Moving to Thailand – A Life Changing Journey

I think that I was having a midlife crisis. I was going on 45 and had recently been made redundant from work, and all I could think about was the feeling that I needed a new purpose, a new meaning, and a new calling in life. I dedicated my whole working life, ever since I left university at 21, to a company. When they made me redundant after I put in all that work, it kind of made me think that I had all my priorities wrong.

So here I was, not knowing what to do with myself. I had my house that I had just about paid off, no relationship at this moment because the last one I had ended four years prior, and I had a little bit of savings in the bank. I was torn between trying to find another job, getting back into the grind, and working towards retirement.

On the other hand, I was also harbouring a secret ambition to take a year’s sabbatical, take a year out to live a little bit before returning home and getting back into my old life. I think everybody goes through something similar in their lives when they find themselves working on overdrive and life is slipping through their fingers without really understanding that every single day that goes by is one day less that they have on this earth.

When you get to an age around 45, like I was at the time, you look back at all the years that had passed and wonder what extra things you could have done, the things that you wanted to do but did not, and what you were putting off for a later date so that you could work hard. When you start having this epiphany, it is very difficult to stop thinking about it.

All I could think about was that ever since I was 21, those 24 years would never come back. I would never be 20 again, and I would never be 30 again.

I would be 50 before long and then 60. After a few months deliberating what I wanted to do, I ultimately decided that I wanted to take a year out and spend time for myself. I would try to give something back, and then I could see where things ended up from there. Now that it was decided that I was going to do something, the question was what I was going to do and where I was going to go.

I was looking around online at places that I could go and things that I could do, and I was really thinking about giving something back, maybe volunteering and trying to do my bit for people who were less fortunate than I was. I came across a website of an NGO that operated in Malawi. I just felt like this could be something I could do: go there, give something back, and get a different perspective on life.

Maybe instead of feeling down about my wasted years, I could feel appreciative of the fact that at least I had got something. At least I bought a house, and at least I had my health. That was what I decided I was going to do. So I signed up, got everything arranged, and only three weeks after this, I was on my way to Malawi.

Bear in mind, at this point the furthest I had been was Turkey. I had never been anywhere further than that. I spent approximately a month in Malawi doing everything that I was there to do, and my eyes were really opened to just how different some people had it in the world. It made me thankful for what I had, and it also made me understand that there was a whole other world out there.

The Man Who Changed Everything

Why this is relevant is because another guy who was volunteering at the same time as me had just arrived after teaching English in Thailand. He said he taught English as a volunteer for three months. Before that, he said he was in some really remote parts of Borneo, and now he was in Malawi.

He was about five years younger than me. After a divorce, he had been driving to work one day and thinking to himself, “Do I really need to do this?” He said this had changed his life and that he did not have a lot of money, but he did not care. He felt like he had a purpose. The reason why this meeting was important was because what he talked about Thailand made me think I wanted to go and have a look at Thailand as well.

Everything he said about it somehow did not ring true. He described how, when he was not volunteering, he had a really old motorcycle that he used to drive around the area where he lived. He was in the northeast of Thailand, at a school really out in the middle of nowhere, quite close to the Lao border. Everything he talked about conjured up a sense of intrigue and excitement like I had never really felt before.

Then I started doing my own research about Thailand. The thought of getting on a motorcycle and touring around some of the places where those people did, the breathtaking scenery and fantastic local people, everything about it appealed to me. Because I was going to be in Malawi for three months and after that I had nine months where I still had not decided what to do, I decided that when the next two months came up, I would go next to Thailand.

I would not go there to volunteer, but I would be going for myself. I really wanted to do what that guy did: drive around some of the lesser known parts of the country on a motorcycle, get to know the local people, maybe try to pick up the language, and give myself a bit of time to unwind.

Arriving in Thailand

I finished out those next two months, and that was an experience I will never forget. I am very thankful that I did it, and it really gave me a much better perspective of the world and of myself and how I belonged in it. But then it was time to go to Thailand, and I was looking forward to just seeing what everything was about. When I finally got to Bangkok, you could tell what people said about Asia was true as soon as you saw the airport.

