guide

So let’s talk about today’s video. I do a lot of these videos – they’re kind of like “20 Lies That Bar Girls Tell You,” “20 Things I Hate About Thailand,” all that sort of thing.

Well, a few people wrote to me actually and said, “Why don’t you make a video about the lies that foreigners actually tell the girls?”

I had to think about it. I racked my brains, and I did come up with one or two, but it was quite difficult to come up with a good list of lies that foreigners tell the bar girls – rather than just the obvious one.

So I thought, “Well, what I’ll do…” I was racking my brains because obviously I lived in Pattaya for about three years, and you get a lot of guys down there who have got, let’s just say, big imaginations.

I thought, “Right, well, what I’ll do this time around – I’ll put a list together.” And it’s called – I’ve got it printed out – it’s called “Lies That Foreigners Tell in Thailand” (or they actually believe these).

It’s 30 quick ones. I’ve got a list of 30 here. I’m just going to simply read them out to you. Some of the more outrageous ones I’ll be pointing out to you as we go along.

I have actually been in a bar and people have told me these. Now, some people might write to me and say, “How do you know they’re lies?” I don’t. It’s just an educated guess. If you listen to them, you can tell me what you think.

So let’s kick straight off with this list.

The Lies (1 10)

Number 1 – and it’s an obvious one. When guys are talking to bar girls: “I’m not married. I don’t have a girlfriend.” Okay, that’s kicked it off.

Number 2 – guys who go around telling everybody they’re rich when actually they don’t have anything. Or on the other flip side of the coin, you’ve got guys who tell people they’re poor and they’re living on a tight budget, but they’ve actually got quite a lot of money. There are quite a few people who do that.

Number 3 – “I have friends in immigration. They sort out my visa for me and it’s all done for free.”

Number 4 – “I just call the Chief of Police if I get into any trouble, as he is my friend.”

Number 5 – “I’ve never paid for sex in Thailand.”

Number 6 – “I’m loaded but have to pretend to be poor because the Russian mafia is after me.”

Number 7 – Now, this next one I’m going to read to you – this is an outrageous one. Somebody actually told me this in Pattaya. I was in a bar, met a guy, had a beer. He wasn’t a friend of mine – just, you know what it’s like down there, guys – you get talking.

This guy actually said to me: “I’m an ex-CIA and I’ve been in Special Forces as well – but keep that to yourself.”

Number 8 – “My girlfriend never lies to me.” (We’re talking about bar girls here. When we talk about the girls, it’s always bar girls – it’s not regular, respectable, decent Thai women. That’s totally different.)

Number 9 – “I speak fluent Thai.” You know these guys who can say things like “lek” and “yao” and things like that – one or two words. But they’ll tell you, “Yes, I’ve been living here five years, I speak fluent Thai.” When actually, if somebody did start speaking Thai to them, they’d get caught with their pants down.

Number 10 – “All the Thai people round here really like me and they respect me.”

The Lies (11 20)

Number 11 – “Age difference doesn’t matter in Thailand.” (This is a good one.)

Number 12 – “The Thai guy with my girlfriend is her brother.”

Number 13 – “My girlfriend isn’t a bar girl – she’s just a cashier.”

Number 14 – “I don’t have a drinking problem. I just sit in the bars every day to socialize.”

Number 15 – “Buying my wife a house in Isaan was the best move I ever made.”

Number 16 – “I have mafia connections in Thailand, so no one messes with me.”

Number 17 – “I trust my Thai girlfriend with my life and my money.”

Number 18 – “I’m so much smarter than these Thais.”

Number 19 – “I don’t pay my bar girl girlfriend any money. I just let her…” (The sentence trailed off, but you get the idea.)

Number 20 – “I let her work in a bar, but she always uses condoms with customers – but not with me.”

The Lies (21 30)

Number 21 – “If we go to a restaurant and three of her friends turn up, I don’t mind paying because it makes me feel special – and she said she respects me more.”

We’re up to number 23 already.

Number 22 – “You might have come here for the girls – I certainly didn’t.”

Number 23 – “My girlfriend worked in a restaurant before I met her.”

Number 24 – “I’ve never been with a ladyboy.”

Number 25 – “Even if I had no money, my ex-bar girl girlfriend would never leave me.”

Number 26 – “All the bar girls tell me their secrets because I am like a father figure and they trust me.”

Only three more left now, guys.

Number 27 – “I am the first foreign boyfriend my bar girl girlfriend has had.”

Number 28 – “I’m not scraping by in Thailand on virtually no money. I just nip to the toilet every time when it’s my round because it’s a coincidence.”

And the last one here, Number 29 (or 30 depending on how you count – the list had 30 items but the numbering got a bit mixed): “I’m a handsome man. I know this to be true because my Thai girlfriend told me so.”

There we go.

Conclusion Your Turn to Add to the List

Just a short one. So if you’ve got any more to add to these, add them in the comments. And if I get any of them, I might make a Volume 2 of this one.

Okay, thanks for watching this one, and I’ll catch you all on the next video.