Bargirl “I’m Quitting The Bar” Lie
I have been in that position before and I’ve seen it a hundred times. Some guy walks into a bar in Thailand, normally come out a relationship or a divorce back home and he’s prime a target for these bar girls.
You can spot them a mile away. Falling for everything they are being told, all the “handsome man” lines and how much the girls like them.
Smiling and laughing with you, flirting while the lady drinks are coming, and make you feel like you’re the first guy who’s ever actually talked to her.
How men still fall for all of this is beyond me, but make no mistake, people are falling for it every day.
They become close, he pays her out of the bar to have the holiday girlfriend experience until he has to leave and return to his country.
Upon returning, he wants to carry on this thing that they have so he decides to take the step and pay her out the bar so she don’t have to work there anymore.
So in this post, I want to go over the “I will leave the bar for you” trick.
Some guys, for whatever reason, get in too deep with a bar girl, catch feelings, and before they know it, they’re in a relationship or so they think they are.
What comes with that is them paying the girl out of the bar, but it’s not as simple as it sounds and most of the time it doesn’t work out.
THE MEETING
This is how it normally starts: A foreign guy walks into the bar. Doesn’t matter if he’s young or old, rich or broke, but looking a bit lost or maybe just craving some company.
He’s normally new to the Thailand bar scene, doesn’t know the rules, what red flags to look out for, and he’s overwhelmed by all the attention he’s getting from the girls. Doesn’t realize that yes, every girl in there has a script.
He probably just got out of a bad relationship or maybe he’s recently retired. He looks new and is falling for all the questions that a bargirl will ask him while sizing him up.
She’ll study him what he drinks, how much he tips, whether he’s checking out other girls. If he’s nervous, she’ll play sweet. If he’s cocky, she’ll laugh at his jokes like he’s the funniest guy she’s ever met.
He’s open. He asks questions, shares bits of his life, and seems genuinely kind. She doesn’t have to try hard with this one he’s already halfway invested by the second drink.
She will be cute with him, not pushy. She will put on an act like she is different from the party girls, might even feed him a sad story about why she works in the bar.
When she realizes that he’s not just a tourist looking for fun, and sees he’s looking for something more, that’s when the seed is planted.
THE HOOK
Now it’s time for her to go through with her plan one sob story after another. Now the real game begins.
He’s very much attracted to her, even if he did not plan to fall for a bar girl, he’s in it now and he likes being around her.
After the first night, he decides to forget all the other bars and areas that he could go, instead he keeps going back to the same bar to drink and spend time with this girl.
After spending a few nights together at the bar, just drinking, talking, and getting to know each other on a more personal level, at just the right moment, when things feel a bit real, she drops the short line that she knows you want to hear: “You’re not like the other guys.”
It makes him feel chosen, special, like he’s the one that finally sees the real her. Now he thinks she doesn’t see other guys the same way she sees him.
This guy is now smitten over this bar girl, and he’s also starting to think that she is different from the other bar girls.
What he doesn’t know: She’s got three more just like him on rotation, each one convinced they’re the exception.
Most guys who go to the bars just want a quick night, some laughs, and to move on. But this one she makes him believe he’s different.
She gives the impression that she’s been waiting for someone exactly like him, someone decent, someone who cares about her as a person, not just a bargirl.
He doesn’t feel like just another customer anymore. He thinks he’s the exception. He starts defending her when others warn him. And just like that, she’s no longer just a girl from the bar.
He’s actually right he’s not just another customer. He’s the new ATM.
When the guy starts believing all that, that’s when things start going downhill fast.
THE HOLIDAY GIRLFRIEND
Now he has gotten to know her better and fell for every line in the book, his holiday what he thought would be full of fun nights and meeting plenty of girls turns into a holiday all about her.
They discuss her spending the rest of his holiday together, going out dating, spending the evenings together the full girlfriend experience.
They discuss a price for her and the bar, and off they go.
