The Dark Side of Bar Girl Relationships

I knew there were risks about being in a relationship with a bargirl. Everyone talks about them. But I thought my situation was different and I thought she was different.

We had good times together, spent a lot of time getting to know each other, and even talked about starting a life together. But in the end, I realized I was just another name in her phone one of many.

If you’re thinking about getting involved with a Thai bar girl, you need to hear what I learned the hard way.

This isn’t about bitterness it’s about awareness.

I want to share some things that happened with my relationship with a bar girl, so if for some reason you decide to go down that path, you know some signs to look out for.

This is from a guy that went to Pattaya and stupidly fell for every trick in the book. I let my guard down instantly and have learnt many lessons along the way.

So let’s begin with the first.

Fake Illness Scams

I remember the first time it happened to me, yes, this happens several times with these girls.

Out of the blue, she sent me a message late at night, crying, saying her mother had collapsed and was rushed to the hospital.

She sounded so desperate, like everything was falling apart.

I didn’t think twice I was ready to help however I could. She said she needed money for the medical bills right away, and that if I didn’t send it, things would get worse.

I sent the money, thinking I was doing the right thing. But a few days later, she was posting pictures from a party with her friends.

Her mom was fine; the hospital was never even mentioned again. It’s like the whole thing was forgotten about.

After that, it became a pattern. There was always some new crisis: a sister in a motorcycle accident, a nephew in intensive care, an urgent surgery needed. Each story more dramatic than the last.

It’s tough because these stories mess with your emotions. They make you feel like you’re the only one who can help, and that guilt is powerful.

They are very good at manipulating you and playing with your heart. It’s easy to walk away from this if you are not in a relationship, but trust me, if you are in a relationship or you think you are, then it’s harder than it seems to just say bye.

It’s a harsh lesson, but if you’ve ever been in this kind of situation, you’ll understand how easy it is to fall for it.

The worst part is that when you finally question it, she’ll get mad or cry harder, making you feel even worse for doubting her.

So if you get a message like that, just pause for a second. Take a breath. Try to ask for proof or check in a calm way. And don’t let guilt rush you into sending money before you know what’s really going on. I learned the hard way, but you don’t have to.

They Are Emotionally Intense Too Fast

When I first started talking to her, it was obviously in a bar, and if you guys remember your first time in Pattaya, you know how these girls can make you feel.

Of course, she made me feel special, as if she really cared for me and stupidly, I thought she did.

I did not feel like a customer in her bar; I felt like something more than that.

She seemed interested to know about my life, asked me lots of questions, and genuinely seemed like she cared. I know now that all the questions were asked just so she could figure out how much money I have.

Within days, she was calling me “husband” and saying she loved me.

I mean, I’d only just met her, but the way she sent messages constant selfies, little heart emojis, “I miss you” texts all day long it was like we’d known each other forever.

She was constantly asking me to come to the bar because she wanted to see me, claiming she didn’t care about ladydrinks or anything else. Clearly, she just said that and didn’t mean it.

At first, it felt good. Who doesn’t want to feel that kind of attention and affection, right? It made me feel special, like I was the one she had been waiting for all her life.

But looking back now, it was almost too much, too fast. I didn’t realize it then, but that rush of love and instant connection was part of a game.

It’s like they know exactly what to say and how to act to get you hooked emotionally before you even realize what’s happening.

They create this fantasy that they do truly like you like you’re meant to be together, that no one else could ever understand you the way she does.
I remember feeling overwhelmed sometimes, not just by how much she wanted me, but by how quickly everything was moving.

That’s when the warning bells should’ve gone off. Love doesn’t usually come at full speed like that, not in a healthy way.

Real relationships take time. But when you’re lonely or excited about a fresh start, it’s easy to ignore those signs. You want to believe in the fairy tale, even if your gut says otherwise.

So, if you’re chatting with a girl and she’s going all in right away, saying “I love you” within a week or calling you “husband” before you’ve even gotten to know her name, just slow down.

It’s okay to want love, but it’s better to let it grow naturally, not be sold to you on day one.

“Just Talking to Him for Money” Excuse

She always insisted that the other men she talked to were just “friends” who sent her a little money now and then.

She made it sound innocent like those chats were casual and harmless.

She obviously had customers before she met me, and that’s fine, but to carry on doing what she does after claiming to be in a relationship with me? Yeah, I didn’t really like that.

She would reassure me though by saying things like, “I only really care about you,” and “They are just friends; they know I’m with you now.”