Everything was so modern, new, and vibrant. Thailand was really coming along so far. Based on all the research I had done and the fact that I would have 30 days in Thailand based on my entry stamp, I wanted to go first to Chiang Mai, rent a motorcycle, and do the Mae Hong Son Loop because it was apparently one of the most famous rides in the country.

I landed in Bangkok, though, and I was very tired. I went to a hotel in the city for a night, with plans to book my flight to Chiang Mai the following day. I stayed in the centre of Bangkok, went for a little walk around, and tried some great street food because I had heard it was special.

It was, and I just crashed, waiting for the following day. We flew to Chiang Mai, less than an hour to get there. I remember looking out of the plane window as we were coming into land and seeing scenery that was so breathtaking. There were mountains on one side and flat plains on the other.

For some reason, as we were coming into land in Chiang Mai, I felt really excited about what I was going to get up to over the next week. I should point out that I had ridden bikes most of my life, so renting a bike was something I was very confident with. Chiang Mai immediately was a place I preferred more than Bangkok. It was more laid back and calm, and it just seemed to be a perfect starting point for this adventure I was about to take.

The Bar on Loi Kroh Road

When I was checked in and had had a bit of a rest, I went for a walk around looking for a place to rent a bike. I arranged with one shop I found that I would rent this Honda CB500. I think it was 1,200 baht a day, if I am not mistaken, and I took it for a week.

It was my plan to set off the following day, going first to Pai and maybe spending one or two nights there before going further along the loop and coming back around to Chiang Mai. When I dropped off my bike at the hotel, I thought it was time to go out for something to eat and maybe a few drinks. Then I could get into the spirit of the ride.

I left my hotel in the old town. If you know Chiang Mai, it is quite dead in the centre of the old town where I was. I walked towards the river because I was led to believe that there were some really nice restaurants along the side of the Ping River. I crossed over the moat, and in front of me I saw what appeared to be the bar street that people had talked about, even though I never planned to go on it.

It was called Loi Kroh Road, and that indeed was where all the bars were in Chiang Mai. Like I said, I had never even considered going into a bar, but that was just a street I had to walk down in order to get to the river. I started walking down, with bars to the left, nice restaurants that you walked past, massage places everywhere, and more bars on the other side of the road.

I was a bit thirsty, but I just thought, “You know what? Let us go in one of these bars and get a drink.” I went into one of these places about halfway down the street. That was probably the biggest mistake of my life. I walked in, sat on a stool at the bar, and ordered a drink.

It was not dark outside yet, and there were not many people in the bar. I did not even realise what Thailand was known for at the time. I was not who I was, and I really promised that was not who I was. I was there just to have a drink before going further along.

The lady working behind the bar was quite old and was talking to me. I was saying what I was doing the following day and how I had just arrived in Thailand. I was excited to be there, and it was pleasant to be able to speak to her. I think she was probably in her 50s, and I was not thinking anything other than that she was a lady who worked in the bar and we were chatting.

About 10 minutes later, a girl walked into the bar. She said hi to the lady working there, put her things behind the counter, and obviously worked there as well. The older lady looked at me in a strange way and said, “She is really great, she is.” I said hello to the other girl and that it was nice to meet her.

She said the same, held out her hand, and we shook hands. This other girl came and sat down right next to me, making a show of it as if to say, “I have come to sit next to you.” The other lady said, “You should buy her a drink.” I just went along with it and said, “Okay.”

The Ride of a Lifetime

I was still talking to her after a lot more beers, probably six for her and four for me. It was already dark outside, and I was hungry. If I did not leave the bar soon, I would not be able to get anything to eat because I was worried places would be closed. I told her I was hungry and wanted to get something to eat.

She asked if I would like it if she went too, and I said, “Okay.” I paid the bill and we left. We had a really great meal at a restaurant by the river and a couple more drinks, and then I started to think that I could not drink any more because I would not be fit for riding the following day. I told her I needed to wake up early as well because I was going to be setting off.

She said no problem, but she just sort of went with me to my hotel, and I allowed it to happen. I woke up around 6:00 a.m. the following day. She was there, and I said I was about to set off.

