The 10 Worst Tourists in Thailand

Number 10 The Hero

Coming in at number 10, we have the hero. This guy is one singer away from swinging. You’ve seen these guys everywhere here in Thailand, particularly in Pattaya and anywhere there’s alcohol involved.

I’m talking about the idiots that come over here and get into fights. It’s typically two white guys fighting each other or one thinking that they can take on the Thai security guards. And we all know how that ends.

Getting into a fight here, especially with any of the locals, is one of the worst things that you can do here in Thailand. You may land yourself in trouble or worse. If a local sees a foreigner fighting with another local, they will jump in and help the other local out. And this multiplies. There are no one-on-one kinds of rules here. Just know that if you are fighting one Thai person, you are likely fighting a lot more than just one Thai person.

Come here and have fun. Don’t get your ass kicked by security. Enjoy your time here, then head back to your country. And most importantly, return home safely.

Number 9 The Flip-Flop Philosopher

You know this guy. He tells all his friends he’s coming here for the culture, yet stays in a hostel and argues over the price of everything down to the last 10 B.

You have to have seen these videos on social media. You see these groups in places like Koh Samui and Koh Phangan, and they sit in a group around a fire on the beach, dance, do jungle music, and all sorts of weird hippie stuff.

You can quite literally smell these people, so if you’re going to be on public transport or anywhere, for the love of God, wear deodorant. The smelly backpacker stereotype exists for a reason.

Number 8 Captain Confused

Coming in at number eight, we have Captain Confused. If you are coming here to Thailand, make sure you have all your ducks in a row.

Thailand immigration is notoriously strict. Before you come here, make sure you have your digital arrival card filled out. If you’re entering on a visa on arrival or a tourist visa, make sure you have an onward flight. They do check for these.

Returning from my last trip to Korea, a couple of the guys in front of me didn’t have one of these two things, and immigration basically kicked them out of the line and sent them to the back. They don’t give you all the instructions and tell you what you need to do. They just say no, figure it out, and go.

If you are here on holiday, make sure you have travel insurance. The digital arrival card is free. You don’t need to pay for that. Beware of scam sites that do try to charge you, but make sure you have all this covered before you arrive here because the immigration process can be pretty hectic here.

Number 7 Mr. She’s Different Bro

Lucky number seven, we have Mr. She’s Different, Bro. He calls her soulmate. She calls him customer.

This story is as old as Thailand itself. A guy comes over here, falls in love with the bar girl, and thinks she’s the one, head over heels for her, but she’s not like the other girls in the bar. She’s completely different.

Living here as long as I have, you will hear all of the stories. It’s her first day in the bar. She’s filling in for a sister. She doesn’t normally work there. She’s just come down while her grandmother’s sick just to make some money. One of my favorites: she doesn’t actually work in the bar. She’s a cashier.

It never ceases to amaze me how often this happens. People come and genuinely fall in love and maintain a relationship for months. This is entirely a one-sided thing. I’m sure there are happy-ending stories out there, but in the majority of them, you are just another customer. If you are sending money every single month, you’re probably only just one of several people sending money every single month. She’s different. She’s different. She’s not like the other girls that work in the bar. Hate to tell you, bro, she is.

Number 6 Professor Pad Thai

I think we all have at least one of these as a friend. You know the guy. He knows like 11 Thai words and wants to give you constant unsolicited advice and lessons on Thai culture, Thai words, and the way Thai people do things.

This guy is no stranger to a set of elephant pants and is basically an expert on everything.

If you’ve been on any of the Facebook groups here, like the Bangkok Expert Facebook group or anything, I’m sure you’ve seen these guys. Those Facebook groups are a cesspool. I used to use Facebook groups like this when I lived in Korea, and they were unbelievably helpful. Something about the Thailand crowd is way more toxic. Avoid Reddit at all costs. That gets even worse. But your boy, Professor Pad Thai, knows everything about everything.

Number 5 Captain Testosterone

This guy owns six tattoos and zero shirts.