I told myself, okay, maybe it’s normal for girls working in bars to have some side chats for small cash help. I tried not to be jealous or suspicious, but that’s easier said than done.

As the weeks passed, I began noticing how often her phone buzzed with messages from other men.

Sometimes, she’d be chatting late at night or sneaking off to reply privately.

When I asked about it, she’d fall back on the same line “I’m just talking to them because they send money, but it’s nothing serious.” It felt like something I had to accept if I wanted to be with her.

The problem was, that excuse started to feel like a cover-up.

It wasn’t just innocent chatting or friendly favors; it seemed like she was managing several men at once, keeping all of them interested so she could keep the money flowing from different sources.

This taught me an important lesson about how complicated and transactional relationships with bar girls can be, especially if you trust too quickly without seeing the bigger picture.

“I Don’t Work There Anymore” Lie

This one happened after we had been seeing each other for a couple of months, and then I had to go back to my country for a while to work.

Obviously, I did not want my girlfriend working in a bar. I hate to call her my girlfriend in this submission because obviously she wasn’t, but at the time, it felt like she was.

Anyway, I didn’t want her working there, so we discussed her leaving if I would pay her salary every month, and she would try to find a normal job.

We agreed on 30,000 THB a month, and she would work part-time in a normal job.

She said that since she has met me and wants to be with me, she was tired of the bar scene, the drinking, the customers, all of it.

She told me she wanted a better life and that she wanted to be serious with me. I believed her.

I’m sure you can all see where this one is heading. Every time I asked where she was or tried to video call her in the evening, she’d either be unavailable or tell me her phone wasn’t working properly.

No battery, won’t charge, camera doesn’t work, no signal every excuse you can think of, really.

I started asking if she really left the bar, and she’d get emotional. “You don’t trust me?” she’d say. “I already quit for you. Why you make me feel bad?”

One night, a friend of mine visiting Pattaya went to the same bar I met her in. He messaged me and said, “Isn’t this your girl? She’s still here, working like usual.

She never left. She just wanted me to believe she did, so I’d keep sending money.

Secret Boyfriend in the Background

This could be one of many other secret boyfriends she’s got on the go, but normally these girls will have a lot of farangs on the go and then go home to her actual real boyfriend that will be a Thai man.

You may even accidentally meet him one day, and he will be introduced as her brother.

I remember feeling like I was the only one in her life, the one she cared about.

I was thousands of miles away, sending money, checking in every day, and believing she was waiting just for me.

But then, one time, I saw a picture on one of her old social media accounts that apparently she never used couldn’t even remember the password to it and there he was.

A guy I had never heard of, standing close to her, smiling like they were a couple.

When I asked, she brushed it off, saying he was “just a friend.”

Later, I found out she was actually living with this guy her real boyfriend while telling him that I was “just a friend from abroad.”

I was playing the nice guy, supporting her, and helping with bills, but all the while, she was with someone else.

I was funding both of them without even knowing it. The worst part was how normal it all seemed to her. This wasn’t some secret she was ashamed of; it was just how things worked in her world.

She kept me around because she could, because I was sending money and attention, but she wasn’t exclusive with me at all.

That secret boyfriend was always there, just out of my sight.

The Good Girl Act

At first, she told me she wasn’t like the other girls in the bar.

She said she only worked there to help her family and that she didn’t do the usual things no barfines, no ST, no LT, nothing like that.

She painted this picture of herself as the “good girl,” the one who just happened to be in a tough spot but was honest and loyal.

Hearing that made me believe I’d found someone who wasn’t like the rest, and I hate to say it, but yes, I thought mine was different.

I felt lucky, like I’d escaped the usual mess you hear about with bar girls. None of these horror stories were going to happen to me because mine isn’t like the rest, right?

But over time, I realized that story is almost a script that hundreds of girls use. All of them want you to think that they are different from everyone else.

It’s like the ultimate hook because every guy wants to believe he’s found the one who’s “not like the others.”

They know we want to believe in that fairy tale, so it’s easy to sell. And unfortunately, a lot of guys buy into it, more than I’d like to admit.

Just because I’m submitting this and admitting it happened to me doesn’t mean I’m the only one it’s happened to.

A good tip to find out who it’s happened to is to listen to men that say, “I’d never fall for a bargirl.” Those are the guys that have fallen for a bargirl and will hide it.

When you hear the same line about working just for family, or that they don’t drink or have customers, it’s a huge red flag in disguise. It’s a way to build trust fast and make you drop your guard.

