Dating and Surviving a Phuket Bar Night
It started boring enough. I thought I would go out for a walk, have an agreeable meal and maybe find a massage with extra services. When I left my hotel, I headed off in a different direction from the usual way I normally went, as the usual way was generally packed with people and I was quite familiar with what was available there. Feeling like something different, I headed out. Not wanting any issues with the police, I had a photocopy of my passport ID page and about £295 in cash with me, but no cards. As I was walking, there were a lot of ground floor girls of various quality peeking their heads out and calling me. None of it seemed interesting, so I kept going and found myself on a huge boulevard, which looked more promising.
One girl in normal clothes looked decent and spoke okay English. She kept following me, and I could not shake her because I was not interested. She followed me into a Marriott, where I contemplated going to the sports bar to have a meal, but I changed my mind because that would leave me with very little cash for the night. I left and finally wandered into the local McDonald’s. The girl who had followed me sat next to me while I had my meal, but without really saying a word. I decided I could not shake her and was getting annoyed, so I decided to go back to my hotel. I saw a cab and jumped in. I tried to wave her off, but she ran around and got in the other side. We were arguing with the driver about where to go, and she won. She said that she would take me to a nice place and promised I would have good fun. Fine, whatever. On the way there, she kept trying to assure me that it would be well worth my while, that there was no problem and that I should just relax. She was getting flirty, so I thought maybe it would be with her and it would not be so bad, especially if it was with this girl.
We drove forever. It had to be at least 30 minutes. In the middle of a residential area, I saw a giant spa with a fountain and a driveway. The girl handed me over to some nice old lady, and I was disappointed. She took me inside and downstairs to another room. Shortly afterwards, I was seated. She brought in 10 girls who stood there, and I was able to pick one out. I picked the first one because she was cute. She gave a pathetic hand job and then left, saying she would be back for more. I was left in the room for a number of minutes by myself, looking around. There was some water on the table with a lovely fruit tray and other things, and a very faded price list for various beverages and nibbles, including the fruit tray. The prices for this rubbish were not cheap, up to £2,250. Perhaps that included the room as well. I am not sure. I thought, thank goodness I am not ordering any of that.
Two guys entered the room. One was quite well built, with spiky hair, and the other was a thinner, taller guy who spoke excellent English. He was in a high gloss leather jacket and handed me a bill for £2,250. I asked what it was for. He said that it was the bill for everything I had received and that once I paid it, I could carry on. I said I had not ordered any of it, did not want to pay for it, and could not pay even if I wanted to. I learned that this guy was half Japanese, and he said that we were both foreigners there and I should just go along with it and not make trouble. As the conversation got more tense, the muscly guy looked more and more uncomfortable.
A little more about me at the time: I had a bulky build, but not muscle. Under baggy clothes and in dark lighting, I could have looked less fat than I was. A childhood illness had wiped out a lot of my muscles before doctors determined what was happening, but by then I had lost about 50 percent of my muscle mass, which I could never regain. The medicine required to keep my body in check made me swell up a bit, especially in my face. Given that there was no way I could survive a physical confrontation, I had no choice but to try to play it cool. The Japanese guy kept saying, “Stop being aggressive.” It seemed like he was setting an excuse for other things to happen later. I finally said, “Look, we have been discussing this for almost an hour and we are not getting anywhere. I am not being aggressive, nor am I being angry. I was brought here by a stranger. I did not know what was in store, and I think this awful place is trying to rip me off. I cannot pay you £2,250, and even if I could, I do not think it is fair because none of this was explained clearly. I can pay you £980, but I will have to go back to my hotel first to get my card from the safe and then go to the bank and get the cash out.” They both went away to discuss this and came back. They agreed to my terms. Thank goodness I was not going to be beaten or die that night, I thought. They said that the muscly guy would come with me. I said, “Okay, fair enough.”
The Shanghai Spa Escape and the Taxi Chase
I went to the restroom with the muscly guy waiting inside with me. There was no escape path in the restroom, and even if there had been, I had no idea where in the city I was by then. An old, very unattractive woman had joined us. She was annoying as hell and spoke no English, but loved the sound of her own voice. Walking past reception on the basement floor, I saw another Westerner handing over a credit card and saying, “Okay, try this one.” I felt really bad for him. As we reached the ground level by the stairs and went outside, I saw the girl tout who had brought me there chatting with the guy at the podium. She saw me but pretended she had not. By then I hated her guts, and my eyes probably did nothing to hide this fact. I got into the front passenger seat of a regular taxi. My hotel was relatively new, and they did not know where it was, so I told them the name of a hotel fairly close by which they did know. It was a long cab ride with the old woman just trying to talk to me. I do not even know why she came along, and I was not in the mood. I did not know if she was to be offered to me as a consolation prize or not once I had paid, but I certainly was not going to do anything with her.
