just saying that I enjoyed it. Gave me a good time. Made me feel happy. That’s what they did, and I wanted to maintain that feeling.

I suppose that at this point I hadn’t even thought about having a girlfriend before. Not once thought about anything like that because that wasn’t who I was. I thought guys who met a girl and wanted to have a girlfriend, they did that because they’re not really wanting to be in the bars. And I suppose I was coming to terms in 2015-ish that I can’t go to the bars regularly anymore. I could do it in moderation and live or I could think about something else to do. Perhaps I could maybe meet a girl and see about building something serious. See what that would be like instead. That is doable.

It’s possible and lots of guys did it. So perhaps I should try that, too. Of course, the most logical place for me to meet a girl was in a bar. And I suppose that justified me going to the bars occasionally to meet a girl. Eventually, I met a girl and she just happened to be a brand new bar girl who had arrived from Callison. I remember and I liked her a lot more than I thought I would. Before long, she’s living with me in my place and it only takes a week, doesn’t it? A week or a little bit longer for the allure of everything to wear off.

She’s no longer a bar girl. She’s showing lots of habits that you never see when you’re just with a bar girl. She’s doing things that she would never do if she was just a bar girl and it’s like not what you want it to be. I suppose it was then when I just thought to myself, you better just sell this condo, pack up and go home and try again later and get over it. I suppose it was that small relationship that made me realize I needed to get over it because I was starting to come to terms with the fact that what I had and what I wanted were two different things. I suppose it was also the situations of girls who we’d spend time with before and you’d taken out to eat and really got to know over multiple weeks, multiple times, all individual experiences. All of a sudden, they don’t want anything to do with you because there’s no money involved. The guys in the bars who you want to take out for a cheap beer and they’ll invite you to their bars instead, doesn’t happen.

And you’re starting to disassociate yourself with the bars in a way because although you love them, they don’t love you back in return. That was something that was really hard to come to terms with. I put my my condo up for sale and a couple of months later it hadn’t sold and I ended up reducing the price a bit. To be honest, I didn’t lose much money on it, about 100,000 baht. I did sell it, got that money in the bank and of course, what did I do? Let’s just go and have a couple of weeks enjoying life then go back home. That didn’t happen. I blew through it all.

Losing Money and Losing Everything

I was just, you know, blanking it out in a way. Whatever I felt the bars had done to me, I didn’t care anymore. I just didn’t go to the same bars. I went to different ones because there were so many, so many different bars. Forget about the other ones. I’m now going to new bars and enjoying them and I’m still working and loving that. It’s as if I’m just delaying the inevitable. It’s not like at this point I was going every single day to the bars.

I’m not doing that. Don’t think I was doing that. But when I go, I go and probably it costs money and that money‘s slightly going down here and there. At this point I must admit I did speak quite good Thai. I was still learning Thai, very proud of the fact that I did that. I loved to walk into a new bar and then start speaking to a girl. She speaks to you in very basic English to start with. Then you try to come across as a bit shy and all of a sudden she starts speaking Thai to her friend or somebody else in the bar and you understand everything.

Then you speak a little bit of Thai back and it’s as if you’ve got a bigger connection and things move from there. I suppose also I was looking, thinking maybe I’ll meet a girl who I could actually spend more time with. That happened once, probably about 3 months after I sold the condo. Again, the longer you stay the more or less like a bar girl she becomes. I think that’s the thing. That’s necessarily the big problem because it’s the bars that you’re attracted to. I suppose I just went crazy because I just felt like I needed it back. I needed it back.

I’m not involving with the other bars anymore because they completely let me down. I didn’t want to be let down. I didn’t go into this with the illusion that anyone could let me down again because I was just enjoying it for what it was again, thinking that this is great and it’s fantastic and this is who I am and who I always will be. The problem is as the same, the problem that comes all the time. The inevitable happens and happens again. The money that I had that I sold the condo for, that eventually runs out. It’s not like I was earning a bad salary, but I was coming to the conclusion that I just can’t do this anymore. As much as I wanted to be able to do this, I can’t do it anymore.