The “good girl” story is more about managing your expectations and making you feel special while keeping the money coming.

It doesn’t mean they’re bad people they’re just trying to survive in a hard world, but it’s not the same as being in a normal relationship.

I got caught up in the hope that she was different and that we could build something real. But that hope blinded me to the reality of the bar scene and the fact that most of these girls are playing a role just like actors.

She Introduces You to the Family Too Soon

When she invited me to her village to meet her family, I felt like things were really serious.

We had only been seeing each other for about a month when she invited me. I thought it was way too soon, but I wasn’t going to argue with it.

It seemed like a big step meeting her parents, seeing where she grew up, getting to know the family.

They were polite and smiled a lot, and I felt welcomed. They were really nice to me and seemed to approve of me being with their daughter.

But after a while, I started to hear stories from other guys who’d been to Isan to meet their girlfriends’ families also.

Turns out, it’s not always as special as it seems. Some families in these villages see foreigners as an ATM.

They don’t just meet one guy; they meet many, all hoping to find a sponsor or some money to help support the household. It’s kind of like a business deal for them.

I also realized that introducing you to the family too soon can be a way to make you feel trapped or invested.

The relationship must be real and serious if you have met her family, right?

Once you meet the parents and see how happy they are to have you involved, it’s harder to back out or doubt her.

It taught me to slow down and not get carried away just because I met the family. Meeting them doesn’t always mean you have a future together sometimes, it just means you’re another foreigner who’s been invited to the table.

Trust me, meeting their family in Thailand means absolutely nothing other than her showing off she has a new ATM.

The Drunken Argument Setup

One night, after we’d been out at the bar, she suddenly picked a fight with me over something small something I barely even noticed.
She got loud, started yelling, and then stormed off crying.

I was left standing there, not really sure what just happened.

The next day, she called me and said she was sorry, blaming it on the alcohol and the stress she was feeling.

She said she did not want to be around me when she was feeling like that because it wouldn’t be fair on me, so she stayed at her friend’s place.
Obviously, by that, she meant she probably stayed with someone else she had on the go.

But then, she hinted that maybe I should do something to make it up to her, like sending a gift or some money.

At first, I thought maybe I had really upset her, so I gave some money just to smooth things over.

This started happening often whenever she wanted to get control back or get me to pay up, or just go off and do whatever she wants without me, she’d cause some kind of scene like that usually after drinking and then act all innocent the next day.

She knew exactly what she was doing picking fights to make me feel bad, then offering me a way to fix it, which almost always involved money or gifts.
It was exhausting because no matter how hard I tried, it never seemed to be enough, and the cycle just kept repeating.

 

Fake Village Visit

This one pulls on your heartstrings because you want her to be happy, and you want her away from the nightlife scene, so it seems like a win-win for you.

I remember being on a video call with her one time while I was in my country and she was in her condo. She started crying, saying she missed her family and wanted to visit her village for a few days. I trusted her.

We’d been in this thing with each other for about 5 months at this time, and I was starting to believe we had something real.

She said her mom was sick and they didn’t have much money, so I gave her 10,000 baht for the trip so she could get transport back to Isan and had money to help out with her family.

The day that she left for Isan, the updates got strange. She’d go hours without replying, and when she did, the photos she sent didn’t look right. It was just random fields or blurry shots that didn’t really show where she was.

Then one night, my friend saw her walking around Walking Street, dressed up and laughing with another guy. Turns out, she never left Pattaya.

She just used the money for partying and maybe even found a new sponsor while I was sitting alone, thinking she was upcountry helping her poor family.

It hurt, not just because of the money, but because I really believed her. I wanted to trust her, and I thought she trusted me too.

This just shows that if you are weak and foolish like I was, there are no lengths these girls won’t go to take advantage of you.

The Visa Scam

She told me she wanted to change her life, said she was tired of the bar scene, and wanted to work abroad.

I liked that about her. It made me think she had goals, something more than just partying and easy money.

She told me she would like to visit my country and stay with me, maybe move there permanently in the future if I wanted her to, but said she didn’t have enough money for the visa, passport, and travel documents.

She asked if I could help her out with 40,000 baht to get everything sorted. She promised that she would do everything and try and get a visa as soon as possible so we could be together.

I transferred the money and waited for updates about it. A few days passed, then a few weeks. Every time I asked about the documents, there was a new excuse offices closed, a missing paper, haven’t had time.