During this time, she really works on her game, making him fall in love with her by going on romantic dates, shopping, and getting to know each other better.
If she’s really into it, they may even take a trip to meet her family. She will tell him that she really likes him and wants him to meet her parents.
Her parents are probably already used to her bringing a farang home to show off, but they will still act surprised and make a big fuss of him.
They will give him the approval of being with her daughter, and he will feel like a million dollars after that approval.
Make no mistake, all her parents will care about is how much money he has and how much they can get for themselves.
THE TEST
While he is doing the whole holiday girlfriend thing with her, she is going to put him to the test to see how much money he actually has and how generous he is with it.
She’s going to want to eat out at fancy restaurants, go to nice clubs, and see how much money he is willing to spend on her.
Not only that, but she’s going to want to go on a couple of shopping sprees while they are out together, and don’t be surprised if she wants to drop into a gold shop while passing by.
If she can get the farang to buy her gold, she knows she’s onto a winner here.
A little side note here: A lot of these girls will try and get gold from their farang boyfriend because if things go pear-shaped in the future, they will go straight to the pawn shop and pawn it for money.
It’s better than getting them to spend money on clothes and other gifts for her.
THE DREAM
One night while they are out together, she will start talking about her future and her goals, what she wants in life.
She says she’s tired of bar life and dreams of something better marriage, a family, and a happy life.
After making him feel like he’s different from all the others, she begins to open up about her feelings.
She will say that she only works at the bar for money but she actually hates it there, she doesn’t like other customers, she doesn’t want to work there doing what she does, and tells him what she would rather be doing instead. Maybe wanting to open a small shop, go back to school, or just work a simple job and have a simple life.
Funny how these dreams always cost money. Even funnier how that money always comes from guys she meets.
She might even drop the line that she wants to get married, move to his country, and start a new life with him.
For him, this is great. He would love if his new girlfriend would leave the bar work behind. It’s easy to imagine a future with her outside of that world.
She’s planting the idea that with his help, she could change. That she’s ready for something serious, something lasting. And that hope is what pulls him deeper in, making him want to be the one who helps her leave that life behind.
He is now believing that a future with this girl he met in a bar is possible, completely ignoring all the warnings he has heard prior to his Thailand trip.
THE PROMISE
When the guy shows interest in a future with her and with continuing the relationship when he leaves, she knows it’s a good time to start going through with the rest of the plan.
Once she finally sees that this guy is really into her and wants to take it further than just being a customer, she will drop little hints that she will quit the bar for him.
Of course, she will only quit the bar for him and no other reason. She wants a proper, real relationship after all, right? Well, that’s what she will make out.
But really, what she says translates to: She’ll quit when the money’s guaranteed, not a second before.
She might say things like, “If I had a real relationship with you, maybe I could stop working there,” or “I’d do anything to get out, especially if it meant being with you.”
What he fails to understand is that she would stop working for any man willing to pay the bills. The only difference is he was naive enough to believe her act while the others knew better.
This kind of talk pulls him deeper in, making him want to prove himself to be the guy who rescues her and offers a better future, and more importantly, a future with him.
It’s an emotional trap, because hope can be very powerful, especially when it’s tied to someone you care about, and he’s already developed feelings for her because he thinks she’s different.
THE ASK
Now it’s time for her to make him choose if he wants her to leave the bar, then he’s going to need to support her because she won’t have a salary.
She says she’s scared to leave because she has no support and needs the money.
After planting the idea that she might quit the bar, she starts bringing up the reasons why it’s not so simple.
One of the big excuses is that she’s afraid to leave because she doesn’t have anyone to back her up.
She talks about how she needs to make money because most of it goes back to her family in the village, and she can’t leave them with nothing.
She says she will get a normal job working in a shop or restaurant, but it won’t pay near as much money as the bar would pay, so she needs extra support from somewhere.