She just said to me, “Do you want me to go with you?” I said, “I would really like that. It sounds great.” She asked if we could set off a bit later and sleep a bit more, and I said, “Okay.” Around 9:00 a.m., I checked out of the hotel. I got my stuff packed away into the box on the bike, and she asked me to take her to her place so she could get a few things, which we did.

We also stopped at the motorcycle shop where I rented it so we could get one more helmet for her. With that, probably at 10:00 a.m., I was sitting on the motorcycle with her on the back, driving north for this adventure with her, a woman I had only met less than 24 hours ago. Little did I know that I would have the time of my life on that trip. The places I saw are indescribable: the mountain scenery, spectacular views, cultural richness, and amazing twisty and turny roads.

I was sharing it all with this girl that I met, who was 29 years old and who throughout every single day of that ride became more and more special to me. It was as if it was fate that made me walk down that street when I did, as if it was fate that made me order one more beer. If I had not, I would not have seen her, and I would have left before she arrived.

The Money Requests Begin

When we were on our way back to Chiang Mai, we took a detour up to the top of the mountain that I mentioned, and all I could think about was what was next. We talked so much about many different things while we were on the ride.

We would stop at a little restaurant right in the middle of nowhere, order food, and just talk with each other about things. I found out where she was from, that she had a kid, what she hoped to do with her life, and everything about her. When we pulled up into Chiang Mai, I did not know what she wanted to do. I dropped off the bike, went to a hotel with her, and told her I had had the best time ever.

I wanted to know what was going on between us and how she felt, not just how I felt. When she said that she had had the best time ever with me as well, I asked how she would feel about going on another trip with me. She said she would love to do that. In Bangkok, though, a few hours after we had arrived and found a hotel to stay in, she said something that I suppose anyone who has spent a long time in Thailand would understand.

She said that because she was not working at that moment because she was with me, it was coming up to the time when she needed to send money to her family. She asked if I would be able to step in and send it for her because she was not working. It made perfect sense to me. She was not working, she was with me, and I said that was fine.

I would happily give her some money to send to her family. I gave her 20,000 baht. She seemed very happy with that, and after that it was as if it was not even discussed anymore. It was just something that happened.

After we had been on this ride for two days, she asked for something else. This time she said that because she was not able to work, she needed to help her mother make a payment on the loan she had. She asked me to step in for that as well, and I did: 15,000 baht. At the end of that trip, there was something else, another 15,000 baht.

The problem was that, on the one hand, I did not really want to be giving this amount of money because we were already talking about nearly a couple of thousand dollars I had given her. On the other hand, I had never felt a strong connection to anybody like I did with her. I had never felt like I could actually love someone as I could love her, or that the thought of not being with someone could be such an awful thing to think about.

Moving to Chiang Mai

When we dropped off the bike, I still had around 10 days left in Thailand. I still had not decided what I was going to do after Thailand, but I did decide to go back to Chiang Mai with her.

We got the bus up to Chiang Mai. I wanted to see what she would do when we got back to Chiang Mai. Would she just say it was great to have spent time with me and go back to the bar to work, or would she stay with me?

I was not going to say anything, force anything, or have anything go my way. I wanted to see what would happen if I just played it cool. Finally, in Chiang Mai, where we arrived very early in the morning after a night bus journey, we went to a hotel in the old town, the same one I had stayed at before because I liked it there, and she was just with me.

Nothing was said that day. We were still together. We went out to eat, went for a walk around, had a few drinks, and went back to the hotel just like normal. It was as if she was waiting for me to say something or do something, yet I was waiting for her.

Then the days went by, and I told her I had five days left in Thailand. I had an onward ticket booked to a neighbouring country, which I had to buy otherwise I would not have been able to fly into Thailand without it. I put it to her straight. I said, “Meeting you has been amazing.

I have had a fantastic time with you. I have strong feelings for you. I feel like I want to spend more time with you. I really want to know how you feel and what you want to do.”