Eventually, she stopped replying altogether or would get angry and tell me to stop asking, as it was being processed and there is nothing more she can do about it.

So, although I will never have any proof about this one if she actually did or did not use the money for the documents I’m pretty sure she never had any plan to leave.

The whole “visa” thing was just a trick to squeeze money out of me while sounding genuinely interested about coming to my country.

Overpriced Sin Sod

This is the thing that finally made me wake up. I mean, all other red flags I should have woken up to, but this one really was the final straw for me.

About 8 or 9 months into our so-called relationship, I was planning on returning to Thailand in a week or so.

One night while we were on call, she brought up the idea of us getting married and starting a proper life together.

I was blindly in love with this girl, and at the time, marrying her sounded like something I wanted.

I could stay in Thailand a long time, work remotely, and of course, be with the woman that I thought was the one for me.

She said that she needed to talk to her father and family first to get their approval, as we would need to go there for a village wedding first.

The next day, she called me with the news that her father approved… if I paid a sin sod.

She said that in order for me to marry her, that I would need to pay 3 million baht sin sod to her parents.

She told me that it’s normal for good girls like her, and her family had “face” to protect in the village.

I didn’t want to offend anyone, and I truly loved her, but there was no way I wanted or could pay 3 million baht just like that.

After I said I can’t pay it, she pretty much hung up the phone on me and spammed me with a lot of messages such as, “If you can’t pay, then you don’t love me,” things like that.

In a way, I’m glad that she had come out with a ridiculous number for the sin sod because it opened my eyes and gave me the strength to break it off with her.

But waking up and realizing that this whole relationship had been about money from the start was a kick in the teeth. I’m not going to lie.

Fake rent due

One night I was just relaxing at home when I got this message from her, all in a panic.

She said her landlord was threatening to kick her out because she hadn’t paid rent in two months.

She sent me photos of some handwritten notice in Thai and a picture of her standing outside what looked like her apartment building.

She told me she was embarrassed to ask, but she didn’t know who else to turn to. Said she was scared, had nowhere to go, and didn’t want to end up sleeping on the street.

I felt bad for her. I mean, who wants to see someone they care about get thrown out of their home? She said she just needed 8,000 baht to get caught up, and promised she’d find a way to pay me back once she started working a “real job.”

So I sent it. Of course I did. I wanted to help her. But a few weeks later, she told me the same story again different reason, same panic.

That’s when I realized something wasn’t right. Either she was always behind on rent… or she was never behind at all.

In the end when you look into it, the whole thing was staged. The photos, the panic, the timing it was all part of the act.

It wasn’t about rent. It was about seeing how much she could get out of me while making it seem like I was her hero.

Be careful if you are hit with this line because letters and other proof that they give you can easily be faked. Dont fall for it like I did

They Know You’ll Ignore the Red Flags

The scariest part of it all was realizing she knew I’d ignore the red flags. And I did. I ignored every single one.

The late replies, the “just a friend” guy who kept popping up in her photos, the sudden emergencies that only money could fix… I saw it all.

Deep down, I think I always knew something wasn’t right. But I wanted to believe. I wanted the dream more than I wanted the truth.

She didn’t have to be that clever. She just had to act sweet, call me her husband, and cry at the right times. That was enough.

She knew exactly how to work my emotions. And because I was lonely and looking for connection, I let myself believe I was the exception.

I thought maybe this one was different. That maybe I found the real deal. But she knew I’d think that. That’s what makes the whole thing so dangerous

I can’t tell you how many times I made excuses for her. “She’s busy.” “She’s just stressed.” “Maybe I’m overthinking it.” Meanwhile, all the signs were right in front of me.

The fake love, the emotional rollercoasters, the constant need for money

it was all there. But when you’re in it, you don’t want to see it. You just want it to be real.

By the time I faced the truth, I’d already given her a lotnot just money, but time, energy, and trust. And she walked away like it was nothing.
When I finally started using my head and broke it off with her, she just blocked me

no goodbye, no explanation. Just vanished. I wasn’t the first, and I won’t be the last.

No point in her keeping in contact with me if I’m not going to be her ATM anymore. The easiest thing for her to do is use her time on a different fool like me, willing to give her what she wants.

I was stupid from the start. I can admit that. It’s embarrassing looking back at everything I did, but I finally learned. Better late than never, I guess.

So if you’re getting involved with someone like that, don’t lie to yourself the way I did. Because the biggest scam isn’t always what they do to you… it’s what you let yourself believe along the way.