Here in Thailand, there is one place and one place only where it’s okay to walk around without a shirt, and that is at the beach. You get a pass for Beach Road. Obviously, if you’re walking along the beach, that is fine. If you are one road back, you’re a douchebag. If you’re in a mall, you’re a douchebag. If you are in Bangkok, you are the worst type of douchebag.

Thailand is hot all the time. I get it. But here in Thailand, it’s considered rude to the locals to walk around without a shirt on. Ironically, it seems to be okay to roll the front up and expose your belly. But I don’t know what the rules are about that. This is a real thing. Thai people are offended by people walking around without a shirt, especially here in Bangkok. For the love of God, don’t do it in Bangkok. If you’re in Phuket, Pattaya, or somewhere near the beach, you get a pass. But don’t go into restaurants, shops, or malls.

I was once at a restaurant down in Pattaya, and there was an Australian guy. Australians always seem to embarrass me wherever I go. There was an Aussie guy who was kicking up a scene, refused to put a shirt on, and ended up getting dragged out by the police, causing a scene over something this ridiculous.

While they may not say anything to you, it is offensive here in Thai culture, and if you come here, you should abide by the local culture.

Number 4 Clout Chasers

I’m talking about the guys that run up to the locals and shove a camera in their face.

Excuse me. Quick question. Would you be down to race me to the gold statue? I give you a head start. If you win, you get money.

Going up and filming the mango lady, asking, What’s this? What’s this? It’s a mango.

I have nothing against people wanting to come here and film their experiences or film content, but please be respectful of the locals. This has been a real issue, not just here in Thailand but in many other countries around the world recently. There have been streamers really disrupting people. People have caused trouble here in Thailand. A handful of streamers almost went to prison. There is a streamer currently in prison in South Korea for being a nuisance.

Film your holiday. Film your experiences. Have a great time, but be respectful of the locals. Anytime you’re going to film somebody, ask for their permission first. Anytime you go to a place, ask if it’s okay to take your camera. Don’t just shove a camera in people’s faces. Those hidden-camera channels don’t even get me started.

Number 3 The Scooter Bro

If you don’t ride a motorcycle regularly back in your home country, don’t come to Thailand and rent one and ride like an idiot here.

If you go to places like Phuket, there are motorcycle accidents almost every single day. I actually think Phuket has one of the highest motorcycle accident rates per capita in the entire world. If you are not confident on a motorcycle, don’t come to Thailand and rent one and ride. This is where so many accidents happen.

If you are going to be riding a motorcycle here in Thailand, definitely make sure you come here with travel insurance. Don’t rent a motorcycle if you don’t know how to ride a motorcycle.

Number 2 The Pension Predator

One of my personal favorites, the pension predator. This guy believes age is just a number, but so is her allowance.

I’m talking about the creepy old guy, the 70-plus-year-old with the 19-year-old girlfriend that is nabbed from Soi 6.

Look, fair play. You’d nab the hottest girl in the bar. But if she’s younger than your kids or your grandkids, it’s getting weird, dude. I get it. They’re hot, but I don’t even really know what to say about this one. We’ve all seen it. We all talk about it. I know you think you’re the man walking down the street with some 10-out-of-10 19-year-old girl, but we’re judging you.

Number 1 Mr. Rental

My personal favorite, Mr. Rental. The guy that rents fancy cars or fancy motorbikes and flexes all over social media here with his rented girlfriend that’s been rogered more than a walkie-talkie.

You know the guys, head to toe in fake luxury designer goods, taking photos and flexing all over social media. This shows up a lot in my Instagram reels. Actually, there’s a lot of people that sort of combat this. If you go into the comments, it’s quite funny to see locals who live here calling these people out. I get the whole two-week millionaire thing. I used to do that. I used to come over, spend all my money, and go crazy on my holidays here.

Pattaya and Phuket are the home of the rental flex. The funny thing is, for people that live here, we know those same cars. We see those same cars being recycled every single month with new people in them. Without fail, you will see them parked down at the beach taking their photos. Flexing with a rental is wild.