We stopped at a Family Mart, but not near my hotel or the one I had said to go to. I was terrified again, and there were five or six bodybuilder types standing around on the sidewalk in front of the shop. I literally thought to myself, is this how it will end? The old lady went into the Family Mart and, just as quickly, the bodybuilders disappeared. She was taking forever, so I got out of the cab to see what was going on. I could not see her in the shop. Then the muscle guy in the cab perked up but still did not really say anything. A cab going the other direction stopped at a red light, so I walked across the street and got in. The muscly guy got out of the original cab and was yelling at the Family Mart. She came running out, and it was a waiting game as the cab I was in waited for the light to change. It did, right before they both got back into their cab.
My new cab driver still did not know my original hotel, but I could see a landmark, so I was able to direct him. The other cab had caught us up. I asked him to go faster, but he did not want to or did not understand. Anyway, we ended up losing the first cab by chance, and I could not believe it. Maybe they diverted to the original hotel whose address they knew. I am not sure, but I knew the people back at the spa would probably get wind of this. They knew the name of my actual hotel and what I looked like. As I was safely back in my room, it was only around 10:30 or 11 p.m., but I thought these people seemed like they played for keeps. I was leaving the next day on a one o’clock flight, so there was a window when I could be caught by these people, or they could bribe the hotel with a picture of me from the spa that they more than likely had from their CCTV cameras. I thought I really did not want to risk it. I left my hotel with my card and went to an ATM and got the £980 as insurance in case they ever did catch up with me.
In the morning, when I was ready to leave, I thought this moment was do or die. There were more cabs than normal, and one of the cab drivers was yelling at me. Part of me could not figure out if it was because he recognized me and was working for the spa or if he simply wanted my business. I left my bag with a concierge and met my co-workers for a coffee across the street. There was no way I was going to tell them about my adventures from the previous night. Finally, I was in a taxi on the way to the airport, and everything seemed normal, so I was able to relax. At the airport my flight was delayed for a few hours, so I went to a restaurant in the check-in area. There I saw a Western guy in a pilot shirt drinking some beers. I thought it was interesting. He must have just landed and had a longer than anticipated flight for his hotel transportation. A few hours later, I was in a shop airside and saw him again in full pilot’s uniform. Thank goodness I was not flying that airline that day, which I will not mention here. Bearing in mind that was many years ago, I do not think you would see any pilots drinking alcohol.
Story 2 The Bangkok Gem Scam at the Grand Palace
My wife and I had been enjoying going to Thailand for short trips because it was close to where we lived and was usually cheap and easy, especially in pre COVID times. Usually we stayed in the city centre, got lots of Thai massages, enjoyed great food, did some tailoring and relaxed by the pool. One time we had booked a newer Radisson hotel, but it was quite a bit away from our normal area. This led to the first problem with taxis. I did not know there was a second Radisson, which was older than our hotel, and they all knew that hotel. The hotel gave us a simple map in Thai with instructions on where the hotel we were staying in was located.
One evening after dinner, we got into a taxi and told him the name of our hotel. I tried to show him the paper, but he waved it off without even looking at it. Sure enough, he was heading to the wrong hotel. I kept trying to tell him that he was going to the wrong hotel, but he just smiled and carried on. Of course, this was a cab where the meter was supposedly broken. In my limited experience of Thailand, it always seemed like about 99 percent of the cabs had broken meters, or so they said. A few times in the past I had insisted they put the meter on, but they just would not do it. It was almost as if I was trampling on the graves of their ancestors and insulting them because I wanted them to stop cheating me and put that goddamn meter on for once.
Finally, we got to the wrong Radisson and the doorman opened the taxi door for us, but the driver was yelling as we got out. The doorman told us we needed to pay him. I said I was not paying him anything. He had not put the meter on, and he would not listen when we tried to tell him he was going the wrong way. We explained everything to the doorman, who spoke good English and realised that the driver had cheated us. He took over and got into a heated argument with the driver. Eventually the taxi driver gave in because he knew he did not have a leg to stand on. He gave in, and it gave me so much satisfaction to see him drive off without a penny of my money. We found out that the doorman was half American and had spent a long time in California. He arranged for the hotel Mercedes to take us to the correct hotel at no extra cost. When we arrived in our room, there was a birthday cake waiting for me. Every time Thailand disappoints me, something happens that makes me smile.