She said she was waiting for me to say the same thing. She could not believe she had met me, someone as nice as me, and everything was what I would want to hear. I told her my plan was to go to a neighbouring country because I had to leave Thailand, and after that I did not really have any plans, although I did have over six months still of this year to myself before going back home.

She asked, “Would you like me to go with you to the neighbouring country?” I had thought about that, and I thought I would. I asked her if she had a passport. She said, “No, I do not, but I can get one.” I did not believe she could get it that fast, but I said, “If you can, fine.” She was able to, and we went down to Bangkok five days later and flew to Phnom Penh in Cambodia.

We went to Cambodia together, where all I could think about was what now? After about three or four days there, I just felt like I really liked this girl. Because I still had over six months left of the time I had allocated for myself, I told her I was thinking about spending that time in Chiang Mai with her. I asked her how she would feel about that, and she said she would really like it.

Again, she said she had never met anyone like me before and that meeting someone like me was always her dream. So we went back to Thailand again on only a 30-day stamp. I was going to need to look into some kind of better visa that would help me stay longer. We went to Chiang Mai, and I actually rented an apartment for six months because I planned to stay there for the whole six months and get to know her even more.

The Escalating Costs

About a week after I rented that apartment, she asked for more money. Of course, I was giving her a little bit of money every month as normal, just to make sure she was able to do what she needed to do. It appeared that she did not have anything at all, and she was not working because she was with me. I was giving her enough money to cover her basics, but this was extra: 50,000 baht.

She said it was something that she had to do every year, something to do with her kid, and because she could not work, her only choice was to ask me. So I gave her that money. In the second month, though, she asked for more money. I cannot remember what it was for: 25,000 baht.

Then, a few weeks after that, her mother needed help again making a payment on the loan that I had helped with previously, at 15,000 baht. I was giving her 10,000 a month as it was. I was not taking a step back to think that the amount of money I was giving her was quite obscene because I figured out that she was getting more than a full time job from me since I had been with her. But this is the thing that I got wrong.

I really got this wrong. I thought that she was asking for this money because she was trying to sound me out as to whether I was going to be a suitable person for her. Was I able to help her out when other people would have shunned her? Was I able to provide things that other people would not be able to?

I thought at the time that this was not something that would last forever. I was just trying to make sure that I was with her for the right reasons, not for the wrong reasons. That was why, instead of thinking it was ridiculous that I was giving her all this money, I thought eventually it would stop because she would realise that I was a really great guy who was going to be someone who could make her life better.

I had given her more money than I had talked about, over and above the 10,000 I was giving her monthly. If I had added it all up and calculated carefully, I am embarrassed to admit that at that moment in time, it had come to just over £10,000. That was an awful lot of money across around seven months.

But when we were together, it was the best I had ever felt. I really did not want to be apart from her, and I honestly felt that she did not want to be apart from me. That was when I thought, what was the worst that could happen if I just sold my house, took everything together with my savings to Thailand, and tried to find work as a schoolteacher? I could spend as little money as possible and just be together with her and be happy with her.

The Engagement

About two weeks before I was due to go back, I had made my mind up. I wanted to be with her. She told me she wanted to be with me, and that was enough for me.

It was my plan to return home, put everything in order, put my house up for sale, and return to Thailand only a few weeks later. At this point, we were telling each other that we loved each other every single day. She was the one who told me she loved me first, that I was the best person she had ever met, and that she could not wait to spend the rest of our lives together.

She could not wait for me to go and be introduced to her family and see her kid. She could not wait for the life we were about to live together. Three days before I was due to leave, I went to a little gold shop that I had walked past a few times and picked out a ring for her.

I also bought a little bracelet and a necklace for her. All in, it probably cost me about £1,500. I went back to the hotel where she was, and I proposed to her. She was really happy and said she would love to get married to me.

The day before I was due to fly back, I gave her 100,000 baht just to make sure that, in case I needed to stay at home longer, she would have enough until I went back. She said it was her plan to visit her family because she had not seen them for a long time and then go to meet me in Bangkok when I did get back. I extended the apartment we were renting in case she wanted to stay there. It all sounded fine to me.

