Most Thailand Relationships Don’t Work Out

I’ve really been trying to rack my brains, and it’s really hard. It’s unbelievable as it sounds I kind of know one, but it ended in not a great way (though that was nothing to do with the relationship between the go go girl and the guy who hooked up with her).

If I’d seen a hundred relationships and 99 of them went sour and one of them went good (or two of them went good), I’d say, “Oh, you know, go for it guys you might be the one in a hundred that gets the good girl. You might be the lucky one.”

But honestly, it just doesn’t happen. It’s nothing to do with being negative or derogatory it’s just that you don’t see it.

There’s an old saying in Thailand, and it really has been banded around for years but it really is true. The saying is: “You can take the girl out of the bar, but you can’t take the bar out of the girl.”

Think about that. It’s true. Their way of life is embedded into the system, as it were.

The One Story I Know: Paul and Nok

So what about this one story that was successful? I know something that happened about 18 years ago. It was a good friend of mine, actually but 10 years younger than me, eight years younger than me. His name was Paul.

Paul came over to Thailand and decided to stay. Paul had an advantage over most expats that come out there, and his advantage was that he had a skill where he was able to make a living in Bangkok without having any investment which is quite rare.

The reason for that was because he was a DJ. He was quite successful; he was about 25 or 26. He did the circuit in the UK he connected to a beach, did some summer not shows (what he called summer parties busy in the summer, quiet in the winter).

He eventually came out to Thailand to visit some of us, and he loved it there; why wouldn’t he? So he started doing some DJing, and he was quite successful. Obviously, an English speaking DJ (could have been American, could have been Australian doesn’t matter) but he was English speaking.

He hooked up with this guy originally just doing one or two nights filling in for guys who had their nights off doing small venues. It was a bit of a struggle, but he did manage to sustain himself for a few months.

Then after that, he hooked up with a sound and light company based in Bangkok, an English company and they hired him as a full time DJ. He went off and did their own parties the British Embassy, the US Embassy (I think he did the US Embassy anyway). He did a lot of hotel functions where the rooms didn’t have equipment they hired this sound and light company.

Paul’s DJ Career in Bangkok

The owner was a friend of mine and is a friend of mine. Paul went to work for them.

How Paul Met Nok

While Paul was there in Bangkok he’s about 25, 26; he’s now working full time as a DJ, making good money. Probably 50, 60 thousand baht a month (that would have been about 18 years ago).

He was in Nana Plaza with us one night. I was with him. We headed out to Nana Plaza (this was before Soi Cowboy was really happening; Cowboy was there, but it was nowhere near as good as Nana).

We went to a ground floor bar one of the big popular bars that is still there. A couple of guys owned it Anton and Kevin. (Hans passed away just this last year; Kevin is still here in the UK, and I’m still friends with him.)

And Nok was working in this bar. She was a hardcore bar girl. She’d come down to Bangkok when she was 18 and worked straight into a go go bar a very busy go go bar at the time. She had lots of regular customers. She was being bar fined every night. She knew the ropes you couldn’t pull the wool over Nok’s eyes. She’d been around she’d been down there probably seven years by the time Paul met her.

Paul went into the bar and he bar fined her. And he did it a few times. He actually really liked her, believe it or not, and Nok liked him also.

The Arrangement: Leaving the Bar

Eventually, what happened was Paul wanted to live with Nok. He wanted to team up with her. But he wasn’t happy about her working in the bar.

Let’s think about that a minute. She works in a bar a go go bar. She goes into the bar area and actually dances on stage in a bikini and what goes along with that. So if you’re a boyfriend, you’d have to put up with that. Nobody wants that.

Paul said to Nok, “Look, I don’t like this. You’re going off with people, and I’m seeing you every day.”

Nok turned around to Paul and said, “Look Paul, I do like you. I would like to leave the bar. I would like to probably. But I can’t afford to do it. Unless you’re going to support me, look after me, give me some money to send to my family I can’t do it.”