The next day I thought we should do something cultural and suggested we take a water taxi to the Grand Palace. This was a big mistake. I went to reception and got directions on how to catch a Bolt taxi to the Grand Palace. When we got there, a guy kept telling me that I had to pay for the Bolt before it arrived. I do not think he was even Thai. I think he was Filipino. I kept trying to ignore him, but he was relentless. Finally, an older Thai man who looked like he had lived 10 lifetimes told me to follow him. As the water taxi arrived, he gestured that we should pay the lady on board the boat and showed us how much to pay. He was so nice. We got off at the Grand Palace stop and made our way to the entrance.
The Gem Showroom Trap in Bangkok
I was in shorts, so they would not let me in. I asked what I could do. The guard at the entrance said I could buy trousers or a wrap from a local store and return, and then we would be permitted into the temple. An Indian guy standing close by overheard the conversation with the guard and started giving us the hard sell on being our local guide for the palace. In hindsight, that would have been better. We went off to find a stall, of which there were many. They all seemed to sell everything except trousers or wraps, and the amount of people hassling us was becoming overwhelming. One guy who was quite aggressive was told to clear off by the tourist police. He told us that a temple was open for tourists only for that day and that we did not need pants to visit it. He could arrange a tuk tuk to send us there, so we agreed because by then we had no interest in visiting the Grand Palace. I think most people by now know where this is going.
We arrived at the temple and were greeted by a guy named Arun. As nice as he was, he genuinely seemed shocked that someone had shown up for a tour. It was actually an interesting tour. The temple was serving some sort of lunch, so he helped us get a place and we chatted at a table. During the chat, he told us that he had lived in New York for a while and even showed us his New York driving licence. Then he told us that he could send us to a gem shop because the red stones from Thailand were very rare and we could buy lots of them and resell them back home. I said that this was not interesting to me. I had worked to buy and sell back in the U.S., but I did not live there, so it did not make sense, and it was not a task I wanted to put on my nearly retired parents. My brother was fighting in Kabul at the time.
He then suggested that I buy for myself, as the stones were rare and getting rarer and the value could only go up. He sent us off with a wave in a cab, and we arrived at the gem showroom. First we were ushered into a nice, air conditioned lounge and served cold drinks. We were then shown a 10 minute movie on how rare these red stones were, with impressive footage of heavy machinery working on the ground and everything coming to a standstill when red stones were discovered. Next we were led into a showroom with a very pleasant, well dressed staff and what looked like a large jewellery store. We wandered around the showroom and found a few things that we liked, but the prices were outrageous. Everything looked very cheap, and the staff became less pleasant the more reluctant we seemed to be about making a purchase. There was an Australian couple at a counter, and the man was doing it right. He had a calculator and was working out his own discounts for the items he and his wife were interested in. An American guy came in and made a big scene about not being interested. He was quickly whisked away.
There were a few nice stones that would have made nice ornaments, but because everything was so overpriced and expensive, we had no interest in buying anything. I had found a nice pair of elephant cufflinks with purple stones. They were still around $300, and they felt light. To be honest, they were rubbish. I liked another pair of cufflinks made from red stones. They looked like a Japanese flag and were pretty neat looking, but they were as light as paper clips and cost $3,000. We decided that we had no intention of spending that much money, so we bought the elephant cufflinks instead. They asked us where we would go next, and we said we wanted a massage. They said that they could arrange one for us. By then we had realised we were being scammed and said no. After much insisting, the lady backed off and arranged a van to take us back to our hotel. I never wore the cufflinks. The whole thing left an awful taste in my mouth, and it was the only time I felt that Thailand had let me down. Years later, I realised it was me who had let us down. We had let our guard down and trusted a guy we never knew who was hanging around a tourist area with so many touts that were absolutely relentless. We were put off Thailand for a while, but after trying Vietnam, Malaysia and even Bali, we were always drawn back to Thailand. We had children and now did things that children enjoyed.
Story 3 A First Bangkok Night and an Unexpected Bar Bill
As I was getting ready to be married, I was back in my home country and was in a car accident with my brother. No one was hurt, but it was a pretty bad crash, so I cancelled my stag party that evening. My wife was very fair and, because I missed out on my stag party, she agreed to let me go to Thailand with my friends, who were all married at the time. We also had another couple of guys who came with us who were not married. They were both gay, but they were not a couple. We had heard about the famous ping pong shows in Bangkok and decided we wanted to go and see one, as none of us had seen one before.
