I Surprised My Thai Girlfriend in Pattaya

I met a Thai woman I’ll call Mint in Pattaya about 18 months ago. She was 32. I met her in a bar in Soi Buakhao. Although she didn’t work there. She was having drinks with another girl and we got talking. Later that night, she told me straight that she was a freelancer.

No pretending that she worked in a bank. No mysterious online business. She met foreign men, went out with them, and sometimes went back to their hotels. Fine. I was single. She was single.

and I wasn’t looking for a wife. We spent the night together and I assumed that was the end of it. Next afternoon, she messaged asking if I wanted to eat. I assumed this was going to become another paid arrangement. We went for noodles and afterwards I asked what she wanted. She said, “Nothing.

You already paid yesterday.” Fair enough. We spent most of that afternoon together and then the next day and then somehow the rest of my holiday. I was in Thailand for another 9 days and she stayed with me for seven of them. I gave her some money before I left, but she didn’t ask. I knew she’d basically stopped working while she was with me, so it seemed fair.

Long-Distance Relationship

Back in America, we kept talking. I wasn’t stupid enough to think that she had stopped freelancing because we had spent a nice week together. Actually, I specifically told her I didn’t expect her to. She had rent. She had a 9-year-old son living with her aunt in Surin. She needed to earn money.

We weren’t officially together. So over the next six months, I returned twice. Each time she’d stopped working while I was there. By my third trip, things had changed. We weren’t really customer and freelancer anymore. At least it didn’t feel like it.

She knew how I took my coffee. I knew she hated air conditioning below about 24°. She’d complain about my snoring. I’d complain that she could somehow occupy an entire king-size bed despite weighing about 50 kilos. Normal relationship stuff. Then we had the conversation.

She asked, “You have Lady America?” I said, “No.” She asked if I wanted one. I said, “Not particularly.” She looked annoyed. I realized I’d answered the wrong question. She was asking whether I wanted her as my girlfriend.

Making the Relationship Official

So, we made it official. I knew what that meant. If I expected her to stop seeing customers, she needed another source of income. Now, I’m not going to tell a woman to stop earning money and then act shot when she needs money.

Sending 25,000 Baht a Month

We agreed I would send her 25,000 baht a month. I could afford it. I’m not wealthy, but I own a small air conditioning business and I do okay. The agreement was simple. She stopped freelancing. She’d look for regular work or maybe start something small.

I wasn’t sending money to her mother, aunt, cousin, buffalo, or village mayor. It was for her. So for about 7 months, everything seemed fine. I visited twice during that period. She’d rented a little room away from central Pattaya. Nothing luxurious.

She started selling cosmetics and clothes online. She wasn’t making much, but she was doing something. I met her son. He’s a good kid. Absolutely obsessed with football. I brought him an Arizona Cardinal shirt because apparently I enjoy giving children clothing from sports that they don’t watch.

He wore it anyway. I also met Mint‘s aunt as well. Nobody asked me for money. This was all becoming suspiciously normal. Then last November, something happened with work. A commercial job I’d expected to start got delayed by nearly 3 weeks.

I suddenly had free time. I checked flights to Thailand, found a decent deal, and

The Surprise Trip to Pattaya

I decided to surprise Mint. So, I didn’t tell her I was coming. I landed in Bangkok and got a taxi to Patio. During the journey, she actually called me. I was sitting in the taxi about an hour away from her. She asked what I was doing.

I said paperwork. Technically, I was holding my passport. She said she was tired and going to sleep early. Perfect. I imagine knocking on her door. She’d be shocked.

Very romantic. And I arrived about 9:30 at night. I knocked. Nothing. Called her. No answer.

Knocked again. Still nothing. I thought maybe she’d gone to 71. So I waited. About 15 minutes later, the woman in the next room came outside. She recognized me from previous visits.

Her English wasn’t great, but we managed. She asked if I was looking for Mint, so I said yes. She said Mint didn’t live there anymore. That wasn’t exactly the welcome I had imagined. So, I asked what she meant. Apparently, Mint had moved out about 2 months earlier.

I checked the room number because I genuinely thought I had the wrong door. No, correct room. So I called mint again. No answer.

The Empty Room in Pattaya

Now I am standing outside an empty room in Pattaya with a suitcase wondering where my girlfriend lives. I went to a hotel and at around midnight, Mint called me. She immediately knew that I was in Thailand because her old neighbor had messaged her. She was not happy at all, not excited, not surprised, just angry. She asked why I hadn’t told her. So I said, “Because it was supposed to be a surprise.” She said she doesn’t like surprises.

Clearly, I asked where she lived now. She said that she would explain tomorrow. So I asked her, “Where are you right now?” She said she was with a friend. I asked which friend and then she hung up. Now that was the first moment that I thought there might be another man. So I barely slept that night.

Mint Returned to the Hotel

The next morning, Mint came to my hotel. She looked absolutely exhausted. So I asked her straight, “Are you seeing anybody?” She said, “No.” “Are you freelancing again?” “No.” “Then why did you move?” She said that she had moved back to Central Pattaya because selling online wasn’t making enough money. So I asked what she was doing for work. She said, “Help, friend. Doing what?

She wouldn’t answer properly.

Mint Was Working in a Pattaya Bar

Eventually, she told me she was working in a bar again, but not as a bar girl. According to her, helping the owner. I asked why she had hidden that from me. She said because she knew I’d think she was going with customers. So, I asked if she was. She swore to me that she wasn’t.

Then I asked why she was still taking 25,000 baht a month from me if she had a job. She said she didn’t earn much. Okay, not ideal, but none of this explained why she wouldn’t tell me where she lived. So I asked again, and she finally gave me an address. It was a small apartment behind Third Road. We went there.