This makes the guy feel needed, like he’s the only one who can give her the help she needs after quitting the bar. After all, they are starting a relationship, and she’s leaving because of him. The least he can do is support her, right?
I mean, if he’s going to start a real and serious relationship with this girl, no guy wants his girlfriend working at a bar.
THE TRANSACTION
After she has reeled him in far enough, got him thinking she is completely different and wants to have a real future with her, he offers to help her financially so she doesn’t have to go back.
She tells him how much she needs to leave the bar that will come down to rent, food, money to send back home, spending money, and there will be a million other things that she needs support for.
Feeling sorry for her situation that she is in all because of him, he offers to support her with all the money she is requesting.
It seems like the right thing to do for her helping someone you care about when they’re in a tough spot.
And just like that, her rent becomes his rent. Her family becomes his family. Her problems become his problems. But his money? That becomes hers.
The foreigner believes he’s making a difference, but really, the money often just keeps the cycle going. It helps her stay afloat while she continues juggling her bar job on the side.
So while he is back in his country, working every day to make money for them both, she’s just at home doing some job hunting… if you believe that, then you will believe anything.
Of course, she will be going to the bar without telling him maybe not full-time so she can call him some nights to prove she has quit but guaranteed she will be there some nights.
REQUESTS
Even though the farang has paid his girlfriend out the bar, giving her a salary, money for family, rent, and everything else, do you really think that will be enough? Of course not.
She is going to randomly message him at times saying she needs help with something or other.
Expect a few sob stories such as a family member is sick and needs help, or someone has stolen her phone so she needs to get a new one so she can keep talking to him.
All of these are obviously lies, but she knows he is willing to support her, so she’s going to try and rinse whatever she can out of him no harm in her trying, right?
THE ILLUSION
Now come the extra steps she has to do to keep the illusion alive in his eyes that their relationship is going forward and she is sticking to what she promised him.
At some point, she posts something on social media that hints she’s turning over a new leaf.
Maybe it’s a photo of her in normal clothes or a photo of you both together with a caption like “New life starting soon” or “No more bad nights ahead.” It’s a public way to show she’s serious about leaving the bar, and if she’s posting it on Facebook for all to see, then she must be legit, right?
This kind of post is meant to convince not just the boyfriend but also friends and followers that she’s making a big change.
The foreigner might feel proud and excited, thinking she’s finally done with her old life and there is nothing but good days ahead. She’s no longer in that type of work.
But often, this is just part of the act. The post is only made to manipulate the guy even more into believing her. It’s a way to keep him emotionally invested while she still manages her bar work quietly on the side.
She’s already left the bar, she’s serious about him, and he can’t wait to go back to Thailand to see her again.
At this stage, she starts telling him that she’s moved out of the city or away from the bar scene.
She might say she’s living back in her village or staying with her mom for a while. This is supposed to sound like she really is done with that life.
This story makes it seem like she’s distancing herself from the bar life and focusing on family or something more respectable.
It gives the foreigner a feeling that she’s really serious about changing and that the bar life is behind her now. It can also explain why she’s harder to reach or why she’s not out as much.
More than likely, this is just part of the act. She may very well have gone back to the village, but it’s only to visit and make him think she is staying there. But she still has plans to return back to her bar job.
She will obviously not tell him she has gone back to the bar that will still be a secret.
Why would she tell him she is back in the bar making money while he is supporting her from afar, not having a clue what is really going on?
Even though she’s telling her boyfriend she’s left the bar life behind, she’s often still working some nights.
The big change is that she’s stopped sharing photos or updates about it on social media, making it seem like she’s moved on.
By not posting, she tries to keep her boyfriend from catching any clues or seeing her in the bar scene.
When a girl is being paid out of the bar from a long-distance boyfriend, she will do whatever she can to hide the fact that she hasn’t actually left. She doesn’t want to lose a sponsor.
EXCUSES
Over time, her messages get shorter and her replies take longer.