This was years ago, so I cannot remember the exact location, but I am guessing it was probably one of the upstairs bars at Patpong. We were walking past lots of bars, and there were a lot of people outside trying to get us into them. They were all wearing different uniforms, some dressed up as sexy waitresses and others in all sorts of different uniforms. One guy was holding up what looked like a menu with different shows advertised. One of them said “Ping pong show jackpot”. We were led up some stairs to a room with a boxing ring set up in the middle and seating around it. We ordered our drinks, and then some ladies showed up and raised their glasses, thanking us for their drinks. It was the first sign of trouble, as we had not ordered any drinks for these ladies. At that point in the proceedings, we really did not know what we had signed up for.
I remember thinking that they had all had drinks and were thanking us for them, even though we had not ordered any. Anyway, let us see how this plays out. The show began. Bring it on, I thought. There was a show where a lady fired darts at balloons, and there were some weird dancing shows, but the ping pong shows advertised on the guy’s card downstairs were not to be seen. There was an old German couple who showed up late. They seemed very disappointed that they had missed a lot of the shows, and I could overhear them complaining to each other. I knew what they were saying in a roundabout way, even though I did not speak their language. After a while of sitting in my chair and taking it all in, it was actually quite shocking to see the environment I was in. It was not only the show. For example, when we first came up the stairs, there was a lady bouncing a baby on her knee at the entrance of the room. Everyone watching the show seemed to be a bit out of place.
The show ended, so we were ready to leave. We had only ordered one drink each when we arrived, so you can imagine our shock when the bill came to our table and was 9,000 Baht. Dave, who was quite a large guy, started freaking out, and the lady who had brought the bill over was clearly terrified. We were all standing behind Dave because he was the biggest in our group. I was very surprised that the guys at the door did not come over to try to smooth things over. In the end, we did a deal and settled on 3,000 Baht. Yes, we had been ripped off, but 3,000 Baht was better than 9,000 Baht, and the bill was shared between several of us. We all laughed it off as just being an experience, but Dave was really angry and took a long time to calm down. Later on we found a bar with a Japanese band playing Beatles covers. The band was pretty good, and I ended up seeing them again at a bar in Singapore.
Story 4 Meeting Women Through WeChat and a Phuket Trip
I began my love of travelling to Asia about five years ago when I travelled to China on a few business trips and a few times for vacation. Before I took my first trip, I learned that I would need to set up a WeChat profile to make friends there and be able to keep in touch. On my first trip I had recently been divorced and was eager to meet some local women. I was 40 years old and, if I might be so bold as to say it, a decent looking guy. When I approached women in my age range, I had not had too many problems dating in the U.S. I did want to be married again someday, but I had not considered meeting a wife in Asia. I simply did not have the ability to stay abroad long enough to build that level of a relationship during a visit. During a visit to a tea shop I met a girl, and we became very close. She accompanied me on every trip when I came back to her country, and we are still friends.
When I was back in the States, I would occasionally use the shake function on WeChat, which connected two users who were shaking their phones at the same time. This was where I met my first friend in Thailand. Her name was Bun. She was nice to talk to, and we chatted often. I later learned that she had some experience in massage parlours when she posted pictures of massage girls and invited people to come and visit her shop. She may have been like a mamasan or something. Who knows? She would also post cooking pictures from her hometown, where she said she owned a little restaurant. Both Bun and a colleague of mine would often encourage me to take a trip to Thailand, and I thought it would be perfect for my 40th birthday.
I planned my trip for February 2022 to Phuket under the sandbox programme. I asked Bun if she would like to come to Phuket, show me around and go on some tourist activities with me. We planned that she would come for two nights over the weekend. She agreed and booked her own hotel room, and she was supposed to travel back home for work on the third day. On 25 February I arrived, walked around town and stopped for a Nuru massage. The crazy part was that after dark, I was walking around and drinking along Beach Road on the side with the shops when a very small but much older woman came out of nowhere and grabbed my privates aggressively over my shorts with one hand while taking my wallet with the other hand.
Luckily, I was fairly street smart and knew something was wrong. As we know, usually the woman will just grab your wrist and pull you in her direction. I tried to continue walking, and she let go of me. I immediately checked for my wallet, and it was gone. She only had time to take a step behind me before I turned and said, “Hey!” I knew from experience that making a big scene was not a good idea, and I did not know what was about to happen. Thankfully, I believe she thought I was drunk because she would not get caught. As soon as she realised she was busted, she smiled at me, reached into her purse and gave me back my wallet. I smiled back at her with a look like, you almost got me. I jumped to myself, thinking, wow, in Thailand even the pickpockets are friendly.