Paul just said, “Well, it’s simple. If you’re going to continue working, then I’m not interested.”

So eventually, Nok said, “Well, I need 25,000 baht a month to send to my family.”

Supporting Nok and Her Family

Luckily for Paul, he’d been briefed. He knew the score. Though he hadn’t been there that long, he saw guys coming and going. We briefed him and told him what everything was about, so he knew.

Back in those days, the girls they came from farming communities they didn’t need 25,000 a month. If she was going to live with him, all her bills would have been taken care of. Paul would have paid for a mobile phone. A family in Isaan could get by in those days on probably 3 or 4 thousand baht a month.

Paul said, “Look, I’m not going to give you 25,000 a month it’s too much. But what I will do: if you come and live with me, I’ll pay all the bills. You won’t have to put your hand in your pocket. I’ll get you a little job to get yourself some pocket money. But I’ll send your family 5,000 baht a month.”

We thought that was reasonable they could easily live on 5,000 baht a month. It was more than nothing, not quite poor.

She agreed. She said, “Yeah, okay, I will do that.”

Nok left the bar and went to live with Paul.

Moving to Phuket: Things Were Going Well

Paul carried on with his DJing. He was getting more and more popular. Eventually, he was scouted by some guys who were running a nightclub in Phuket, and they offered him a real good package. Basically, it was good money, accommodation, a small apartment (not a room, just a one bedroom apartment) paid for by the nightclub.

It was too good of an offer to turn down. He went down to Phuket, and they moved into this small apartment. Everything was going well. Nok was with him, and she was actually behaving herself as far as we know, she wasn’t getting up to anything.

The Tragic End

Unfortunately, this story actually had a tragic end.

In those days, the clubs and bars stayed open until about 4 o’clock in the morning. Paul was working for most of the night. He’d pack up, say his goodbyes, get on his little motorbike, and get back to the apartment about 5 or 5:30.

One Sunday morning, he got back later than normal had been a busy night in the club. It was about 6 o’clock when he got in. Nok was awake by this time. As he just arrived, as she was waking up, she said, “Look Paul, can you nip out to the market?”

The food carts used to open up about 6 o’clock in the morning around the marketplace. She said, “Can you go and get me some food?” Sunday morning and all that.

He agreed. He went out on his bike; thought he’d get himself something as well.

Unfortunately for Paul, he was very, very tired; obviously, he’d been working all night. He went flying down to the market on his bike, went over a crossroads, a junction, and unfortunately was hit by a truck.

The Immediate Aftermath

He was wiped out. Instant death. Killed.

That was the end of it. It’s very, very sad. I knew Paul; he was a good friend.

Was It a Success Story?

So to sum up really: as far as the relationship goes, up until that point, it was successful. Paul had gone into a bar, bar fined a hardcore girl who’d been working seven or eight years, hooked up with her. Nok liked him a lot, he liked her, and the relationship was there. I think they were together for about 18 months before this happened.

I don’t know what happened to Nok afterwards. Obviously, she would have been devastated—absolutely devastated when you lose a partner like that.

The thing is, in Thailand, there’s no welfare system. You’d like to think after that she wouldn’t have been working in a bar again. But what do you do?

If she was working in a bar, we never saw her again. I used to travel all over Thailand. I’d go down to Pattaya for the weekend, round all the bars. I’ve even been up to Khon Kaen a few times. We never saw her again.

If I had to take a guess, I would say probably what happened: she probably had some savings, not too much, and she probably went up to the village. There are opportunities for them to earn very small money up there doing bits and pieces hairdressing, nails, working in little shops (equivalent to 7 Eleven, but not selling alcohol, little shops, things like that). They can get little jobs in themselves 3, 4, 5 thousand baht a month.

I’m guessing she was probably so devastated after the death of Paul that she did that. As I say, we didn’t spot her in any bars anyway. And if she was working in a bar, it would have been pretty difficult not to be spotted because we used to go everywhere.

Conclusion: Still Waiting for a Happy Ending

So that’s about it. That’s the only one in all that was successful.