I tried. I really did try as hard as I could. I tried very hard, but it didn’t matter. And I lasted in Thailand as long as I could after that. I was actually though on the way back home in 2016. I think that’s what it was, with absolutely nothing left, I had no money left whatsoever, nothing, apart from all the memories of how great Thailand was. But, I was bitter about how let down I felt because I started to feel let down again by the actions of the bars and the girls. Surely, and this is my belief, and some people will disagree and think this is crazy, and I kind of understand where you’re coming from, but surely, if someone commits to such an extent, to such a degree, that they should become part of the bars in a way.

Growing Up and Moving On

I feel, in a similar way to the guys who feel upset that they’ve lived in Thailand for such a long time and they haven’t become anything permanent there. I get that from what you talk about on the channel, too. Again, addicted to that other channel, I feel like it’s really disingenuous, isn’t it? You can spend all your time there and it means nothing. I spent all my money and all my time in the bars and it meant nothing. Okay, I’m not expecting to be able to go to a bar and drink for free, that’s not the case, but you might expect to be invited there occasionally, or a girl will invite you out and you go to a Thai place and you might have to pay for a meal in a bit, but that’s it, nothing extra on top. But, it’s not like that. It’s all about money, money, money all the time in Thailand.

Money this, money that, money everything. I suppose that’s one of the ruination pictures of it. I’m not here to say that I fell out of love with Thailand when I left, but I did leave. But, all of a sudden, I find myself back at home with absolutely nothing. Now, I had no chance whatsoever of getting on the property ladder, nothing like that at all, but memories I had of living such a wonderful time in Thailand. It’s plainly obvious to say that from there, Thailand never left me. What I did do was grow up a bit, I think that’s the thing. I missed the teaching, I missed that side of things, but I did grow up a bit.

I understood that what I was doing wasn’t sustainable and it wasn’t right, and what I did was probably wrong. I probably had all kinds of wrong ideas, wrong assumptions, and wrong expectations of what was going on. But, I don’t necessarily blame myself because of that, because I was doing it with the opinions and the ideas that I had at the time and how things were at the time. Before long, though, I did start to crave Thailand again after I’d been back for 2 years. I’d put a little bit of money away after getting back to work and I probably had, I think it was about 10,000 lb. It was 2018 when I moved back to Thailand yet again. I was suffering throughout that time and I’ll say it again with Thailand withdrawal syndrome and I really do believe it should be medically medically conditioned as something that people can happen to them because it really did it happened to me. But it was 2018 when I went back.

I managed to get another job as a teacher, but this time I met a girl and I am very thankful to say that I’m still with her today. Things worked out. I live in Khon Kaen in a nice little village which happens to be where she’s from and I teach in a school that’s about 45 minutes away in the town. Through a lot of hard work we’ve put together the house that we’re living in today and it’s not like it’s a substantial house, that’s definitely not the case, but one thing is it is ours or hers should I say. I know it’s not mine and I know it never will be and I have no claim over it whatsoever, but I don’t care. We don’t have a mortgage on it which is fantastic. We don’t have a car loan too. We don’t have anything like that.

I make enough money for us to have a reasonable time, not a fantastic time, but a reasonable one. I’m not putting so much money away for retirement, but retirement for me will be what it is. I don’t really think about retirement now because what’s the point? I’m older than I was before and I’m at the age now where I am thinking about that, but I don’t know how to think about it in a way that doesn’t make me feel terrified of what’s to come. I must say though that I’m happy with the girl I’m with. Happy to say that we also have a son who’s just turned five and life is what it is. I must admit that I still reminisce about the times I spent in the bars. I still say think about it all the time because it really does define who I was and it was who I was and I loved it more than I loved anything else.