After stopping for a few drinks, I went back to rest. The second day I opened Tinder and started swiping. I did not rule out paid companionship, but I thought I would see if I could match with someone and try a date. Very quickly I realised that there was an endless number of women on the dating site, so I could date while I was in town. I was actually with a woman named Tang, who was an elementary school teacher. After chatting for a few minutes, we planned to have lunch together that same day. We had a nice time in a beach restaurant. She asked me if I was looking for a wife in Thailand, and I said no, just something casual. I wanted to be honest. I was unsure about the customs, so I went with my experience in China. The local girls appreciated it when I was not aggressive on a first date. Just be friendly, be honest and have a good time. Then the second day everything was on the table. Most girls just want to know you are respectful and that they can feel safe.
Dating and Surviving a Phuket Bar Night
After my date with Tang, I said I wanted to see her again, and she wanted to see me as well. She said she had to tutor some students online and had her computer with her. If she could come to my hotel, she would work for a while and we could go out again in the evening. I cannot remember if we ate dinner, but I guess we did. I remember we went to an Australian bar, played pool and drank. We then went dancing and had a lot more drinks before some aerobics, and she spent the night. I expected Bun the next evening and felt like I could sleep in and tell Tang goodbye properly. Things rarely go to plan. Before I got my coffee, Bun texted me around 30 minutes earlier and said she was on the bus and wanted to know where I was. I looked back at Tang and thought to myself, this might not end well. I asked Bun what bus she was on. She said she was on the bus to the hotel. The journey from the airport to Patong is about an hour, and that was when I began to panic. She would arrive in about 30 minutes.
I told Bun that I was not in my room, that I was getting breakfast and going shopping. It was a rare lie on my part, but I was desperate. Thankfully, she was not planning to come to my room and was heading to her hotel, which was about five minutes from mine. Since I was up and making coffee, Tang woke up and I told her I needed to go shopping. She was cool and got ready to go. This would be the second time luck saved my trip. I was able to shower and meet Bun later that day. I was planning to spend only two days with her and then go off on my own, but another plan did not work out. Bun decided to close her restaurant, planned to stay five days and offered to stay longer if I wanted. I was a little upset, but Thailand had been great to me so far, so I put on a smile and tried to enjoy the moment. We had met in person for the first time and were getting along well, so I asked her if she would like to cancel her room and stay in my room. She asked what I wanted, and I told her nothing serious. I was not there to find a wife. She agreed and moved into my room. We spent the next few days having fun on excursions and doing daily aerobics. Even though she had basically hijacked most of my vacation, I had a lot of that girlfriend experience we all love and I had a great time.
The morning before my last day in Thailand, Bun went home and I was able to try to meet someone new. I began to swipe and matched with a local girl named Anne, who worked as a flight attendant. We planned to meet for lunch. The funny thing was that she recommended the same beach restaurant as Tang, so I suggested somewhere else. She was the most beautiful woman I had gone out with so far, but unfortunately she already had plans that night and was disappointed that I was leaving in the morning. She was cool, and we are still friends. Later that day I matched with another girl and talked about meeting later that evening. After dinner, I thought I would wait in a go go bar while I made plans with the new girl. I do not remember her name. A guy who worked there came up to me and said, “No phone.” I said I was texting my friend, and he said, “No phone,” again. I left that place, and the bar next door invited me in. I asked if I could text. They said yes, but no photos.
I was unprepared for the mamasan. She was working me hard for a sale and asking what I liked. All I said was petite. She introduced me to a girl she recommended and said she had only just started a few days before and had only had one or two customers. I do not remember exactly what it was, but I did not believe her. Later I thought that she did seem kind of new. I paid the bar fine and we left. We went dancing for a while, and the whole time this girl was doing tequila shots. She also asked if I had a bar fine for her. I told the mamasan that I could not pay it. She was texting the mamasan and trying to negotiate with me using very few words. She only asked twice, lower than the price on the second time, and I kindly refused. The mamasan ended up showing up anyway. I guess she was there for moral support and the free drinks. It might also have been because I overpaid for the first girl. I am embarrassed to say it, but it was $500. I should have negotiated, but it was my last day and I still had travel money to spend. The new girl spoke very little English, and we just drank and danced. The mamasan gave me some encouragement and left after some time.
She left with me for the night. Another sign she might have been new was that she could not hold her drink. She threw up several times in the bathroom. I was a good guy. I held her hair out of the way and got her some water. She just kept saying, “You take care me, I take care you,” in the cutest voice, and we went to sleep after some aerobics. All in all, I had a good time, and I left in the morning. I cannot wait to go back, and I have already booked my next trip.