Saying goodbye to her was the worst thing I had ever had to do. I was crying, and I know that is stupid, but I was. Even though it was my plan to be back in a few weeks, I was shaking. The thought of leaving was so bad that when we took off from Chiang Mai to Bangkok, it felt like I was being ripped away from where I wanted to be and who I wanted to be with.

The Decision to Stay

When we landed in Bangkok, I started to think that perhaps I did not even need to go back and I could do everything from there. I worked it all out. I could post my keys to the estate agent, who could go and take pictures.

I could ask a friend to arrange for my things to be taken out of the house, given away, or sold. I could ask my friend to get rid of my car. So why did I even need to go back? I had convinced myself when I landed in Bangkok that morning that I did not need to go back at all.

A huge sense of relief came over me, like I could just go back to be with her straight away. I knew I had just given her that extra money, but we were engaged now. She was going to be my wife, and we were going to be together forever. Sharing what I had with her only felt like the right thing because she was going to be the most important person in my life.

I tried to call her, saying I was going to go back, but she did not answer. I booked a ticket for the evening back to Chiang Mai. I decided to go into the city in Bangkok because I wanted to buy her a really nice gift as a surprise. I probably spent another 100,000 baht on a lot of things.

I bought her nice perfume, an expensive bag, a few clothes in the style she liked, proper brand name clothes. I also bought her some headphones, a new phone, and a teddy bear because I thought it would be a nice thing. I had a huge smile on my face, knowing I would be seeing her again that evening and that we would begin our lives together. I was picturing myself walking through the door, showering her with these gifts, and saying, “I do not need to go back.”

The Heartbreak

I walked inside the apartment building, got in the elevator, got off on my floor, and walked to the room. I had a key, but I knocked on the door because I thought that would be a better surprise. She did not answer. I knocked again, a bit louder, but she did not answer again.

I knocked one more time just to make sure, but there was no answer. So I used my key and went inside. All her things were there, and everything seemed normal, but I had no idea where she was. I called her because I wanted to tell her I was back, that I had changed my mind, and that I did not need to go home, but she did not answer.

I put my things away, laid out all the little gifts that I had bought on the little table we had, sat down on the sofa, turned on the TV, and waited. By 10 p.m., I called her again. Again, there was no answer. By 11 p.m., when I had not heard from her and she did not answer another call, I was feeling a bit bad.

All the excitement I had was starting to fade. I was not too far away from the bar where she used to work. I thought that would be the best place to go because maybe I could meet the lady I had spoken to before and say that I did not need to go back home at all, but she was not answering and was not at our apartment.

I walked to Loi Kroh Road, probably around 11:30 p.m., and started walking down the road as I had the first time, past all the other bars and massage places. I made it to the bar where she used to work and walked inside. What I saw, I would not even have thought could have been a possibility. I would not have said it was my worst nightmare because my worst nightmare would never have been that bad.

As soon as I walked in, I saw her there. She was sitting right at the back of the bar on another guy’s knee. He had his hands all over her, and they were very close. I froze immediately.

That very morning, I had left Chiang Mai saying I was going to be back in a few weeks. I had given her 100,000 baht, bought her an engagement ring and gold, and spent another 100,000 on gifts for her in Bangkok before flying back to Chiang Mai. I could not bear the thought of being without her. Now I had gone back to her bar, thinking I could ask someone if there was another way to get in touch with her, only to see that she was there.

After seven months of not being there, she was there on the day I left, even after everything I did. When she looked up and saw me, she froze as well. Instead of quickly moving away from that guy, it was as if he had bought her a drink and she was not able to just walk away, even though it looked like she wanted to. I was completely devastated.

I was destroyed. I was heartbroken because if she was able to do that so easily, even after everything that I had done and everything we had talked about, perhaps I just did not know her at all. Or perhaps I did not even know myself or what I was doing because I felt like I was a really big idiot. I could not take it anymore, so I walked over.

I told that guy, “I am sorry. This is my girlfriend. She is actually my fiancée. I bought her a ring, bought her everything, gave her a lot of money, and I was only meant to be leaving for two weeks and coming back.