What the Thailand Bar Life Taught Me

I still sometimes have such an urge to go to Pattaya and go wild, but every time I go when I don’t go wild because I go with my wife. I would honestly never cheat on my wife because I’m older and I’m not that sort of person that would do that. But every time I go when I look around and remember back to the times that I had there and how fantastic it was, I look around Patty now though and I look about how it’s changed and what it’s not like anymore. And in a way I’m thankful that it’s changed because I’ve changed too. It’s dreadful to say that Patty has moved away from what it was, but I have moved away from who I was too. I still to this day will define myself as a Thailand bar guy because it made me who I was. It brought me to Thailand, made me love Thailand, and made me want to remain there. That’s where I remain today.

I’m thankful and fortunate that I’m able to live in Thailand. I really do feel thankful for that. I’m not one of those guys I suppose and I would finish it like you who feel disillusioned with Thailand in a way where it doesn’t make sense anymore. For me it still makes sense. I love living in Thailand. I love the country. I love everything about it. I’m prepared to accept lots of the negatives that go along with that.

And I think many people should be. It’s plain to see that obviously there are lots of negatives that go along with living in Thailand. Yet there are negatives that go along with living everywhere. But to me the positives far outweigh the negatives. To me it was a rocky road that to where I am today. A very rocky road indeed. I became involved with Thailand and from there nothing else mattered to me. The only thing that mattered from that point on was Thailand and Thailand still is the only thing that matters today as well as my wife and my son and the life that I’m building here and hope to continue to be able to build.

Some people will say that what’s happened to me now is a recipe for disaster and only time will tell and things could go very wrong. I’m here to say maybe it will and if it does at least I’ve tried and enjoyed it in the meantime. Enjoying something in the meantime for me is far more important than thinking about the future. When it came time when I could finally own a house in my own country, it was going to be decades of me paying for that while not really living and I lived instead. I chose life instead. Although lots of things happened that I do regret and I wish I could change.

Thailand Bar Guy Lessons for the Future

I lost all my money. Everything went wrong. Everything went so badly wrong and I got into a really bad state, but I managed to pull myself out of it and went back to Thailand and tried again. And I’m happy to say that at least in my opinion it’s now working the way I want it to work. I hope and I really do hope, it will continue to the work way to work the way it’s working now. I hope Thailand will continue to allow me to live here because I’m happy to. I really am, and I want to remain. To any guy thinking about Thailand and the bars and everything like that, the bars aren’t the same as they were, for a start off.

They’re very too expensive now to justify the enjoyment. For me at least, I don’t think you can really enjoy it when it’s at the price it is. If it’s so cheap, then it’s different, but it’s not cheap. If it was cheap, then it would still be fun, but when it’s at a price where you can’t really justify it, it doesn’t really make sense anymore. Again, I don’t know what I’m saying, I think. If you want to go to Thailand, I would say you have to enjoy it exactly for what it is, not for what you want it to be, and know what you’re not giving anything is going to come back. What I should say is, know that if you give something, you’re not going to get anything back for the commitment that you all think you’re making. That was the thing that really struck out to me the most, not being able to get anything back for all the commitment that I felt that I gave to all those bars over a couple of constant years of building up a rapport with them.

I felt that I should have got something back, but I got nothing back whatsoever. Then I have to come to the conclusion, should I have got anything back? No, I shouldn’t. Should I have thought I should have got something back? No. But even still, yes, because I believed that that was something reciprocal going on, but there wasn’t. I should also finish, and I think I haven’t said this yet, so I think I will. My wife, I didn’t meet her in a bar, and I think that’s the most important thing, because it’s nothing like the girls I’d met in the bars.

She’s different. She’s better, I believe, and I hope to be with her for the rest of my life. Only time will tell, of course, and that is something very important to say. Many people, as I’ve already alluded to, will think that what I’m doing now is a recipe for disaster, and I’m destined to failure, like I was the first time. But if that’s the case, as I’ve already said, it is what it is. What happens happens, and whatever happens will happen. That’s the only thing that’s going to happen anyway. But I will still always and forever call myself a Thailand bar guy.