The guy will start to realize that she is becoming hard to contact, especially during the nights for her.
Excuses will come, such as: data is bad in her area, phone is not working properly, she’s sick the list goes on.
She will often say she’s just too tired from looking after family all day to jump on a video call at night.
But anyone with a couple of brain cells will know: She’s still working at the bar, dealing with customers, and making her money at night.
For the foreigner, it’s easy to accept this explanation at first, thinking she just needs some rest. But over time, the repeated refusals to video chat late at night start to feel suspicious, especially when other signs point to her still going to the bar.
THE BACKUP PLAN
She continues messaging other guys in secret to keep options open.
Even though she’s telling her boyfriend she’s serious about leaving the bar life behind, she often keeps in touch with other men on the side.
These might be regular customers, sponsors, or even new guys she met recently. She doesn’t want to close all her doors because all these still bring in money or maybe even some backup plans if things don’t work out.
She’ll be careful to hide these conversations, deleting messages or switching phones, so her boyfriend doesn’t see.
It’s like a safety net if the new relationship falls apart, she still has people to fall back on.
All men should know, not just in Thailand but all around the world, that you are probably not the only one.
THE REVEAL
Now let’s say the guy has had enough of his suspicion and decided to do something about it whether that is getting a friend to investigate or simply him turning up unannounced at the bar.
He catches her still working there, talking to customers and doing whatever else, while she has been telling him all along she is back in the village.
The waterworks will start, and the excuses will begin.
She might say that she’s just visiting a friend or helping out at a bar, not actually working. She tries to downplay her involvement and make it sound harmless.
She knows that saying she’s only there to support a friend sounds more innocent than confessing she’s still working the bar.
Or a popular one for girls in this position is: “I only came for lady drinks, nothing else.”
Please don’t fall for it if you catch your girlfriend back working in the bar.
Even though things should not have gone this far with a bargirl, if you do find yourself in this position, walk away now. She is not different from the rest.
MANIPULATION
The bar girl isn’t going to let her sponsor walk away that easy she’s going to do whatever she can at the time to keep him hooked.
These girls can be master manipulators and are very good at their craft.
She will use lines such as “I knew you never loved me and wanted a future with me” to try and manipulate the guy into thinking that he did not do enough for her.
It might make him feel like she only did this because she thought he wasn’t being serious and he needs to do better and show her he means it.
She may also use jealousy lines such as “I thought you was cheating on me so I went back to the bar because I was scared you’d leave me.”
Again, this guilt trips the farang into thinking she was just worried and needed support because she thought he was going to leave her.
Trust me, these girls will say anything, and most of it is complete BS it’s a manipulation tactic that you need to completely ignore. Don’t fall for it.
THE CYCLE CONTINUES
Let’s say the guy finally got his head screwed on better (later than never) and decided to leave the girl after finding out she is still working at the bar, or just simply told her he’s not going to support her anymore.
Once he does that, she’s often already got her next target lined up. It’s like a cycle that keeps repeating itself she moves on to a new guy who looks lonely, generous, and easy to convince that she’s different from the rest.
She was probably already luring him in while she was still with the boyfriend. These girls don’t just stop simply because the boyfriend goes back to his country. In fact, that’s the best time for them to carry on working.
This pattern becomes her way of keeping a steady flow of financial support without really changing her lifestyle.
She moves on like nothing happened, has a new guy already, but for him, depending on how much money and feelings he invested, it might take him longer to move on.
I know what you might be thinking while listening to this: “How can any guy be so stupid to fall for tricks like this?” But you’d be surprised at how many actually do.
People go to Bangkok and Pattaya in all different types of emotional states. If you go there wearing your heart on your sleeve, then it’s pretty much game over for you.
If you are not emotionally stable, then I don’t recommend Thailand at all. But if you are going just for fun, then I can’t recommend it enough.
Go there, have fun, play the game, go home. Rinse and repeat. Don’t fall for any traps.