Nothing immediately suspicious. Women’s clothes, her cosmetics, pictures of her son, no men’s shoes, no foreign guy hiding in the wardrobe. I actually started feeling stupid for being suspicious. Then I noticed something on the wall. a framed photograph. It was Mint standing next to a new motorbike with one of those big red bows dealerships put on them.

I asked when she bought a bike. She said 2 months ago. I had never heard about it at all. So I asked her how much about 70,000 baht. So I said, “Where did you get 70,000 baht from?” She said she paid monthly. So I asked who paid the deposit.

A German Customer Bought the Motorbike

Then came the answer. My customer. There it was. I just stared at her and she immediately said, “Old customer, not sleep.” Apparently, a German man she’d known before me had returned to Pattaya. He’d contacted her. They had met for dinner, and he knew she had a boyfriend in America.

According to Mint, nothing sexual happened. Then he bought her a motorbike, as people apparently do. I asked why a man she wasn’t sleeping with bought her a 70,000 baht motorbike. She said, “He rich.” Excellent. Mystery solved. Over the next hour, the story gradually changed.

He hadn’t exactly bought the whole bike. He paid the deposit and several monthly payments. And he wasn’t exactly just an old customer. He’d been sending her money occasionally. How much? Not much.

Thai relationship stories should ban the phrase not much. It never means 500 baht. Eventually, she admitted he’d been sending between 10,000 and 20,000 baht some months. I asked the obvious question. Does he think you’re his girlfriend? Mint said he liked me.

That’s not what I asked. Does he think you’re his girlfriend? Long silence. Maybe. Now we’re getting somewhere. Then I asked something I wasn’t expecting to ask.

Who? Sorry. What does he think I am? She looked at the floor. Apparently, the German knew all about me. But according to the version he’d been given, I was an old American customer who sometimes visited Thailand and helped her financially.

Basically, she had swapped our roles. To me, he was an old customer. To him, I was the old customer. And I actually laughed. I really couldn’t help it. It was so ridiculous.

I asked if there were any other old customers currently under the impression they were in a relationship with her. She said no. Then she said only him. Very reassuring. I asked to see the bar where she worked. She didn’t want me to.

That told me everything. I said either we went together or I was done. So we went.

Visiting the Pattaya Bar

It was a small bar, nothing fancy. A couple of women recognized Mint immediately. One of them looked at me and said, “Oh, American.” That was interesting. Apparently, they’d heard about me. Then the owner came over. She was friendly.

She knew exactly who I was. So I asked what Mint actually did there.

The Bar Owner Knew About Me

The owner looked at Mint. Mint looked at the owner. I felt like a school teacher waiting for someone to admit who broke the window. Eventually the owner said Mint sometimes worked there when she wanted. I asked if she went with customers. The owner refused to answer.

I didn’t need an answer. outside. Mint finally admitted she’d freelanced a few times. So I asked her how many. She didn’t know. People become terrible mathematicians during confessions.

Three, five, 10. She said maybe four. I didn’t believe four. But by then the number didn’t really matter. So I asked why. Now, this is the part that actually made me angrier than the cheating.

She said, “Because I want to save money.” So, I said, “I’m sending you 25,000 baht every month.” She said it wasn’t enough for everything she wanted. Not needed, wanted. She wanted the motorbike. She wanted better clothes. She wanted to save money. She wanted to eventually open a small beauty business and she decided there was no reason she couldn’t take my money, the German’s money, and occasionally make extra money herself.

Building Security

From her perspective, she was building security. From mine, I was apparently one branch of an international funding operation. So I asked her, “Do you still love me?” She said yes. Immediately I asked if she loved the German. No. Does he know that?

Silence again. I asked if she’d stop everything if I stayed with her. She said yes. But I realized something. I’d already had that conversation with her 7 months earlier. We’d already agreed.

I’d already been sending the money. So what exactly was I negotiating now? A second version of the same promise.

Ending the Relationship

I told her that I was finished. She cried. Then she got angry. Then she accused me of trying to control her. Then she cried again. It went on for hours.

I stayed in Thailand for the full three weeks that I had booked, just not with Mint. She messaged constantly for the first week, then less, and then she stopped.

Mint Opened a Beauty Shop

About two months after I returned to America, she messaged me a photograph. It was her standing inside a tiny beauty shop. She’d actually opened one. Nothing fancy. Two chairs, mirrors, nail. I asked how she’d paid for it.

She replied, “I saved.” I didn’t ask any further questions. I genuinely hope that it works for her. That’s probably the strange ending to all of this. I’m not sitting here hoping her life falls apart. I don’t even think everything between us was fake. I think that she genuinely cared about me.

She just had a completely different definition of what being my girlfriend required. And yes, I know what everyone is going to say. She was a freelancer when you met her. What did you expect? Fair enough. But people change jobs.

A man can meet a bartender without expecting her to serve drinks for the rest of her life. I thought that we made an agreement.

The Agreement Was What Mattered

That is what mattered to me. If she’d said, “Rick, 25,000 isn’t enough and I want to keep freelancing,” I could have made my own decision. Instead, she told me what I wanted to hear and then carried on doing whatever suited her. And that is the part that I couldn’t forgive. And I did learn one useful thing from the surprise trip. If you’re in a long-distance relationship and you’re considering turning up unexpectedly, do it.

People will tell you surprises are romantic. Sometimes they are. Sometimes you arrive in Pattaya and discover your girlfriend has moved house, acquired a German boyfriend, and bought a motorbike you didn’t even know existed. Either way, you’re getting a surprise.