But I changed my mind. I even gave her 100,000 baht this morning. So please, can you leave?” That guy looked really shocked and luckily was decent enough to stand up, pay his bill, and walk away.

The Truth Comes Out

We left the bar and started walking. Not long after she had gone to the bathroom at another place, the guy who she had been with came over. Before I could even get angry, he said, “Sorry, I do not have any problems, but what you said before, I think you should know.”

“What should I know?” I said. I was a bit angry. He said, “I met her about five hours before that. We left the bar together, went somewhere, and then went back, and we were going to go out again later.”

I looked at him and said, “Can you promise me that happened, or are you just trying to completely ruin my life?” He said, “I do not care if you believe me or not. I am just telling you what happened. We left together, spent time together, went back, and we were going to do the same again.” He said, “I have spent a long time in Thailand.

I had a bad relationship before, and now I will never get into a relationship again because of what happened. Too many guys have bad things happen to them. So believe me or not, it is up to you, but that is what happened.” She came back about five minutes later and tried to be as sweet and nice as possible.

I just said to her, “I think something else happened, and I want to know. You just looked so comfortable with that guy, like you have spent time with him before. Everybody makes mistakes, but the thing is, if you lie to me, I will never forgive you. If you make a stupid mistake and tell me, maybe I will.”

I looked straight into her eyes and asked her, “Tell me the 100% truth. If you tell me the truth, we can put it behind us and move forward. If you lie, and I know you will be lying, it will not work.” Again, she tried to promise me that there was nothing to worry about. But the way she said it, I could kind of tell that was not the case.

So I stood up and left. She came running after me, saying nothing happened. I told her I did not believe her and continued walking. I said to her, “This is your last chance.

You tell me the truth about what happened. It will be okay. If you do not, it is over.” She paused for about 10 seconds, thinking about whether she should tell me or not, but she did. She basically said it happened pretty much as that guy had told me.

She said she did not mean for it to happen, but she was lonely and missed me so much. She went to see friends and had seen that guy a few times before I even met her. She said yes, something happened and she was sorry, but she did not mean for it to happen. She thought she might not see me again for a long time, and it was a big mistake.

I just said, “Thank you for telling me,” and continued walking. When we were back at the apartment, I showed her all the gifts that I had bought her. “These were all for you. Everything.

I just found this out, and I am sorry, but I am not staying with you anymore. I just had to hear the truth from you, but it is over.” Saying those words to her tore me to pieces, but I knew that if I did not, I would just be in for more hurt in the future. She tried and tried, but it was not going to happen.

Eventually, she just took her things and left. Somehow I agreed to give her all the gifts I had bought for her so that she would go. She kept the gold as well, and everything else I gave to her. I was just sitting there in that apartment after she left, thinking that I could not be more upset.

The Silver Lining

Looking back, though, I guess I dodged a huge bullet. I was ready to sell everything that I had to be with her. I probably would have used some of that money to buy ourselves a place that would have belonged to her, and I would probably have bought a car that would have belonged to her.

I would have given everything to her. But she was prepared to do something like that on the day that I left, and it just showed me all I needed to know. As much as it hurt, and as much as I felt like not leaving that apartment for the next week, I had something come over me like it was for the best.

After coming to terms with it, I left Thailand. I did not sell my house. I got another job, and I retired eight years after that. I did retire to Thailand, and I have been living here ever since.

I did meet another girl, got married, and built a house with her. I am still living here and have been for a long time. The only thing I would say to anybody is to be careful. I do think it is very possible to have a successful relationship between a foreigner and a girl from Thailand.

My main advice would be do not try to meet someone unless you are actually living in the country at the time. If you are not living in the country and are only visiting, and you have to make changes in order to be with her, do not even entertain the idea because that is where a lot of hurt comes from. If you are living in the country, stable, and have an income that can support you and anybody you might want to live with, that is fine.

Always make sure that you will be able to have more than enough to provide for your life together with your partner. If you can, as my experience has taught me with the relationship I am in now, life can be perfect. But it took me learning that lesson and losing probably around £20,000 to that girl to make me understand what to actually look for. I think it set me up for the success in the relationship I have today.